Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, etc. etc. etc.

Note (please read before flaming me...): I don't know how the idea for this came to me. It's not meant to be a serious fic. It's just a stupid idea that I stupidly decided to write about. Please don't torch me... it's just a joke... seriously...

"Oh… oh god Sora!"

Sora sat back on the bed as Riku collapsed into it. His long silver hair was matted to his face and bare back with sweat and the bed sheets under him were soiled. Sora idly watched his friend's shoulder blades shift as he gasped for breath.

Riku turned onto his side, taking Sora by the wrist and pulling him down beside him. He ran his hands through Sora's dark hair, still magically spiky and gravity-defying even after being pulled, twisted and tugged.

Sora shifted so he could lay on his back. Riku used the change as an opportunity to rest his sweaty, silver-haired head on Sora's chest, promptly falling asleep.

Sora, however, lay awake long after his partner started snoring atop him.

It was the fourth time this week his day had ended like this, with someone passed out and drooling on his bare chest. And it was the second time for Riku. The previous night he'd had a run in with Axel. That'd been a particularly rough night, especially because at the time Sora was still recovering from a rather eventful rendezvous with Cloud… and Leon.

"Good morning," a soft voice cooed.

Sora groaned, turning onto his side under the sheets. Someone sat on the edge of the bed and the smells of bacon, pancakes lathered in syrup and orange juice roused Sora from his sleep.

He didn't even remember falling asleep, in truth. Rubbing his eyes, Sora looked to the window of the bedroom, through which sunlight streamed. "God, what time is it?" he mumbled. He must have been out far longer than he'd thought.

"Almost noon," the voice replied.

Sora jerked his head toward the speaker. Where he'd expected a neatly combed cascade of silver hair, he saw blond spikes.

"Roxas?" Sora said, suddenly wide awake. "What are you doing in here?"

"Bringing you breakfast," the blond replied.

"Where's…"

"Riku?" Roxas finished. "Don't worry about him. He's busy for now." Roxas set the breakfast aside as he said this, lowering his voice and leaning in toward Sora. His eyes shut seductively as his lips pressed against Sora's, tongue probing familiar territory.

Sora pulled away immediately. This was too much. He'd just spent another night with the ever-demanding and needy Riku, only to be woken up by this?

Sora leapt out of bed, pulling on boxer shorts that had been thrown aside the previous night.

"Hey what gives?" Roxas demanded.

"I'm busy."

"Busy?"

"Yeah," Sora lied. "I've got to…" He needed an alibi, an escape, somewhere no one would come sneaking into his bed at night… or in the morning. Somewhere devoid of horny boys and hormonal females. Somewhere where he could take a night off, curl up in a bed alone, sleep to his heart's content without worrying about strange touches in the night.

"I-" Sora said, "I… need to go to Pride Rock."

"Pride Rock?" Roxas said. "What the hell for?"

"It's… uh… Simba," he said. "Things aren't going so well with the whole being king… thing…."

Before Roxas could question him further, Sora was dressed, his hair as perky and spiky as ever, and out the door.

"So you see Simba, I just need a place to crash, just for a few days," Sora explained to the lion king towering over him.

"Of course you can stay here Sora," Simba replied immediately. "After all the times you've helped me out, I'd be happy to return the favor. There's a little cave right over there. Nobody will even notice you're here."

"Nobody?" Sora asked, incredulous.

Simba nodded.

"Like… it's secluded."

"Not like, it is secluded."

"Totally."

"Totally."

"I'll be alone."

"Yes indeed."

"Totally alone?"

"For god's sake, do you want to stay here or not?"

Sora flattened his lion ears apologetically. "Sorry."

Simba just grinned, as much as a lion can grin anyway, and led him to the cave. It was tiny and a soft blanket of leaves covered the floor. The instant Simba left, Sora curled up in the cave, enjoying the warmth of his lion fur and the seclusion offered by the cave.

Ever since he'd done the whole "save-the-entire-known-universe-twice" thing, he couldn't get guys, or girls, off of him. First had been Kairi of course, but it didn't take long for Riku to step in and replace her. At first, Sora had loved the idea of sharing so much with the silver-haired man. Riku was still his friend, even if they had taken the relationship physically beyond that.

But after a while things had plummeted downhill.

Riku, it turned out, wasn't a one man guy. It wasn't long before he was eyeing the older male residents of Travers Town, and they were happy to return the glances.

Sora initially sought comfort in Namine, but that was cut short by Riku, who returned on his hands and knees, literally, for Sora.

What started as a glorious reunion of friends and lovers soon turned into Sora's own personal sex-hell. First Riku threw Axel into the mix. But it didn't take long for the fiery-haired man's shadow to show up in the form of Roxas. Several exhausting, orgy-filled weeks followed before Roxas propositioned Sora separately. And soon after Axel did the same. And Riku. And Demyx. And Riku. And Xemnas. And Riku. And Riku, and Riku, and Riku… And Cloud……… and Leon. And Riku, Riku, Riku, Riku, Riku.

Sora woke with a start, sweating. He put a paw to his forehead. Even in such a peaceful place like Pride Rock he just couldn't seem to re-

Sora's eyes snapped open when he felt breathing on his neck. He turned, slowly, fear trembling through his little lion body, until he was face to face with Simba's giant lion face.

"What the f-" he managed to gasp before the lion king licked Sora's face with a giant lion tongue and leapt on him.