Disclaimer: Castle isn't mine. Nor am I affiliated in any way.

A/N: Because I'm frustrated with certain people, I'm just posting this early. Fourth in the cub series. Be ready for lots of toddler fun. ;) This first chapter is kind of a prologue so it's a little jumpy.

It's quiet. The only sound comes from the other side of the bed. Soft heavy breaths that have Kate rolling onto her side, staring at her husband's face. The shadow of whiskers along his jaw and the relaxed lines around his eyes. Rugged. He looks rugged and delectable. She's been awake for hours, long enough to watch as their room went from inky gray to a brilliant orange. Maybe she got an hour down and out. Maybe. And she doesn't know how he's still asleep when today is the day. Well, she does. He stayed up late with her, helped her cook at two in the morning because she was nervous and needed something to keep busy. He spent part of the night hiding his own nerves by writing and then they'd tried to exhaust themselves with a rambunctious round of sex. Her heart quickens at just the thought of it. Heat curling inside her. Maybe a repeat performance...to get her heart pounding, to get some energy back in her bones.

But then she sobers. It wouldn't help. And there's always later for a quickie. She needs him awake though, needs the comfort he can offer. She slides closer, taps her fingers against his chest and presses her nose to his cheek. She can feel the scrape of his stubble against her lips when she kisses his jaw. Rousing him from dreams, with a slow lazy kiss pressed to his mouth. Coaxing him with a sharp nip, a soothing tongue when he grumbles.

Kate knows he's awake when she feels his hands. Fingers warming her cheek, and tucking her hair back behind her ear. The other set rest against her hip. His thumb rubbing lazy circles. She kisses him softly, once more. And then opens her eyes. He waits a beat before he cracks one open and she arches a brow in response.

"Time z'it?"

"About six." She hasn't actually looked. Doesn't want to know but that's her best guess.

"Did you even sleep?" He closes his eyes again, tugs on her ear and tries to coax her down against his chest. He wants her to relax, to rest.

She doesn't let him. Resisting until he finally opens both eyes and heaves out a sigh that's laced with her name.

"I managed an hour or so." It might be stretching it. She really has no clue. But her stomach is nervously twisted into knots and she knows now that requesting this day off was the best decision. "I don't want him to go. I mean I do but -"

"I know." Huh. She supposes he does. He's done this before but she imagines it doesn't get easier.

"He's so excited. And what if he knows I'm not? Oh god, what if he gets scared and starts crying?"

She doesn't get an answer out of him. Just a soft press of his lips against hers. It's not exactly reassuring and what does that mean? Did Alexis cry the first time and he's trying to protect her by not saying anything? There's no way she can just leave him there if he's miserable. But she has to, he needs this and clearly, so does she.

"Since we're awake we might as well get him up. Spend the morning with him."

"I'm starting to regret registering him for pre-k. Maybe he isn't ready." She's not the only one thinking it. She knows she's not. And it makes it harder, knowing that Castle is just as worked up. "I don't want him to think we're just leaving him."

"We've talked to him about it all summer. He knows we'll be there to pick him up as soon as we can."

"I - I'm making this worse on both of us. I'm sorry, Babe. You're right, let's just wake him up early." Kate sighs against him, kisses him one last time and then sits up.

Time to face the day. And everything that it'll bring with it.

"You wake the Cub down and I'll take Boomer out."

Her son isn't a morning person. He pulls the blanket over his head. Tells her that he's not ready to wake up. That he just wants to go night-night. But she tickles his belly, tugging the blanket and kissing his cheeks. She finally resorts to telling him that he has school soon. She doesn't give up. And that has his caramel and moss eyes opening. His energy levels jumping from zero to sixty.

He's been so excited for weeks about getting to go to "big boy" school. He wants to make friends and play and learn. All it takes it the brief blasé mention of it.

And then he's on his feet, tripping over his blankets. He lands on his butt and it doesn't deter him. He's still tugging at his dinosaur pajamas and huffing in frustration because he can't get them off.

"Momma help!"

"Slow down, little man. We have plenty of time." But she helps anyway. Crouching down to his level and lifting his shirt when he raises his arms.

He chatters, rambling in a way that leaves him gasping for air at the end of sentences. Some of his words not quite fully formed, a little hard to understand. He's only quiet when she stands watch in the bathroom as he brushes his teeth. And even then he pauses, and has to tell her something with toothpaste dripping down his chin. This is why she doesn't dress him first. Her little tornado is the cause of a mess at least once a day.

And she does nothing but smile, helping him when he's done, when he's washed his face and combed his hair because he insists on doing it himself. Her little boy is growing up, going to "school" and the excitement has his cheeks flushed.

She feels awful for not being as thrilled. But she worries. About every little thing. He's a shy boy. A talker once he gets to know someone but relatively shy at first. He hides behind her a lot. Peeking out from behind her leg whenever a stranger tries to talk to him and as a cop, she loves knowing that he won't willingly approach a random person or wander away but now that he's heading off to learn, she's nervous about it. What if that hinders him from making friends? What if he's scared of the teacher? What if he needs help but doesn't ask? So many things. And every thought kept her awake last night.

But now he's tugging her hands and smiling. His father's smile. And the same hair. With those little pieces that flop down over his forehead. She's a sucker for that grin. Always has been. Even back when Castle had been an arrogant ass, she'd still been a sucker for the grin.

She lets their son pull her to the dresser and helps him pick out an outfit that matches. He's four. She's not about to let him choose his own. At least not today. Except the batman underwear. He chooses those and she lets him. So much like his father. And he insists on the blue short sleeve button down "to be like daddy" and she lets him have his way on that too. Only drawing the line when he wants to wear his Finding Nemo pajama pants with it.

"Not today, Wes."

"But Momma..." He pouts just like his dad. Big eyes and crushed look on his face. "Those are my favorite!"

"It's warm out and you'll roast." She digs through another drawer, finds a pair of dark jean shorts. "Try these."

"Fine." He huffs at her. Narrowing his eyes. He steps into them though and she has to bite back a smile. Yeah. Sometimes he acts more like her.

"My handsome man." And that has him smiling again. Wiggling his eyebrows in that ridiculous way his father taught him. He struggles with it a bit, scrunching his nose a few times. Adding to the adorableness and she'll admit that she's more than smitten with her Castle boys. "C'mon. We'll pick shoes later. What are you hungry for?"

She already knows the answer.

"Chicken."

"It's breakfast time bud, not happening. Pick again."

"I guess pannakes." She doesn't correct him this time. Simply kisses his cheek and gives him a mock glare when he raises his hand to wipe it off.

"Pancakes it is. Your dad is waiting downstairs. I'll be there after I check on your sisters." She sends him off with a quick ruffle of his hair.

And she stands in the hall, watching as he jumps down each stair. Her heart in throat.

"Weston." She warns with a sharp tone. And that's all it takes for him to turn around and flash her a smile. But he doesn't jump anymore. He steps carefully. Shoulders slumped as if she's taken away his favorite toy. He's always been a little daredevil.

She rubs her hand down her face before entering the twins' room. She's not sure how any of them are going to handle this first day without him. But she remembers the way Ella had wanted to sleep in his room with him and cried when they told her no, that he needed the rest for his big day.

Their Ella's a firecracker and she knows that if she'd caved then both of them would've been up most of the night. It's happened before. Many times.

And when she steps in the lilac room, she finds both toddlers tucked in one bed. She's not sure why they ever converted both cribs. Charlie and Ella always end up together. She remembers coming in to find them in the same crib when they were only a year old. And that had terrified her until Castle had told her that he'd heard them fussing and let them share a bed. How they'd calmed immediately.

Identical girls and yet some part of her knows which one is which even on days she dresses them the same. It's their personalities. The shy and quiet Charlie and the loud and rambunctious Ella. But they're still sleeping. A mess of wild dark waves covering their faces. She reaches for them both, rubbing their backs simultaneously. In awe of the fact that they're sleeping in the same position. Big girls now and every day they still amaze her with something new.

"Momma?" The first set of brilliant blue eyes blink open. The first sleepy smile and little hands reaching for her. Charlie.

"Time to wake up. We have to take, Wes to school soon." And that's when Ella joins. A pitiful whine and eyes opening only to fill with tears.

"No."

"Shhh, it's okay Els." It's difficult. To watch a tiny heart break into pieces but she does her best. Kisses her daughter's head. "It's fun. He'll love it and we'll have a girls day."

But she's just as upset as their toddler. And it's clear that neither Charlie nor Ella really understand that Wes will be coming back. It's going to be a long day.

"Come on, Daddy's making pancakes and I think today it'll be okay to add extra syrup." She knows that'll have Ella up and at 'em. Such a vibrant smile suddenly replaces the teary eyes and yeah, yeah she'll let her drown her pancakes today.

Breakfast in their family is a loud affair. Giggles and excitement. The kids trying to talk over each other, and Castle is probably the worst at it. Getting excited himself and rambling on adorably as she sits Ella at the table.

The changes in their lives just seem normal now. The fact that there's always sticky hands and at least one hour of cranky frustration each day. It's all normal and both of them love every second. Okay, maybe she doesn't entirely love when there are three grouchy little ones, a headache, and not enough time for a glass of wine but those moments pass quickly enough and all that's left is the love.

Usually Wes sits by Ella and Charlie is fine with it but today is different. Today their son is flanked by both girls and she wonders if this will be a new morning tradition.

"Hey," He says it softly, loud enough for her to hear. And soft enough that she knows the question buried beneath.

"Hey,"

"How'd it go?" He glances at her, balancing plates on his arm and stepping over their dog with practiced ease.

"Okay. For now." And it is. As he sits plates of pancakes topped with strawberries in front of their kids, it's okay.

She takes a spot next to their youngest and knows he'll slide in by Ella, keep her from going too overboard on the extra syrup. Maybe. Probably not. She's watched him drown his own for years.

Wes chatters. It's constant. Almost as if he just can't help it and she knows where he gets that from. Even as he pulls pieces off his pancakes and chews them, he's still mumbling through her protests.

"Mouth full means what, Cub?" He doesn't finish chewing or swallow before he answers. She doesn't know why she tried.

And she nervously picks at her own food. She doesn't feel like eating but she munches on enough to fool the kids. And when her eyes catch on Castle's, she knows he's feeling the same way. Not eating much either. Unlike their offspring. With Wes on his second pancake and Ella spooning up syrup.

Charlie is the quiet one. Usually. But this morning she rambles right on with them. Her words less pronounced, a little different. She doesn't form them quite the same way and she has a lisp that Kate finds adorable. She's sharp as whip. She sees everything.

Breakfast was needed. This was needed. They're all smiling, all happy. No more sad eyes and broken hearts. Yet. But there's some thievery.

"Ella Jo." The girl freezes mid reach for another of her brother's strawberries. Blue eyes wide as she stares back at her mother. "We don't take things."

"Sowwy." She doesn't sound apologetic but Kate gives her a nod. Accepting it anyway.

When Castle discreetly - completely obviously - hands off his own fruit to their daughter, she's left shaking her head. Only because she was about to do the same thing. Yeah, breakfast has always been an interesting affair with little ones.

It's harder than she thought. So much worse than every scenario she had imagined. Watching Ella cling to him, Charlie hugging them both. Her girls matching their brother in blue sundresses with red bows.

And her big boy, so brave, tells them that he'll be back. He kisses their cheeks, tells them he loves them and he's been such a little grown up about all of it that Kate tears up before he ever walks into his classroom. He beams at them, waving but she can hear a slight waver in his voice when he says bye. He's about to cry too.

And she's clinging to Castle. Her hand clenching his tightly as they both reach for their daughters. She watches a piece of her heart walk away. She's trusting someone she doesn't really know to keep him safe. Sure, she'll admit she abused her power and ran background checks but she's still uneasy about leaving him. He's only ever gone with Martha, Alexis, her dad and occasionally she left him with the boys for five minutes to grab him a snack from the breakroom or something when he visited the precinct but Castle was always there too. This is different. Harder. It's so hard to walk away. But she knows they have to.

For Ella's sake. Her tear stained face is the reason that Castle releases Kate's hand. To comfort his little girl and she's sure he needs it too. She holds Charlie's hand instead. Leading as her partner follows with a weeping girl in his arms. But she's not the only one. It's hard to see where they parked when everything is blurred. When she hears her sweet quiet Charlotte sniffle and feels her fingers squeeze.

"We'll be back to get him before you know it." But she doesn't know how comforting that is to either girl when she can't keep her own voice from cracking.

They have two sad little blue eyed girls. And Kate barely keeps it together when she straps them in their seats. Taking Ella from Castle and having her cling, press her face to Kate's neck. She soothes her as best she can. Telling her it's just like any day that daddy takes Wes for a boys day. That he'll be home soon.

And that makes her let go. Makes it easier to place her next to her sister. She leaves the door open, turning into him when Castle touches her hip. She stays there. Against his chest with their daughters sniffling and he holds so tight, his breath coming out just as shaky as hers when she lets a few tears spill. She's crying over this. Something she never thought would happen. She's actually crying because her tiny baby boy is now in school. Their very first child isn't that itty bitty wiggly baby anymore. And now she actually has to face it.

"Let's go home, Kate."

She hadn't thought it could get worse. But it does as soon as they pull away from the school. She's never left him somewhere. Not like this. She glances back and sees that Ella is now smiling at her sister, both of them chattering using words that she'll never understand but at least they aren't crying anymore.

"Was it this bad with Alexis? Did you want to turn around and demand to just stay in the classroom with her?"

"You kidding? I hid in the bushes outside the window. Which is probably where I would be now if not for our girls." Of course he did. She can see it so clearly. Him hiding and probably sneaking little waves. Just watching over his daughter. She chuckles, rubs her thumb over the back of his hand.

"I'd be right there with you."

Partners.

She's glad she took a personal day. Content with the idea of movies and cuddling two very snuggly girls. And a large dog with eyes just as blue. She's outnumbered in this family. Only her Cub shares her eye color. Everywhere else she looks is a sea of blue. Bright and sharp.

She has a daughter on each side, a dog at her feet. And a Tangled blanket stretched over all of them. Not something she ever envisioned. But Ella's knees are pressed hard into her hip and Charlie is squirming to get closer and it's so similar to when she was pregnant with them. When they fought for space. They still do. They argue, push at each other, get frustrated and growl. But for now they're okay.

And so is she. Getting better by the minute when Castle swoops in to steal Charlie up, tickling her until she's giggling. Pressing his mouth to her head in a soft kiss that leaves Kate in awe once again. It's a daily occurrence. To feel her heart quicken and constrict when he plays with their kids. When he hugs them or even has a simple conversation.

"What do you say Charlie-bug, can I join?"

Their youngest squeals her answer. Still giggling and wiggling in his arms. And Kate shifts around until there's space between her and the arm of the couch. He plops. Dropping dramatically just to make both girls laugh. But it gets her too. Has her smiling at him when he turns that loving gaze her direction.

Ella is the first to climb down. Wander off towards the corner in search of toys. But she's not herself. She comes back with Weston's police car. And sits at their feet, playing with it and sighing.

"I miss Budder." It's soft. Even the normally excited mispronounced "brother" sounds sad and lost.

Kate turns her face into Castle's shoulder, unsure of what to say. It's only been half a day. They still have a couple more hours. But her writer knows how to diffuse the situation. How to keep their daughter calm.

"I miss your brother too, and I'm sure Momma and Charlie do as well but he's having fun. And I think we'll be getting ice cream when we go pick him up."

Ice cream always works. It has her perking up. Smiling again. And he winks at her, knowing she'll try to copy. She does. Blinking both eyes on accident. It's better after that. The air lighter.

Even when Kate leans heavily into him and Charlie climbs over into her lap. Her kids astound her. The depth and understanding they have at such young ages. Their hearts so big already that she never knows what to expect. Like now, with her youngest reaching up to touch her face. Looking at her with those endlessly lovable eyes.

"Not sad, Momma. Wethy come home." It's the slight lisp their daughter carries and the way her words tumble out that has her smiling.

"That's right, Cash. He'll come home and we'll do better tomorrow." She knows they will. Once it becomes routine it won't be so hard. She'll be back to work and Castle will have their daughters to keep him on his toes. And sometimes he'll come with her instead and the girls with have a day with their Grams. Or with their older sister.

But for now, it's snuggles on the couch. Playing in the floor. Movies they only half pay attention to and toys scattered everywhere. Doing everything they can to pass the time. All of them excited for the end of the school day and the fact that Wes will be back. He'll be loud and rowdy and try climbing the couch to jump off like the adventurous boy he is and she'll snap her fingers, tell him he better sit it down and he'll just look at his dad.

Yeah, she knows where his bad habits come from. And it'll be an evening of listening to him ramble on about his day, of Ella being stuck to his side like glue and Charlie listening to every word he says as if he's not just her four year old brother but her hero.

Maybe he is. After all, he's Kate's little hero too. Just like his dad.