Hello and welcome to another fanfiction! This is one I've wanted to do for a bit. I Won't make too many chapters, unless it gets highly requested. This Fan Fic is what I reckon would happen if TFS Alucard was summoned to be Louise's familiar.

WARNING: If you are hoping for a good plot, deep, moving dialogue, and a child safe fanfiction I highly recommend you stop reading now and read something else. I will be using this just to make TFS references in the funniest way I can.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfiction, but I did manage to hack Alucards twitter.

Deep down below the ground, underneath an estate out in the country in England, there was a large room. The room was mostly empty, save a throne like structure in the middle of it. The room was dark; it had a few torches along the walls, but was mostly dark. On the throne sat a man wearing a red coat. This man had many names, vampire king, terror of the night, Alucard, and even the bane of man. But his favourite (and least used title) was fuckmothering vampire. He was smiling, and looking at the only other object in the room. A 70 inch, plasma wide screen TV. With Netflix.

Suddenly a strange green light appeared before him, blocking his view of the TV. His immediate reaction was to shoot the fucking thing, but as the bullet reached the glow, it let the bullet pass through, and go straight into the TV. There was a large explosion, and Alucard sighed. "Well fuck, now I need to ask her to get me a new one, after she has a bitch fit about me breaking it." He then shot the green glow again, only to have a repeat of what happened last time. Now the TV was completely destroyed, and Alucard walked up to the strange object.

"dafuk is this?" he asked. "So a random glowing piece of goo shows up in my room, and is apparently immune to bullets? Dafuk." He walked around it, then looked again at the ruins of the TV. "Ah fuck it, I'll just see what happens if I jump inside it." Alucard promptly jumped into the glow, yelling "Cannonball!"

Meanwhile...

Louise valliere was nervous. Today was the day of the ritual and it was her turn, She hoped that at least she could summon something for a familiar. She held her wand up.

"My Familiar that exists somewhere in this universe or another, heed my call. My divine, beautiful, wise and powerful familiar, I summon you!" Louise said and thrust her wand forward. Suddenly an explosion erupted, filling the courtyard with smoke. Louise got a strange feeling as the explosion happened. She peered into the smoke to see a shape resembling a man, and when the smoke cleared there was a collective gasp.

Louise hadn't summoned a drake or dragon or phoenix or washing machine or dog or mouse, she had summoned a Human, and a commoner at that. He was wearing a red coat, and had a strange looking hat on. Looking at his eyes, Louise shuddered. They had an unnatural glow to them, and it scared her. Suddenly the man started talking, but she couldn't understand what he said.

"Oh god, looks like I've been teleported to a harry potter rejects convention." He looked around. "But I don't see any fat nerds with crappy scar tattoos." He looked at the girl in front of him. She started talking, but Alucard couldn't understand what she was saying at first. "Could you try speaking a language I actually- oh wait never mind." He said, speaking in the same language as Louise, which surprised her. "W-who are you?" she asked.

Alucard grinned. "I'm Alucard, a vampire that's lived for over 500 years, killed a few million people, eaten a few more, and I used to have a 70 inch plasma screen TV until some shitty little green thing got in my way and I shot it and then broke the TV." Alucard looked around, and his grin turned smug as he saw the shock on every one's faces. "And I also my jacket is white but it's just turned red from the blood of everyone who's ever pissed me off."

Louise gathered herself, and decided it was now or never. She walked up to Alucard and kissed him on the lips, surprising him completely. After wards he just looked at her for a bit before looking down. "And the Great Plains stretched out before me." He said. "I don't mind the kiss, but it's a little soon." He smirked. Louise didn't get what he meant, but then suddenly got furious, and at that moment Alucard felt a burning feeling on the back of his left hand. He removed his glove and looked at the strange runes. "Dafuk is this?" he asked.

He was ignoring Louise who was fuming with anger. "how... dare... you.." Alucard just looked at her. "How dare I what, little pink princess?" He asked, and Louise felt the anger flow out of her as she made eye contact with him, only for it to be replaced with dread. "Good answer; now tell me where I am." He looked at her. Louise then explained the whole familiar summoning stuff, which Alucard half ignored and instead looked at some nearby birds, and was thinking of shooting them. "So you're my master and I'm supposed to do what you say?" He asked.

Louise nodded, still a little intimidated. "Follow me to my room."

Later in the room

Alucard looked around the room. Then at the hay that was his "bed". "I am not sleeping on that." He said flatly, it was already dusk, he had decided to dick around with Louise by sneaking off and hiding somewhere in the academy. Louise looked at him. "Well you don't have a choice."

"I actually do, I could just not go to sleep. Ever thing about that?!" he sighed, the boner he usually got from arguing with Integra was returning with a vengeance, but it was super awkward cause he guessed this flat chested, pink haired shorty must be 16, and despite what you may think, Alucard does have standards. "Anyway, I've got things to do." He said, turning towards the door.

"What do you mean!? You only do what I tell you, nothing else!" she shouted at him, Alucard just turned back to face her.

"No I don't, I don't follow orders, now if you don't mind, and I have to go." He turned away again. "Where are you going?" Louise asked.

"For a walk." Alucard answered.

Chapter 1, done! I kinda wrote this in an hour, hope you people enjoyed it, and please review telling me what I can do to make the second chapter better! Thanks for reading!