Chapter 1 - Fearless Moral Inventory
They walked single file down the corridor towards Lucifer's cage. Gail had passed through the door easily this time, and she was now striding behind Crowley, having nearly caught up to him. Castiel had wanted to hold her hand, but she was walking too quickly, and he had to hurry to catch up.
Gail knew what Cas was looking for. He was looking for her comfort, but she didn't want to give it right now. She couldn't bring herself to do it. They couldn't walk in there looking like frightened children, or Metatron and Lucifer would make a buffet out of them. She was still scared, but she now had the fresh dose of Crowley's blood working its way through her veins, and as it mixed with that which she had in there already, she was trying to ride the wave. She'd felt a surge of confidence in Crowley's office, but she was trying to use the fear she now felt to motivate her. She'd read somewhere that everything you wanted was on the other side of fear. Where had she read that? Probably one of those stupid motivational posters on Facebook, or something. The ones that people posted, re-posted, and "Liked", but that no one really believed. What a load of crap people sold themselves, just so they could get out of bed every morning. She'd bet that even Metatron and Lucifer would agree with that.
If she was going to try to persuade them to give her what she needed, she would have to think like them. What would motivate them? She thought back to the Bible story about Lucifer, who had once been an Angel at God's right hand. But he had not been happy to serve God, he'd wanted to BE God, and that had sealed his doom. There was a lot of that going around, Gail thought wryly. Xavier had wanted to be God so badly that he had schemed and lied and put Cas to death to achieve his goal, and where had it gotten him? Busted down to human, and now he was here in Hell. Cas had fallen prey to the ultimate power, too, when he had declared himself to be God and dispatched Raphael to the Netherworld. He, at least, had seemed to learn from that experience; when he had subsequently been God for a day, he had borne the power well, with only his murder of Lanister to mar the good he had done that day. And Metatron had also wanted to be God, and he had caused the deaths of countless Angels because of it. The only one who seemed to be unaffected by the siren song of power was the current God, Bobby, who seemed almost reluctant to be sitting in the Office. It was all in the personality of the individual, she supposed. Bobby was at heart a humble man, so he was a humble God. But what had made Lucifer so certain that he should be God? Was he just that conceited, or had he suffered from insecurity, like Castiel, and was overcompensating? He liked to delve into people's psyches; was it possible to peek into his?
She thought she understood Metatron, though. He had been at God's feet while Lucifer, Crowley and Castiel had been by His side, and Metatron had felt put down and belittled because of that. If the Originals were a clique, Metatron would have been the nerd, the geek. He was a bookworm who fancied himself an intellectual, but he was a poseur. He'd even chosen a vessel to occupy that was smaller and nerdier-looking than the others', as if to acknowledge his role in the scheme of things. Those who hated Metatron, and there were many, thought of Metatron as God's lapdog. And after a while, he had begun to feel like that, too. All he did was sit there and transcribe God's words, whenever God chose to let some pearls of wisdom drop from his lips, and Metatron had grown frustrated. Any time he had worked up the courage to ask God a question about what He was saying, or to try to add a couple of his own thoughts, God would just stare at him, and then Metatron would shut his mouth. God didn't want to hear Metatron's two cents. He didn't even want to converse with Metatron; He just wanted His Scribe to sit there and obey. And Metatron had started to feel great resentment about that. He had a fine mind, given to him by the same God who apparently didn't want him ever to use it. So, what was the point of his existence, anyway? To just sit there and be God's slave all his life? If Metatron were in the position of power, he would never treat anyone that way. Though he was smarter than everyone else, in his humble opinion, Metatron would never lord that fact over anyone. Pun definitely intended. Damn, he was good, he would think. Too bad no one knew or seemed to care.
So when Metatron had seen his opportunity to get out from under God's thumb, he had taken it. He had lofty goals and a great hunger to achieve them, and he didn't really care what he had to do to make them happen.
Boy, could Gail relate to this last thought. Even though she and Metatron were miles apart in personality, she could put herself in his headspace pretty easily. She'd been a bookworm since childhood, a solitary figure for most of her life. And as a woman, she had felt belittled and discounted by men at times, both in her human existence, and even now. To their credit, the men she was around seemed to treat her as an equal for the most part, but there were still cold pockets in the warmth. Look at the way Xavier and the board had treated her when Castiel had had the nerve to bring her into the boardroom. They couldn't even refer to her by her name when she had been there. And Xavier had called her a whore. Why hadn't he called Cas a similar name? Cas had had the same amount of sex as she'd had, after all. And now that she thought about it, WAS there even a derogatory term for a male with the same negative connotation? Yeah, she thought not.
So Gail could intellectually understand how belittled and sublimated Metatron must have felt. Could she appeal to him on that level?
She was still lost in these thoughts as they arrived. Metatron and Lucifer were sitting the same way as they'd been when she and Dean had been here, at opposite sides of the cage. They jumped up excitedly when their visitors approached. Gail guessed they'd be pretty bored by now, sick of each other's company. They were both sickening individuals, after all.
"Well, well, what do we have here?" Lucifer said with a broad grin.
Castiel's hand crept toward Gail's and now she let him take it, even though she wished he wouldn't. He was just providing fodder for Lucifer's cannon. But she knew that he needed the comfort.
"Brother Castiel," Lucifer cooed. "With the lovely Gail. And you're holding hands. How sweet. You're both showing remarkable restraint, considering the way you normally behave with each other these days."
Gail wondered once again how he knew what he seemed to know. Or was he just more than keenly perceptive?
Castiel paled, and his lips were pursed. But Lucifer was just getting started. "Not that I can blame you, Castiel. After all those centuries of being a virgin, I imagine you have a lot of making up to do. You must have Googled how to do some of those things, though. I don't know how anyone as infernally holy as you used to be would have even thought of some of the positions you've had her in."
"Oh, like you would know anything about that," Gail blurted out sarcastically.
The men all looked at her, but she didn't care. She was mad now.
"Why, whatever do you mean, Gail?" Lucifer said casually. But had she seen his smile slip a little? "I know plenty, I can assure you."
"Well then, you must have access to Google, too," she retorted. "Last I heard, you were an Angel at the time of Creation, and then you were cast down here and put in this cage. What kind of real-world experience would you have in that area? Have you heard of that movie about being a 40-year-old virgin? How about a four-million-year-old virgin? Jealous much?"
Crowley was smirking. Not bad. He should have given her a pint, or a quart, of his blood.
Lucifer was angry, but he wasn't about to show it. So she thought that it was going to be that easy, did she? He smiled even wider. "So you think I'm a virgin, do you? Well, why don't you ask Sam and Bobby about that?"
Gail's heart skipped a beat, but she reminded herself of what they all knew: Demons lie.
"You're awfully quiet, Crowley," Metatron piped up. "Don't you want to weigh in on this?"
"Not particularly," Crowley said, his smile fading. "What do I care who's doing what to whom? Or not," he couldn't resist adding, looking at Lucifer.
"I should think it would matter to you a great deal what Castiel is doing to Gail," Metatron said slyly, "as you clearly want her for yourself."
Crowley glared at Metatron but said nothing.
"Awww, Crowley's got a crush on his Brother's girl," Lucifer said, affecting a pout. "Well, you should just kill him and take her, then. It's not as if you don't have prior experience in that area. But perhaps you're not capable of doing anything like that anymore. I hear you've gone soft." He smirked. "Maybe that's why she doesn't want you. One look at her and I know she likes it hard."
"Oh, blah blah blah," Gail said, annoyed. "You sure like to hear yourself talk, don't you?"
Lucifer regarded her gleefully, but he pretended to be offended. "What?" he said innocently. "Hey, I'm all for Master/Slave relationships. You act all modern and feminist, but when you get into the bedroom, it's a different story, isn't it? Do you ever call him Daddy? Ask him to hit you, maybe?"
God, he was disgusting. But then, somewhat unexpectedly, Lucifer turned on Metatron. "But then, we all have our particular perversions, don't we, roomie? I know what you were really looking up on your laptop in that motel room. Remember, I'm in your head now. Don't you know that child pornography is not only immoral, it's illegal?" Lucifer turned to Castiel then. "Of course, we all know that religions base morality on obedience, which is basically voluntary slavery. Our Father had you in that bondage all your life, didn't He? As He did with our other Brother here." He jerked his head at Metatron. "No wonder you both went hog wild when you were finally able to break free."
"Our Father loved me," Castiel shot back. "I was no slave."
"Oh, yeah?" Lucifer said nastily. "That's why you were so happy to reject the Angel in you. Because you were satisfied with all the suffering and self-sacrifice? The self-denial? Right. Admit it; you've had more pleasure as a Demon than you ever had as an Angel."
"As if you're having so much fun, locked up there with the likes of him." Crowley's voice, from out of the blue. He'd felt a sudden urge to speak up and defend Castiel. He had no idea why. But at least Castiel had had integrity as an Angel, and the courage of his convictions. What had Lucifer ever done? Whined and pouted in Heaven, then come down here to be nothing but a burden, an annoyance. He was supposed to be the symbol of ultimate evil, but what had he ever contributed? Crowley had built the Kingdom of Hell with his bare hands, and Lucifer was nothing but a squatter here.
Gail smiled. It had been a small gesture, but she appreciated him stepping in on Castiel's behalf.
"Me? I'm having the time of my life," Lucifer said airily. But inwardly, he was seething. He was frustrated to still be locked up here. Same thing, day in and day out, with only Metatron's disgusting face to look at. Crowley had better hope Lucifer never got out of here.
"Sure you are," Metatron retorted. He was still stinging over what Lucifer had said about the websites he had occasionally perused. It had only been curiosity. That was all. "Don't forget, I'm in your head the same way as you are in mine. You're the most frustrated individual I've ever had the misfortune to meet. In many different ways," he smiled, thinking of what Gail had said. He had to hand it to her; she had zinged Lucifer pretty good with that one.
So far, the only one he'd really gotten to was Castiel, so Lucifer looked at him now. "You'd better hold onto her hand all the time from now on," Lucifer said with a nasty smile on his face. "Considering the things she gets up to when you're away from her."
Cas tensed. "What do you mean?"
Gail squeezed his hand in warning. They knew what Lucifer was all about, and Cas was just inviting trouble now.
"See for yourself," Lucifer said. He waved his hand at the wall, projecting an image there. Cas could see a figure lying in bed at the bunker. Looking closer, he could see that it was Dean.
Dean's bedroom door opened and Gail slipped in.
"I got here as soon as I could," she told Dean. "I had to wait until he went to Hell."
Dean smiled. "That's OK. You're here now. Come here."
Gail moved to the bed, and Dean grabbed her, pulling her down on top of him. Gail laughed. "I missed you so much," she said.
Dean rolled her over on her back, kissing her. She gave him her tongue, and Dean slipped his hands under her top as she caressed his bare chest. He pulled her top off and she touched him, but he moved away from her hand, smiling. "You first," Dean said. He pulled off her pants and moved down her body, kissing and licking her gently, just the way she liked. No pain, and no blood. Dean didn't believe in that sort of thing.
When he got down to her thighs, Gail opened her legs willingly for him, and Dean used his tongue to make her happy. But he didn't ask her if she loved him or threaten to stop if she didn't say it. He was just happy to make love to her. And soon she was saying it gladly, calling out Dean's name, crying out happily. And when he'd made sure she was satisfied, Dean pulled off his shorts and entered her, but he moved slowly and lovingly, taking his time, making sure both of them were achieving maximum pleasure. She was caressing his arms, feeling the muscles there, wondering how a guy that was so strong could be so tender. Gail urged him to go faster, and he held out as long as he could, but then Dean put his hands underneath her and brought her to him, and he kissed her as he finished. "I love you, Gail," he said, stroking her hair.
"I love you too, Dean," she said, touching his face.
He laid her down beside him then, and Gail put her head on his chest. Dean's arms were around her, and she felt safe and warm for the moment, free of all the pain.
"You've got to leave him, Gail," Dean said softly. "Move in here. I'll take care of you, I promise. He'll never have a chance to hurt you again."
She smiled. He was so sweet. "As soon as he's cured, I will," she said. She lifted her head up to look at him. He kissed her nose, making her laugh again. But then her face turned serious. "I owe him, Dean. But I'm only staying out of obligation now. As soon as my debt is paid, I'll move in here. And in here, if you want," she said mischievously, gesturing to the bed.
Dean smiled. He wanted that, too. Tough luck for Cas, but he had treated Gail too badly for too long. Dean could make her feel just as happy without hurting her, and he planned on doing that for a long, long time.
Cas stared in horror at the scene. So that was how Dean had known about the marks on her body! How could she do this to him? How could Dean? Well, Dean, he could actually see it from. Dean had always been promiscuous. But Dean was saying he loved Gail, and she was saying she loved Dean, and she was only staying with Cas out of obligation now. That lying, cheating...
"It's a lie, Cas," Gail said, putting her hand on his arm. Lucifer had projected his phony images on the wall for everyone to see, of course. Everyone liked a little porn, didn't they? Although compared to what most of them in this room were into, it had definitely been soft-core. Almost romance novel stuff. But Lucifer enjoyed looking at the beauty of the naked form, whether it be male or female, and he enjoyed studying their faces when they were in the throes of ecstasy. He wondered what that was like. Gail had been quite right; Lucifer was a virgin, much to his regret. He had never interfered with Sam or Bobby in that manner; he'd just said that to mess with her head. Hey, he was supposed to be the epitome of evil, wasn't he? He had a rep to maintain. And he'd thought that Metatron might be entertained too, though they were both way too old for the likes of him, of course. Metatron had no secrets from Lucifer; not any more. And Crowley? He was still a mystery, unfortunately. Perhaps he was into animals, or sock puppets. Who the hell knew? Though it was interesting, what Metatron had said about Crowley wanting Gail for himself. Maybe that was true; he'd certainly brought her here enough. He'd also stepped in on her behalf the last time she had been here. And she'd been here with Dean, hadn't she? Lucifer didn't believe for a minute that there was anything going on between her and Dean. He could just as easily have picked Sam, or Chuck, or even Bobby, to be her partner in his little fiction. But he'd picked Dean because he suspected that was who it would hurt Castiel the most to see her with.
And he'd been right. Cas was crushed, as well as angry. "How could you?" he asked Gail quietly.
"Don't believe it," she pleaded with him. "It's a lie. That never happened. That could never happen."
"Why not?" he retorted. "I left you alone to come here, didn't I?"
She was starting to get angry now, too, even though she knew that had been the point of Lucifer's little parlour trick. "And that's your first thought? That I had the opportunity, so that means I must have done it? Don't you trust me at all?"
"Yes, I trust you," he said slowly. "It's him I don't trust."
She laughed derisively. "That's crap, Cas. I was a very willing participant in that little piece of fiction. And if you're buying it, that means you don't trust me, either. So what are we even doing here, then? Are you really that insecure? And if so, why? Have I ever given you any reason - " She couldn't even finish the sentence. Tears sprang to her eyes. "I've told you I love you every day, all the time, and look where I am right now. I've done all this for you, and if you think I would just - " And that was it; she was crying now. Damn Lucifer. She wished Bobby would let her in there, just for a moment, so she could slap that smirk right off his face. And she should slap Cas too, while she was at it, if he was so willing to believe that about her. And about Dean, too. None of them in this room right now had many morals left, but morality was kind of like art; you had to draw a line someplace. She may be depraved now, but at least she was monogamous.
Lucifer was smirking, and Crowley was inexplicably angry again. He'd certainly given Castiel and Gail enough grief himself, but what Lucifer had just done was below the belt.
"If you need proof that's a lie, which you shouldn't," Crowley said to Castiel pointedly, "I can supply it."
Cas and Gail looked at him, startled.
"As Lucifer has way too much time on his hands, he puts quite a lot of detail into his little fictions," Crowley continued. "The clock radio on the nightstand had a date on it. That was the date you were here, Castiel, paying a visit to many of our unfortunate residents."
"Well, then, that just proves it," Lucifer sneered. "She said she had to wait until he went to Hell."
"True, but they have the world's best alibi," Crowley said to him. "At the time that their little rendezvous supposedly took place, I was in the bunker myself, killing Dean, and then he and Gail were here, visiting with the two of you."
Cas's eyes widened. He remembered. Crowley was right. He looked at Gail. "I'm so sorry," he said to her. He felt sick to his stomach. Even if there had been no proof, how could he have ever thought that about her? And everything she had said was right. He was insecure, though she'd never given him any reason to be. He hated himself so much now that his mind had had to rationalize, making him believe that she was only staying with him out of a sense of obligation.
He put his arms around Gail and she let him hold her, but she was still angry. They'd be talking about this when they got out of here. If he didn't trust her any more, she was done.
Crowley cleared his throat. "Maybe we should change the subject."
Gail got it. He wanted her to get to the reason they'd come here. And it was probably a good idea, before things got even more out of hand. But she still had no idea how she was supposed to get the stuff out of them.
She disengaged herself from Castiel's arms and walked over to where Metatron stood. "Rowena gave me the counter-spell," she said, watching for his reaction.
Metatron's jaw dropped. "She did?"
"Yes," Gail said, then she amended, "well, the first ingredient, anyway. We have to remove the bonding agent first. To do that, I need a breath of essence from all five of us."
Metatron was surprised. Why on earth would Rowena help Gail? But even if she had, why would Gail think that HE would ever help her?
"I can see you're reluctant," Gail said sarcastically. "So I thought I'd propose a game. A battle of wits, I guess."
Interesting, Metatron thought. He did like games. And a battle of wits sounded great to him. He had been bored here, and Lucifer wasn't exactly an intellectual giant.
"What did you have in mind?" he asked her, intrigued.
"Just what I said," Gail replied, pleased to see he hadn't just dismissed her idea out of hand. "A battle of wits. You pose us a riddle, we pose you one. If we both solve them, we move to the second category, which will be Literature. You can set any parameters you like."
Metatron broke into a wide smile. Now she was talking his language. This could be fun.
"You're on," he said. "If you win, I'll give you my breath. But what if you lose? What do I get?"
Gail cringed inwardly. Oh, God. "Name it," she said.
Crowley looked at her sharply. She couldn't just go saying something like that. His blood may have given her the confidence, but this was his Kingdom. Maybe because of their connection, or maybe because she knew he would feel that way, she looked at him, trying to convey a non-verbal message. She'd gotten Metatron to agree to at least play the game, hadn't she? If she lost, she'd have to deal with the consequences. Let's face it, she tried to tell him; if I lose, I'm screwed anyway, right?
Castiel was alarmed. What was she saying? She'd gotten Metatron to agree, but what if they lost? He felt sick again. She was risking everything for him, and he hadn't given her a damn thing, not even his trust.
Lucifer was ecstatic. If she managed to beat Metatron, she'd be coming to him next. And he knew just what kind of game he wanted to play. He grinned.
"Riddle me this," Metatron said to Gail and Castiel. She had taken Cas by the hand, bringing him to stand with her in front of Metatron, as Crowley and Lucifer stood glaring at each other.
Metatron continued: "What is greater than God, more evil than the Devil, the poor have it, the rich need it, and if you eat it, you'll die?"
Cas thought about that for a moment. He was sure he'd heard that one before. It seemed like the answer was dancing on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't come up with it. His mind had been distracted by Lucifer's little trick, and he now felt sick with guilt over having doubted both Gail and Dean. They would never do anything like that. He was the monster, not them. He'd come in here knowing that Lucifer liked to play with people's heads, and he had provided such an easy target. He had to get it together.
But Gail scoffed. "Nothing," she said. Cas looked at her for a moment, and then he realized she was giving Metatron the answer. The answer to the riddle was: Nothing.
Metatron shrugged. He'd tossed her a nice, big softball. He hadn't wanted the game to be over so soon. "So you know that one," he said to her.
Gail rolled her eyes. "Everyone knows that one," she told him. She knew he'd given her an easy one, and she knew why.
"Do you have one for me, then?" he asked her.
Gail had thought about it, and the only one she knew that might possibly trip him up was: "A man and his son are in a terrible car accident and are rushed to the hospital in critical condition. The doctor looks at the boy and exclaims, 'I can't operate on this boy; he's my son!' How could this be?"
Gail finished her recitation of the riddle and looked at Metatron's face. Poseur or not, she knew he was a smart individual, and you couldn't argue with the fact that he was well-read. But she knew he was a misogynist, as she was discovering that many old-school beings were. Maybe he wouldn't be able to come up with the answer to this common riddle.
He frowned. "Let me think about that for a minute. How many guesses do I get?"
"Just the one," Crowley snapped. "We may be eternal beings, but I don't want to stand here all bloody night."
"Fine," Metatron said to him, rolling his eyes. The King was no fun at all. He began to pace back and forth, tapping his chin with one finger. "Hmmm. Let me see. Was he the boy's stepfather, maybe?" he mused aloud. "No, that can't be it." He turned back to Gail and said, "I'm impressed. Good one for the opening round."
She felt hope. Maybe he didn't know the answer.
"Let's go, Metatron," Crowley prompted. "Do you know it, or not?"
"Sorry, my dear, but it just so happens I do," Metatron told her, affecting a regretful expression. "The doctor was the boy's mother."
Damn. She'd been hoping. Oh well, you couldn't win them all. Misogynist or not, Metatron had been around since Creation, after all. He'd probably heard that one at some point.
"OK, on to Round Two, then," Metatron said cheerfully. "You said I could set any parameters I like. How about if I come up with an adage, and you come up with a contradictory one for the same saying? Then we'll switch. Let's call it the Rapid-Fire Round. I did so love the Game Show Network when I was on Earth." He looked at Crowley. "You'll like this. If either of us can't come up with a response in 20 seconds, the other wins." He looked back at Gail and Cas. "Best out of five. I'll start."
"Why do you get to start?" Cas asked.
Metatron smiled. "She said I could make the rules. Hey, it's up to you. We can quit, if you want. But, no game, no - " He exhaled, creating a puff of pink smoke. How Gail wished she could have been in there with the vial in her hand. Then again, maybe not. No way she would ever get out of there alive.
"Ready?" Metatron said. "Here's the first one: 'Look before you leap'."
"'He who hesitates is lost'," Cas said immediately. Gail looked at him, impressed. He smiled at her, and she could see the ghost of who he had been in his face for a moment. She loved that guy. He was who she was here for.
That boosted her confidence, so she looked at Metatron and said, "'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me'." She couldn't resist adding, "But a blade at a certain convention in Sin City might." A part of her was still really pissed at Metatron for that. She and Cas had been robbed of their last night in Vegas with Sam and Dean and with each other because of that little stunt of Metatron's.
Metatron looked at her, smiling. "Yeah. Sorry/not sorry."
"I didn't think it was sticks and stones that were breaking your bones lately," Lucifer chipped in. "Or has he not gotten around to that, yet?"
Castiel gave him a sharp look, but Gail put her hand on his face and turned it back towards her. "Focus," she said softly. What Lucifer had said had hurt her too, but he was just screwing with them, and the stakes of this game were too high for them to lose their concentration.
"One of my particular favourites," Metatron replied. "'The pen is mightier than the sword'."
"I haven't ever found that to be the case," Cas quipped, and Gail laughed. The sound of her laughter echoed down the corridor and bounced back to them. For an instant, Crowley looked startled, then he smiled at Gail. This was the most unlikely place for laughter there could ever be, and it had been kind of good to hear it for a moment. Even if she had been looking lovingly at his Brother when she had done it. He'd thought their relationship might be fractured beyond repair by now, but maybe there was still a bit of foundation left.
"'Too many cooks spoil the broth'," Metatron said.
Gail thought a moment, then said, "'Many hands make light work'." Then she shot back hers immediately: "'If you want something, you have to work for it'." Oh boy, wasn't that the truth.
Metatron smiled, exhaling another little puff of pink breath. "'If it's meant to be, it'll happen'."
"Hey, stop wasting that stuff. Keep some for when we win," Gail said, smiling.
But Castiel frowned. "Wait. That's been 4. If we ask him the next, that'll be 5." He glared at Metatron. "You rigged the rules in your favour. How can we possibly win, then?"
"Maybe you weren't meant to win, Castiel," Metatron snapped back. "Maybe, for once in your golden, exalted existence, you will lose."
"For once?!" Cas yelled. He was astonished. Was that what Metatron really thought? "What do you mean? I'm the biggest loser since Creation! Well, except for you, maybe," he said to Lucifer with a brief grin, and Gail cheered inwardly. "Our own Father has let me die, even encouraged my death, so many times now that I've lost count! Test after test, punishment after punishment. Heartache after heartache. You think it's so great being me? Well, look at me now!" He lifted Gail's top to a decent level, just enough for them all to see. And what could be seen was bad enough. "Look at what I've done. God sent her to me, and instead of cherishing her, I've done that to her. And the rest of her is worse. I did that," he finished quietly.
Silence hung over the room as Castiel fought back the tears. He didn't want to cry here, not in front of these men. When he was cured, he'd be crying plenty, but to his friends, and to Gail. These guys weren't worth sharing his emotions with, because they would never understand. None of them had ever loved anyone else in their entire miserable existences. Cas had been given people to love, and who loved him, and the feeling was so foreign to him that he kept pushing them away. These men had all been God's Elite, the Originals, and look at how screwed up they all were. Had God just been trying to teach them all an elaborate lesson? Well, if this was the exam, they had all failed spectacularly. Even Gail had, though it was his fault she'd ever had to sit this particular exam in the first place. Still, God had made her an Original for a reason, hadn't He? At the time, Castiel had been delighted, thinking that was a reward of sorts. But now he saw it as a curse. Originals, indeed. Just look at all of them. What the hell was their Father trying to prove?
But Metatron was smiling. Actually, he guessed he could kind of see Castiel's point. Cas's life did really suck now. The only one whose life sucked worse was Gail's, having to be on the receiving end of those marks. Ouch.
Lucifer was happy. He'd suspected as much. He was blissfully picturing Castiel on top of Gail, driving himself into her. Biting her, drawing blood, then sucking it off her body hungrily. Lucifer was getting turned on. If he hadn't pissed Bobby off so much, Lucifer would beg Bobby to put Gail in here. Man. If she stood for that kind of treatment from his Brother, the things Lucifer could do to her...and she had obviously had experience with men who had been abstinent for long periods of time. Castiel had been a virgin, too, until she had gotten a hold of him. Wow. He had to hand it to her. She must be good, if Castiel was still sticking with her. Of course, if she let him do anything he wanted to her, why wouldn't he keep her around? But Lucifer had always imagined himself to be more of an orgy man. Who didn't like a little variety? Pity he'd never had the chance to find out. Yet.
And look at Crowley, looking at her, and looking at his Brother with hate in his eyes. Everybody knew the story of Cain and Abel, of course, just like everybody supposedly knew the story of Lucifer and his fall. But there were rich multi-layers to each story that could be savoured, like a parfait. Now Lucifer thought he understood why Crowley was helping Gail so much. He wanted what his Brother had, and Castiel was aiding and abetting Crowley's desires by abusing Gail in such a manner. But she clearly wasn't as innocent as she passed herself off to be. Lucifer had visions of her dressed in white robes in Heaven, then shrugging them off at home and laying on her stomach for Castiel. And if there was a better position for a woman, Lucifer was sure he didn't know what it would be, unless it was on her knees in front of you. Wow. Too bad there weren't any cold showers in here.
Castiel was looking sharply at Lucifer, as if he could hear everything he was thinking. And he probably could too, or at least he could probably intuit it out. Cas had once been in the same boat, and once you finally got the chance to wallow, Lucifer couldn't imagine why you wouldn't. He was with his Brother on that score. Hopefully, Castiel wouldn't let a momentary attack of conscience like the one he'd just had stop him from achieving maximum enjoyment. Lucifer couldn't really see his conscience ruling for too long, though. He was well aware of the thing that Castiel had become now.
But they had gotten off track. "I'll tell you what," Metatron said magnanimously. "Pose me your adage. If I come up with the counter in the allotted time, I'll pose you one. Then, if you get mine, we'll still be tied, and we can move on to the Bonus Round, for all the marbles."
Crowley sighed. This was taking a ridiculously long time. But at least Metatron was proposing an end, now.
"OK, that's very fair," Gail said to Metatron. "Thank you." She was appealing to the fact that he thought he was being very generous here. In truth, she'd been a little scared for a moment. When she'd said he could make the rules, she'd still thought that he would play an honest game. She should have known better, really.
But Metatron had just been screwing with them. It had been his intention to give them the chance to tie it up all along. He had a hell of an idea for the Bonus Round. It was a question they were never going to be able to answer, and he couldn't wait to see the looks on their faces when he asked it. Lucifer would be pissed off that he wouldn't get a chance to play with the couple, but too bad for him. Metatron was looking forward to seeing them slink out of here with their proverbial tails between their legs, thinking that they had had a chance to win the game.
Now Gail had thought of a good one, very apropos to her situation right now. "'Never take no for an answer'."
Metatron smiled. Good one. "'No means no'," he replied quickly. "Not that you'd know anything about that," he smirked. Why should Lucifer have all the good lines?
Gail rolled her eyes. Whatever. If he was going to try to get under her skin, he'd have to do much better than that. But he's answered so quickly, and now it was her and Cas's turn.
"'Knowledge is power'," Metatron said. He'd saved one of his favourites for last.
Gail thought about that. She liked that one, too. She and Sam had usually found that to be true, she thought with a smile. But she'd better focus now. What was the opposite of that? Oh, God, she couldn't think of it. The time was going to run out.
"'Ignorance is bliss'," Castiel said suddenly.
Gail looked at him, both impressed and relieved. She put her hand on his arm, kissing him on the cheek.
Cas looked back at her, pleased by her show of affection. He knew she'd been angry with him, and he was sure they would have to deal with that at some point but playing this game had momentarily brought them together as a team, and he was glad of that. They were supposed to be a team, and he had lost sight of that.
"Well done, Castiel," Metatron said, giving him a mock salute. "We know many ignorant beings who think they're happy, don't we?"
Castiel looked at him curiously, and then he realized that Metatron was talking about the Angels. Metatron had always maintained that Angels were sheep, who were only looking to be told what to do. And while that had unfortunately been true in the old days, Metatron had been away for a while. Things were slowly changing now that Bobby was in charge, and now that the board had been dismantled, the attitude in Heaven had changed. It was a shame that Castiel would no longer be welcomed there; Heaven might even be a half-decent place under Bobby's reign. But Gail was right; that ship had sailed, unless she could somehow pull off the cure. He was still on the fence about whether he wanted to take it or not, though. That depended on who was in charge in his mind and his body at any given moment. Right now, he felt like he could go either way. But this little gathering was serving to remind him that being a Demon wasn't all fun and games, either. None of these other men were happy, were they? It was all very well and good to wallow in sin and debauchery, and Cas had certainly done that, but when was the last time he had ever laughed? When was the last time he had felt good about himself, or about anything he had done? The only things he'd been feeling these days were either intense physical pleasure or the deepest depths of shame, depending on which way the wind was blowing. And while he still loved Gail beyond all else and believed they should be able to have their physical relationship any way they wanted it, there was something wrong with the way he had been going about it, and he knew that. Though he now knew it had been a lie, look at the way Dean had been with her in Lucifer's vision. They'd both gotten satisfaction, but Dean had been gentle and considerate with her, and when they'd told each other they loved the other, they'd really meant it. That was the way that Cas himself used to be with Gail, and that was the way he wanted it to be again. She would love him more if he treated her like that. He didn't mind if she wanted him to be a little aggressive; he could easily do that. But there was a difference between aggression and violence. Even the Demon knew that.
"So, we're all tied up," Metatron said. "On to the Bonus Round. As I said, one question, for all the marbles. If you can answer it, I'll give you what you seek, but if not - " he gave them a sly look " - if not, Lucifer and I get a new roommate."
So that was it, Gail thought. She was sure he would have asked to get out, but they all knew that only the original God could open that cage, and He was gone. So Metatron was asking for the only thing he could get at this point: another poor soul to spend eternity here with them, to act both as a buffer between them and a new toy to play with. Or more like a victim, really. And she could just imagine who Metatron might have in mind.
Metatron had three candidates in mind, and they were all standing in front of him right now. Truthfully, he would have preferred someone else, as Metatron really didn't care for any of these three. But there was a reason, and it was a very good one: God's former Scribe knew there was a loophole. God had had a Plan B for every scenario, and He had put one in place for this cage as well. Everyone was under the impression that the only way this cage could be opened was if their Father Himself did it; and while that was a way, it wasn't the only way. The trouble was, Metatron couldn't remember what the alternative way was; it had been untold centuries since he had transcribed the Demon Tablet. Maybe if three Originals were to be present in the cage at the same time, their combined powers would be enough to break the seal.
"Did you have anyone in particular in mind?" Crowley said sardonically.
Any one of the three of them might do for his purposes, but now Metatron seriously wondered which one he would prefer. In a way, it would be richly rewarding for him to get Crowley himself. Both he and Lucifer hated Crowley. He was a condescending little bastard, and he had been cock-of-the-walk around here for too long. And Metatron still owed him some payback for the torture Crowley had subjected him to in the past. He'd almost exacted his revenge with the Demon Tablet, but he had been foiled, and these three had been a part of the group who had foiled him.
Metatron also hated Castiel, but he hadn't wanted him in the cage when Crowley had threatened Metatron with that prospect on Gail's prior visit. Castiel scared Metatron, and a tiny part of Metatron thought that he might scare Lucifer, too. For all of Lucifer's bluster, Metatron now knew Lucifer to be just as screwed up in the head as Castiel was. He covered it well with bravado and parlour tricks, and no one had ever been able to truly penetrate the facade that Lucifer presented. Metatron thought that Castiel and Lucifer might be the only two individuals since Creation who actually could drive each other crazy; that was, if Castiel didn't find a way to kill them both, first.
In many ways, Gail was the least objectionable of the three. She didn't have the legacy of hatred that he and his Brothers had developed throughout the centuries, and even though she and Metatron had killed each other in the past year, he didn't harbour any particular resentment towards her. He had actually been impressed with her courage in coming here, not just once but twice, and by the fact that she had apparently somehow persuaded Rowena to give her the counter-spell to Castiel's disease. And he'd been enjoying playing this game with her. He hadn't realized that Gail was as quick on her feet as she had shown that she was today. Maybe there was more to her than he had been giving her credit for. If he and Lucifer were to get her, and Lucifer was a really, really good boy, perhaps Metatron would let him play with her for a bit first. The poor guy was deprived, and apparently, she was depraved. It would be a perfect match. And taking her away from Castiel would be the sweet frosting on the cake. After she helped them to get out, if his supposition about the three Originals was right, they could kill her, or Lucifer could have her, if he wanted; Metatron didn't really care. The only thing that concerned him was that she was a newly minted Original, whose powers were still very much in question. Would it be enough?
So Metatron was still undecided about which one of them to request. Or demand, rather. He was supremely confident that he would win the game. Perhaps he and Lucifer would have to play a spirited game of Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide, or perhaps their three potential targets could play it. The doomed lovers could very well offer themselves up as a sacrifice for the other, but Metatron knew that Crowley would never be so self-sacrificing. If they decided on him, there would be no one stepping up to the plate on his behalf.
Crowley looked both amused and alarmed by what Metatron had been suggesting. He merely thought that Metatron and Lucifer wanted another being to play with. Crowley knew many things, but he knew nothing about God's Plan B, so he had no idea that he himself was being bandied about in Metatron's mind as a viable candidate. Therefore, he could afford to be amused. But he didn't like the way that Lucifer was looking at Gail. Yes, Crowley was the King of Hell, and yes, he and Gail had had enmity between them, but could he really just allow her to be locked up for eternity as the Devil's concubine without so much as a pang of conscience?
Crowley grabbed Gail by the arm, pulling her away from Castiel. "Do you know what you're doing, sweetheart?" he said quietly, through his teeth.
"Not really, no," she sighed. What Crowley was thinking had definitely occurred to her also, as soon as Metatron had mentioned a new roommate. She had been trying not to look Lucifer directly in the eye, but she was sure he must be salivating now.
Cas joined them. "What are you two talking about?" he asked them.
"The Yankees' chances of winning the division," Crowley said sarcastically. "What do you think we're talking about? I'm asking your girlfriend if she had any clue what the stakes are that she's playing for!"
"Of course I know what the stakes are!" Gail said angrily. "If we can answer his question, we get his essence, and then I still have to try to convince Lucifer to give me his essence somehow. And if we can't answer the question, I'm pretty sure I'll be getting a lot more from Lucifer than just his essence!"
"No, I will," Castiel said quietly. "You know I would never let you go in there, Gail."
As Gail touched Cas's face, Metatron cleared his throat. "Hello? Bonus Round? Are we on?"
"Oh, just wait a second," Gail snapped. "You're here for eternity; what's your rush?"
Now Metatron was rethinking his decision about Gail. He looked at Lucifer, communicating non-verbally: Do you really want that shrewish tongue in here with us forever? Lucifer's eyes were twinkling. He didn't care; he could think of better uses for that tongue. He was picturing her pleasuring Castiel with it now. How was his Brother so cranky, when he had that going on at home any time he wanted it? Damn Crowley for bringing the two of them in here in the first place; now that was all he seemed to be able to think of. Maybe that's what he should ask for, if they were successful with Metatron. Have everyone else turn their backs and have her kneel down in front of the bars for a few minutes. How badly did she want the cure, anyway?
Gail turned back to Cas and Crowley. "The trouble is, I have no idea what he's going to ask. Absolutely none. How can we do this?" All her earlier confidence was gone. What the hell had she been thinking?
Metatron was watching the three of them, huddling up like they were strategizing. He was greatly amused. The two former Angels, and the King of Hell. Two Biblical Brothers, and the woman who had somehow wormed her way into their lives and both of their hearts. What a soap opera.
"Let's go," he called to them. "I'm starting to feel - " he coughed, emitting another pink puff of essence " - out of breath, here."
Gail glared at him. He was doing that on purpose, just to piss her off. What she wouldn't give to have Cas put a blade to that guy's throat so she could jam that vial down his windpipe and take all the breath she wanted. Plus, that might make him finally stop talking.
She looked at Crowley and Castiel and shrugged. There was nothing they could do about it now. She and her big mouth had committed them. But she still had a sliver of hope that they could win. Maybe Metatron's massive ego would trip him up and he would ask a question that they could actually answer.
"OK, Metatron, OK," Gail said. She took Cas's hand, and they walked back to face him. "What's your question?"
"It's not so much a question as it is a request," he said, smiling widely. "If you can name five of my Original powers, I'll give it to you." There. He knew there was no way they would get five. He'd gone easy on them to a certain extent; there were two right off the bat that Castiel knew about, because he'd seen and experienced Metatron doing them. But there was no way they would get five. God had kept them in the dark for the most part about each other's special abilities. Was it any wonder they all seemed to like games so much? Apples really didn't fall too far from the tree.
Castiel started to smile. Gail had once again proven that she was the smartest one of them all. He reached slowly into his jacket for dramatic effect. "Oh, I think we might be able to take a stab at that," he said, pulling out Metatron's blade.
Metatron's face fell. His blade! Where had they gotten it, and why on earth would they have brought it to this meeting? How could they have known that he was going to ask them that question, when he hadn't known himself until just now?
Lucifer had to grin. The stupid little troll. He could have asked them anything, any question about anything, since the origin of time. There were many questions Lucifer could think of that would have been impossible to answer. But he'd had to make it about him. In Metatron's mind, he was the most important, most special being in the universe. Well, if they could read the markings on his blade, they would have their answers. And that was just fine with Lucifer. He'd get to see Metatron humbled, having had to give up his breath of essence, and then it would be Lucifer's turn. Good times.
"I don't need to read the markings to name two of them," Castiel said. "One: You have every piece of literature and pop culture in your head, and you can impart this knowledge to any being you choose. Thanks for that, by the way," he said sardonically, tapping his own forehead. "And, two: you can escape holy oil circles. I've seen you do that."
Metatron was frowning. OK, he knew that Castiel would know about those two. But, how had he known about the markings on the blade? Metatron and Crowley had made jokes behind Castiel's back while they had been palling around here in Hell because they knew that their Brother didn't know about those.
"So, let me see," Castiel said, peering down at the blade's hilt. "What are some others?"
"Do you know what you're doing there, or are you just bluffing?" Metatron asked Castiel irritably.
Castiel smiled up at him. "Of course I know about the markings," he said casually.
Metatron was appalled. He looked at Crowley angrily. "You told me he didn't know!" he said to the King.
Crowley's eyes shifted to the right, then to the left. But then he thought about it. Why should he feel bad? It had been nice to see his Brother in the dark about something so important, but seeing Metatron get screwed over by Castiel's newfound knowledge was even sweeter.
"I taught him," he told Metatron defiantly.
"You - !" Metatron couldn't believe it. "What the hell would you go and do that for?"
"I'm the King of Hell," Crowley shot back. "I don't answer to the likes of you!"
Gail was smiling. She was enjoying this exchange. She'd been right; Metatron's ego was going to be his undoing.
"Three: You can breathe your essence into other vessels to possess them for a short time," Castiel continued, studying the markings. Metatron held up a finger, but Cas went on, "Only when you're at full Grace, though."
Damn. Metatron had been about to call him on a technicality. But Castiel was reading the marks with ease, apparently. Since when had he become so adept at the ancient language? While the rest of them had been in God's school learning it, Castiel had metaphorically been the kid in the back of the class with his feet up on his desk, daydreaming.
Gail was proud of Cas. When he didn't let his insecurities and self-doubts get in the way, he was incredibly astute. But the tribunal had not only taken his life, it had taken nearly all of his confidence in himself. That was why she hadn't really minded what she'd thought was merely a tiny bit of Demon essence inside of him; it had seemed to restore that part of him that the tribunal had taken away. But it had been said that all concerns go wrong when you try to cure evil with evil and wasn't that the truth.
It all kept coming back to that damn tribunal. Everything that was right in their lives had started to go wrong the second they'd walked through those hearing room doors. She was glad Xavier was here in Hell. Crowley's blood was boiling inside her now, and compassion for Xavier went out the window.
"Four: Well, isn't this interesting," Castiel continued, looking at Metatron with disgust. "What a surprise. You have the ability to charm children into following you anywhere. Well, isn't that convenient. The Pied Piper of Perversion." Cas looked at Lucifer and gave him a slight nod. "I guess you do tell the truth, occasionally."
Metatron was uncomfortable now. "Just because I have the ability to do it, doesn't mean I've actually DONE it," he said to all of them. And he never actually had. He'd been trying to work up the nerve to do it the last time he was on Earth, but he hadn't been able to make himself act on the urge. He was an intellectual; surely, he was better than that. He'd told himself that he just wanted to teach the young, impart his vast knowledge to them. That was all.
Gail was appalled. "Why the hell would God give someone like him an ability to do that?" she asked the room in general.
Crowley was smirking. "Our Father probably had no idea what He was doing. Or, maybe he did know. Maybe he thought he would test our Brother, to see what he would do. We all know how God likes to give exams, don't we?"
Castiel nodded. Boy, did he ever. And why was he becoming increasingly convinced that this whole thing was just another huge test?
"Finish it," Gail said to Cas. She just wanted this to be done. They still had Lucifer to deal with.
Cas bent to the blade again. "And, you can turn water into wine. How ironic. That's five." He smiled grimly at Metatron, stashing the blade back in his jacket. "Pity we all hate you, otherwise you'd be quite welcome in the bunker on that basis alone."
Gail smiled again. This Cas, she liked. It was a shame they were here, and not back at home. She'd get on board with this Cas any time.
Metatron was frowning. He hated losing, and it was doubly pathetic to have lost a game where he had been told he could basically make up whatever rules he wanted. Once again, he had outsmarted himself.
Gail gestured to Crowley with one hand, and he brought the vial out and gave it to her. She walked up to the bars of the cage. Metatron looked at her for a moment. He wasn't going to refuse now, was he? He had better not.
But after a second more, he walked towards her and put his face near the bars. "Never let it be said that I don't play fair," Metatron said glumly. He sighed, and another pink puff came out. Gail held the vial out and captured his essence in it, then capped the vial.
"Thank you," she said. He snorted at her sarcasm. But she wasn't being sarcastic; he was just the kind of being who would think that she was crowing over her victory. Metatron certainly would have, had the situation been reversed.
Metatron stalked away from the bars and sank down on the floor, his bravado gone for the moment. He had been beaten, and he had been humiliated. He needed a minute to regroup.
But now, there was Lucifer. Gail raised her eyes to him, and he moved to stand in front of her.
"So..." he said teasingly.
She continued to eye him warily. What could she possibly say to this guy? She'd been concentrating so hard on Metatron that she'd had no inspirations whatsoever on how to deal with Lucifer.
"You like to play games, do you?" Lucifer asked her happily.
Gail shrugged, still saying nothing.
"I have a game," Lucifer said. "It's called, Truth Or Truth."
Gail was puzzled. "Don't you mean Truth Or Dare?"
Lucifer scoffed. "Considering everything we've all done, I think 'Dare' would be redundant. I'm more into Truth, myself. Confession is good for the soul, after all. I'll tell you what. If you can get all five of us to confess to our most secret shame, I'll give you what you seek."
Gail looked at him, incredulous. How the hell was she supposed to do that?
"I'll start," Metatron said unexpectedly. "I'm a pedophile. There. I confess. Now you can all just shut up about it. Like any of you are any better."
Lucifer grinned. "One down, four to go." He'd known that to be a fact, of course. He and Metatron had spent a lot of time here, looking into each other's minds, trying to screw with each other. At least now, even if he were to possibly lose the game, Lucifer would have enough misery gathered from this session to keep him going for quite a while. Others' suffering was Lucifer's lifeblood.
It was Gail's turn. She was sickened by what Metatron had confessed to, and at least she wasn't as bad as that. But what she had to say was extremely humiliating to her, and she had never voiced it aloud.
"I'm so desperate to hold on to Cas's love that I let him hurt me and dominate me, and I'll keep on doing it until we get the cure or he kills me," she said miserably. "I'm not even a person any more. I'm not an Angel, and I'm not really a Demon. I don't know what or who I am," she added.
"You're desperate to hold on to my love?" Cas said in astonishment. "Since when? And, why? I've never stopped loving you. Never. Despite how I've been treating you." He frowned.
"Since when? Since always," Gail retorted. "Why DO you love me, anyway?"
"Why?" Cas echoed.
"Yes. Why?" She looked at him sadly. "I'm a nobody, a nothing. Why on earth would you love somebody like me?"
He was floored. She was turning the tables on him now. That's how he had felt from the first day they'd met. Why would she love somebody like him? He was an eternal screw-up, who had done horrible things, and he was still doing them. Look at her poor body, and the looks of hatred on Sam and Dean's faces now. It was inconceivable to him. That was really why the Demon had so easily been able to put the feelings of jealousy into his head. Why would Gail choose to be with somebody like Cas, when she could be with Sam, or Dean? Someone good, who would treat her the way she deserved to be treated? Even before he had been a Demon, he'd kept dragging her down with his problems. She had gone on trial with him, and she had been tortured by Jason because of him. He was the cause of all of her sorrow. He'd even screwed up the finest thing he had ever done in his life by driving Frank away with his jealousy and possessiveness, and demanding that Gail choose him over her brother, when she should be able to have both.
He took both of her hands in his. "Why should I love you?" he said, agonized. "Why do I breathe? I'm just sorry you fell in love with someone who has so many problems. You should be with somebody better. I'm the one who's a nothing."
Gail disengaged one of her hands and touched his face. "What a pair we are," she said quietly. "We need a trip to the self-esteem store, don't we?"
Cas smiled sadly. "You get the credit card, I'll back up the truck."
Gail threw back her head and laughed, and that eased the pain somewhat. Then she looked at Lucifer. "There. That's the both of us."
Lucifer sneered. He loved to see peoples' suffering, but this love stuff was getting sickening. He wanted to get back to the sins.
"You, I'll accept it from," Lucifer said to her. "Him," Lucifer jerked his head at Castiel, "no."
Castiel glared at him. "Why not?"
Lucifer smiled smugly. "Because yours is a shame, but it's not a secret. We all know about your self-esteem issues, Castiel. God's Golden Boy, plagued with self-doubt. Everything He's ever given you, you've destroyed. You ARE a total screw-up. But you've still done way better than anyone else in this room. So, why the lack of confidence? Maybe our Father made you that way so your head wouldn't explode with ego when you received all the blessings He gave you," he said bitterly.
"Well said," Crowley piped up. He stepped forward and turned Castiel around to face him. "You've always had the most out of all of us, and you've done nothing but squander it. At least when I had Gail, I treated her with respect and gentleness."
"Is that so?" Castiel retorted. "So much so that you tried to turn her into you. And you're still trying now. That's why you've encouraged the blood bond."
"I'm encouraging it because I don't want her to turn into YOU," Crowley snapped. "And if you claim to love her so much, you wouldn't want that, either."
"Blood bond?" Gail said, startled. "What are you two talking about?"
Crowley looked at her. "When one Original shares their blood with another, it creates an unbreakable bond. The more blood, the stronger the bond. And yes, all right, that's my bloody confession. There you go, Metatron, there's your pun." Metatron had lifted his head, interested in their conversation. He'd enjoyed seeing Lucifer and Crowley ganging up on Castiel, and castigating him like that. Metatron had always felt the same way. No wonder their Father kept screwing with Castiel. He deserved it. Metatron was smiling now, not only at Crowley's pun, but at what Crowley was saying. He was actually confessing. Who would have ever thought?
"I was done with you," Crowley said angrily, looking at Gail. "Then back you came, with your damn doe eyes and his marks all over your body, looking to me for help. I should have told you to get stuffed. But then you thanked me. And you were nice to me. No one's ever been nice to me, not once in my whole life. And maybe I've never deserved it. I don't know. But I liked the feeling. There you are. Two confessions for the price of one."
Lucifer laughed. "I'm so glad I suggested this. The King of Hell, the head Demon. Too bad I can't circulate a memo from here. You'd be unseated, then dead, within the hour."
Crowley glared at him. But he didn't regret what he'd said. It would stay in this room, and it had felt strangely liberating to get that off his chest. He really wanted her to get Lucifer's essence now. That would be the most that anyone had ever gotten out of the useless oaf.
"So, what'll it be, Castiel? Care to plumb the depths?" Lucifer said, still smiling.
Castiel's guts were churning over what Crowley had said to Gail. But, he'd been guilty of the same thing. He'd actually started it by injecting his own blood into Gail, wanting to strengthen their bond so that she wouldn't be able to bear leaving him. That was really why she'd come back after Christmas, and why she was still drawn to him now. And Crowley had been doing the same thing to her, trying to tip the scales. That was probably why Cas had gone so crazy when he'd had his vampiristic urges. By ingesting Gail's blood, he was sharing the blood bond with her in a very intimate way that Crowley would never enjoy. But even this wasn't enough for a confession; at least, it wasn't a secret, anyway, which was the thing that Lucifer seemed to require for this stupid "game". There was only one thing that would fit the bill, and it was something that Castiel had never dared to even think to himself, let alone say out loud.
"I hate God," he blurted out. "I hate our Father."
The men all smiled, but Gail frowned. She may be a Demon now, but she didn't like hearing that from him.
But the floodgates had opened now. "I hate God, I hate Heaven, and I hate Angels," Castiel said bitterly. "Where do I start? OK, how about Angels? You're right, Metatron, they're all a bunch of sheep, without any minds of their own. They all toe the company line, contributing to the mindless machine that is Heaven. Not an original idea or independent action among any of them. No wonder I left; I couldn't stand it anymore. It was like being part of a big cult, complete with the overbearing leader. What makes God think He can just sit there and play games with our lives, and not have us resent Him? What does He expect? What does He want from us? I'm tired of taking his tests. He let them put me to death, and He allowed them to make Gail watch it." Cas took a moment to glare at Metatron, but he was on a roll now, getting it all out. "Who does that to their children? And Bobby said He did it on purpose. Why? Then, He waltzes into Heaven and tells us that He was conducting an experiment. An experiment! He doesn't tell us why, and He doesn't tell us what the point of it was, nothing! And I'm supposed to be OK with that, just because He's our Father? I told him I was, of course, but I'm not! Who would be? He told me He loved me, but He's a liar!"
Castiel stood there, out of breath from his soliloquy and the emotion he'd put into it. He was shocked by what he'd just said, but every word was true. That was how he really felt. He felt a little better now, though. It was good to get some of that poison out of his system, the poison he'd been holding onto which had nothing to do with Crowley's essence or Metatron's recipe.
Lucifer started to clap slowly. "Bravo, Castiel. That's the stuff. And that's why you are what you are now. Our Father drove you to it." He was happy now, sated by all the pain and bitterness that was floating around the room.
He looked at Gail. "You win. Here's my confession: My greatest shame is that I have no shame. Make of that what you will. Come here." He beckoned to Gail, and she approached the bars of the cage cautiously.
"But I do have a tiny request," Lucifer said to her. "Teeny tiny, really. Before you can have my essence, I want one really, really good kiss. As you so astutely pointed out, I am a virgin, and I've never even kissed a woman before. One long, slow kiss, like you kiss Cas when you're in bed together. And then you can have it."
Gail felt nauseous. She guessed the request could have been a lot worse, but this was bad enough. Could she bring herself to do it? Did she even want to do it? But she was so close now. Did they even make a mouthwash that could clean your mouth of the Devil's spit? Or maybe she would just rip out her tongue afterwards.
"I'll tell you what," Lucifer cooed. "To make it easier on you, I'll take on the appearance of anyone you want. I could be Castiel, if you're still into him. How about Sam? Dean? Or Crowley, maybe?"
Oh, God. What an ass he was. Gail sighed, then took a deep breath. "No. You stay you. I want to make sure I get what I'm paying so dearly for." She waggled the vial. At least she could close her eyes and imagine he was Cas. Then again, maybe not. She didn't want to enjoy one second of it. And she had to have her eyes open at some point, anyway, to capture the essence.
"Gail, I don't want you to do this," Cas said from behind her. "He shouldn't be making you do this."
Lucifer smiled, looking at Castiel. "Hey, you're getting off easily. I had considered asking her to get on her knees, and it certainly wouldn't have been to pray."
Castiel's eyes flashed bright purple for a moment. "You're lucky you're in that cage right now," he said quietly.
Gail was angry, too. "All right, let's just get this over with, so I can go throw up after," she said to Lucifer. She moved in close.
Lucifer laughed, and he moved to stand directly in front of her. She was prepared to do it. He couldn't believe it. If he was as evil as they all said he was, he would have had her on her knees. But he wasn't even going to make her do this. He'd just been screwing around. So, this was what real love looked like. He'd never seen it before.
"Take it," Lucifer said to Gail. She looked at him, puzzled, thinking he was making another crude comment. He gestured to the vial in her hand. "Take it, before I change my mind." He bent down and puffed out a ball of green smoke, and Gail put the vial through the bars and captured it, stopping up the vial when she was done.
She brought the vial out from between the bars and looked at it curiously. Now there was a layer of pink on the bottom, and a layer of green on top of it, like the world's most repugnant parfait.
"Funny, I always thought yours would be brown," she quipped, looking at Lucifer.
Castiel, Crowley, and Metatron laughed. But when Gail smiled at Lucifer, her smile was genuine. He had let her off the hook for some reason, and she was appreciative of that. "Thank you," she said to him.
Ah. The power of the Thank You. Lucifer could kind of understand what Crowley had been talking about. No one had ever said that to Lucifer, either.
Gail turned away from him quickly. Now that she had what she needed from the occupants of the cage, she wanted nothing further to do with those two. They could rot here, for all she cared.
She went to Crowley, giving him the vial. "Please," she said to him. It occurred to her that she had never actually asked him if he would do it; she'd just assumed that he would, when the time came.
Crowley looked at her for a moment. He'd briefly considered asking her to do something for him, too, but he decided not. He was better than those two in the cage, and he wanted to do this for her. He was impressed that she had actually accomplished it. He brought the vial to his mouth and breathed a puff of red, capturing it.
Gail thanked him and took the vial from his hand gently, then brought it to Castiel. He took it from her, taking her hand for a moment. "I love you, and I'm proud of you," he said to her. "You're not a nothing. You're everything." He breathed, and she was inexplicably glad to see that his essence was still blue, not purple. The purple was starting to get to her a bit; that wasn't who he was. Cas caught his breath in the vial and stopped it up.
He handed it to Gail, hoping she wouldn't thank him, too. He was the one who needed to be thanking her.
But Gail didn't. She kind of felt the same way, quite frankly. And she just wanted it to be done, and to get out of here. They could talk later. So she breathed out her puff of essence, and captured the ball of gold in the vial.
"Let's get the freaking hell out of here," she said to Castiel and Crowley, then turned her head to look back at Metatron and Lucifer. "Later, boys," she said to them. "And by later, I mean never."
They moved down the corridor away from the cage. The last time she'd left here, she'd heard the two of them laughing derisively at her. Now all was silent, and it was the sweetest sound she could ever not hear.
Crowley pushed the metal door shut, trying it to make sure it was secure. The cage's inhabitants would be very angry once they'd stopped their pouting, and somewhat irrationally, he just wanted to make sure.
He turned to Gail. "Congratulations, sweetheart. I have to admit, I never thought you would pull it off."
Gail made a face. "Neither did I, for a while there." She touched his arm, not caring if it made Cas mad. "Thank you for the worst experience of my life." She smiled wryly.
Crowley laughed. "Well, I am the King of Hell, after all. If anyone knows how to show a girl a bad time, it's me."
Gail laughed too. She didn't know what to think about this blood bond thing, but Crowley wasn't half bad sometimes. Of course, Charles Manson would look like a good-time guy after the two she'd just had to endure.
Cas was frowning, but he said nothing. He was sure that the Demon would be weighing in on this little scene later, but right now he was just glad they'd gotten out of there relatively unscathed, and with what they had gone there for. He had tried to take the vial from Gail's hand to put it in his jacket pocket for safekeeping, but she had held it away from him. Well, he guessed she was entitled to hold it. She had certainly earned her prize.
"We'll be in touch soon," Gail told Crowley. She rolled her eyes. "I have to go see your mother again."
Crowley smiled again, but this time his smile was sardonic. "Give her my regards."
"I will," Gail replied. Yeah, if she wanted Rowena never to speak to her again.
Crowley looked at Castiel then. "You need to treat her with respect," he said pointedly. "If you don't, there are others who will."
Cas got angry now. "I know what you want. I heard your confession," he seethed.
"And I heard yours, too. Both of them," Crowley said evenly. "Becoming a Demon has already made you stupid. Don't let it make you blind, as well."
Gail saw Cas's jaw clench, and she grabbed his hand quickly, winking them out of Hell and back to the bunker.