So… I'm actually a not too big fan of Liam/ Elektra… in fact I don't like it at all… but this just popped up in my mind as I was walking around in the supermarket a while ago humming on the song- and then I kept on thinking a bit more of the song… and then I had a bit of more ideas… you get it. I hope you like it.

I had arrived at Jack's house only a few hours ago, and as it is now long past midnight, it is three hours since I had told my brother I was tired and went to bed. I haven't fallen asleep, and still lay with my hands under my head, staring up into the ceiling. Thinking about… her.

This house is so quiet- a lot more quiet than what the dumping ground ever was- even at night. I never thought I'd have any hard feelings about leaving the dump, but it kinda makes me sad that I know that in the morning, I can't just put some clothes on, take the football and go find Frank to play in the garden. Neither can I go find him to walk around town discussing how we should earn some money.

It makes me feel kinda sad that when I come down to the living room Rick won't be sitting there singing falsely and playing at the guitar sounding even more false. It makes me kinda sad to know that I'll never have to check out where I'm going to not be the victim of another one of Tyler's pranks. It makes me kinda sad to know that Johnny won't be there with his complaining about being a care kid or nagging about extra chores.

It makes me feel kinda sad to know that when I turn around Gus will never again be standing there telling me how late I am or what have happened for something that may or may not actually have to do with me. It makes me feel kinda sad that Harry won't stand there with Jeff, asking me to play hide and seek or tell me that Jeff is bored.

It makes me feel kinda sad that when I'm sad Tee and Carmen won't be there with lousy attempts to make me happy again- failing almost every time. It makes me kinda sad Tracy won't be there when I have problems with another crazy plan that will or will not work. It makes me kinda sad I won't have Gina there complaining about Tracy's crazy plans. It makes me kinda sad that Mike won't be there with his lousy jokes and attempts to make us laugh.

Those are the things that can get so annoying. The things that you think you would never miss. But that you end up thinking about and missing as if your heart could break when they're all gone. When you're gone.

It makes me kinda… no not kinda…. It makes me really sad that I'm not going to be able to see her every day.

I push myself up into sitting position, lean over to grab my backpack which I pull up on the bed next to me. I pull out an envelope with photos and pull out the photos. I riffle through them and stop at a photo of me and her.

A lump rises in my throat when I think about the fact that I won't see her every day anymore. The will be no more sneaking early from the dining table to hide from the others that we actually like each other. There will be no more hearing her calling me "loser"- mostly to hide the fact that we're deeply in love. There will be no more us- not like we were before.

The door to my room opens and Jack peaks in his head. He smiles and pulls the desk- chair close to my bed, then he sit down. "Feels kinda weird doesn't it?" He asks. I nod, and look down at the photo again. "What's her name?" I hear him ask.

"Elektra… or… Mandy's her real name but no one uses that." Jack laughed.

"Elektra's a cool name, Mandy on the other hand is just weird. (If someone named Mandy reads this. I'm sorry) Wait here." Jack leaves the room, and comes back with a photo of his own. He reach it to me. I recognize Jack in the photo, maybe fifteen or sixteen years old with a girl with dark- brown hair.

"Her name's Michele. We were together in a care home. We were fourteen when she came to this house where I lived. And believe me when I say we… did not exactly get along well from the start. Then… I fell in love, and one thing lead to another and we got together. Even though we were hiding it from all of the others living there, on the surface we were still sworn enemies." I smile when I get where Jack's story's going.

"We were the same." Jack chuckle.

"If you two our meant to be then something will bring you two together." Jack tells me. "Just look at us two." He smile, I did too. It's still hard to believe that during all those almost sixteen years I lived in care, getting sent from care- home to foster- home to another foster- home just like that back and forth. I'd had a brother- a real, biological brother all along.

"Why did you come in here by the way?" I ask- more to say something than because I want an answer. Jack chuckle.

"I was going to bed and I just needed to check one more time that this was reality. Call me silly for it… but that's the truth. I just… don't want to wake up tomorrow and realize this has all been a dream." Jack chuckles at himself, then stands up and push the chair back to the desk. "Get some sleep bro' Big day tomorrow. G'night." He walks out the door, closing it behind him." I place the photos on the bedside table and lay down after turning off the lamp.

I start remembering a song I heard much when I was little, maybe, nine or ten. I haven't heard it for years, but when I had got to know her real name was Mandy I had remembered the song, and now it seems to suit more than ever.

Looking back on my soon sixteen year old life. People might think that everything would be pitch black, an almost endless tunnel, that was the childhood spent in different care- and- foster- homes. But I know now that that isn't the truth. It may be a bit annoying sometimes when the younger kids in a care home look up to you and wants to do everything you do yourself. Oh it can be so annoying sometimes. But at the same time, there are good parts about living in care. For example you're never alone. Whenever someone needs a shoulder to cry on, a friend to laugh with or simply just want to hang out in one way or another- there's always someone there.

It almost hurt to know I hadn't realized this until I was soon to leave. It hurts me that I believe I have left all my happy days behind. That that endless tunnel isn't behind me but yet to come- and it's coming so close. It almost hurt me to know that I used to go out on town sometimes, watch other people, wonder about what their stories where. Sometimes make up stories about their names, age, history and what they were thinking about. Though I would never admit to anyone that I actually enjoyed doing that. It hurt me that I had thought that everyone would have a good life except for me.

But what hurts me the most is the fact that I know I hurt someone that meant more to me than anyone else. That I had been a total jerk in what can become the very last time we met.

"Now when I am moving…."

I turn around in bed and try yet again to fall asleep. But as the memories of what I did to the one I love haunts me so bad I can't. It makes it impossible to close my eyes without hurting. After everything she did for me.

"…Maybe it would be for the better if…."

I feel like a real jerk- and I know I really am too. I just took all of what we had together and just threw it all away and walked away. Everything that was mine- everything that was ours I just threw it all away to just walk away. And yet again I know I'm back at a point where I have to climb to move on, slowly find grips for my hands and something to put my feet on to carry on climbing. All the time with my vision blurred by tears and thoughts spinning in my head by knowing that nothing goes right.

"…If we took a break…"

My Elektra- damn it- my Mandy she had come into my life like a whirlwind. From the beginning taken everything I had and just left me there with nothing. But as the time she had given back so much more than she ever took. She had given me so much love, the love that was so badly needed. When things got hard again she'd make it all better with a kiss or just a soft touch and now I don't know what I have left to keep me from crying. I need her so badly.

"….from our relationship…"

Now yesterday is over. Yesterday would always be over, but yesterday now must have been one of the worst and one of the best yesterday's there would ever be. I hear the wind outside, it's not hard but I can feel the cold breeze through the slightly opened window and pull my quilt closer around me as I pull it up to my face when tears continue to roll down my cheeks.

"…Now when I won't be here too much anymore…"

I had taken the love of a person I had loved in a way I had never loved anything or anyone before. And that I knew loved me in a way I had never been loved before, and just thrown it all away. Just left it all behind as if I would be able to just let go of it and move on and just forget about it. Now is when I know I can't do that. It hurts too much.

"…Yeah… Maybe that would be for the best…"

I had sent her away, sent a way her love and sent away everything she ever gave me. Everything she had given me even without taking anything in return I had just thrown away. Over one year's work and I threw it all away in seconds. All at once. Not cared about how her touch would make it all better, how her kisses would make my muscles stop trembling. As if I had forgotten about how much I needed her.

And I need her now.

"…If we took a break from this relationship…"

And I know that the day I would be able to talk to her again- if I ever would. Then I was highly doubting that she would listen. I had hurt her too much- and also hurt myself too much to just let go and forget about it.

But if she would let me, I would take all I had done and throw it over my shoulder and just kiss her. Kiss her and don't let go. Because I need to feel her touch, I need to feel her lips towards mine and her arms around my neck. I need her. I need her! And I need her to be here! And I need it now, today!

"... yeah… maybe that would be for the best."

Months later I sit at a chair in a bar, with my guitar on my lap and pulling of the last tone of the song Mandy by Barry Manilow. Or Brandy by Scott English and Richard Kerr as it was from the start. I feel tears burn behind my eyes because even if I've started to let go by now I still love her. And I love her just as much as I did then.

I quickly mumble a thanks to the applauding audience, with Jack sitting by the bar desk and clapping as if his life was depending on it when I pull the guitar so it's hanging behind my back with the shoulder strap and blinded by tears that I'm desperately trying to hide with pulling my hoodie up while I stumble out into the cool night- air and sit down on a bench outside.

I'm resting my arm against the guitar and looking away from the door so that maybe if someone comes out they won't directly see that I'm crying. I snivel and wipe my nose with my sleeve and then hear the door open- when I hear the person stop I guess it's Jack but then I hear her voice.

"You alright there loser?"

I look up to meet her eyes yet with my vision still blurry with tears but I can see her come and sit down by me. "You met someone new yet?" she asks. I shake my head and then ask if Mike knows she's here- mostly to just have something to say than to actually say something. "Nah, just hanging out with some friends."

Well… I guess Elektra was still Elektra- not Mandy. God not Mandy- she just was herself- Elektra Perkins. I sigh and look down. "Have you? Found someone new I mean?" I ask. She shakes her head.

"No…. none of them were big losers enough to be as good as you." I chuckle and see Jack standing by the door and look at us. I'm still looking down but the tears have stopped falling from my eyes for this time. And then I feel her hand on my tear- stained cheek. For the first time since I sat down on this bench I lift my chin and look up, move closer to whom I've loved so much.

And then my lips reaches hers. And I know that this is the way it's supposed to be, just me and her and no one else in the whole wide world. Just me and her

Just us.

So that's it… not one of my best works but it'll do… I guess it's okay. Hopefully you like it.

The title is because Mandy means loveable- and I thought it suited the story. What do you think about that?