This story is my attempt at writing a stream of consciousness piece which is why it's in a sort of block text. Didn't go so well but I just wanted to do a short one-shot to get back into writing. Oh well, maybe you'll still enjoy it…it's angsty as hell.
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His stomach is sick watching them. She giggles at every word he says and bats her lashes, playing with his braids. He responds with a coy grin and leans in close – too close – and then he whispers something in her ear and she flushes with excitement. Her hand snakes its way up his brother's arm. Don't touch him. A low guttural noise crawls out of his throat but is drowned by the noises of the bar. He can't tear his eyes away from the scene and his heart plummets. Fili is looking at him. Shock, embarrassment, hope, surprise, and fear at all once. Hope dies though with his brother's smile and indication to the girl next to him because he knows what it means. He always knows what it means. He just wished that it meant him for once. He feels his lips on him once again, the warm shortness of his brother's breath in his mouth is breathing life into his body even though he's suffocating. His brother presses against him, his back hits the cold wall, his senses are on fire. The hands that roam his body make him shiver and the tongue that licks up his neck makes him moan. "I couldn't resist." But the end is just as fast as the start, like the shooting of an arrow it's gone and now he's sitting here, watching as they make their way through the crowd to the stairs. Don't leave me here. His brother glances back over his shoulder once more at him, searching for a look of congratulations before he disappears from sight. His body feels cold and numb again as the loneliness sinks in like last time. He wakes up, unsure of what to say, how to broach the subject of last night's kiss. Should he kiss him again? Would he kiss him again? He crouches down next to the bed and is about the kiss him once more but he awakens. "Where are we? My head is spinning." "Home." "How did we get here?" "I walked you home…" "Really? I don't remember a thing from last night." The sinking feeling washes over him again and the commotion of the bar slowly comes back to life around him. He needs to get out, he can't stay here and he can't go back to their shared room upstairs. He sits up abruptly and the chair falls over but he's already shoving through the patrons. Get out of my way. I need to breathe. He bursts outside into the night air and it fills his lungs with a chilling cold. He starts to walk, wanting to get away from that place then he's running, running, running. He can't get away fast enough. He can't push the image of them out of his head. The way he looked at her with the same eyes that were once for him, lusting and desirous. Was he ever even special at all? He said he couldn't resist. His lungs are burning now and he stops running but the thoughts in his head don't. Pictures flash through his mind. Him pressing her against the bed. Her hands buried in his golden hair. Hungry kisses and her tongue tasting his mouth. The moans and sighs passed between them as he thrusts into her again and again. He tortures himself with the horror show until he feels like he might throw up. So this is the low after the high. His head is swimming and his stomach is churning and his legs ache but he continues walking. I can't stand to sleep alone. He wanders until dawn, the numberless faces of strangers pass by without a second glance. He is invisible. Pushing open the doors he renters the tavern and ascends the stairs with heavy feet. Please be gone. He opens the door and to his relief finds only his brother in the bed, the sheets a mess, clothing everywhere. Silently he crosses the room, sits down on his bed and takes his heavy boots off. The creaking of the mattress wakes his brother and he rolls over through the linen mess to face him. He smiles sleepily. His heart breaks because it's so beautiful and because of who it's for. "Where did you go last night?" "Nowhere." "Please don't be mad at me about taking the room, Kee?" "I'm not." I don't care about the room. "She was amazing, really." He says nothing but pulls the covers over him. "I couldn't resist." His heart shatters. The fragile beating slows to a stop, until all of his insides are hollow and even though he's still wearing all of his clothes under the blankets he feels no warmth. "Yeah, I know." He rolls over to face the wall. He can't look at his brother's grinning face any longer. It was just one kiss…