"Honey, can you get the phone?" I heard Mellie call from her place lounging on the sofa in the family room, watching some reality show.
"Sure," I yelled back, wondering who was calling at this time – we didn't get many personal calls after dinner time. There were nearly endless calls from the public line, but not from our own line. I walked toward the phone sitting on the mahogany end table and grasped the black, cordless receiver in my hand.
"Hello?" I greet, absentmindedly as I glanced in the direction of the living room, watching Mellie's head bob along to some song.
"Fitz?" The breathy whisper came across the line. I almost dropped the phone after hearing the haunting voice from the past. I felt my heart stop beating as I frantically looked at Mellie; thank God she hadn't noticed my near heart attack. We had finally gotten settled in to married life; I didn't want to take this phone call, but I had to.
"Honey, I'm going to get some air," I said, placing the phone against my shoulder and quickly grabbing my laptop; the quickest excuse I could come up with to get me out of the room.
"Okay," She replied, never glancing back from the television. I carried the computer to the balcony, sitting it on a glass table before moving to the railing, leaning against it, shivering in the cold, winter wind.
"Honey, why are you calling me so late?" I asked, waiting for the response. I heard her sniffling through the line and felt my heart break. True we had broken up years ago, but she was my first true love and, if the pang in my heart was any indication, she was still my only love.
"I really don't know," She sniveled; her angelic voice was broken by her apparent crying.
"It's kind of hard to talk right now," I admitted, glancing at the lit up view of the Washington Monument before me and perking my ears for any sound of the door behind me opening; hoping like hell that Mellie was not questioning my sudden need for air.
"I know…I just…I just need someone to talk to right now," She broke down, her sobbing coming across the line in a rush.
"Honey, why are you crying? Is everything okay?" I didn't mean to sound so concerned, but years of loving a person won't allow you to sound any other way. I shuffled the snow that had found its way onto the balcony's floor, wondering what was causing the woman I loved more than anything to cry.
"It's nothing…What have you been up to?" She tactfully changed the subject and I heard her attempting to stifle her cries.
"Not much. Everything seems to have died down these last few months. Mellie and I are doing better. We renewed our vows last month." I dropped the bombshell, feeling slightly guilty about mine and Mellie's sudden change in our relationship although I didn't quite know why.
"That's amazing," Her voice didn't match the enthusiasm of her words. She never met Mellie. It had been something short of a miracle to keep the two from meeting during the campaign and after. "So, what's she like?"
A million things ran through my mind at that question; she's smart, beautiful, not a morning person, strong, confident, works a little too hard, and has this slight gap in between her teeth that she is extremely self-conscious about – yet of all those things that came to mind, none of them were what tumbled through my mouth like a gymnast vying for attention. Instead, I mumbled three words that I quickly regretted, "She's not you."
"I suppose not." Her voice was light with amusement and…a hint of sadness?
I shook my head before carrying on the conversation, "What about your guy…Jake is it?"
"He isn't you," She answered, truthfully and it was then that I knew why she was crying.
"I guess we never really moved on," I stated with a rueful sigh as I glanced up at the darkening sky; feeling a snowflake hit me in the face as if mocking me for my stupidity oh so long ago.
"Guess not…it was the time of our lives," She commented, her conviction ringing throughout her statement.
"It's funny that you called me tonight," I chuckled, thinking of the late night dream that had woken me up the previous night, "I had a dream about you…we were married. Had a couple kids. You were here with me."
"Strange, I had one just like that." I could hear the smile in her voice. It was then that I realized she was whispering and decided to question it.
"Does he know you're talking to me? Will it start a fight?" I wondered, worried about her wellbeing.
"No…what about your…your wife?" She struggled with the words; always had. She wasn't willing to admit I had married someone else…someone not her – someone less perfect. I stopped myself at that thought; where had it come from? I loved Mellie, or at least I tried convincing myself that I did.
"No, I don't think she has a clue," I glanced back at the door. The hall light was still on, but there was no sign of Mellie. She was probably still glued to the television.
"Good…Fitz…I miss you," She finally admitted why she had called. I thought I would be upset…yet I felt exultant. I didn't quite understand my feelings yet. I thought I had buried them along with everything else to do with her a long, long time ago. Apparently not.
"I miss you too," I breathed, my lungs burning with the frosty air that I inhaled.
"Do you…do you ever wish things had turned out differently? That she was me?"
"I'm not going to lie, something I wish she was you," I answered, truthfully; unable to lie to the woman who held my heart in the palms of her hands.
"Sometimes I wish he were you, too," She responded, her voice breaking once again.
"Coming from the lips of an angel, hearing those words makes me weak."
"Still as poetic as ever, I see," She sounded mournful.
Where had that come from? I hadn't said anything like that in years…since our last night together. That realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I hadn't ever called Mellie my angel. Not before I met her and not after – I guess that's because the slot in my life was already filled by the amazing beauty on the other line.
"It was really good to hear your voice again. I don't want to say goodbye, but you're making it too hard to be faithful. Goodbye, Angel," I whispered, my heart breaking as I heart breaking as I hit the disconnect button. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, making my way to the door behind me. As I stood there, my hand on the knob, I turned to look out at the dark Washington night, wondering how long I would have to live with my haunting decision and the vision of a beautiful…angel.
Before walking into the warm home, I looked up at the sky and whispered, "Take care Livvie. You were my first love…and my only love."