I can barely walk, I feel as though my limbs are slitting.
I realize I'm walking up a familiar path, the Kingsley Manor is ahead and before I can conjure one of the many reason I should walk a different direction I find myself walking through the back gardens. The house looks majestic as it always had, stoic and made of strong rock; Charles and Noora always took such pride of this house, always welcoming me, I wonder if they still would.
I look around and I can see a glim of light in one of the bedroom windows. I'm approaching the back door and before I'm able to knock, it swings open to find an aged woman with an odd expression in her face.
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph!"
I just stood there, not being able to speak a word and soon enough she wrapped her arms around me.
"Oh bless, look at you" she said with maternal eyes, running her hands through my hair like you would a child. "Please come in, come in"
Inside I had gathered myself; it had been so long since I had any interaction that I had forgotten how to speak.
"Hello Noora" I said to her with my best attempt of a smile.
With her still standing in front of me in the dark; all I could do was take a deep breath; the smells of the house were still the same, but the soul of it seemed out of balance. I felt so weary that I couldn't get myself to bother with it; within these walls I was welcome, safe and didn't have to hide.
Noora fumbled for the light switch, once on, revealed that we stood in the kitchen just as I remembered.
In the light it became clear the look of disbelieve in her eyes that swiftly turned in awareness of my state as she quickly led me to a chair in the kitchen table. We sat there for a while nothing demanding to be said, they never inquired of my whereabouts or of the states I appeared. 'My doors are always open to you, My Great Lady' Charles said to me when I came upon their doorstep, considering the first time we met he was a young handsome boy immersed in legends and history and there I was knocking on his door for just a hello.
As we sat there I studied her; her reddish brown hair was not as bright as I remembered, her face had more lines and somehow she looked smaller than she once was, standing tall with her Scottish built. Had it really been that long?
"Would you like some tea? Yes; some warm tea will take the chill away, yes?"
That wasn't much of a question, she already started rumbling about with the kettle and some mugs. With every minute that passed my tiredness felt deeper but also started to feel more like a person; As I sat there I realized that my jacket was moist, dripping onto the wooden chair and the stone floor I swiftly shrugged the old thing off and tried to make myself decent as much as I could with that big ripped sweater, faded jeans and muddy boots, I ran my fingers through my long untamed hair and managed to loosely tie it in a knot at the nap of my neck.
The pot screeched and rapidly it was off the stove and hot water poured in to the mugs on the table, she slid the mug in front of me with a smile as I tried to brush off my hands on my pants. I could swear this woman was an angel.
I grasp the tea mug with both hands in an attempt to regain feeling in my fingers and as a sip of the warm tea reached my lips I could feel that was enough, warmth filled my body and my senses relaxed. Safe.
"It's so good to see you Mara, darling" she said with a smile but I could see something in her eyes, was it sadness? "You look almost like the last time I saw you"
She was being polite; I probably looked like a poor soul who had wondered for too long, as I had done. After so many years of knowing her she had shown nothing but kindness.
"I'm sorry I showed up unannounced…I"
"Not completely" she interrupted me "the candle flickered a few minutes before I saw you walk up, I couldn't believe it when I saw it happen…"
That candle was a gift a had given to Charles a long time ago and as long as I was well the candle would stay lit, but I wondered why was she who had run to greet me and not him.
"So the candle is still lit then" I said in disbelieve, these days I felt so lifeless
"Of course it is"
"Noora… Where's Charles? Is he asleep?"
She smiled and looked down at her mug playing with her tea. I don't know why but it frightened me to ask further, so I waited.
"No, no, I'm all alone here tonight… would you like something to eat?" she could never help herself.
"No, I'm alright" I said returning the smile. My fatigued mind didn't want to know any more, I just let it slip for now.
"You look so tired dear-you are staying here tonight, I'm going to fix you a bed" she commanded as she stood and led me out of the kitchen.
Out the other side of the threshold all you could see was masking darkness, but she knew the layout of her house well and I just trotted behind trying to keep up feeling every inch of the soreness in my body.
Why was she all alone in this big house? Another thing better left for tomorrow.
We went up the big wooden stairs and took a right towards the hall; she opened the door to the far room at the end of the hall where I always stayed.
"It's just as you left it, Charles wouldn't have it any other way"
She walked around turning lights as I waited by the door. You could see that the bed was made, there was I futon on the corner next to a small library of books Charles led to me on my stays here; I mostly kept to myself in the room. It wasn't big but it was comfortable, home.
She opened the door to the bathroom and switched the lights to asses.
"There are some towels in the cabinet in here if you wish to take a bath"
She turned towards me fiddling with her hands as I walked in the room and sat on the bed; that bed, it felt like heaven.
"Thank you Noora" I said sincerely
"Always at your service… Ok then, I will leave you to rest, if there is anything else you need I'm down the hall, ok?"
"Yes, I can't thank you enough"
"Charles wouldn't have it any other way" I guess she read the inquiry in my eyes "we'll have plenty of time to talk tomorrow, rest and you will see that everything feels better once the sun rises"
And with a wink she disappeared into the darkness of the hallway. I closed the door behind her and got rid of my boots; I was too tired to make myself shower. I just sprawled myself on to my little piece of heaven and drew the comforter and the pillow close to my body in order to get warm.
I couldn't remember when was the last time I slept, but it didn't take long for me to fall fast asleep and as I did those words pricked around in my head 'Charles wouldn't have it any other way' something bothered me about that phrase that my tired mind could not make out.