Here we have evidence that I am alive and kicking. However, the UD and NJOotG muses are just twitching, so all I have to show for my efforts are some bits and bobs that will be mentioned shortly. This is, however, poking further fun at our two best candidates for Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome and the troubles they have in a certain enviroment.

In the works:

Harem: A guest appearance, and some lessons

Vampires: Fluff and cuddles

Reno in a dress: And a few other things you really didn't want to see

In Short: Angeal, Chaos, Cid, and Cloud

Tribute to fathers: Rufus and his misguided son

A request: Aerith with a backbone (and a frying pan)

Turkfic: In which Reno gets sick and Tseng gets the job done

Vincent had a few rules concerning Chaos. The simplest of these was as follows: no transforming and revealing himself in view of the general public unless there was no other option. Flying over the city was fine. Changing shape in front of Cloud and company was acceptable. In the middle of downtown Midgar or somewhere similar? No.

Thus, Vincent was having a hell of a time. Vacationing in Costa del Sol wasn't his idea of a good time to begin with, but getting there by boat- even a cruise, like this one- made it worse. They weren't on a cargo vessel this time, and on a small cruise ship like this one, Chaos was forced to remain hidden. As a result, Vincent was seasick in his place.

He was not a happy camper.

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Mid-afternoon found Vincent on the lowest aft deck, standing with his arms braced on the deck rail, waiting for his stomach to make yet another bid for freedom. He had, at the start of the trip, rather hoped that Chaos' problem would remain as harmless headaches and dizziness, which he could handle. Not so. After awhile, he just spilled over into seasickness nearly as bad as what Chaos suffered.

How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?

It doesn't matter. I'm going to kill you.

I'm sorry! I didn't ask to have a problem with boats!

Vincent hiccupped gently and groaned. Chaos flinched. He knew he was utterly doomed. There was no telling how much old poetry, even older plays, string music, and boring dramas he'd have to put up with before Vincent let him out again.

A door banged open behind him, and someone came running out. Vincent looked to his left just in time to see Tseng hit the rail at a dead sprint. The Boss Turk had traded his impeccable suit for slacks and a half-buttoned shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and he would have looked good in it if he hadn't been leaning over the railing making pre-vomiting noises.

Vincent blinked.

"Where did you come from?"

Tseng pointed behind him. Reno was lurking in the door way. He grinned and waved when Vincent looked back at him.

"I'll just leave him to you," Reno murmured quickly. "Leave him at the door for Cabin 2F when he's not puking, okay?"

"Reno, I'm not-"

"Gotta run. Laters, Vince."

Reno turned and vanished into the hall. At the rail, Tseng threw up. Vincent's stomach squirmed. That wasn't helping his condition any.

After a moment, Tseng slumped against the railing, panting.

"What, exactly, are you doing here?" Vincent demanded. He might have been feeling absolutely terrible, but his instinctual distrust of any ShinRa employee who showed up unexpectedly overrode it.

"The president's vacation," Tseng croaked. "You?"

"Cloud's vacation."

A particularly sudden wave jolted the ship, and Vincent abruptly joined Tseng in the time-honored pastime of losing one's lunch over the deck railing.

Tseng recovered first, sliding back off the railing and dropping to sit with his back against it, head resting on his knees. Vincent copied the position a few moments later.

"I think I should be making some snarky comment about your being a son of Leviathan," he mumbled, "but I don't see the point."

"I didn't even know until I left Wutai, so your case is unsound."

"Hmm?"

"I found out about…this on the five-day trip from Wutai to Junon when I shipped out with a bunch of returning soldiers during the war. Definitely some of the most miserable days of my life." He sighed and knuckled his eyes. "Notably after I was told that even my god would abandon me as I had abandoned my country."

Vincent nodded faintly. He knew Tseng had abandoned Wutai to be a Turk, but it sounded like the situation had been more drastic than he'd assumed.

"Even if it's a cheap shot…aren't you supposed to have better control of yourself?"

"Because I was a Turk?"

Tseng nodded. Vincent smiled slightly.

"I don't get seasick."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Chaos does."

"I'm not sure if I should laugh or move away."

"I don't let him out in public."

Tseng sighed and straightened his legs out, refolding his hands over his stomach.

"He affects you like that?"

"When it's strong enough, yes. I have the physical body that he needs to express whatever he's feeling. We are close enough that things leak over from time to time."

"Things like…"

"This." Vincent gestured at the two of them. "Headaches. A hangover, once. Never again."

They sat together in silence for awhile, broken once by Vincent and twice by Tseng getting up to be sick.

It was starting to drizzle. When Vincent sat back down, he swung his cloak out to get it around Tseng's shoulders before he relaxed back against the rail. Tseng accepted the shelter, scooting a little closer to Vincent in order to use more of the cloak for cover.

"You know…I never thanked you," he murmured.

"Thanked me?"

"For saving my life."

Vincent shrugged.

"The Remnants were cruel to you and Elena. Should I have left you at their mercy?"

"You could have simply taken us from them and then left us to our own devices."

Vincent snorted.

"It's not my way. I do my work properly or not at all. And why should I have abandoned you? You are no longer a threat to me or my companions. Sometimes you're even a help."

"I'm flattered."

The rain grew heavier. Tseng shivered.

"We ought to go inside."

"I'd rather be sick in peace, thank you," Vincent said shortly.

Rather than relinquish the only sympathy he'd gotten since setting foot on the ship, Tseng nodded and huddled right up against Vincent's side. He hated being wet and cold.

Vincent put his arm around Tseng's shoulders.

"You can go," he reminded Tseng.

"Not only will Reno get huffy if I return alone after he entrusted my 'care' to you, I'd rather not leave you out here in the rain."

Silence while Vincent considered this. He tightened his grip on Tseng, pulling him firmly against his side.

"I have a cabin to myself."

Tseng smiled.

"I see."

"We have planned to return to Midgar by air…shall we raid Yuffie's supply of motion sickness remedies?"

"That sounds promising."

They stood together and moved- somewhat unsteadily- for the door.

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Tseng did not return to the Turk's cabin that night. Concerned- since the weather was nasty and the ship was rocking fairly hard- that Tseng had either flung himself or been flung overboard, Reno went in search of him.

There was no sign of the Boss Turk on the deck Reno had left him on.

The medical office hadn't seen him.

Yuffie reported that Tseng and Vincent had invaded, filched her meds, and vanished.

Very confused, Reno asked Tia where he might find Vincent. When she told him, he thanked her and trotted off to Cabin 3C. The door was locked, and no one answered when he knocked. Reno considered his options: he could continue scouring the ship for Shiva-knew how long, or he could pick the lock on the cabin door and hope that Vincent either wasn't in or wouldn't kill him.

He went for the second option.

The lock was ridiculously easy to get past. Feeling faintly triumphant, he pushed the door open and peered inside.

He stared.

Vincent and Tseng were lying together on the single bed, back to back. The curtain was pulled over the port-hole, there was a medicine bottle on the tiny bedside table, and both men were apparently sound asleep.

Reno reached for his phone. He needed a picture of this. Not only because it was cute as hell and it wouldn't have been out of place in an art exhibit, but because it was also something Reno doubted he would ever see again.

"Don't you even," Tseng growled.

Reno jumped a foot, practically feeling several years falling off his expected lifespan.

"Weren't you asleep?"

Vincent lifted his head and gave Reno a look that would have incinerated him on the spot if it hadn't been delivered through half-closed eyes. Even then, it was scalding.

"We're drugged, not asleep. Go away."

"Leave your phone here," Tseng added.

"But-"

"Misery loves company, Reno. At least he won't make jokes while I vomit over the side of the ship."

"Same here," Vincent agreed.

"Um…okay, fine. But I hafta tell Rufus were you are, yo. He was starting to wonder."

Tseng yawned and settled back down.

"As you like."

Reno turned for the door.

"Your phone, Reno."

"Huh?"

"Leave. Your. Phone. Here."

He hesitated, then snapped the phone open, took a photo, and sent it to Rufus before Tseng or Vincent could do anything to stop him. Grinning cheekily, he closed the phone and dropped it into Vincent's outstretched hand.

"So Rufus actually believes me, yo. See ya later!"

He ran.

"I'll get him later," Tseng promised.

"Not if I get him first."

"You're on."