I splash my feet into the cool water of the sound looking out to the horizon as I wait for my husband to return. Well Finnick isn't my husband, not officially anyway. You see the most important; at least to the couples themselves, part of the wedding ceremony is the catching of fish. A tradition in which the newlyweds get on a boat, usually one of theirs, and catch a fish together to then be eaten as they're first meal as man wife and although it's not official, which is good for Finnick and I, no one in 4 really feels married until they've caught the fish and it's was no different with us. I love being able to call Finnick my husband, which I've been able to do you for about a bliss full year, even it's only in private, but I hate that we can't hold hands or even really be together outside of the victor's village for fear that Snow might find out. After all there's no way to the Capitol Heartthrob would ever, could ever fall in love with the poor mad girl. I however suspect that Snow already knows about us and if he thought I was a threat to his precious…. ugh it disgusts me to even think about the way him and his cronies see Finnick. To them he's not even a person he's I don't even know nor do I want to know how their sick, twisted minds can justify what they make him do, what they do to him, what they've done to him since he was a 14 year old child. The worst part in all this is unfortunately the way Finnick seems to see this as a normal part of life, just something he has to do. Don't get me wrong I understand why does it, if he doesn't Snow will kill his loved ones, which of course includes me but still this doesn't feel like life at all. I'm not angry with him; I could never be, for what they make him do or how he acts about it all. I'm just saddened that my poor Finnick sees these vile things at just another part of the life of a victor like walking up from nightmares you can't quite shake or finding solace in the bottom of a bottle. My 'life' consists of waiting for weeks on end once a year every year; not knowing what state my husband is going to come home in. Not knowing what kind of crazy sexual appetites his…ahem patrons are going to have this year. Waiting is hell and my only solace is dreaming of the life we could have, the life we should we should have. I know he dreams it to but I know he can't use it to get through the worst of it, not wanting scream or moan my name when they have their way with him but sometimes I wish he would so that at least once I die Snow will have no more leverage over Finnick at he'll be free of what Snow makes him do. I know that Finnick would never want me to die not even for him but I would gladly do a thousand times if it would mean saving him the hell Snow puts him through every since he was 14 and he won the Games. I'm shaken from my musings when I see a familiar looking sailboat on the horizon. Finnick has come home at last! I waste no time trying to catch up with his boat as I jump into the water fully clothed not caring who sees us. I swim as fast as I can towards my husband. Apparently Finnick has the same idea as he's leaped into the water and he meets me halfway. Finnick wraps into his embrace and I've never been gladder to see him home relativity safe and sound. I know that the next week will be hard as it always every year but all that matters here and now is Finnick's arms around mine and the cool water sounding us. It's not perfect by any means but it's ours and in this moment I wouldn't have it any other way.