Summary: When you began, it was just the two of you, the roommates desperately in need of a break going crosscountry in their tiny-ass car. But one thing lead to another and here you were, twelve people on enough meds to kill an elephant packed on a schoolbus going on a round trip to disaster. A rather lengthy one-shot about friendship and craziness and how important it is to take a break.
Disclaimer: I recently came in possession of a large sum of money, but that's still not enough to make Homestuck mine. I do hereby respectfully place all responsibility at the feet of A. Hussie, and I thank him silently for giving me a world with which to play pretend.
Author's Note: I have been working on this fic, it feels like, since the earth began. Really, it's only been like two weeks. I hope you enjoy!
Karkat growled under his breath, mentally counting all the assorted bags and boxes that were being loaded into the bus. It quickly became apparent that "mentally" wasn't cutting it, and so he physically counted all the assorted bags and boxes as they were loaded onto the bus. He double- and triple-checked the nametags on everything and strongly resisted the urge to open every bag to make sure everything they needed had been packed. Kanaya was standing just behind him, and he knew she would probably do just that. She would certainly be neater about putting stuff back.
He did, however, unpack all the meds bags again and check their contents. He didn't trust Gamzee or Vriska not to sneak something in, and it would be potentially fatal for them to leave even a single bottle behind…and he really wished he was kidding with that. But all the pills were all in order, and all the doses had been written down and planned for the whole trip, and there were even some extra bottles he had stashed away in a place where the addicts wouldn't think to look, so he guessed that was all well.
No. No, all was not well.
All was never well.
After he had dumped the meds out for the fourth time, Vriska kicked him out of the kitchen, so he went through the entire house to make sure one last time that he hadn't forgotten something vital. He considered not for the first time grabbing his alarm clock and his stun gun just in case, but then he remembered that the alarm made Gamzee upset and the stun gun put Sollux on edge for undisclosed reasons. Kanaya watched him pace around for exactly two minutes before kicking him out of the house, telling him to go check the wheels on the bus or something.
So, of course, that's exactly what he did. The back one looked kinda sorry and he began to worry about how they were going to fix it if it blew out. He went back inside and pestered her for ten minutes about a spare before she gave in and showed him that, yes, they had a spare, and yes, she had money stashed away in case they needed to call a tow truck or worse. Even so, Gamzee had brought his credit card and both Eridan and Feferi had cash, so he needed to cool it.
But he was Karka Vantas, and he was the king of not cooling it.
He was checking the brakes for the fifth time when Gamzee draped himself dramatically over his shoulders, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him in close. Normally, Karkat would either gripe at the strangely sensual contact or melt into the embrace if they were alone, but he was too high-strung at the moment for either option.
"Gamzee, you're going to make me fuck this up if you keep pulling on my fucking arm like that," he griped, trying unsuccessfully to shrug his stoner roommate off.
"Chill out, bro," he muttered, or something along those lines. "You've all got your pan up in a bunch and your panties all clouded and shit, man…ain't no motherfucking way to relax."
Ignoring how horrible mixed up those sayings were, Karkat unfortunately had to agree. This was supposed to be a relaxing trip to escape their respective problems, not work himself up and make some new ones. And so he didn't kick and scream near as much as he normally did when Gamzee dragged him into the garage to "unwind".
...
Originally, it was just gonna be the two of them. Just Karkat and Gamzee in their little car, going cross-country. They needed the break, he knew. But then, after a long phone call from an old friend, Karkat announced a change in plans. Sollux Captor, his friend from the horror show known as high school, was coming too. And then he recalled another old friend who'd fallen on hard times and called Nepeta up too. It didn't take much to convince her to come along. Those three were his best fucking friends, after all, and if he was gonna run away from his problems, he'd be damned if they didn't get the same privilege. So instead of Karkat and Gamzee in their little red car, it'd be the old gang (mostly) back together in Nepeta's giant van.
But then Sollux had decided to bring his girlfriend along, and Nepeta flapped her gums to her best friend, and Gamzee decided to invite his ex who brought his girlfriend, who brought another friend, and so what had started as two best friends going on a quiet drive across the whole damn continent was now a bus full of crazy headed on a one-way street to Disaster Town.
Oh, and Kanaya was gonna be there too. She'd taken one look at this plan and decided hell would freeze over before she let Karkat of all people lead ten other people in a bus to the other side of the country.
It wasn't that Karkat really minded, of course. Hell, part of him was just fucking overjoyed he had this many people willing to flee from responsibility with him. It was just…when you had two and a half schizophrenics, two people with severe anxiety issues, two people with depression, one person in chronic overwhelming pain, and one person in constant danger of having her heart explode from stress, the meds tended to pile up and the element of danger grew a bit extreme, and the list of ways this could go horribly fucking wrong grew exponentially. He was selfishly thankful that Kanaya was coming along to help micromanage his little country of crazy, and if she died from the stress, well he'd accept full responsibility in his touching speech at her funeral. It'd be a fancy fucking funeral, just like she wanted. No high collars in sight, and nary a ruffled cuff to be itched at. And that stupid speech thing you're supposed to give, god, it'd been so damned beautiful, the fucking angels would weep at poor Kanaya Maryam, who died young because her adoptive little brother decided to hop town strapped to ten sticks of dynamite.
Good god, he was going crazy.
"I swear to god, KK, if you make one more peanut butter sandwich, I am going to fucking revoke your butter knife privileges."
"Ah!" Karkat almost threw the sandwich at Sollux, who flinched away from the perceived danger. He calmed down almost immediately, but scowled around a mouthful of cuss words. "Fuck, Sollux, announce your goddamn presence or something, geez! If I was anyone else, you'd be fucking mincemeat by now!"
"Nah, I don't think anyone's quite that highstrung…" But even as he said it, Sollux seemed to know that wasn't quite right.
"Haha, you just keep telling yourself that. You've never seen Gamzee scream for twenty minutes at a tree branch that woke him up by tapping the goddamn window." He continued ranting angrily under his breath, too incoherent for even him to fully follow. And, in spite of Sollux's threat, he grabbed another bag of bread and began making another sandwich, though just to be spiteful, this one had no peanut butter in it. As he spread the jelly on the bread, though, he started to freak out. He'd started making these damned things to calm down, but it wasn't working.
Oh god. What if he crashed the fucking bus? What if he motherfucking crashed the goddamn bus? He'd never driven that big a vehicle before, but oh god, they were planning on leaving shortly after what was affectionately called "dope time". While not everyone did, most people took their meds right before they had agreed to hit the road and if they were too high to drive, shit this was such a bad idea, why was he doing this. Shit, he was going to have to be responsible for a bus full of people too far gone to know their own goddamn names, holy shit.
Karkat tossed another bent butter knife into the sink and retired to his regular spot curled under his blankets in the closet. He left Sollux to solve the mystery of what the fuck to do with seventy-six peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
. . .
Five miles down the road they had to turn back because Terezi left her stuffed dragon in the dryer and refused to try and sleep without it. Karkat asked if she still hung the damn things from the tree in her backyard and almost drove them off the road when she smacked him with her cane.
They had to turn around again to get Gamzee's cooler of Faygo, a controversial decision since only Karkat and Tavros knew how grouchy the tall man got when he was without his beloved elixir.
But after that, they didn't turn back at all, and they were on the road proper almost by noon. The shaking in Karkat's hands eased after about fifty miles, but it took Gamzee waking up and talking nonstop about stupid things before it completely went away. If not for how carefully rationed they all were, he was seriously considering sneaking some of Kanaya's meds.
The first couple hundred miles, he thought it was all good…most of them were asleep, so it was nice and quiet. He and Gamzee talked quietly at the front of the bus and he was able to pretend for a moment that everything had gone according to plan and they had the whole road to themselves.
. . .
Equius had a mini-meltdown when they stopped for gas "a billion miles from civilizations" and let out a string of rather…interesting replacements for conventional cuss words when he seemed to truly grasp that he was going to be on a long trip with a bus full of people who really didn't want to sleep with him.
Well, Gamzee kept offering, and Karkat was thankful that Equius found him too weird to accept. He didn't think he could handle thinking about what they were doing back there…he was disturbed enough hearing their conversations, hushed though they were. People weren't really comfortable enough yet to do a lot of talking, but they were getting there. Feferi, apparently, would talk to just about anyone, and Nepeta was just as friendly as she'd been when she was seven.
"You know, this wasn't a bad idea, nubby," Vriska commented as she kept an eye on the gas for him. "I feel more relaxed already, getting out of that damned dorm!" If not for the fact that that was Terezi's nickname for him, he might have found the statement a bit more warming. As it was, though, he just huffed at her and crawled back into the driver's seat, which was kinder to his bruised ass than walking around.
They took a vote on what channel to leave the radio on, and when it came up a perfect tie, Karkat just decided to cycle through the CDs some of them had thought to bring. Gamzee left him to sit at the back of the bus, and Karkat amused himself watching him flip off random cars in the rear view mirror. There was a quiet buzz in his skull and a very quiet hum of conversation, and his heartbeat slowed. He felt oddly relaxed, but that peace was shattered when a fire truck passed and he almost had a panic attack wondering if he'd left the oven on after baking those brownies for Gamzee.
Kanaya noticed the shaking in his hands and took over driving after he absently drove through a red light and almost killed what looked to be a large cross between a horse and a rabbit. Once relieved, he, of course, sat by Gamzee in the back of the bus, or as close to the back as they could get since they'd modified the back seats to make room for makeshift beds and the wheelchair lift. He felt strangely awkward, sliding through the aisle and stepping over legs and bags to slide into the seat next to Gamzee. A small scuffle and a whole lot of "Ow, move, asshole"s later, and they had switched spots, with Karkat pressed against the window and Gamzee sprawling into the aisle.
"Finally, Karkitty joins us!" Nepeta grinned at Karkat from over the seat, and looking at her from this angle brought him back to being a weird little kid with only one friend. It didn't take long for them to start talking, mostly catching up on his part. He felt a bit bad for it, but he had barely talked to Nepeta at all these past few years. Between Gamzee and school and work and not having a heart attack, he'd been a bit of a busy bee. She didn't seem too miffed, though, and found delight in recounting all the tales of her and Equius's adventures, some of which he really hoped were exaggerated. The afore-mentioned body builder beside her occasionally chipped in, often to either reprimand Nepeta for cussing or to add what he considered clever horse puns. Karkat hated himself because, after about an hour and a half, he started to think they were pretty clever too.
For some reason that calmed him a little bit, and by the time they had to stop for a bathroom break, his shaking had almost entirely stopped.
"Gosh, thanks for listening to me ramble, Karkitty!" Nepeta grinned at him as she helped him pick some candy. Despite the fact that they had snacks in the car, he really wanted some damn Kit Kats, and Nepeta thought that too funny and decided to buy some as well. "I know you don't really like it when people talk a lot, so I appurrciate it a whole lot!"
"I don't really mind that much," he admitted, wandering around to get a soda as well. "It's been awhile since we've talked, after all. I'm real sorry about that, by the way. Wanna Coke or Dr. Pepper?" Caffeine was the worst thing for him on a good day, but when had he really been known for making good decisions with his life? "Sounds like you've been doing pretty okay, though, all things considered. Where'd you find that horse guy, though?" He wouldn't say what he thought of Nepeta's friend and apparently roommate. He didn't want to hurt her feelings, but he was curious as to how they'd gotten together and that had been one story they hadn't told.
Nepeta grinned in what was a familiarly cheeky and flirtatious grin, which totally made up for the startlingly and mysterious answer she gave him. While the specifics of what words she used didn't much matter, the general gist of the matter was that she would tell him later…when they weren't in a public place.
"I sure picked some damn weirdos," Karkat mumbled to himself as the cashier rang his seven bags of Kit Kats up. But they were his weirdos, and that kind of made it all better.
. . .
Karkat had to wrestle Gamzee out of the driver's seat, because he had already made a lot of compromises on this trip and one thing he would not stand for was putting a constantly stoned juggalo behind the wheel of a modified school bus full of certified whackjobs. He promised that he'd let him sit behind the wheel and honk the horn when they stopped, but while the bus was in motion, he was not allowed in the chair.
They stopped for evening meds at about 8. They hadn't actually gone that far, as they'd stopped off at several people's houses to say goodbye.
Karkat counted aloud as he doled out all the medication. Aradia got her three pills, Sollux got five, Nepeta had only one (it made up for it by being fucking huge), Kanaya got two, and Eridan, strangely enough, also got one. Gamzee smoked in the back, and he had much more luck interacting with people when they were operating at the same mental capacity. That only left Equius, Terezi, Vriska, Tavros, and Feferi with enough mental power to drive that night. Terezi and Tavros were straight out for obvious reasons, and Karkat didn't trust Vriska behind the wheel of a car. So he, Equius, and Feferi drew straws to decide who'd drive.
Technically, he'd drawn, but Feferi refused to let him drive when he was "just falling over himself like that." He was so worried about sleeping with a complete stranger behind the wheel that he got almost no sleep at all anyway. The fact wasn't the least bit helped by the fact that Eridan was apparently having some really bad nightmares and Gamzee wouldn't stop honking loudly and suddenly in his sleep. The sun was already starting to rise by the time Karkat got his eyes to slide closed, and it was almost noon before he woke up again.
They were in the middle of some town he'd never heard of, a suburb of a city he hated, so they decided that instead of more peanut butter sandwiches, they would go to Ihop for a very late breakfast. Karkat was touched to find that they had delayed the official meal until he'd woken up, at both Gamzee and Nepeta's request.
As much as he wanted to sit with his friends, Karkat was, unfortunately, a bit softie, and he didn't want to condemn Eridan to sit alone. That was basically how their friendship had started, so it wasn't that much of a stretch.
Eridan's meds wrecked his appetite, so Karkat had to eat food enough for the both of them. The meal was stubbornly silent, but full of pouts and meaningful glances in answer to sharp, pointed questions, and Karkat began to think that maybe they really had all needed this trip. Both men had to try hard to stop the shaking in their hands, though with Eridan, his shaking was the strong urge to punch or strange most anyone who came close.
Karkat soundly refused to go on a shopping trip, no matter how excitingly exotic the strip mall was, and so he lounged in a mostly empty bus while the girls dragged their respective dates and partners around.
Only when they were alone did Eridan talk to him, and if Karkat didn't feel a bit of pity for the overdramatic diva before, he certainly did now. Maybe it was the atmosphere of the lonely bus, or maybe the meds he'd managed to sneak from Kanaya, but he didn't mind Eridan's overdramatic self-absorbed monologues as much as he normally did. Last time they'd really talked face to face, he'd been struggling with possible lingering feelings for his ex (the very ex he'd dragged on this trip with him), and it seemed that a failed relationship with a mutual acquaintance hadn't really helped matters along for his perpetual confusion. Add that to a mounting number of violent outbursts, and you got a recipe for one confused asshole.
It was an asshole he liked, but an asshole nonetheless.
"Do you think the others hate me, Kar?" Eridan pouted, and Karkat stopped wondering if he was wearing lipstick long enough to come up with a decent response.
"I dunno. Maybe. Fuck 'em, though. I mean, you're not exactly the paragon of humility and it's hard to get a word in edgewise around all your melodramatic bullshit, but you're not that bad a guy, really," he decided, unfolding and refolding a towel for the third time. "It's their own damn loss if they can't see it."
"Thanks, Kar…I think."
. . .
Gamzee's first breakdown wasn't near as bad it could have been.
He often had nightmares and they often led to violent episodes. It was close to midnight and he woke up swinging at things that weren't there and shouting at voices no one else could hear, and rather than expose anyone outside to that, Karkat just yelled and stomped until everyone agreed to get off the bus and wait outside in their pajamas until he got him to calm down. Normally he'd sing to him and make him a brownie or something to help calm down while they watched a romcom, but with resources so limited, he had to substitute a pot brownie for a pill stuck deep into a chocolate bar and a romcom was traded for one of the trashy vampire romance novels Kanaya kept around.
Gamzee interrupted his flustered reading of the scandalous affair by reaching up and hugging him, sobbing quietly.
"All these motherfucking voices, bro…" he mumbled, almost too quiet to hear. "They're trying to motherfucking claw their way into my motherfucking pan, motherfucking best friend. Make them stop…" His fluctuating volume and tone was chilling, even now, but Karkat knew how to handle him for the most part. This really wasn't bad, all things considered. It took some coaxing, a bit more singing, and allowing Gamzee to run his hands all over his body to assure himself that he was still there.
He'd just gotten Gamzee back to sleep when he heard commotion outside and once again seemed to be the only person awake enough to handle things properly. He ordered everyone back on the bus while he and Sollux talked Aradia down. It seemed she didn't like the dark, which would have been a great thing to mention at the beginning of the trip, but whatever. He could deal. She was nothing like Gamzee could be, and with Sollux's expertise, they got her meds in her and her ass back in bed in probably record time.
Of course, by that point, Karkat was way too tired to drive, and with Kanaya curled up with Nepeta in the back, he decided to park the bus at a rest stop, and fell asleep in the driver's seat. He woke up every time a car passed, which was often, and finally gave up on sleep entirely, sneaking out to buy an energy drink and staying up playing Angry Birds until his fingers were numb.
When morning came, he was all too happy to turn the wheel over to Feferi, who looked more ready to tackle that job than Kanaya, who had learned the hard way that Nepeta was a restless sleeper and Equius snored. Since he didn't know a damned thing about her, Karkat spent a great deal of the morning trying to talk to her. She was pleasant enough, but her answers were as evasive as they were cheerful, and by the end of it, he still wasn't really sure why she was on this trip at all.
"I've got things to run from too, Karkat," she sighed, and put her foot on the brake a bit too hard. "Everyone does." And then she gave him this weird condescending smile, like he was some kind of idiot for even daring to ask such a question.
Damn dramatic rich people.
Karkat much preferred his damn dramatic poor people, and moved to the back of the bus with the rest of the mortals. Equius had somehow gotten his old portable DVD player to work despite the faulty power cord, and they watched a bunch of really cheesy road trip movies, which only gave Nepeta ideas as to what to try and get people to sing. Equius's off-key baritone was a bit much for the headache Karkat was nursing to maturity behind his eyes, so he fled further to the back of the bus, where Sollux was growing increasingly frustrated with Gamzee's complete lack of desire to know how a computer worked.
"Hey, KK." There was no mistaking the obvious relief in the techhead's tone. Gamzee tended to inspire that reaction in a lot of people, unfortunately. "What'th up?"
"Crazy fish queen drove me into the arms of weird cat girl and her tone-deaf theatrical partner, so I'm seeking refuse in the company of stoner clowns and tech-savvy assholes," he answered, a dramatic explanation if ever there was one. "I've got to call my brother soon to make sure I didn't, you know, lock him out of our fucking apartment, and I think Aradia is trying to draw dead people in the window."
"Yeah, she does that. Here, have a sandwich, your handth are shaking like fucking leaveth." Sollux moved over and let Karkat sit next to him, though he wasn't near as pleased when Gamzee copied the movement on his other side. "You sure you're up to thith?"
"Of course I'm up for this! It was my fucking idea, wasn't it? Road trip to escape all our stresses, woohoo!" Karkat almost screamed the last word and bit into his peanut butter and jelly sandwich in as threatening a manner as he could.
Aradia repeated his 'woohoo' from two rows up.
"You're just looking a little ragged. It'th not too late to turn back, or maybe just call your brother to come pick you up?" Even though he was the one suggesting it, Sollux spoke as if he knew, and he'd better fucking know, that those were not viable options.
"Fuck no!" Karkat bristled. "No way am I calling that stuck-up assmunch to bail my ass out of something I started. Jesus, next I may as well—"
"Geez, KK, it wath jutht an idea, calm your damn tit-th."
"Don't let the worryin' get all buzzin' in your motherfuckin' head, bro," Gamzee mumbled, reaching across Sollux's lap to rest a hand sympathetically on Karkat's thigh. "It'll be all miracles and motherfucking sunshine, you'll see. Nothing short of a motherfucking miracle."
. . .
Karkat did want to call his brother, just to let him know that he hadn't been murdered yet and to ensure that he'd found the food for Gamzee's fish, but when he dug through his bag to find his phone, he made an unfortunate discovery.
"Where. The fuck. Is my. Phone?"
It only got worse after that. Eridan offered up use of his, but it seemed he'd forgotten his charger and it'd died early that morning. Feferi didn't even have a cell phone, and neither did Aradia. Equius had broken his not ten minutes into the journey, and, like Gamzee and Karkat, he shared one with Nepeta. Kanaya had left hers behind for relaxation purposes and blah blah blah the point of the story was the only working cell phone on board was Sollux and fuck if that boy let anything come between him and his precious tech.
It took many promises and a whole lot of humiliating groveling before Karkat was allowed to make a call back home, which was accompanied by the Sollux Captor Standing Right Over Your Shoulder Breathing Loudly Orchestra, led by none other than the man himself.
. . .
The wheelchair lift broke while Equius was using it to get Tavros back in the bus after dinner, and since that also meant the door was stuck open, Karkat made a decision to put the more fearful (read: jumpy) members of their party in a hotel for the night with the required back-up, because the repair looked like it might take the better part of the night, and he didn't want them to get robbed. He stayed behind in the hotel only long enough to make sure everyone took their meds, and after an embarrassing scene with Gamzee, joined Equius, Nepeta, Tavros, and Terezi in the back of the bus. It was only marginally awkward, and never was Karkat more grateful for Nepeta's tendency to dominate conversation than when Terezi had asked how he was. Though it was really no secret, he was somewhat hesitant to admit to his mentally unstable ex that he was seconds away from completely breaking down in an anxiety-induced fit of passionately violent rage and that only taking care of his best friend with smudged face paint kept the worst of the shakes at bay. Also pot. Lots and lots of pot.
But he did take the opportunity to catch up with her as best he could, and what time he didn't spend with her, he spent talking to Tavros. Turned out the boy wasn't really that as big as wuss as Vriska seemed to make him out to be. He was still a wuss, sure, but he had at least half a spine between his shoulders.
It wasn't for another couple of hours that Karkat would realize that that thought was in incredibly poor taste.
"I…I think that Vriska, uh, needs this," the boy admitted. He looked a lot smaller without his wheelchair, which he had decided to ditch in favor of a feels jam on a pile of luggage that had been ripped out to find Equius's tool box (which Karkat was now very glad he hadn't been able to convince the sex freak to part with). "Don't, uh, tell her this, but I think it's humbling for her to be…reminded that she's not, uh, the biggest one on the block, you know?"
Sure. He was still convinced he was a wuss, but at least he knew what was good for his girl. And after talking with him for awhile, Karkat began to kind of understand what Gamzee had seen in him. He was a pretty chill guy.
The next morning, the lift was fixed, and Karkat was more than a little bit relieved that they didn't need to use any of their money to call a repairman. Of course, he made them put the wheelchair up four times before he let them do it with Tavros actually inside it. Vriska called him a "Nervous Nelly," but Tavros scolded her, which Karkat was amazed she responded to.
"Don't mind her," he said later, "she's just pissed Terezi decided to stay with you instead of her."
. . .
They all posed for pictures in front of a bunch of really weird monuments in the middle of nowhere, because despite no one having a working cell phone, everyone seemed to have at least two cameras on hand. Karkat swore that if he never ate another Kit Kat, it would be way damn too soon. But he continued to buy them, apparently having gotten Nepeta thoroughly addicted and also became routine made him feel better.
"Can I call you Kit-Kat?" she had demanded, and it was only after a very embarrassing round of embarrassed squawking that she agreed to not do that.
Aradia turned out to be quite the trivia whiz, and they had a fun time guessing which of her "fun facts" were actually true. Oftentimes Sollux knew and would drop hints, almost all of which were misleading. When she actually took her meds, she seemed to be a pretty nice girl. She was an archeology nut, something she was actually going to college for. She and Feferi didn't get along, for some reason, and there seemed to be some kind of unresolved issue between her and Vriska, but Karkat had firmly enforced a No-Pasts-Allowed policy and the two forced civility for the sake of not getting left on the side of the road.
Equius and Gamzee returned from their "shopping trip" with nothing but a pair of new shorts for the former and a huge bag of marshmallows courtesy of the latter. They drove a little further before Vriska had an idea and they stopped again in the middle of nowhere. She pulled a tiny grill out of what appeared to be thin air and after a little bit of magic with some trash and a stick, she got a fire going and they all roasted marshmallows and began to tell stories about embarrassing things to happen at birthday parties. Eridan's stories, surprisingly, were the most genuine. Equius's were always dirty and a bit disturbing, and Terezi's were just plain false. Vriska seemed to borrow elements from other stories into one master story, and Kanaya was disappointingly close-lipped about it. Karkat had been to a few of her birthday parties, and was very forthcoming with the knowledge that Kanaya drunk was a sight to behold.
Karkat actually slept that night, falling asleep leaning against Nepeta. Even the last worried thought that his marshmallow was going to catch fire didn't pull his exhausted mind back from slumber, and he had one of the best night's sleep he'd had in awhile.
. . .
"I was asleep for two fucking hours, and you dick-sniffing piles of flaming hot horse shit let the fucking blind girl drive the bus?" Karkat's voice cracked twice in that sentence alone, which was the first indication that his wrath was impending. "What in the name of all fucking hells made you think that was a remotely okay idea?"
"Don't get all twisted, brother…" Gamzee spread his hands out in an apologetic manner, looking like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He swayed slightly where he stood, and his sentences took twice as long to come out as they should have. "Kanaya was makin' z's in the seat and all the other drivers were up and getting' their snooze on after this mornin' and everyone all getting' their munch on with that big buffet, and you all squawked a fuss about how Vriska shouldn't be all getting behind the wheel, so when the blind sister took over it was all kinds of a motherfucking miracle, bro…" He trailed off uncertainly.
"That was…the worst excuse, Gamzee." His shaking hands curled into fists. It wasn't wisdom that turned his attention to Gamzee, but exasperation. He spun on his heel and pointed (with his whole fist) at the true guilty party, who had been watching the goings-on with that obnoxiously toothy grin of hers. "You! Terezi, why would you even suggest driving? In case you hadn't noticed, you're legally fucking blind!"
"I'm not totally blind, Karkat!" she argued, leaning forward at the hip.
"You can't see the fucking road, I think that…"
They argued for two hours straight, until Kanaya slammed the brakes so hard Tavros fell out of his wheelchair, and marched back, shoving Karkat into solitude at the back of the bus and dragging Gamzee and Terezi off the ship for a lecture about the endangerment of others. Karkat couldn't sit still very long and busied himself with babying Sollux through his sudden headache, which would be Aradia's job if she weren't watching the scolding outside with sadistic glee.
"Still sure this is a good idea?" he murmured, angling his body so no one could see the way he stroked his friend's hair.
Sollux made an incomprehensible mumble into the pillow, and Karkat knew he probably said "yes" just to be a spiteful ass.
. . .
Karkat had no idea whose pool this was, but perhaps the crazy in the bus was infectious, because he found he didn't care. Feferi had assured him it was okay, but it was really the fear that Nepeta would have a seizure in the pool that got him in. Both he and Equius hung around her in a silently mutual pattern. Karkat was somewhat hindered by the juggalo thrown across his shoulders, and Equius was hindered by the fact that he wouldn't stop staring at said juggalo. Luckily Nepeta didn't so much as twitch, entertaining herself by playing a strange mix of Marco Polo and tag with Feferi.
Several people stared at Gamzee and his vast expanse of scarred skin, some more openly than others. He stayed firmly attached to Karkat's shoulder, though, and Karkat felt the stupidest satisfaction at knowing that, even if not in the conventional sense, Gamzee was his.
Feferi seemed to really unwind in the water, grinning and giggling in a manner far more natural than the horrifyingly condescending cheer she'd shown on the trip so far. Eridan had said she felt a lot more at home in the water, which might be why she sometimes claimed she was actually part fish.
Kanaya refused to get in the pool, claiming someone had to be prepared for disaster, and Karkat got out just because looking at her and Tavros pouting at the edge of the water was kind of pitiful. He shook his head free of water a little too hard and stumbled to them.
"Your hands are shaking," he said to Kanaya, which was really just his way of making conversation. "You're a bag of fucking nerves, you're not much use. You sure you don't wanna get in? It might help you unwind?"
She pursed her lips. "Yours are too, honey," she pointed out. Her motherly tone had used to piss him off, but he had gotten used to it, and then grown to love it, almost to crave it. "No, I…I don't think I will. I'll be fine, I think, it's just a bit hot outside."
It was only 70 out, but whatever.
Kanaya was in tears by three in the afternoon, and Sollux again relinquished his phone so that she could call her fiancé. Karkat gave her some privacy and left her in the bus while he helped Tavros, who had decided that he wanted to get in the pool too. Initially, he'd been annoyed, but hearing the slightly younger man's carefree laugh as he floated, supported between Vriska and Gamzee, he decided it had been worth it.
Sollux refused to get take his shirt off to get in the pool, and Karkat convinced himself that it was for this reason that Aradia got in the pool with all her clothes on.
. . .
He tried to dig a bit of macaroni out of his teeth with his tongue, only half listening to Gamzee's wild tale. They were sharing more stories, and while it had originally been as light the first sharing night, things had quickly become serious as Gamzee began recounting tales of his time in juvie.
"I was locked up as a kid."
No one expected Eridan to speak up, and Karkat was the only one not surprised by the confession. To protect him from the avalanche of strange looks, he scooched over to sit next to him. That didn't do near enough to coax him, though, and he had to lean on him and practically pull him into his lap before he'd speak up again.
"It was really just me and my brother growin' up. Dad never had much time for either of us, specially not when Mom left" he recalled, laying his head back against Karkat as he spoke. Karkat could feel him shaking, and stroked his hand with his thumb softly. He kind of hoped no one would remember this in the morning…half of them had already taken their meds. Not Eridan's tale, of course, but the fact that he was shamelessly cuddling him through it. "And then when he ran off, it was just me all by myself. The house was all big an' empty and everyone was so fuckin' annoying and I just couldn't take it. Dad called 'em on me the first time I smashed all his plates, the second time after I crashed his car into a wall, and the third time for good after I stabbed those servants…"
Who the fuck still called them servants, Karkat wondered, resting his forehead on Eridan's shoulder as he told the rest of his story.
. . .
"How about you, Kar?"
Karkat's eyes snapped open, all drowsiness completed chased away at the question. "What about…what?"
"You haven't told us your story yet," Eridan murmured, and Karkat had never been so thankful to hear a tire explode in his entire life.
. . .
Karkat's hands had been shaking nonstop for a day now, but he refused to get out of the driver's seat until they reached their next stop, which was some kind of cliff thing that Aradia had been babbling about for the better part of four hundred miles. After that, they were going to stop off at a friend's house, because he wasn't the only one who was a bit tired of sleeping on the floor of a bus.
They got a bunch of pictures that even he had to admit were pretty fucking cool. Nepeta and Tavros played with echoes, which then turned into Tavros and Gamzee rapping into the abyss.
Vriska kept him company that night, the only one in the bus who was still awake. Even Gamzee slept peacefully, and the only reason Vriska had come up seemed to be to express her extreme displeasure at his roommate wrapped so tightly around her boyfriend.
"Geez, can't he keep his hands to himself?" she ranted. "He's already got that weird horse boy wrapped around his dick, does he really need Tavros too? God, and he's got you, right?"
Karkat sighed and bit his tongue. Everyone knew Gamzee was unashamed and very tactile, and that while he still loved Tavros, he would no more try to steal him than he would steal candy from a baby.
It would be notable to mention that Gamzee really loved babies.
. . .
Karkat wasn't sure how he'd forgotten to mention to Dave that there were twelve people in their party, and not four, but apparently when he called him up he'd left out that little detail.
"Close your mouth, dickwad, or you're gonna start catching fucking bugs." He tapped Dave on the shoulder. "I know I should have mentioned this…guess it slipped my mind. This really wasn't supposed to happen, though." For good measure, he added a sheepish, "Sorry."
"Holy fuck, it's like a fucking clown car," he marveled, his eyebrows nearly disappearing into his hairline as he watched the procession of troubled individuals file out of the bus and fill the parking lot of the apartment. Now that Karkat looked at them from someone else's perspective, he realized how outlandish they really looked. "They just keep fucking coming, don't they?"
"No, jackass, it's a fucking bus."
Dave's Bro was strangely cool with Dave announcing apparently with no warning at all that twelve people were going to crash in his living room. Weird son of a bitch just offered to trap their bus door in case of robbers, but knowing that someone might need to get in there, Karkat "politely" declined the offer.
Their dinner that night consisted of enough microwave dinners and chicken nuggets to feed a small army. Karkat's hands shook all night, but it was more to do with the vibrating controller and his mounting number of losses against the ever-smug Sollux than anxiety. After a few rounds alone, Dave managed to scrounge up a few more controllers, and everyone took turns playing against Karkat, Sollux, and Dave. Karkat dreaded Terezi's turn; her shameless flirting with Dave was painful (though it was just because she was so bad at it, he thought, and not because of any lingering feelings. Yeah. That was it.)
Vriska insisted on playing with Tavros, which Karkat didn't think was a good idea, but he relinquished his controller and spent the rest of the night at the table talking with Kanaya and Dave's Bro, who spoke in even more confusing metaphors than even Gamzee, but was still a pretty cool dude. He'd managed to get Gamzee calmed down with some creepy-ass ventriloquist doll, and the stoner had passed out holding "Lil' Cal" against his chest like a goddamn teddy bear. Once Kanaya and Bro began comparing embarrassing baby stories of their respective charges (and, in Kanaya's case, there were many), Karkat tuned out of the conversation.
Instead, he got to coax a sobbing Feferi out of the bathroom, and listen to her lament about how she felt no one gave a shit about her and she had faked "a few things" to qualify going on this trip. Also no one actually knew where she had gone. Karkat bit his tongue while she screamed at him from the other side of the bathroom door, and lamented the loss of the one element of normality that had been on this trip.
So while the others engaged in rap battles to settle ties in scores, he got to hold the former fish princess as she wailed about her perceived lack of individuality.
. . .
They had more issues than they needed to separating Gamzee from Lil' Cal, who proclaimed that "the little motherfucking smilin' man ain't nothing short of a full-blown miracle all spreading glee and motherfucking mirth," which Karkat wasn't really sure how to interpret.
. . .
If Karkat never heard another rap again, it would be too goddamn fucking soon.
. . .
"Happy anniversary, Karkat!" Terezi chirped in his ear, and if he weren't so focused on driving, Karkat would've punched her in the face.
She'd been surprisingly well-behaved this trip, and he didn't trust that one bit. That whole driving fiasco usually would have been the opening act to the Terezi Pyrope Jackassery Show, but it seemed this time, there was no such luck.
. . .
They sang at the top of a waterfall, and Karkat was so delighted in that moment that he didn't even freak out when Feferi dropped her camera over the edge. There was a little bit less not freaking out when she jumped after it.
. . .
The girl behind the counter's eyes grew so big Karkat almost thought they were going to fall off her face as the flow of exhausted crazies just didn't stop. Feferi was chattering away with Nepeta, who was riding on Equius's back. The girls were wearing huge ridiculous flowing dresses they'd just bought, and for some reason Equius had added tights to his already really freaking wardrobe. They took up a whole booth and dragged two tables over to get enough room for everyone to sit comfortably, and this time Feferi refused to let Eridan sit alone by himself.
Terezi tagged along with Karkat in perusing the menu. He'd decided it was probably best if he ordered for everyone to avoid confusion and arguments, and it wasn't like he didn't know them all well enough now to know what they wanted. While he was deciding between orange and blueberry jelly for Gamzee, Terezi leaned in close to him, and months of her proximity and strong perfume kept him from leaping back.
"I think what you're doing is pretty great."
Karkat dropped his pen, too shocked to pull his tongue back into his mouth from where he'd been biting it. "What?" He was dumfounded, and of all the things he'd expected her to say, that wasn't it.
She leaned back slightly, tilting her head to the side and looking straight at him…or he thought she was. It was hard to tell behind those bright shades.
"Getting us all together and taking us away like this," she said slowly, as if he was a child. "I mean, Vriska was a few more quips away from completely flipping her basket." She tapped her nail against the top of her cane. "And I think everyone else was not much further behind. I think it's very nice that you agreed to take us all with you. It's been a very relaxing trip."
"Relaxing?" he repeated, turning his attention back to the list of orders. He crossed out Eridan's order for bacon, remembering that he was trying being a vegetarian for a little while. "Our bus has broken four times, our resident normal girl jumped off a freaking cliff, and I think Equius is going to off himself if he doesn't get a fucking dick shoved up his—"
"But look at them now, Kat," she interrupted him, and he looked over her shoulder. "I'm no expert, but I'd say they look a whole lot better than when we started, right?"
He looked over her shoulder at their little group. At first all he saw was the usual bunch of crazy fuckers they'd started, but then he blinked and looked closer.
Goddamn.
Gamzee was standing up on the booth, imitating what he looked like trying to ride his unicycle, which was far too small for him. He looked more animated than he had in a while, his indigo eyes dancing as he did an impromptu jig on the tabletop. Besides him, Tavros looked like he was going to fall out of his chair laughing, and for once, Vriska looked like she didn't care. She was grinning and had her arm thrown over the back of the seat where Terezi would normally be sitting, and every now and then she'd shoot a grin in the blind girl's direction. Sollux was wearing a pair of shades he'd borrowed from Dave, as his normal multicolored ones had given him a headache. He didn't have his phone out for once, instead doodling on a kid's menu with two crayons in predictable colors. Aradia was asleep on his shoulder, and her face wasn't twisted with nightmares. Nepeta was standing up too, but she was on the table supporting Gamzee so he didn't fall, and Feferi had her hand on the girl's hip to keep her upright as well. Equius kept glancing at them from his conversation with Kanaya, but Karkat had never seen the two of them look so relaxed in possibly the entire time he'd known them (which, for Equius, wasn't actually that long). Eridan was nowhere to be seen, but his scarf was draped over the back of a chair, so he couldn't have gone far.
"They look happy," Terezi commented and brushed against his shoulder. "Originally I came just to watch all this fall apart…but you've done a pretty damn good job, nubby. I didn't think you could do it!"
Karkat watched her return to Vriska's side silently, and he continued to stare at her until the girl behind the counter banged a pot to get his attention. Hastily, he handed over their orders.
They are happy, he realized as he slid in next to Aradia. She woke up at the new contact and blinked dreamily at him.
"Did you remember to make my pancake a frog?" she asked, and even though she had been a bit under the influence when she'd told him that was how she liked her pancakes, he had.
. . .
"I don't want to go back home," Eridan whispered to Karkat that night. "I like this." Karkat ran his thumb over the boy's scarred wrists, and, after noting that there were no new marks, agreed.
. . .
Aradia and Nepeta were playing leap frog on the sidewalk with a bunch of kids. Gamzee joined after only a few rounds, and there was nothing funnier than watching a bunch of kids clamber over a six-plus tall gangly man with a painted face. After making sure they weren't going to get in trouble for it, Karkat agreed to let Gamzee set up a little booth where he painted the kids' faces. Of course, everyone wanted a piece of that fun, and soon almost the entire bus was full of crazies with black and white faces. Even Karkat eventually gave in too, but he washed the paint off at the next gas stop with shaky determination. It scared him looking up in the mirror every time and getting a glimpse of his mostly white face.
When he came out, Gamzee had bought him seven bags of sour gummy worms, which apparently matched his "lemony sweet face of expression".
He learned that bathrooms were something of a trigger for Feferi, and unless someone went in with her, it would take the better part of an hour to drag her sobbing out again. And, considering that Nepeta was buying Kit Kats, that was exactly what he had to do.
Karkat sighed, at this point getting kind of used to the cold of the door on his back while he murmured comforts through the door to a sobbing rich girl.
When they got back to the bus, Feferi was thoroughly exhausted and passed out in Equius's bed, ignoring pretty much everyone's warnings against such an action. The mechanic claimed he didn't mind very much, but without his hiding spot, it was his turn to sit in the Front Seat and have a little bit of Therapy Time With Karkat.
Karkat learned more that day about the wonderful world of kink than he ever really wanted to, and the phrase, "You get off on what?" became something of a default reaction in the conversation.
He felt a bit bad feeling that way, though, especially when Equius very carefully patted his shoulder, and solemnly intoned, "Thanks for listening, Karkat. Not many people do."
"Sure, dude. No fuckin' problem."
. . .
It was Tavros's idea to stop at the arcade and if Karkat could find the cripple in the sea of mostly adolescent bodies, he was going to fucking strangle him. He couldn't keep track of anyone in here, and it was only by guessing what kind of games they might like that he even knew they were all in the building.
There was a very strict no-drinking policy in place, so it wasn't until after two bowls of chili and a feels jam in the ball pit that Karkat actually smiled that night. It was a brief thing, of course, and it was swapped out in favor of his trademark scowl as the machine reset itself for the next round. His win had more to do with the fact that Gamzee lacked the coordination to play Dance Dance Revolution on a sober day than the fact that he had any real skill, but it was a more honorable win than what Nepeta had over Tavros.
When the noise got too much for some of them, Kanaya brought them all back outside to look at the pictures they'd taken and decide which ones they would put into a scrapbook (or something, he really hadn't been paying attention), and after awhile sent Gamzee back in to take more. It seemed she'd been very specific in her request, however, because he followed Karkat around, catching a host of enraged and startled expressions by jumping out often shouting, "Cheese, motherfucker!" or "Smile, best friend!" before nearly blinding Karkat with the flash. His eyes hurt so bad after the onslaught that he was almost desperate enough to take Equius's shades, but was saved when Sollux volunteered the pair he'd borrowed from Dave. The price, of course, was a race, but luckily for him, Sollux was awful at racing games. He was more one for buttons than wheels and pedals.
Karkat spent twenty minutes running back and forth through the building trying to make sure no one had gotten lost. He was this close to enacting a goddamn buddy system if people insisted on being this hard to take care of.
Eridan dragged Karkat out by the hair (almost literally), stating loudly that he was far too stressed to be an effective babysitter. They took a detour to a library, where they were kicked out for Karkat yelling, and they finally ended up across the street in a coffee shop, where Eridan blended right in and seemed right at home. He refused to give Karkat anything caffeinated, despite his ornery demands.
"I'm supposed to be taking care of you guys, fuckass, I don't need any fucking babying!" he declared, loud as he dared around his mouthful of decaf. "I'm not a goddamn child, I know what I should and shouldn't eat, and why won't you just buy me some damn cake?"
"We're all grown adults, Kar, we don't need that much lookin' after."
He didn't have much to say against that.
Eridan didn't let him leave for another hour, and the fact that he looked so goddamned smug about it kept Karkat from unleashing a flood of curses.
. . .
"Say cheese, Karkitty!"
"Go fuck yourself."
Nepeta reviewed the shot she'd taken with comical seriousness. His snarl was anything but attractive. "Well, at least you're flashing those purrly whites!" she sighed.
. . .
Sollux about threw a fit when he heard the idea but he didn't deny a single person the right to call their loved ones. "Jutht keep the damn thing plugged in?" he demanded grouchily. "Not everyone hath their better half with 'em, I gueth." He then proceeded to make out with Aradia in the most solemn and smug way Karkat thought was humanly possible.
Feferi called her mother and Karkat didn't have to hear the questions being asked to know that she was lying.
Eridan called his brother, and later he admitted that that voicemail he left would be probably the three hundredth he'd left. Every time Cronus actually picked up the phone, he'd freak out and hang up. "I think I'm almost there," he admitted, and with that happy little flush on his face, Karkat believed him.
Kanaya called her fiancé again, and after her two hour long conversation, Karkat put a limit in place to preserve the battery life of their single lifeline.
Aradia called her father, who asked to speak to Karkat at the end and threatened to stab him seventeen times in the chest if anything happened to his baby girl.
Sollux also called his father, but his stepmother picked up instead. He didn't talk to her or leave a message, and instead took another call to his brother and his girlfriend. He and Eridan then argued about whether or not that was breaking "the rules".
Equius called his dom, and Karkat was more than willing to leave the room for that conversation.
Nepeta called her sisters, and she put all six of them on speaker phone to talk to everyone. She was the first of the group not to lie when she was asked how everything was going, though admittedly she was also probably the one with the most positive view of how things were going.
Terezi called her aunt, and their conversation was the most cringe-worthy thing Karkat had ever eavesdropped on. But at least he knew she was enjoying herself.
Vriska called John, who they were going to see later, which was really stupid, but he guessed she didn't really have family to call. The conversation, as most conversations with Vriska did, tended to mostly just be her mocking him for things that he really couldn't control.
Tavros called his big brother, and through him delivered news of Eridan's brother.
Gamzee, as was discovered later, just called Karkat's forgotten cell phone and spent his allotted forty five minutes leaving a series of cheerful voicemails.
Karkat called his brother again to check on Gamzee's fish, but after that ordeal was over went and called Dave. He thanked him for letting them stay, and politely declined going miles out of their way to stay over again on the way back. No, he didn't care how fucking great the fort they made was, they had not budgeted for that much gas consumption.
. . .
Everyone was content sleeping in the bus until they caught sight of the hotel that this town boasted. Gamzee took very little convincing to pull a credit card out of his hat. They rented five rooms…Sollux demanded his own room for him and Aradia to share, and both Equius and Kanaya said they preferred to sleep alone, and the remaining eight split into two groups by gender and shared a room that way.
"It's gonna be all shades of lonely in there pouting by your lonesome, bro," Karkat heard Gamzee mumble as they set up payment, and it was out of simple disgust that he didn't try to stop him from sneaking off to meet Equius that night. Karkat didn't mind him sleeping around, but he made him take a shower before he let him sleep next to him. Between Gamzee's restless sleeping and the soft giggles and shrieks from the girls in the next room, Karkat got very little sleep.
Silence fell after what felt like an eternity, and still Karkat's mind spun on, worrying about the busful of possessions that was waiting like a fucking piñata in the parking lot. Sure, they'd each brought a little bag in, but if their bus was stolen—
"He's crushing my, uh…ribs?"
It took a fair amount of struggling and pushing for Karkat to roll over and look across the room at Tavros, who was in a very similar predicament with Eridan. His arms were wrapped tightly around his middle and if that strange bump in the sheets was any indication, his legs were too. The questioning whisper sounded a bit desperate and fearful, though Karkat thought that between Vriska and Gamzee's touchy-feely tug of war, he'd be used to human contact.
"Yeah. He's a snuggler. I guess I should have warned you." Karkat's whisper, by comparison, was very loud. Gamzee let out a soft honk! behind him and the two fell silent until he quieted back down.
"Does he still do that all the time?"
"Fuck yes. God, it's annoying."
"I'm a light, uh, sleeper, so that would keep me…up a lot," Tavros admitted, but both of them had smiles on their faces. For some reason, Karkat found it impossible to really hate Gamzee or anything he did, but he seemed one of very few people who thought that way.
Silence fell again, a bit less awkward this time, and Tavros broke it again. This time, his whisper was quiet and slow, and Karkat knew he was falling asleep.
"You know, Karkat…you're the only, uh, thing that keeps this whole thing, uh, together."
"What the fuck do you mean? I think Kanaya's the reason this whole thing hasn't fallen apart at the seams like a festering bag of—"
"I'm sure that, uh, metaphor was going to be really descriptive and, um, interesting, but that's not really what I, meant." Tavros shifted slightly, looking briefly distressed when Eridan moved to accommodate the movement. "I mean, you're, uh, the only thing we all have in, uh, common."
"Well…" He tried to come up with a way to combat that, but his attempt was rather weak. "…we're all monumentally fucked up," he suggested, and then decided Tavros's laugh wasn't as cute as Gamzee insisted it was. "Really, though, all we're missing a couple of professional camera crews and we're the fucking traveling circus, complete with fucking clown and ring-master."
"That too," the boy agreed, the last word drowned by a huge yawn that was punctuated by a soft snore. Karkat grunted into the darkness, not at all pleased that his one conversational partner had fallen asleep.
When he went to take a shower that morning, Karkat noticed that his hands weren't shaking at all.
. . .
They sang 'Lovedrunk' no less than twenty times as they crossed the next state line. Karkat actually let Terezi put her arm around his shoulder as she yelled the lyrics.
. . .
They had more friends to visit now. Karkat had done this on purpose, though he didn't argue when Gamzee insisted it was all miracles.
John was a lot more excited than Dave when he got more than he bargained for, because it seemed that Karkat had also forgotten to mention to him that their relaxing road trip had turned into a big medically fucked clusterfuck of activity and disaster. Rather than freak out when the clown bus arrived, he just declared it a party and designated him the guide of the exciting world of Washington state. He called his cousin to plan an impromptu trip around town. Jane was nice, and seemed to really get along with Feferi, which was nice.
"C'mon, Karkat, you gotta come with us! I've got a whoooooole day of fun planned!"
John, at first glance, hadn't matured much since they met at thirteen. He threw cookies at people, avoided his father's offers of cake, and even attempted to show off by sitting on the pogo ride in the backyard. The sight of him flat on his ass was probably the best part of the whole trip, and not just because he was grinning like an idiot.
Karkat spent almost all of his alone time asleep. Despite John's offer to use the bedroom, he crashed out on the kitchen table with a half-eaten pile of cookies in front of him. Later he would threaten murder to whoever had the picture of him sleeping with chocolate all over his face, but of course no one stepped forward.
If he thought Terezi flirting with Dave was bad, it was nothing compared to Vriska's pathetic attempts at courtship with John. Ordinary he was on romance like white on fucking rice, but Vriska's attempt at wooing was just fucking painful.
John also let them sleep in his living room, but he insisted they all watch these monumentally bad movies (if they could even be called that…). He and Sollux got in an argument about computers, which mostly just seemed to be playful poking on John's part. Karkat walked into no less than fourteen traps/pranks, and comforted himself on with the fact that Eridan walked into sixteen.
Karkat somehow got the distinct privilege of sleeping on the chair with the least people on it: John was crunched against him on one side and Nepeta cuddled him tightly from the other. It wouldn't be too painful, if he weren't sitting on his own foot.
. . .
"Ugh, I'm gonna miss that goofball," Vriska muttered under her breath as she pouted in her seat.
Karkat sighed deeply. "Yeah. Me too."
. . .
As they neared the "turn the fuck around before you drive into the ocean" point, Karkat was certain that there was peace.
. . .
Tavros breaking with Vriska kind of broke the peace. For the boy's own safety, he was not allowed out of Gamzee's sight, nor was she allowed out of Terezi's.
. . .
Karkat and Aradia took a break from everyone's craziness to go for a walk through the field. She told him about her dads and cousins, all of whom sounded…really fucking crazy. He told her about his brother, who was probably equaled unhinged, but in a much more socially acceptable way. They compared traumatic childhoods. She hummed softly, either in pity or admiration, when he admitted that it was primarily his brother who'd raised him.
"Where is he now?" she asked, in the weird dreamy voice she used after she took her meds.
"He's at my and Gam's place, watching Gamzee's stupid fish." They were probably the most precious thing in the stoner's life, and Kankri was nothing if not responsible.
"Oh." She looked up at the sky, and he noticed that she was braiding flowers and stalks of grass between her fingers. She'd stop every now and then to reach down and pick another stalk. "Does Gamzee have family?"
Karkat bristled, a conditioned response, and something that didn't go unnoticed. He felt a bit sheepish as he forced his fists to unclench and explained as best he could, "Gamzee hasn't talked to his family in awhile…we keep in touch through Nepeta, but he really doesn't want anything to do with them." I don't either. It was mostly for his friend's sake that he got so aggressive; they had never done anything to him personally, per se.
"Oh. I'm sorry for prying." She sounded like she meant it.
By the time they got back to the bus, the chain she'd made was trailing behind her and was long enough to drape across several windows, which was exactly what she did with it.
. . .
Eridan high was one of the most interesting things Karkat ever had the privilege of dealing with. He was more clingy than usual, physically, but he was oddly silent and when he did speak, it was the strangest mix of sexual and charming he'd ever heard. He had a seemingly bottomless supply of pick-up lines and smooth reasons for Karkat to join him in the back of the bus for some passionate naked wrestling Sollux almost pissed himself laughing and hid the camera he recorded it on. He didn't laugh nearly so hard when it was him the boy turned his attentions to.
Gamzee apologized a thousand times for getting everyone high, convinced Karkat was going to kick him off the bus for it, but seeing that at least Kanaya had managed to resist the irresistible satisfied him. He assured Gamzee he wasn't that mad at hin and devoted the rest of his energy to fending off the advances of Eridan and Nepeta. Eridan claimed that this was the only way he knew how to repay his only friend, which was just fucking sad, and Nepeta…well, Nepeta apparently didn't need a reason.
Karkat thanked every star in the sky that Equius was too stoned to hit on anyone, because that was one thing he just straight would not take.
Sollux kept going on and on about hands and how amazing they were.
Now, Karkat didn't mind most of the weed. He did, however, scold Gamzee soundly when he found out what weed did to Aradia. It took every ounce of diplomacy Kanaya had to stop the bookstore manager from calling the cops, giving the half-truth that she had simply forgotten to take her medication. Then they had to convince her that the ghosts must have been lying, because they had not hit any little girls with their bus.
The next few hours were interesting, though, because nothing was more fun than driving a bunch of stoned mental patients in a modified school bus. Karkat and Kanaya had to take turns sitting with Eridan, because it seemed that under the influence, his violence tendencies blossomed into a full-blown genocide complex that he had issues suppressing. He tried to strangle Gamzee first, which of course the stoner was totally fucking fine with, and then he decided that he should try and drown Feferi by dumping several water bottles on her sleeping face. This, of course, didn't work nearly as well as his influenced brain seemed to think it would.
"I mean, I wouldn't kill you, Kar…you're so fuckin' great to me," he insisted, trying to hold Karkat closer. "And…and maybe not Kan either, 'cause she actually cares. Not a lot of people fuckin' care. About anything. It's goddamn awful, Kar, you gotta see…"
"Well…thank you for your mercy, I guess?" Karkat wasn't really sure how he was supposed to take it, but hey, you didn't argue with a homicidal man, no matter how baked he was.
. . .
"You know, Tavros," Karkat mumbled as they watched the metaphorical hurricane outside the bus, "you could have waited until after we'd gotten home to dump your sociopathic girlfriend."
"Well…I, uh…yeah."
. . .
What had begun as several separate beds for lovers and partners was now a dog pile cuddlefuck, and Karkat almost always found himself at the center of it. As always, he was awake, but he found he wasn't quite as…upset at he normally was. He wasn't sure whose body part was whose, but he knew that they were all embracing him and each other, and he decided that if the car exploded right at this moment, he was fine with it.
. . .
"Who the fuck are you?"
The blonde blinked blearily at him from under Eridan's no-doubt crushing weight. "Hey, lil crabby man!" she greeted. "Eridan was telling me -hic!- all about you!" The smell of alcohol practically wafted off of her, and she spoke with a slow, articulate inebriated lisp. "I'm Roxy! Roxy Llll…Roxy Lal…Roxy Lollarrr…Ro Lal, that's what they call me!" After trying and failing several times to tell him her own last name, she gave up with a mock salute and fell back on Eridan, who was either still feeling the linger effects of his drug trip four days ago, or was just drunk as well. He murmured and just hugged her tighter, looking at Karkat with wide eyes as if seeking approval.
Karkat, however, was on his feet and across the bus in seconds. He wasn't even fully upright before the flood of curses and scoldings began to flow from his mouth, and they didn't stop as he climbed over the mass of bodies separating him and Feferi in the driver's seat.
"Why in the name of all that is everloving holy in this world would you pick up a goddamn hitchhiker, it's already like fucking maniac central in here, we don't need one more crazy-ass leech sucking on the bottom of our…"
He went on for a good two hours and continued to rant to both Gamzee and Kanaya when they dragged him away for upsetting Feferi so badly. He was still grumbling when they stopped for dinner and even a mouthful of French fries didn't slow his wrath.
For all his shouting, though, he didn't kick Roxy off the bus.
. . .
They found out a few days later that Eridan was a screamer.
. . .
"Karkat, you are the only one I haven't gotten to dress up yet!"
"There is a damn good reason for that, I assure you," he grumbled, but he didn't have the heart to stop her as she fussed over the clothes she'd bought. He didn't see why she spent so much money on these clothes when she was just going to cut them up anyway. "Oi, oi, don't get too fancy there, I'm not going to a fuckign ball!"
"Watch your language," she snapped, only half-joking and not looking up from her sewing.
He grumbled to himself as she continued to work. The others were all out and about shopping, and Kanaya had roped him into modeling (he was basically just being her human mannequin) to stop him from having a seizure from worry.
With nothing better to do, he began to calculate how many more miles they had left and how much gas they had left. God, they were gonna have to ask Gamzee for financial assistance again, weren't they? Gamzee didn't mind helping, but Karkat felt like total shit asking for his money all the time. Once he ran that train into the water, he began to wonder at their med supply. Aradia had said she was running low, hadn't she? She had been a lot better on this trip than she had been, say, when she visited them for Christmas, but last time she took out her bottle, the rattling pills had been unusually quiet. Sollux had already had to buy more medicine for his aches, and Karkat was certain that he would need to help the man get to a doctor when they got home, seeing as he probably wouldn't go of his own voilition.
He sighed deeply as he contemplated how much work he had to do now their journey was coming to an end, and for his trouble got a needle stuck unapologetically in his ribs.
"OW! Goddammit!" He jerked away, which of course ended with him having more needles, this time in his arm. "Shit! Goddammit!"
"Calm down, Karkart." Kanaya sounded more amused than upset at his squirming, which was really just kind of annoying. "Nothing's going to happen, you know."
He was halfway through asking her what the fuck she was going on about before it clicked in his mind. "Oh. Well. Yeah, I know." He slumped forward, wincing as she carefully plucked the needles out of his skin. She was very careful, but had him sitting stiff and straight up again the second she was done. "I trust 'em. Mostly."
"Mostly? They're all adults, you know. I think they can take care of themselves. After all, they all survive perfectly well without us every other day of their lives." She rambled on like this, and as Karkat listened on, he realized she wasn't trying to convince him at all. When she reached for another needle, he saw her hand shake ever so slightly, and as she continued to assure herself that everything would be alright, he hummed in agreement.
. . .
"I don't wanna go home!" Nepeta whined, and started a whole flood of protests and agreements among all those gathered around their little "bonfire" (it was actually a pile of glow sticks after they'd been sternly told that setting fires on the side of the road was actually illegal). She leaned away from Karkat to curl into Equius's hug, and he mourned the loss of her warmth on his left side.
"I feel ya, darling!" Roxy complained, leaning against Feferi across from her. She was still here, for some reason, and had given no indication that she planned on departing before they arrived at their destination. In fact, Karkat still didn't know where she had been picked up, or where she was trying to go. "This has been possibly the most fun week of my entire life."
"You've only been here four days," Karkat grumbled, but didn't argue.
Strangely enough, he thought, he didn't want to go home. He hadn't thought of leaving early once, nor had he really thought about the end of their journey. It was like it would go on forever, and that was okay. He would miss, he realized, the sound of Eridan's snores (or, more recently, his moans), the feeling of Tavros almost crushing him, the sparkle of Nepeta's eyes when he told her good morning, and the way Feferi sought him out now whenever she started to feel fake.
"I'm gonna miss you guys," he found himself mumbling out loud, and wasn't quite prepared for the outpour of feelings the confession got him. The night, Nepeta and Eridan clung to him, which was awkward as hell since Gamzee also insisted he would never leave his best friend's side.
Once they'd fallen asleep, Karkat just stared into Gamzee's abnormally colored eyes, mesmerized as always by the vibrant purple.
"When this is all over, I think we should stay in touch with everybody," he announced, wincing as always at how loud his whisper was.
"You bet, motherfucker." Gamzee pushed Nepeta's head at what was no doubt an uncomfortable angle and used the extra space to move in closer. On his far side, Equius reached around, it seemed both to keep the juggalo close and to grab Nepeta's hand. How these people were so conscious in their sleep Karkat would never venture to guess. "We made all kinds of miracles getting' our travel on with these here righteous motherfuckin' brothers." He awkwardly motioned with his head towards the others, which was difficult considering they were lying all around them.
Kanaya ran a red light, so Karkat got up to relieve her for the night. He wasn't at all surprised when, not five minutes later, a long shadow separated itself from the blackness and settled itself beside him.
"You should hold onto something," he warned quietly.
"Nah." Gamzee yawned, his tongue stretching out of his tongue in the most ridiculous manner. "So what's churning in that frizzy pan?"
Karkat took a deep breath and on the exhale he breathed out all his problems.
. . .
"KK, get your face out of my crotch, unless you wanna be crowned an actual dick-whiffer."
Karkat grumbled and turned over, but that was as far as he went in acceding to his friend's request. He was tired as shit, and Aradia was right, Sollux's legs were kinda soft.
. . .
"I recognize that sign."
Karkat could hear the frown in Terezi's voice as she leaned forward. Their therapy session had just been cut short. He agreed with her completely, and his hands began to shake as he began to turn on familiar roads.
. . .
He hadn't wanted to drive during the final miles. But Kanaya'd eaten some bad fish and Feferi was far too tired from driving the night before. So he steeled himself and prepared in vain for all the goodbyes there to come.
It was 11 at night when they pulled up. Karkat had originally planned on dropping everyone off at their respective homes and stations, but after dealing with five people bursting into tears, he agreed with little resistance to allow everyone to stay the night in their tiny as fuck living room.
As he curled in the middle of the pile of bodies, he felt a strange ache in his chest, which he pushed away to make room for the sense of belonging.
. . .
"Bye, nubby. Make sure you call me, haha!"
"Wait for me, ya nut! Bye, Karkat. It was a blast, man! We gotta hang out again sometime!"
"I'll see you in a few days, KK. By the way, I have a picture of you with your face in my dick, so, uh…I think you owe me at the very least a large pizza."
"Thank you very much, Karkat. I think this was the best idea you've ever had."
"Uh, bye, Karkat. Thanks for letting…me, ah, sleep with you. Gamzee, uh, invited me over, so if it's okay I'll be over in a few…weeks?"
"Call me, Karkitty! I'll give you all the pictures and we should hang out sometime!"
"Listen, Kar, I meant what I said, okay? I'll call you the second I get Roxy home, okay? I promise."
"Oh, glub, did Eridan go without me? Shoot, he was my ride! Well, no matter! I'll just call someone to get me! Bye, Vantas, I really had a lot of fun!"
"…good-bye, Vantas. Makara. The experience has been most…relaxing."
"I'll see you this evening, Karkat. I hope you didn't forget our little date?"
"Well, I'll be up and seein' ya around, motherfucker. Was all kinds of miracles on that bus."
"Gamzee, where the fuck do you think you're going, you live here."
"Ah, right. I up and forgot. Got all caught up in the goodbyes."
The taller man draped himself across his tiny roommate, and Karkat only pretended not to notice his tears because he was too busy trying to keep his own silent. Their silent crying fest was interrupted by a yawn so intense it almost knocked Gamzee over.
"You all up for a motherfuckin' power nap, brother?"
Karkat took a deep breath, and on the exhale mumbled, "Yeah."
"You wanna do that again sometime?"
"Yeah."
Words: 13681
A parting note: In case they weren't obvious, I will list the trolls' "problems": Karkat (anxiety), Gamzee (addiction, paranoid schizophrenia), Sollux (bipolar disorder, fibromyalgia), Aradia (schizophrenia), Nepeta (autism, mild depression), Equius (sex addiction), Tavros (paraplegic), Vriska (sociopathic tendencies), Terezi (mild sociopathic tendencies, blindness), Kanaya (anxiety), Eridan (genocide complex, allged schizophrenia), Feferi (claims to believe she is a fish, depression, bipolar disorder).