Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
A/N: Just for fun, and closure, like all fanfiction these days I personally suspect:)
Dirty Cute
„All this marriage equality news is so exciting. New York, it's just …."
"Yeah, it's gonna be insane. Isabelle is already consulting on like 7 different gay weddings."
"It's historic and soon I'm gonna be in New York to see it. By the way you look cute today. And I mean like ... dirty cute."
Kurt takes one look at Blaine's – what Kurt assumes to be – supposed sexyface and doubles, almost trips and topples, over laughing.
Blaine can only stand there and look well, surprised an a bit hurt too, Kurt can still see traces of it when he composes himself enough after his laughing fit to look back up at Blaine.
Blaine just looks devastated, and Kurt quickly pulls him into a slightly awkward hug with his one free arm, the other still holding the coffee tray. "Blaine, I am sorry but, what was that? Is that your sophmore self returning? You know, the guy who said about himself 'I'm really not good at romance.' Or are you just trying to crack me up? Because sorry but that was just like my sexy faces during Animal. I'm sure you remember, ... what was it you told me again back then?"
"That you were trying to hard?" Blaine mumbles into Kurt's shoulder, the boys still standing hugging.
"Okay, so, you see what I mean?" Kurt asks, softly, eyebrows raised.
"Not sure," Blaine mumbles, staring at his shoes now, free hand buried in his pocket, other clutching the coffee cup a little too tight.
"Wait a sec," Kurt says, taking Blaine's coffee cup from his hand, and taking their orders all over to Mike and Mercedes, "We will be with you in a sec."
"NO MAKING OUT IN THE BATHROOM!" Mercedes playfully shouts after them, and Kurt throws her an only half earnest glare, while Mike begins to ask Mercedes about Blaine and Tina, and what went down there, he has so far only heard some pretty, he assumes, wild exaggerations.
Blaine is taken by surprise when Kurt takes his hand and leads him outside of the small coffee shop.
Together, they walk over to the bench they have spent many spring and autumn afternoon hours on, sipping warming beverages and holding hands, sometimes steeling a kiss too even, despite it being Ohio.
Blaine is really nervous now when they sit down.
"Don't worry, nothing bad," Kurt reassures. "I just wanted to ask how you really are. I know I've been avoiding one on one time with you so far. I am sorry, it's still a little …."
"Tough?" Blaine suggests.
"Yeah you could say that. I mean, so much is going on already this week."
"With your dad," Blaine interjects, taking both of Kurt's hands in his, intertwining them thoroughly, only faltering as he looks up and sees Kurt look away and swallow hard. "Is this not okay?"
"I …, Blaine, I just don't want you to get a wrong idea."
"What, hypothetically, would such a wrong idea look like?" Blaine asks anxiously.
"I want to spend time with you, as friends, just not … more?" Kurt says, hoping Blaine understands.
And Blaine does understand exactly, judging by the way he swallows and his head hangs a moment later.
"Hey, Blaine. I'm not the Kurt you fell in love with."
"But you are!" and then Kurt sees the tears running down Blaine's cheeks heavily, as Blaine looks up, still desperately clinging to Kurt's hands.
Kurt moves closer, disentangling their hands and pulls Blaine into a hug, "You are coming to New York, right?"
Blaine nods into his shoulder, still crying.
"For yourself, right? I mean, you are not applying to NYADA because I'm there? Because I would not want you to do that. I can't be your reason."
"Is that why you won't get back together right now?" Blaine asks still snivelling, but not outright crying anymore, too busy listening intently to produce any more tears in this moment.
"Part of it, ... maybe. I just, … you need to think about yourself right now. You will need to think about yourself a lot these next two years, and I want you to have a clear mind to do that. Do you understand what I mean?"
Blaine nods once more into Kurt's shoulder, whispers, "Yeah."
"I've never really said sorry. And just showing up and sleeping with you is not an apology, not at all."
"It was ..., it felt right. Please tell me it felt right for you too," Blaine says full of fear and anguish.
"Being close to you felt, feels right still, yes. But, I need to apologize, last year, moving to New York, trying to figure things, myself, and my life out, … I wasn't here for you. I promised I would be, and then I wasn't. I am so sorry, Blaine, Love. I left you alone. Now, I am not making excuses for you sleeping with someone else, I just want to make sure you know I understand now, because I do, that I hurt you long before you hurt me, that we both had not known what we were getting into with my move, and I'm not holding a grudge. THIS is not me holding a grudge. That's not what this is about."
"Okay," Blaine says warmly, but still sounding slightly unsure as he moves back out of the tight embrace to connect eyes with Kurt.
"Can I say one more thing?"
Blaine nods, "Sure."
"Let's both take a little time to ourselves. And I'm not just talking about right now, but if your coming to New York …."
Blaine corrects him with a smile, "WHEN I'm coming to New York, yes, go on."
Kurt lets out a laugh, "Okay, WHEN you are coming to New York, you take some time and space to yourself, for yourself. And I will be there every step of the way, as a friend, if you still want me to then. And then, when we both know where we stand, individually, then we talk again, about us. Deal? I mean, two years ago, before I went to Nationals in New York, we had talked about maybe not living together right away, for the first year or so, so that we could find our own ways around the city a little more, instead of learning to love it as a couple."
'That talk,' Blaine loves to think back to that talk, to how it had always - oh yes, they had that talk more than once, before and after Kurt's Nationals trip - ended in them fantasizing together about their dream wedding, about singing their favorite love song together, and Kurt of course dreaming up their outfits too. So now, today, sitting here like this, close but not together, 'Not right now,' the answer comes easy and with a genuine smile, "Deal."
Squeezing each other tight once more they both get up and without even noticing still holding hands they rejoin their friends and coffee cups inside.
This time Mercedes does not throw a quip the boys' way, and Mike stays away from the topic that is Tina, having had his fill from the minutes and minutes of Mercedes recounting Kurt's many mostly baffled phone conversations with her.
Of course everything comes very differently once Blaine actually makes the move into the city, Kurt already calls home, a couple of months later.
Holding hands feels nice, feels right, natural.
A/N: This conversation obviously ends in Blaine by himself realizing that now is not the time to propose, and 4x22, might have then given us five minutes of the boys just cuddled up next to each other, joking, talking and watching movies on the Hummels' living room couch, like good friends do. Maybe discussing their whole take on Wade and Ryder's interactions lately. I don't know about you, but I would be interested in Klaine's thoughts on all that.