If I Only had But One Life To Live

Chapter 1

Misunderstandings

Rated T

Summery: Eight years after voyager returns home, Chakotay comes back form an eight year mission, one that should have only take two, he goes to Kathryn's house to find that he was…. Now if I told you any more it would ruin it.

Disclaimer: God made everything including paramount and me, so I guess we could say that, paramount doesn't own them but God does. Well however you look at it, I only own those characters that were never mentioned, on the show, and the plot, besides I don't think Paramount would want my story any way.

Chakotay strolled down a dusky dirt road, large corn stocks surrounding him on either side. He smiled; it was just like what he had imagined when Kathryn was relating the tails of her childhood and home. He passed by a large tree, 'that must be the tree she always talked about' he thought to himself. A knot developed in his stomach, as he approached a large house. He hadn't seen her in nearly eight years. After voyager had returned home he was offered a position on deep space nine. She bagged him not to leave, pleaded for him to stay. He regretted his decision everyday, it was only suppose to be a two-year mission, but due to misunderstandings, and sabotage it lasted much longer. He decide to retire after he came home, They had had no contact with each other in the same length of time, his mission was classified, so he could not contact her. She also didn't know he was coming.

He took the final steps up to the porch. Taking a deep breath, before ringing the chime. He could here the sound of dogs barking, and the thumping of running feet. The door sung open and a small girl stopped dead in her tracts. Her deep brown eyes starring at him, "Well, hello there, who are you?" Chakotay asked bending down to the level of the little girl. She stood blinking. Her face somewhat dazed as if she was looking at a ghost. Chakotay could hear more running footsteps; a small redheaded boy appeared next to the girl. "Well now who are you?"

The little boy smiled his green eyes looking over Chakotay intensely. "I'm Zachary," He responded, "and Aunt Kath is never going to believe this one."

"Where is your Aunt Kath?"

"She's with Momma, and Gamma, in town, Amy is charge right now."

"Who's Amy?"

"I am," a tall blonde teen said coming up behind the girl who hadn't stopped staring at Chakotay the entire time. "Zachary, take Kilani back inside please.

"Yes, Amy" the little boy then took the hand of the girl and pulled her inside, she continued to look at Chakotay, until she disappeared, behind the wall.

"Now who are you?" she questioned him as he pulled himself back into a standing position.

"I'm Chakotay, Kathryn's fiancé."

The girls face paled, then she said, "you can't be, he died four years ago, in an explosion on deep space nine. "Now who are you really?"

"I can assure you, I'm not dead; I was on a classified mission, on Deep Space Nine. Yes there was an explosion, but I didn't die my partner did, now can I come in and wait for Kathryn to get home."

"Sorry, sir but I don't know you and your lying to me. Four years ago we received a message saying that Captain Chakotay had been killed, I don't know who you are but you are most certainly not Captain Chakotay, and I cannot allow you into this house. So if you wouldn't mind please leave." The girl stood up straighter, before turning and going into the house shutting the door behind her.

Chakotay stood looking at the door dumbfounded, 'Great Kathryn now thinks I'm dead', this was going to be more of a surprise to her then he had expected. It was late in the day and figuring they would be coming back soon Chakotay sat himself down on the stairs of her porch.

Ten minuets later Amy looked out the window. Zachary was next to her. "He's still sitting their Zack, He must actually think he is Chakotay."

"Amy?"

"Yes, Zack?"

"I think he is."

"What do you mean, you think he is Chakotay, he died four years ago."

"I know, but what if he didn't die, what if they just thought he did?"

"Kiddo, you have an active imagination, don't you think that if they had made a mistake like that, they would have noticed before now?"

"Maybe, but he looks like the man that is in the photo that is in Kilani's room."

The girl looked down at the boy, "What Photo?"

"The one of the voyager crew. He looks like the man that is standing next to Aunt Kath, she also has a picture of the same man in her top drawer, and she some times carries it around with her." The little boys green eyes looked straight into her blue ones.

"Zack, could you get me this photo?"

"I can try, but Kilani doesn't let me near it."

"Can you please try?"

He nodded, then headed for the little girls bedroom. He looked around to see if she was in there. She wasn't. He then snuck around her group of teddy bears to her dresser drawers. He opened the top one, and found only brightly colored socks. He sighed and then turned and headed out the door.

"It wasn't in there, I think she has it or she hid it in a different place."

" That's all right kiddo, could you get the one of the crew?"

"I think she hid that one too, it wasn't on her wall."

The girl sighed, "ok" she then notice Kilani out side walking over to the man. She was holding two peaces of paper.

"Hello, again," Chakotay said to the girl. "Are you going to tell me your name now?" the girl didn't respond. Instead she looked at him then at the photos, and back to him. A smile crossed her lips, and she flung herself into his arms.

Amy and Zack came running out of the house. "Get away from her!" Amy yelled as she scooped up the girl, who proceeded to scream and kick at her. She handed her to Zack who managed to drag her back into the hose. "Who do you think you are, are you some kind of kidnapper," the girl yelled hysterically.

"No, she just through herself at me. All I did was ask her, her name."

"Get out of here before I call the authorities,"

"Ok, ok I'll leave, but could you tell Kathryn that I stopped by, and that I will come by tomorrow, at noon to see her."

"Leave, now." She pointed toward the road. Chakotay realizing that he wasn't going to get anywhere with the girl, stood down, and left. As soon as he was heading away, she ran inside to the little girl, who was staring out the window, at Chakotay leaving. She turned her around to look at her, checking her over. Determining that she was fine she let her alone to stair out the window.

About twenty minuets later, Kathryn, Phoebe and Gretchen came laughing up the walk. Zachary ran up and greeted them, hugging each in turn. "You're not going to believe this," he gloated.

"Believe what?" Gretchen asked.

"I saw uncle today,"

Kathryn smiled, "so is your uncle Ricky in the house?"

"No, I didn't see that uncle,"

"Don't be silly that's the only uncle you have," his mother retorted.

"I didn't, I saw uncle Chakotay, He came up to the door today, Amy yelled at him and made him leave."

His words made Kathryn frown, "Zack," she whispered kneeling down to his level, "You know it's not nice to say things like that, you know your uncle has been dead for four years, It's not good to make things up, especially things like that."

The little boy frowned, "you don't believe me do you."

"I believe that you have a very good imagination, and you thought you saw him."

"Ask Amy, she yelled at him, and Kilani hugged him."

"Ok, I'll ask Amy, if there was anyone here today all right, will that make you feel better?"

Zack nodded. Kathryn stood and looked back at her family, her sadness clearly showing in her eyes. She then walked inside and greeted Amy. "Amy, Zack says that you yelled at his uncle today." She said in a slightly joking manner. "Did any one actually come by today."

Amy nodded "Yeah, a man claming to be Chakotay. I told him that you were gone and that he couldn't be, because Chakotay died four years ago. I asked him to leave but he sat on the steps, then Kilani went outside, and he looked like he grabbed her. He said that she through herself on him but I think he was trying to kidnap her. I yelled at him to leave."

Kathryn's eyes widened, she didn't think that Zack's story had had any merit but after hearing haw Kilani reacted to the man, she suspected that he might be right. Both of the children had seen pictures of him before so they would at least know what he looked like.

"Amy," she said very slowly, unsure. "What did he look like?" her voice was soft, and nervous.

"He was tall, black hair, dark skin." She looked down at a cup that she'd been drinking out of. "O yeah" she interjected looking up at her suddenly "he had this strange marking above is eye, looked kinda exotic."

Kathryn looked at her, her face paling, "was it a tattoo?" she said her voice braking.

"Yeah, I think it was." Kathryn then turned and ran in to her bedroom, before Amy had a chance to go after her she reappeared with a photograph.

"Is this the man you saw?" she handed her the photo, both terrified and hopeful.

"O my god," Amy said, looking at her, her eyes wide with the revelation, "that is."

The two women stared at each other disbelieving the situation. After a few minuets Gretchen walked into the kitchen to see the two women looking very strange. "Kathryn," she asked "Kathryn what is it?"

Kathryn looked to her mother tears in her eyes, "Momma, he's alive,"

"Who is baby," she said pulling Kathryn to her.

"Chakotay, is Momma, he was here today."

Gretchen pulled back looking at her "are you sure, baby,"

"Yes, Amy said that that was him, I showed her his picture and she said it was him Momma, he's alive" tears were now streaming down her cheeks. She had missed him so much and had gone into a saver depression when she was told that he was dead. She didn't eat, for nearly two weeks and almost died herself. It took Kilani to bring her back form it.

Amy then said, "I didn't realize it was actually him, I didn't know what he looked like, Zack said that he thought it was him, but we couldn't find the photo that Kilani has, and Zack wouldn't go into your room, 'cause he knows he's not allowed. He said he was going to be coming back tomorrow at noon. I'm sorry, had I known."

Kathryn pulled herself from her mother and cupped the teen's face, "you didn't know sweetie, He's suppose to be dead." Tears were still in her eyes. Kathryn then embraced the teen, as Kilani strolled in the door clutching a photo. She tugged on Kathryn's pant leg. Kathryn looked at her, the little girl then ran one finger over her own cheek a few times, then pointed at Kathryn. Kathryn smiled a tearful smile, and let out a bit of a laugh. She pointed to herself, put all her fingers on her forehead, pointed back to herself, and then she mirrored the child's, first movement, while saying "I know I'm crying, sweetie." She then hugged her, when she pulled away, the little girl, held out the photo, and pointed to the man. She looked at Kathryn and then pointed to herself and put two fingers in front of her eyes and pulled the fingers away from her, she then put her thumb on her forehead, with her fingers spread. Kathryn nodded, signing and saying "Yes, yes, you saw him today. I know."

The child then through her arms around Kathryn, hugging her tightly. After the embrace, she signed 'I want to see him again.'

"I Know you do sweetie, I think he is coming over tomorrow, you know I want to see him too." Tears were freely running down her cheeks, Kilani wiped them away and told her mom not to cry, that every thing was ok, now her family was whole.

Some time after tears and embracing, it was time for bed; Kathryn tucked Kilani in, before saying good night, to Zack, and her sister, and mother. She then went to her own room and sat on her bed, she pulled a book out of her night stand and opened it to the page that listed the casualties, of the explosion, she traced over Chakotay's name that was listed with ten others. She thought to herself 'how could Star Fleet have made such a mistake, not to know that he wasn't dead, but alive. Kathryn put the book down and turned off the light. Before she fell asleep her last thought where, 'tomorrow I find out for sure, if he is still alive, If he is then, my empty void will be filled, The whole in my heart minded, that empty space in my life filled, tomorrow, tomorrow marks the end of loneliness.'