Sasuke woke up to the sound of a very loud and very obnoxious bird singing outside the window. He rolled over on his king sized bed and pulled the very fluffy pillow over his head. After a few moments when the bird didn't stop he got up and promptly shot the bird down with a special chidori that he had designed just incase he ever needed to shoot a bird with a chidori. And because the bird is evil and it completely hates Sasuke for shooting it with his special chidori it decided that while it died it would fly into his room and do the worst thing possible. The bird, who by the way is the bravest creature on earth for doing this, flew straight into the Uchiha's hair. That's right. It flew right into it and died leaving a feathery bloody icky sticky mess. Realizing what the Sasuke hating bird had done the hated boy himself broke down into tears. He was on the floor sobbing about his beautiful hair and how now he would have to kill himself because he would never be able to go out and he was pale enough already so if he had to stay inside because of his horrible hair then he would be pale and then he'd have to stay inside even longer and then he would have to live off of bugs and then Shino would show up and kill him. So obviously the right choice would be to kill himself before something worse happened.
Sasuke stopped rolling on the ground and reached up to his hair to take out the dead bird. He threw it out the window and curled up into a ball in the corner of the room. He cried for about three hours before he finally got up and made his way to the bathroom. When he reached the mirror he went to inspect the damage. He was sniveling when he saw the damage but being the tough manly man that he was he decided to tough it out and deal with it and spend hours fixing his pretty pretty hair like any other self loving guy would. So after another two hours of fixing his hair he was finally ready to go.
Because Sasuke felt so pretty with his pretty prettiness he started to prance around the room singing I'm a pretty pretty princess and singing to all those lovely woodland creature. (Now that he had his beautiful manly beauty back he loved animals again) He skipped around his pink room and smiled to himself in the mirror.
"God Sasuke. You are so sexy." "Thanks I know." "Your hair is just so unbelievably pretty. I must know what you do to it." "Sorry I can't tell you my little secret. Then everyone would have great hair and I wouldn't be special anymore." "Come on please? I really want to know." "God damn it! I said no!" and with that Sasuke blew up the mirror, ending the little conversation that he was having with himself. He whistled and walked out the door of his house, making sure to flip the switch that changes his house from being fluffy and pink to dull and black. He had an emo persona to keep up after all.
Walking down the street he turned his jolly happy smile into a dark and scary frown. He liked having a double life where one time he's happy and the other time he's not making the times when he wears a wig not seem too different. Walking toward the ramen stand he came across a certain blonde. Sasuke liked Naruto. He was his best friend. He made him smile. He was happy and bright and the only one that Sasuke had ever let touch his hair. 'Naruto looks so adorable. I just want to hug him.' Naruto came bounding up to Sasuke and smiled. "Love the hair Sasuke. I see you got the end flip just right."
Sasuke smiled at this (on the inside) and even though he felt like jumping for joy and skipping down the street with his best friend, he simply grinned evilly. Just as he was about to utter an actual sentence in public and not just a grunt like he's some kind of un-evolved cave man (and not the cool kind from the commercials) the one and only Sakura appeared right next to him. "Sasuke-kunIloveyou!Don'tyoujustloveme?Iknowyou doImeanwhocouldn'tlookatmyadorbalyhugeforheadthatyouandeveryoneofcoursedon'tfindcreepyinanywayandnot!ImeansureIstalkyoupracticallyeverydayoftheweekbutthatdoesn'tmeanI'msomekindoffreak.pleaseletmehaveyourchildren!Iloveyou!" Sakura was clinging to Sasukes arm and he was visibly twitching. Not only was the creepy thing touching him but it appeared as though it was trying to communicate with him in some unknown fashion. He used his awesome ninja skills to escape her evil clutches and since she's an extremely sucky ninja she could do nothing about it. Then in a desperate attempt to feel close to Sasuke the forehead with arms and legs actually touched his hair. That's right. Just like that damn evil dead bird. Only this time was worse. He would have cried had Naruto not tackled Sakura at that moment and put a kunai to her throat. Reacting quickly with rage Sasuke took out his own Kunai and stabbed Sakura repeatedly until she was deader than that damn bird.
"Hah! Take that you evil forehead! I hate you. I hate you and that creepy pink thing that grows out of your head. You don't deserve pink! You're not cool enough! Only I'm cool enough!" Sasuke then pulls out a part of his pink boxers. "Do you see?! Do you see?! I hate you! Die!" With Sakura dead on the floor Sasuke walks off to get his breakfast, Naruto following with a smiling face. (AN. Sorry to all those Sakura lovers out there but I hate Sakura with a passion. Granted, she is pretty cool in Naruto Shippuuden, but I still despise her for now). Walking down the street with Naruto, Sasuke could hear it coming. He could hear the steady footsteps and he was ready.
Sasuke sidestepped just as Rock Lee jumped up from behind him. The big eye browed freak fell to the floor and jumped up right into Sasuke's face. "Sasuke! I, Rock Lee, shall beat your fountain of youth and take you to be my youthful young and hip manfriend. Just like the love of my life, Gai-sensei has sworn to getting Kakashi on his side, I swear to get you. You shall be my manfriend and we shall do what manfriends do. We shall bath together and shave each others backs and pluck our eyebrows (ironic no?) and then we shall talk about unicorns and vegetables and why it is that Lorelei from Gilmore girls just can't seem to keep a guy until we fall asleep in each others arms." Lee finished off his rant with his trade marked god guy pose. Just as Sasuke was about to bring up the question of whether it really is Lorelei's fault or Christopher's Sakura showed up and started to kiss Lee. On the lips…..ew. (don't get me wrong. I love lee. I really do. It's just gross thinking about Sakura kissing anyone.) As it turns out. Sakura's forehead is so big that all that Sasuke was stabbing repeatedly was her forehead so instead of killing her he just caused her to have major brain damage that caused her to believe that Lee was the sexist thing on the planet with his big eyebrows and green spandex.
Sasuke and Naruto ran away from the scene wanting to rip their own eyes out. But, knowing that if they did they would no longer be able to watch their favorite show desperate house wives, they decided against it. Sasuke looked at his watch and screamed a very high pitched scream. He grabbed Naruto's hand and ran desperately towards Konoha's community center.
When they reached the place that they desired, they both entered a very dark room. Sasuke took a seat in a chair that was placed at the left side of the room while Naruto too a chair on the other side. Sasuke felt people moving around him and he self consciously felt his hair to make sure it was ok. To his horror one was out of place, he took out his emergency hair care kit and applied five bottles on gel onto it to make sure it was as perfect as he was. Then, the lights came on and Sasuke looked around to see Neji, Gaara, Kiba, Kakashi, Shino, Shikamaru, Naruto, Lee, Kabuto, Itatchi, and other men sitting around the room, all were focused up to the stage. Sasuke got up and walked to the podium. He cleared his voice and leaned in.
"I would like to thank you all for coming down here today for our weekly meeting of our little group known as 'The Sexy Group of Men With Sexy Sexiness.' Now, I would like to introduce to you a new member, Gaara of the Sand. Gaara if you would." Gaara stands up as the spotlight comes over him.
"Hi. Umm… My name is Gaara and I am a sexy man." Gaara looked around the room and looked at all the smiling faces.
"Hi Gaara." Everyone chorused. Some waved or nodded and others got up to shake his hand.
"Ok. Now, as president of this nice mens group, I call this meeting to officially start. And with that, start the theme song." Sasuke walked off the stage as the theme song for the sexy group of Men With Sexy Sexiness started to play. It also just happened to be Sasuke's favorite song. I feel like a woman by Shinia Twain. All of the guys (minus Shikamaru) got up and started to perform the very intricate choreography that they had made to the song and sang along. After their little broad way show, they all got together and started talking about things.
After a little while of sharing beauty tips and braiding each others hair Neji took the stage. "Men! Since we have all been proven sexy by our bonified sex-o-meter I suggest that we hide away from this ugly world. We are in serious danger. We could be wiped out at any time. Just the other day this creepy thing with blonde hair and purple baggy stuff wrapped around their body touched me." Everyone gasped at this blonde things nerve. "We must do something. They are out to get us! They want to take our beauty away! I'm scared. I'm so scared." Neji fell down on the stage and began to cry. Lee went on stage to comfort his friend and took him back to his seat. Kiba stood up and began to speak.
"It's true! It is! I heard that the ugly things of this world take pretty people like us and eat us so that they can absorb our pretty." He was getting hysterical and everyone was murmuring to each other about their own safety. "It's true." Everyone stopped talking to look over at Shino who had actually said something. "How do we know that you even belong in here? You're always so covered up." Some random person had yelled this and then Shino took off his sunglasses. Everyone's jaws dropped to the floor.
"He…he's…he's so beautiful." Sasuke murmured this and everyone agreed. After everyone had settled down and all of their conspiracy stuff was forgotten they got down to why they were really there. Itatchi brought out the nail polish and began with Sasuke who was in a very deep and meaningful conversation about Avril Lavigne's new hair style. After hours of this very fruity stuff the meeting was finally broken up when a rat had shown up and everyone was either too scared of it to do anything of had freshly painted nails and couldn't so they all left.
Sasuke was now walking down the street and into the sunset. He could see Lee and Gai up ahead sharing a very touching moment that involved running into sunsets tears and lots of hearts flying around their heads. Sasuke kept going until he came across a comb. Feeling bad for the poor deprived thing he bent over to pick it up. But it jumped away and went into the forest. Sasuke followed only to be jumped by a pack of angry squirrels.
"OMG! OMG! OMG! Why the squirrels? Why?!" Sasuke's biggest fear was squirrels. Everything about them was cute which meant that they had to be evil. Nothing could be that cute and not evil. He cried every time he thought back to his own pet Squirrel Mr. Nutters. It was a horrible memory that had required a shrink and ten boxes of tissues for every session. Flailing around like a girl with a spider on her head he rammed himself into multiple trees in desperate attempt to get them off completely forgetting that he was a ninja. After he had successfully gotten the last of the evil little things off he was severely hurt. Even though most of the wounds were from himself he blamed the squirrels and vowed vengeance. He headed into Orochimaru's secret underground lab and came up with an evil plan.
"I know! First I'll turn them all into fleas. Harmless little fleas. Then, I'll put those fleas in a box, then put that box in another box. Then I'll mail that box to myself and when it arrives hahahaha! I'll smash it with a hammer. It's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, I tell you! Genius I say!" Sasuke stopped laughing manically and put a finger to his chin in thought. " no. that would be copyright. I could get sued…..hmmmm……must think more." Kabuto then came in to see Sasuke sitting on a big arm chair petting his arm that was resting against his stomach.
"Sasuke? What are you doing?" Kabuto was staring at his arm wondering why he would be petting it when there was clearly nothing there. "well, you see Kabuto, if I were sinister, this is where my cat would be." And with that, Sasuke jumped up and ran out of the room yelling something about tomatoes.
Sasuke found himself wondering a deserted street until he was jumped. They blindfolded him and dragged him to very secret place. "ok Uchiha. Tell us the secret to your flawless hair or prepare to be tortured!" said a very dark and mysterious voice. "never!" yelled Sasuke in return. He was prepared for this moment. "fine. Bring out the torture device." The voice commanded. "right" said another. Sasuke then began to hyper ventilate as he realized that they intended to tickle him. "fine! I'll talk. Just untie me first." Said Sasuke. Being the stupid people that they were, they untied him and took off his blind fold. He looked around and was shocked to see everyone from the sexy group of Men With Sexy Sexiness except for Gaara and Naruto. "haha! You fools! You have freed me! Now you shall know what happens when you mess with the sexy beautify smart and absolutely fabulous Uchiha Sasuke! Now prepare to die!" Sasuke then used his really super cool chidori that he had especially designed for people who wanted to steal his hair secrets. He calls it 'special chidori that kills evil hair stealing people.' As all the people lay there dying they all cursed him and his special chidori that kills evil hair stealing people.
In the desperate struggle for his life Sasuke had grown tired and stumbled down the street. He sat on a curb and began to cry. His hair, while in the fight to save it, had gotten ruined yet again. Just as he was in the middle of talking to his hair to try to comfort it Naruto came up to him. "Come on Sasuke. Lets get you home." Sasuke had said something in return but Naruto wasn't able to understand him. Naruto took him into his room and laid him on the bed. He pulled the covers up to his chin and flipped the switch that made everything all pink and fluffy. Sasuke was still sniveling and reached up to touch his hair. Naruto grabbed his hand and put it back on the bed. "Go to sleep now Sasuke." Sasuke shook his head. "Come on Sasuke. Why are you still crying?" Naruto being the very emotional person that he was had started to cry with Sasuke just because he didn't want to feel left out. " I cry because I suck!" Sasuke was now shaking and hyperventilating. Naruto dried his tears and walked over to Sasuke's dresser. He picked up a picture of Sasuke when he was little wearing a pink outfit and perfect hair. "Here Sasuke. Hold this and remember that we can always fix your hair. Now, go to sleep." Sasuke nodded and Naruto left making sure to leave the door open a little bit to let the light in just incase the monsters came out while Sasuke was sleeping and tried to eat him. Sasuke then drifted off to sleep thinking about all the wonderful things that would happen tomorrow. And that, my friends is a very normal and average day in the life of Sasuke