Hey everyone! Long time no writing right? Blame the writers of PLL for their lack of Haleb-ness & not my too busy life.
So you know I'm always re-writing Haleb scenes just because I can, because I see it play out differently. I hated they passed the buck onto Hanna when it came to Caleb's father. It would have been more emotional for Caleb to hear it from Jamie himself. That's where this story takes off from. Post barn scene 318 - 319.
You'll be happy to know this will be an ongoing story as in everything to do with Caleb & his father - all those tiny pieces of information will be continued in this story. The chats they have, the arguments, Caleb finding him fishing etc etc.
I don't know how often I will write but I will be... but I have another chapter ready. ;)
Ooo & I may or may not be doing Pretty Little Liars/Ravenswood crossover fics. Because really Caleb & Hanna belong together and that is all!
So thanks for reading...
Tip toeing to the front door as quietly as he could Caleb snatched up his back pack & unlocked the front door, he looked over his shoulder at Hanna still asleep in his bed. Scribbling a quick note he stuck it to the back of the door before sneaking into the hall, down two flights of stairs & out the rear door of his apartment block to where his car was. Unlocking his car he tossed his jacket & bag on the back seat. Sliding into the front seat Caleb turned his car over & swore under his breath forgetting how loud the twin exhausts were.
Surely Hanna would hear his car & come tearing out the door asking where he was going, he only hoped their long night of passion exhausted her.
He pulled out of the drive way with guilt, he'd promised her time & time again he wouldn't keep anything from her but when it came to matters of his family he shut down first & spoke about it later.
Today was different though. Today he was returning to the source of his childhood happiness and laying to rest the memories that haunted him.
His mother leaving & his Aunt giving up on him.
He arrived two hours later pulling into the curb a few doors down. From where he sat he had a perfect view of his Aunt's house. The green hedge that ran along the fence line was gone, as were all the rose bushes he & his aunt planted so long ago. The large tree that shaded the back porch was cut down to a stump too. The house barely resembled where he grew up. Caleb turned his head toward a laughing child across the road, a boy was on his father's shoulders. The child threw his head back & laughed at the silly gallop his father had done.
" Uncle Jamie Uncle Jamie throw it again! I want to catch it with one hand " he called out from atop his shoulders.
" Again? Alright. You ready? " holding Caleb's left foot with one hand Jamie lifted his right arm in the air preparing Caleb for the catch.
" One, two, three, now " Jamie threw the ball into the air just enough so Caleb could catch it. When he caught the ball with one hand Jamie lowered Caleb to the ground, he cupped his hands over his mouth making a noise that resembled a crowd.
" And the crowd goes wild! Rivers has caught the ball! He has caught the ball! " Jamie ran into the front yard chasing Caleb to the front door.
" I did it! I caught it Uncle Jamie " Caleb proudly showed his uncle the ball in his hand.
" You sure did buddy! " Jamie held his shoulders looking into his big brown eyes. If only all weekends were as good as this he thought.
" You run on in now champ, I need to talk with your Aunt Patty ok? "
" Alright Uncle Jamie. Will you come around next weekend? We could go fishing? Please! " he pleaded.
" I'm going to try, really hard ok " he nudged his shoulder playfully. Caleb ran in the house & up the flight of stairs to his room jumping on his bed & looking at the ball in his hand. It was the best day he'd had in a long time.
Caleb looked at the box sitting on his back seat. It was full of dusty old hardback novels & children's stories, Hanna suggested they donate them to the library but Caleb wanted to keep a select few. He pushed a few of the books aside & reached in pulling out The Magic Carpet. Rolling the window down he blew dust off the top of the book & ran his hands across the cover. Flicking the pages he could still remember his Aunt Patty reading to him when he was sick. She would bring pitchers of icy water & chicken soup all day. One day she curled up next to him on his bed wrapping the blankets so tight around his body he could barely move. He remembered staying in bed for almost two weeks, coughing all day & barely sleeping at night. His Aunt Patty made sure he got better even though she was exhausted too.
Caleb began to wonder why he could remember parts of his childhood. Did it involve all these keepsakes he'd forgotten all about? Were they triggering suppressed memories? Things he hadn't spoken or thought about in years were replaying in his head as if they only happened yesterday. Only they were of his Uncle Jamie & Aunt Patty...not of his Mother.
He wished he could remember if she ever sung to him or pushed him in the Tyre swing out back, what books she'd read to him or how she soothed him when he was sick. He wished he'd found baby pictures of himself or photographs of his parents...at least when they were happy enough to bring a child into the world.
He was pulled from his thoughts when a loud crashing sound echoed across the street, and just like that the large dipper arm from the front of a yellow backhoe tore through the roof of the house crashing tiles & structural beams into the center of the house. Caleb stepped out & lent against the side of the car his arms crossed over his chest. He watched as they repeatedly lifted the bucket & dropped it into the house. With each crunch he felt the memories shatter under the rubble. No longer would he see Uncle Jamie teaching him how to swing a baseball bat in the side yard or see his Aunt Patty rocking in her red wicker chair. Glass shattered & wood snapped like match sticks, the house he once called home was no more. The memories that bought him such happiness only a few minutes ago were now but a pile of rubbish.
Rounding his car, he looked at the stack of broken wood in the yard. Why on earth did I think was this a good idea? He thought. He regretted not listening to Hanna when she suggested he walk through the house one last time. He laughed & turned on his heels throwing another bag of rubbish into the large metal skip bin. He swore to himself he'd never step foot in that house again, now he'd give anything to turn back time. Caleb turned his head when he heard the voice of a familiar man.
" Hey kiddo " he said.
" Uncle Jamie? What're you doing here? I thought you'd skip town already " Caleb straightened up & turned to face his Uncle.
" I wouldn't miss this. That house held a heck of a lot of memories " he said watching the back hoe crunch over the debris.
" I thought your Aunt would never sell it " he tucked his hands into the front pocket of his jeans & lent against the front of Caleb's car.
" Wish I could say the same. There's only a few things I can remember " he lied flexing his jaw. Caleb started walking down the street toward what used to be his Aunt's house. Stepping on the footpath on the other side of the road he rested against the stone wall crossing his ankles & pinching his bottom lip. His Uncle Jamie followed & sat beside him his gaze shifting back & forth between the house & Caleb.
" I wish I could remember what my parents were like " Caleb turned his head in the opposite direction swallowing the lump in his throat. " I always wondered if they were happy. I've always imagined...parents are meant to be the most important people in their kids life & here I am, I know nothing about mine " he said.
" I think they were, happy that is. At least in the beginning. Your father adored your mother. He worshiped the ground she walked on " he said remembering how happy they were when they first met. " But your father...He wasn't stable enough for your Mom " he kicked the grass below him.
" How do you know that? " Caleb questioned him " How do know if they were happy or not? no offense Uncle Jamie but you weren't even around that much " Caleb stood up & began walking back to his car.
" I guess I deserved that " he adjusted his hat.
" If there's one thing I know though, it's that ". Jamie pushed himself off the wall & began walking behind Caleb stopping him before he got into his car. " There's also this " he pulled a photograph from his wallet & handed it to Caleb.
" What's this? " Caleb asked looking at the picture of a little baby boy. Jamie shifted from one leg to the other & lowered his head.
" It's um..." He cleared his throat. " I didn't want you to find out this way but then Hanna started asking questions & now you're wondering I just...I have to tell you" but Caleb interrupted him.
" Hanna? What has she got to do with this? " he asked getting angrier waiting for Jamie's answers.
" The kid in that picture...he's uh. " Jamie nervously rubbed the back his neck. " That's you kiddo " he pointed.
" What? " Caleb said softly. Jamie pulled another photo from his wallet & pushed it into Caleb's hand. Caleb looked at the man who held him & then at the woman next to him. His eyes became glassy when he saw how beautiful his mother was when she was younger.
" Is that...my Mom? " Caleb's voice broke. " And you. I don't understand...what's this suppose to mean Uncle Jamie? " Caleb asked confused.
" Well that's just it. I'm not your Uncle Caleb, I'm actually" Jamie tucked his hands in his pockets and lowered his head taking a deep breath. " I'm your father " he looked back up at his son. Caleb closed his eyes shook his head unable to process what he'd just heard. " I didn't want you finding out like this and I wish I'd of told you sooner ". Jamie tried reasoning with Caleb, knowing he wouldn't handle that kind of information well. Family issues were emotionally draining for Caleb.
" So...you holding me in some picture years ago makes you my father? Why'd you decide to tell me this now? " He looked at his father with his jaw clenched tight. " All this time... " he whispered & shook his head.
All the birthdays & Christmas's he missed, the first day of school & sports days, academic achievements & all events his father hadn't bothered to show at. Caleb started remembering all the bad things that happened to him over the years. All the families he'd stayed with, the men & women who treated him badly not forgetting the children who bullied him too. Becoming homeless fighting tooth and nail every day for a meal & a place to sleep while his mother was living the high life & his father was just going about his business like he had no son at all. Caleb changed his mood rather quickly.
" Why would you do this? " He pushed the photo toward his father, only he wouldn't take it. He stepped back from the photo, he wanted Caleb to keep it even if it was the only copy he had.
" If you knew I was your son why didn't you try to find me? You're suppose to protect your children not desert them! What did I ever do that made you & Mom give up on me? " he spread his arms out wide.
" Nothing, You did nothing wrong I swear. We were lost & in over our heads. We didn't know what else to do so we took you Aunt Patty's, she always loved you " he said.
" Obviously not enough " Caleb yelled.
" We thought you'd have a fighting chance at a normal life. Giving you up was the hardest thing we ever had to do. But you should know your mother skipped town long before I did ".
" And that makes it okay? Like you can talk " Caleb yelled. " You weren't even around. A few play dates here & there, does not a father make. Do you know what I've had to go through? " Caleb pointed to his chest. " Knowing I had no one! Not a single person cared what happened to me. You two have no idea how messed up I am because of what you did " Caleb started pacing back & forth beside his car, his breathing shallow.
" I know & I'm sorry for everything, I really am. I didn't know what Patty had done until it was too late. You were gone & I was in trouble with the cops again. I thought you'd be better off with a good family. Someone who could give you the things we couldn't " Jamie stepped toward Caleb but he backed up in defense.
" Well I wasn't better off! I can't believe this. You two...you're the worst " his voice broke, he ran his hand through his hair. When Jamie stepped closer to reach out to him Caleb pulled his keys out of his pocket & got into his car. Jamie stood right beside his window begging Caleb not to leave, he didn't want this to be the last time they spoke.
" Caleb, don't go please. I'm sorry! " He never begged for forgiveness, he always accepted the consequences for his actions but today, he was begging like he never had before. He couldn't let his son slip out of his life again. " Caleb come on, lets talk about this " he asked but Caleb was too upset.
He needed to get away from his uncle/his father who ever the hell he was now. Caleb pealed out from the curb & sped down the street passing the construction workers ignoring all signs to slow down. In his rear view he could see Jamie standing in the middle of the road, his hands on his hips. He didn't care how Jamie felt, he had to get away from this poisonous street.
He wasn't sure how long it took for him to return home because all he could think about was how his Mother, Father & Aunt Patty left him behind. Alone, for years not caring if he was dead or alive, they just sent him out there scared, alone & terrified. He parked his car at the rear of the building & walked upstairs still upset & angry, he stepped inside his apartment & threw his bag clear across the room hitting the brick wall followed quickly by his shoes. Caleb looked around the room at all the photographs Hanna had put up of his mother, his step father & his little brothers.
What a good life they've lived. They'd been lucky enough to know who both their parents were & live such a privileged life. They'd never experience the heartache & rejection he had.
Caleb walked over to the bookshelf and looked at the picture of his mother hugging him from behind. He wondered how she could still smile so proudly knowing what she'd done to him. What they'd all done to him! Caleb let out a roar & pushed all the photographs off the bookshelf smashing frames & glass on the hard concrete floor below him. He grabbed all the books his mother had bought him & pushed them on the floor too. Turning around he grabbed a lamp & threw it at the wall behind him shattering the base into a million little pieces.
He walked over to the bed dropping to the mattress, his heavy breath filled the room. He rested his elbows on his knees, his palms met his eyes, as much as he tried he couldn't stop the flow of tears falling from his eyes.
Uncle Jamie is my father!
He didn't want to cry for all the years he'd lost with his father, or for the years he'd lost with his mother. Right now, he didn't want anything to do with either of them. Caleb needed to escape, he couldn't call Hanna or Lucas and he most certainly wasn't going to school now. He needed a distraction, something to help him forget what had happened this morning. He pulled out his iPod, plugging the ear buds into his ears he let the explosive drum beats, spectacular guitar riffs & the roar of a deep voice drown out his sorrows. He slipped under the covers pulling the blanket over his head until there was nothing left to do but close his eyes & fade to black.
" No Jamie! I cant do this anymore. I've had enough. I'm sick of the lies " she yelled at him.
" It's not a lie I promise " he said stepping in front of her.
" I've heard it all before, you're a liar. Always have been, always will be. I don't know why I ever listened to you " she picked Caleb up off the kitchen floor & walked into his room stripping him of his clothes.
" I've changed I swear! I want us to be a family again! " he ran his hand through Caleb's hair messing it up.
" I've heard it all before Jamie. Time & time again. You're not cut out to be a father. You're a drifter. You cant sit still or stay out of trouble for more than a few weeks. I'm not going to expose Caleb to that environment anymore " she tugged his pajamas over his head & down his body before slipping him into bed with his stuffed dalmatian puppy. She kissed his head & said goodnight tucking him under the covers.
When the door slammed shut Caleb woke from his dream to see Hanna standing at the door with a bag of takeaway in one hand & her mouth wide open as she took in the sight of his apartment.
" What the hell happened in here? " Caleb yanked the ear buds from his ears & wiped his forehead of sweat staring at Hanna like a deer in headlights.
" What? " he said.
" Why is your apartment trashed? I didn't leave it this way today when I went to school. And where did you disappear to this morning? I missed you " she placed the food down on the bench & walked over to the photos picking them up off the floor.
Caleb stepped out of bed & walked over to where she crouched down on the floor. He started helping her pick up the broken frames when a piece of glass pricked his finger.
" Shit! " he pulled the glass out & sucked on his finger. Hanna tugged his finger from his mouth & made him look at her.
" What happened here Caleb? " she asked pulling a tissue from her pocket & covering his cut. He tried to looked away but Hanna bought his face back to her.
" I need to tell you something. Something big. Something so... " He couldn't find any words to describe how messed up it was.
" Caleb..." Hanna began to worry. " What's happened? Is someone following you again? What do they want? " she asked one after the other.
Caleb pulled her to the couch sitting her down & rubbed his thumbs over her knuckles.
" No one is here for me. This morning I went to watch my Aunt's house get torn down & someone showed up " he took a deep breath.
" Who showed up? And why didn't you tell me I could have come with you, I had Gym today & you know how much I hate that class " she said moving closer.
" I had to do it on my own & I'm glad that I did because as it turns out Uncle Jamie isn't my uncle he's my..." Caleb paused & lowered his head, closing his eyes he took another breath then looked back up at Hanna " He's my father ". Caleb stared at the floor behind her & flexed his already tense jaw trying to wrap his head around Jamie's bold statement. Hanna didn't say anything, she just reached out & pulled Caleb to her chest knowing he needed her comfort. She kissed the back of his neck & tried to hold him for a second longer but he pulled back & stood from the couch, his hand resting on his hip.
" Why do they keep messing me up? First my mother finds me after all these years & now Uncle Jamie " he laughed out loud & said
" Why do I keep saying Uncle Jamie when he's not even my uncle. He's just some guy who sneaked me into a few baseball games. Great father isn't he? He couldn't even pay for us to go to the baseball ". Caleb started biting the nail of his thumb & paced the floor.
" I'm sure he did the best he could Caleb " Hanna suggested from he couch. Caleb spun around & stared her down.
" Don't defend him! He doesn't deserve it! " Hanna stood & met Caleb in the center of the room.
" I'm not. I'm just trying to help you like I did with your Mom. Did you ask him why? " Caleb turned around & walked into the kitchen.
" Why what? Why he waited so long? Why he didn't tell me sooner? Why didn't he come for me either? Why he deserted me? Why he let me go into the system too? I tried but all I heard was excuses. We were lost, we were in over our heads. Bullshit Excuses! ".
He slammed the cupboard door shut & placed two plates on the counter harder than he should have. Hanna walked over to where he stood & turned him to face her.
" Hey...I know you're mad and you have every right. I'd be even more worried if you weren't. But just like you did with your Mom, you should give Jamie a chance to explain ".
" It pisses me off how they kept it a secret! I'm almost eighteen Hanna! Eighteen! Almost two decades they kept it from me & now he just expects me to say 'oh hey Dad let's go camping & fishing & we're all sweet ' I don't think so " Caleb slammed a draw shut, the sound of utensils clanging against one another echoed through the room. Hanna dropped her head to the side & looked at him.
" I'm sure he doesn't expect that. And I don't know why they left it for so long but I can only guess they're telling you now because you're mature enough to handle the truth & make your own decision whether you want your father in your life or you want nothing to do with him " Hanna brushed his cheek with the Pad of her thumb trying to calm him down. Caleb placed his hand over hers & half smiled.
" Right now...I want nothing to do with him " he said placing a kiss on the inside of her palm.
" Its alright. And that's your choice...for now. But will you at least think about sitting down face to face & talking about it... Just like you did with your Mom? You thought you could never forgive her & look where you're both at now? "
" I'm not promising any thing Hanna " He said scooping the food on their plates.