Story: Late-Night Nostalgia
Summary: Yet another gang had almost attacked Heiwajima Shizuo. For once, Izaya actually wasn't behind it, but that didn't make him feel any better at all, so he decided to take a walk to get out of Ikebukuro for a short while. However, when he finds a good spot to finally smoke in peace, who happens to be there, and why? Brief mention at possible self-harm. Not Shizaya. Unintentional ooc.
Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!/DRRR!
Shizuo was absolutely pissed off right now, though that much was pretty obvious. He had just been targeted by yet another street gang that week. He would have much rather preferred to be able to blame Izaya on this one, but with spite he knew it wasn't the louse's fault this time, because one of the guys even said themselves that there's no way they would go and rely on some 'asshole broker' such as Orihara Izaya for any kind of information, and that quite frankly both him and Izaya were on top priority in their bingo books. However, the fact that they'd went and ripped one of his favorite outfits, called him a butler, and then even had the shitty gall to make fun of the designer of his outfit, when it was his own brother who'd personally picked it out and went through the trouble of paying for it for him, had frankly managed to piss him off even more than Izaya ever had or could. So he'd sent him flying hard, along with anyone else who had just unfortunately happened to be there in the wrong place at the wrong time. He couldn't help but feel bad about of the ones who had got caught up in it, but before he had the chance of breaking something, or someone, else, he decided he needed to catch a long breath and apologized to Tom for all the trouble he'd caused, storming off.
He actually felt horrible for once as he looking around and saw numerous parents pulling their children away from him and avoiding eye-contact with him all the same. Not that he could blame them, of course.
Breathe.
In.
Out.
Breathe-Shit. It wasn't working. He needed to get out of Ikebukuro and catch a long breath, and now, he spitefully realized, at least for a little while. He really didn't want to break anything else right now. He didn't think he could handle it with much grace or shit if he did. Being in this town much longer was almost guaranteed to lead to him having both a migraine and more than just a mental breakdown.
However, as soon as he reached the outskirts of said town or city or whatever, he was immediately mortified. That bastard Izaya, of all people, was just sitting there with a smirk. Glaring at him right then and there, he was so very tempted to just storm up to him and demand an explanation as to why he was even there, however decided that he wouldn't let Izaya get what he wanted and he would just plain out ignore him. He wasn't going to go find another place to blow off steam just to please him.
"So, what happened this time, hmm? Honestly, I've never seen you looking so down before, Shizu-chan~" Izaya studied him with a coy smirk, receiving a cold glare in return.
"Oi, flea, why don't you mind your own damn business for once? I'm really not in the fucking mood for it, right now, louse." Shizuo growled.
"'s that so?", Izaya inquired, as his smirk grew even wider, but, despite this, he had to admit down deep he himself really didn't want to fight either right now. He was too drained of his normal let's-all-piss-Shizuo-off-spirit.
"Tch, did you finally get attacked or somethin'...? You're actually bleedin' for once, and you're looking even more like shit than you normally do. I just realized that." Shizuo grumbled grumpily, but with a smirk of satisfaction.
If Izaya's pride was hurt by the comment, then he obviously didn't show it. However, when a thought seemed to flash through his mind, he gave the wound near Izaya's hand a second glance in consideration, just so happening to catch a brief glimpse of the switch-blade in his uninjured hand.
"Izaya, flea, you surely didn't that yourself, now did ya?" Shizuo remarked mockingly, completely oblivious to fact of the matter.
"How 'bout you let me see it, huh, flea?" Shizuo edged near him.
Izaya flinched. "I dare you trying touching me, Shizu-chan. I'm just liable to shred you, you know~?"
"Just try cutting me, because I'd just love to have the chance to break that damned precious switchblade of yours" Shizuo challenged, grinning in return, before he suddenly realized what his rival was even doing.
"Wait a second," Shizuo glared suddenly. "Ya stinking fleabag. I bet you're trying to divert my attention with your threats, aren't you...?", he assumed, stepping forward.
"Wow, you're actually a bit brighter than I would've ever imagined you to be, Shizu-chan,", Izaya smirked in response, standing up to him. "but either way, maybe I am, or maybe I'm not, and either way, it shouldn't really matter, now should it? Plus, it definitely shouldn't be that worrisome, especially for monster like you of all people, ne?"
"Who said anything about me worrying? I just wanna know who it was that managed to actually cut you for once, so I can, I don't know, ask them for advice so I can finally know how beat your godamned ass into a wall for one, Izaaayaa-kuunnn...!"
Izaya seemed to choked a bit from the smell of cigarettes when the other got in his face, but he, otherwise seeming unphased, just continued staring at him through apathetic eyes.
"Oh? Is that so," he raised an eyebrow, in a somewhat irritated amusement. "Shizu-chan? Well then, I'll just have you know that it would be happy to slice and dice me, as long as I didn't die, but sorry to burst your bubble, though. It most certainly wouldn't help you to do that, Shizuo-kun."
"Huh...?", Shizuo couldn't help but twitch (slightly taken off by the louse's stupid riddles) in irritation, before he suddenly snatched Izaya's hand, which held his beloved switchblade, violently grabbing his collar.
"'It'?" he repeated, slamming him hard against the building behind him.
"What the hell are you even talking about? Why don't you try to make a little more sense for once, ey', Izaya buddyyy?", he growled through his teeth.
"Oh, Shizu-chan," Izaya seemed to smirk, after coughing a bit in pain. "did you ever consider that my words don't make sense to you because you're just too much of a protozoan to actually understand and process my sense of intelligence?"
Izaya bluntly ignored the death glare he was receiving, and just went on talking. " If you think about it, I must actually be quite smarter than you, Shizu-chan. I know nearly everything about you, and your loved and cherished ones, and everyone single other person you converse practically daily, just as I do everyone else in both Ikebukuro and Shinjuku, but you don't know hardly anything about me, do you? That frustrates you to no end, doesn't it...? You know..., I really do pity you, Shizu-cha-"
"Just shut up already, teme!" Shizuo interjected, punching him in his face as hard as possible, releasing his collar.
Izaya cocked his head, staring at him from the side, not even phased by his actions, and uncaring, as he gave him a look which would let it be known to the world that he was already bored with all this.
"I don't care to know anything about you, because, unlike you, I don't have the depraved obsession to go out of my way to psychologically hurt people! I'm not a jacked up cunning and shrewd stalker, where you are! You know what the difference between you and me is? It's boundaries! I don't take pleasure in hurting others and once again, unlike you, at least I know how to be honest with myself!"
"Honest with yourself?" Izaya merely mocked in an irritated amusement.
"Oh, my dear Shizu-chan, you think I care about things like that? Well, just so you know, unlike you, I have no interest in trying to be human, because we both already know I'm not, so don't ever compare yourself to me, Shizuo-kun." the ravenette uttered, as a rare unfitting expression suddenly settled within his features, momentarily taking the blonde brute off guard.
There was rage, anxiousness, sadness, and many conflicting feelings showing in Izaya's crimson eyes. He sorta looked as though he could have a serious mental break down any minute now. Any second even. As Shizuo swallowed looking into Izaya's crimson brown eyes, Izaya could feel his heart quickly pounding in his chest and the quickly oncoming anxiety attack which was guaranteed to soon follow. He glared back and in disinterest and irritation; an obvious refusal to engage in any further in this now boring and pointless argument. Another reason he absolutely hated Heiwajima Shizuo. Why couldn't he learn to just drop some things for once?
Why did everyone have to hate him, including himself, while...that beast had at least Shinra, Celty, Tom and many others at his side. Hell, even his own sisters would likely be glad to kill him(not that they would be able to succeed, of course, but he still felt sorta agitated and betrayed by them for that), for the simple little opportunity to become friends with Shizuo's little brother Kasuka. They cared about him just that little, and that's all there was too it. It really did seem far too unfair to him.
"Whatever... Screw this crap..." he barely heard the fake-blond haired brute mutter, as he himself was thrown harshly to the ground. Dazed, he watch as Shizuo traipsed around a bit after lighting a cigarette.
His chest suddenly felt constricted and he couldn't seem to breathe. He tried hard to swallow the strained lump quickly forming in his throat, but no matter what, he couldn't stop it.
He subconsciously knew that he hated himself; he hated 'Izaya Orihara', and everything he'd became, and he was aware that down deep that he didn't actually like hurting people, but over time it'd eventually formed into nothing more than a nasty habit and had nearly completely became a part of him.
But this was the lie he'd asked to live..., and he knew or at least was pretty sure that it wouldn't be too long until that lie he had lived would soon ended up becoming the sad and miserable truth; The unbearable extinct to the story of his life's career...
He couldn't help but slightly numbly wonder why everything suddenly hurt as much as it did. Actually, maybe it had all along, and he just didn't know...?
Staring at the ground, he realized he didn't even want this god-forsaken and pathetic life anymore..., but, wait, he had to live it, though, didn't he?
Hadn't he so far...?
Was he still alive, or not? How odd, he didn't even know the difference, anymore.
'Tch, hah..., I'm so obsessed with life and death that, anymore, they both make me sick at the thought. It's so ironic... It's...revolting..." he mused bitterly, letting out a painful smirk, after turning his head up. Suddenly, without any real explanation, he broke out in a uncontrollable(but oh so hollow) laughing fit. He reached up a quivering hand, covering his eyes as best he could. He felt honestly and utterly...humiliated right now. Why did these annoying and pathetic and weak tears have to come out like this? And of the all accursed times they could have, it had to be then in the front of the protozoan Shizuo. The heavens sure were looking out for him to make him suffer today, weren't they?
His shoulders suddenly began to tremble harshly as he slumped back forward again, letting his bangs momentarily cover his eyes, as more ugly tears continued to fall. The hollow and bitter smirk remain the whole time, save for the unrelenting quivering of his lips.
"Hey, Shizu-chan," he then sat further up-straight, meeting the ex-bartender's chocolate colored eyes, before giving a rather large smirk (obviously fake), as he barely sucked back the unrelenting salty liquid from streaming down his cheeks any futher. "I'm surprised you haven't tried to kill me yet, ne~? You really are too weak to fight me, then, huh? Those people that attacked you were actually able to injure you that much, after all, Shizu-chan...? I'm actually a bit surprised to say the least..."
Shizuo met his eyes, and all was silent for a moment, before he threw down his cigarette, grinding it into the pavement, a thing he usually did when he got angry - rarely otherwise. For once, he decided he didn't even give a damn to ask where and how the bastard even knew about that this quickly. Rumors evidently fly pretty fast, don't they? Damn it all, but whatever... He was too exhausted to care at this point. He had been nearly all week.
"You know what, flea? I should be the one asking you that same question, shouldn't I? Why haven't you tried to cut me with that switchblade of yours yet, huh...?" Shizuo nonchalantly challenged in response. "What's with you, tonight, Izaya...? Do you want me to kill you, or somethin'...? You must have a death wish or somethin' stupid like that since you ain't even made an effort to fight me back, now..."
He kneeled in front of the ravenette, who glanced up, observing him, but only looked back down again, giving a pain-filled curve of his quivering lip and biting it.
"You know, Shizu-chan... I actually kind of wonder that, myself... What exactly am I doing...? I really have caused you and a lot of trouble and provoked a ton of different problems throughout my beloved town, yet here I am relying on my mortal enemy for advice... Man, I feel...pathetic... Have I seriously sunk this low...?"
"Well, I have met worse, I think..." Shizuo said, a bit awkwardly. This whole comforting thing was actually rather foreign him, regarding pretty much anyone other than Kasuka. Plus, why he was actually attempting to comfort this flea right now was beyond him, but to be honest(for some reason he couldn't comprehend), he couldn't exactly find any comfort in seeing that fleabag this vulnerable, nor did he personally believe in beating those who were already down, even if that person did just so happen to be Izaya and his mortal enemy. Based on what little he'd heard about Izaya from the people who'd actually known him since before he knew him, there were at least a few relatively good things about him in comparison to a lot of scumbags out there. Unfortunately, that much was true - but he felt sick even admitting that to himself.
While he probably would never be able to forgive him for all the shitty problems that dirtbag had caused him, he, himself, wasn't heartless, despite what everyone probably thought, and he nor was he a fan of adding insult to injury, unlike the bastard which was currently groveling in the dirt before him.
Why he even bothered to try being remotely 'open' with Izaya was unknown to even him. Maybe it was just the fact that seeing Izaya like this just felt wrong; every accursed and annoying thing about it. Unfortunately, using violence would only make everything worse for him in this case. He could've killed Izaya, right then and there if he really wanted to, but Izaya wasn't in Ikebukuro right now. He was in Shinjuku, where he belonged. He refused to stoop to the level of doing what Izaya constantly was constantly trying to do to him - running him out of his own hometown.
Well, it wasn't like he was actually trying to piss him off at the moment, was it? That's when it did briefly dawn on him that he hadn't ever even got the chance to really get to know Izaya from the very beginning. Was his simple comment 'you're pissing me off' to him (when they 'officially' 'conversed' for the first time) what partially brought on all their fights since then? Is it even possible they could have even became - he already felt his stomach sickeningly turning at the thought - friends...? Tch, as if...
"Oi... louse," he mumbled, unsure of how to state his question, before finally deciding to just ask it straight up. "can I see your arm?"
Izaya's eyes slightly widened for a brief second, before he averted his glance with an unreadable expression on his face.
"No. Sorry, I don't show people my cuts nor scars." he said simply, uncomfortable with his inconsiderate probing.
"Well..., what if I promise...not to judge it...?" Shizuo offered, with a sheepish tone of curiosity, but understanding to if he didn't want to.
Man, could Shizuo really not read the accursed atmosphere...?! He'd already said 'no', hadn't he? Izaya stared at him. He could easily tell that both of them were just as uncomfortable as the other, so what was Shizuo even doing, anyway? Trying to build him up and earn his trust, just to afterward to stab him in the back when he'd let down his guard and break him down worse than before? Seriously, that was practically one of the oldest tricks in both real life and fantasy and he was not going to allow himself to fall for it, damn it. 'Nice try, Shizuo-kun, but I'm not ignorant, though I do have to admit it is pretty impressive, coming from you, now isn't it...?'
He smirked - it was (once again) blatantly fake, but was all he could muster up. "Shizu-chan, we despite each other, ne? I don't trust you, and you don't trust me. Don't you think it'd be best if it just stayed that way...?"
"So, I heard from Shinra that you like to push away nearly anyone that tries to get close to you. You're don't want friends, am I right?" Shizuo ignored his question. Izaya realized that and grew irritated much to the obliviousness of the other. Two could play at this game, now couldn't they?
"Hmm, why don't I refrain my 'question'," his eyes narrowed, his playful smirk no longer in sight. "Shizu-chan? Actually, I want to stay enemies. I don't trust anyone in this world, even family."
"I see. You know, I'm actually glad you made that obvious. As you might know, I've never been that great at reading people's feelings, especially those that like to hide it, like you..." Shizuo explained, seemingly deep in though on the matter.
Izaya eyed him cautiously. Seriously, what the hell did Shizuo think he was trying to accomplish by speaking to him on attempted friendly terms? It was uncomfortable, frustrating, and irritating to him all at once, but he decided to stay quiet and just observe, instead.
Yes, observation, the best and only thing he was ever exceptionally good at, beside of manipulating people, chess, as well as many subjects in school. Thinking about it, it gave him an odd feeling of nostalgia, one he annoyingly couldn't quite...place.
But it felt somehow right, at least close enough...
~ End of Story
A/N: What do you think? This a random one-shot that I was originally going to use in another story I'm working on, but it didn't fit right there. So you all can have it like this. Was the character interaction good enough? I hope so =w=
Tell me what you think, please?