Author's note: To be honest, I don't remember exactly why I wrote this. I found the basic idea doodled out in my notes on G-mail, then put what existed up on KP Slash Haven to see if there was any interest. Apparently there was… so, I've gone to the next step and padded this first chapter out. Will there be more than this? We'll see where it goes from here. So if you want to see more, review and let me know. Seriously, as Motor Ed would say. Legal disclaimers: Kim Possible, Shego, Ron Stoppable, Rufus, Big Daddy Brotherson & Dr. Drakken are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Pinky and The Brain created by Tom Rueger and Steven Spielberg, and those names are trademarks of Warner Brothers Entertainment. Use in use in this context is probably considered fair under parody law, but just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all human characters doing the naughty shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 1, while all mole-rats and mice are also of consenting age.
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KIGO & THE BRAIN
Part 1 - OF MICE AND KIM
Yet Another Very Wrong FanFic by SHADO Commander
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"So, you'll remember to give them cheese three times a day, right?"
"Ron!" Kim scowled. "I'm a college girl now! I think that makes me a LITTLE responsible!"
"Okay, okay!" Ron backed away out of hitting range. Kim had been more irritable than usual ever since they had broken up… amicably, of course, but Ron couldn't help but get the feeling that there were 'things' Kim hadn't been willing to say and risk jeopardizing their friendship over. And the fact that he'd been dating Yori within a week of their official parting, whereas eight months later Kim still hadn't gone out with anyone other than 'the gang' when they met up at Bueno Nacho, only made him a little more nervous about whatever it might be. When he got back from this trip to Israel, he'd have to hit up Monique and see if Kim had given HER any hints as to what was bothering her.
"I'm sorry Kim," Ron apologized, sensing that that was the right thing to do. "It's just that I've never left Rufus behind before… but three naked mole rats are more than customs is willing to overlook, and Rufus is really enjoying hanging with his new buds, so…"
Kim's face softened instantly in sympathy. "I know Ron, I'm sorry… I just…"
Ron waited for her hopefully, praying that she'd somehow read his mind and had chosen this moment to open up but…
Such was not to be. Instead, her expression twisted into one of puzzlement as she looked down at the carrying cage he had just brought to her college dorm.
"Ron... did one of your new mole rats just say "Narf?"
"Uh... Naco!" corrected the third mole rat, who was curiously shorter than the other two and possessed an unusually large cranium, as it glared at the others. "Yes, in the plural. Nacos," it confirmed in an unusually deep and melodious voice that sounded suspiciously familiar…
"Uh… yeah," Kim muttered skeptically to herself. There were times when she was sure she could understand what Rufus was saying, but with this new one the voice was even clearer. And what was it that this mole rat kept reminding her of?
A wanted poster?
Well, that was certainly ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as the second mole rat… the one with the big red nose… who was currently attempting to put his head inside the water bottle.
"Okay, I really gotta be going," Ron finally exhaled noisily. "International flights have a two hour early check in, which means my Dad's going to want to be there THREE hours early, so…"
"Yeah," Kim smiled, leaning over and giving him a polite kiss on the cheek. "Don't forget to send me a postcard, okay?"
"No problem, KP," Ron smiled.
And then he turned and walked away.
Kim kept the door open, watching as he disappeared around the corner of the hall that led to the stairs.
And as soon as he was out of sight, she reached into the bag of supplies Ron had brought, pulled out the biggest wedge of cheese, and crumbled it into the cage.
"Here you go guys," she sighed. "At least somebody ought to get what they want."
Kim watched as Rufus and the mole rat called Pinky fell upon the cheese with all the grace of starving cannibals devouring a clown… it was frightening but at the same time awkweirdly funny. The other mole rat, the one Ron called Noodle Noggin, chose instead to spear a small chunk with a pair of frilly cocktail toothpicks that he held like chopsticks, and sat on the side, staring balefully at the others.
"Yeah, I know how you feel," Kim told the gloomy looking naked rat. "Sometimes you feel like you're the only one in the world who thinks the way you do."
Not wanting to the rats to feel like she was staring, she covering the cage with the special sound baffling blanket, taking care to leave the top of the cage closed but unlatched… it wasn't like Rufus couldn't get out anytime he wanted, after all, and the cage was mainly so that the other girls in the dorm wouldn't freak if they saw mole rats running around. But at least Kim had a private room… "private" that is, in so much as the frequency with which she was awakened in the middle of the night by urgent calls from the police, Global Justice and, lately, the college's own Security Patrol… had driven out five roommates in the first two months she'd been attending Interstate Open University and the school had given up the extra bed as a lost cause.
Which had worked out well enough for Kim, as she'd had the extra bed removed and replaced with a martial arts training bag and a sparring dummy. There were better facilities in IOU's enormous gym complex, but when you were a girl who was often consumed by the desire to hit something, there wasn't always time to run across the campus.
In fact, she thought, eying the bag in the corner, she felt a bit in need of taking advantage of her own personal gym right now…
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Two hours later, a heavily sweating Kim Possible had finished the first part of her regular private workout. The hastily wrapped knuckles of both of her hands were battered and bleeding, and there was no doubt that the heavy punching bag was going to have to be reupholstered, as sand was starting to leak rather profusely from the seams… but she'd managed to take at least some of the edge off. Now there was just one more little ritual to indulge in and she'd probably be able to sleep tonight… but first… just to be sure, she went over and double checked the double bolt her door. Yep, still locked. And there hadn't been a peep out of the mole rats in over an hour… a cheese overdose always knocked Rufus out, and it seemed that his new friends were equally susceptible to lactose intoxication. The blanket was still over the cage, so... best to let sleeping mole rats lie.
What the girl hero wasn't aware of, however, as she went to close her blinds and then pulled the curtains shut over those, was that the "mole rats" were no longer even in the cage. In fact, her entire workout had actually been the subject of rather intense scrutiny by the one called Noggin… whose real name was simply The Brain… who had lead the others to a secret hiding place behind Kim's bookshelf, and then observed the whole display of her martial prowess with what could be called and almost clinically analytic attitude.
Having erroneously disregarded the small pets she was keeping for Ron as no reason for concern, and certain that there were no prying human eyes about, Kim stepped into her closet, reached up into a small crevice at the back of the very top shelf, and pulled out a long black lockbox such as might hold a pair of size 20 shoes.
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Brain watched with interest. He'd known Kim Possible was a formidable fighter, but she'd unleashed moves that he knew were beyond the ability of even the world's top martial artists, leading him to the frightening conclusion that she'd actually been holding back in many of her battles with the criminal element.
By this point Rufus and Pinky had completely lost all focus, and were amusing themselves by tossing cotton makeup removers at each other, but the teenager's sudden set of recent furtive actions had set the Brain's brilliant mind on high alert. Hopping from his place behind the shelf, Brain scuttled tip-toe across the top of Kim's cluttered writing desk in order to get a better view.
By this time the girl had made a side trip to the other side of the room and retrieved a small key that she had apparently hidden at the bottom of a dresser drawer, and had unlocked the mysterious container. Thus far her actions had been unusual, but what happened next was completely unanticipated.
With smooth, feline movements, Possible wiggled her out of both her cargo pants and the underclothing underneath and… leaving her top on… lay supine on the bed, next to the box, peering at an object inside. Brain's jaw fell as she next began slowly massaging the area between her legs with circular motions of her left hand with what could only be described as extremely self-amorous intent.
"Goodness," Brain thought. "And I thought things were racy on the WB!" (Referring, of course, to the only station his previous 'captors' seemed to be able to receive on the small portable set in their lab.)
Yes, Possible's current actions were definitely not TV safe, her breath starting to come in rapid pants as her fingers worked the increasingly well lubricated focus of her attention and her trembling hips began to pump rhythmically in exactly half of the world's oldest dance. Brain couldn't believe it; the cool, calm and collected heroine he'd observed all afternoon had become a shaking, shivering mass of shuddering gasps and lustful groans that were just barely held in check by her tightly gritted teeth. And whatever was in the box was obviously the key to reducing the redhead to jelly…
Surely this information would be worth something to the villain community? Perhaps even enough to convince a competent scientist to agree to fix the Brain's malfunctioning Big Daddy Brotherson robo-drone! Then he and Pinky could give up this ridiculous charade (and the uncomfortable process of shaving their entire bodies every night) and go back to doing what they did best… try to take over the world.
Motioning for Rufus and Pinky to join him, he made them form the bottom two thirds of a pyramid that allowed him to scramble atop the towering pile of books for a better viewing angle. Ironically, as he reached the summit, he noted that the very top book that would serve as his viewing platform was a copy of "Of Mice and Men."
Ironic, because Possible had already been ignoring the mice… and men were CLEARLY the last thing on her sex-addled mind.
Brain's jaw dropped to the floor… well to the book cover, actually… as Possible's right hand grabbed into the box, pulling out a huge vibrator and firing it up to full thrumming intensity… but it wasn't the 18 inch long pelvo-thruster that knocked him silly… it was finally beholding what was holding the goody-two shoes heroine in such a state of self-coital frenzy.
It wasn't just that it was a picture of a woman. It wasn't even that Brain already knew who the woman in the picture was. It was WHO the woman in the picture was that made all the difference in the world!
Shego. The very assistant of the very man who had created the very same prototype synthodrome that Brain had stolen with his very own tiny hands and converted into his Brotherson-bot years ago!
With a barely restrained yip of glee, Brain hopped back off the book stack to his waiting minions, who were currently attempting to get Pinky's head unstuck from the pencil sharpener. Fortunately, Possible's foot and a half of synthetic man-part was making too much noise for the pencil sharpener to punch through her hormone addled senses, and Brain solved the problem via the simple but expedient method of turning the hand crank backwards, cackling the whole time with barely restrained glee.
With his Big Daddy Brotherson disguise, the Brain had come far closer to conquering the world than with any of his other plots. Indeed, there was only one person in the world with greater informational resources than his own… Possible's own net guru, Wade Load… and the original plan had been to use Possible to get to Load, and then use Load to find someone besides the uncooperative Dr. Draken to fix the Brotherson-bot.
But this little bombshell... it changed everything!
"This is too delicious Pinky!" Brain giggled. "Too perfect! Kim Possible, the arch enemy of Dr. Drakken, has the hots for Shego, Dr. Drakken's head skull-crusher! And what WOULDN'T the good doctor give to know that the real secret to controlling Possible is within his blue grasp?"
He probably shouldn't have said what he said next, but old habits die hard.
"Pinky, Rufus… Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
"I think so Brain, but it doesn't look like she's removing much hair with that big shaver."
"Naco!" added Rufus.
"Oooo yes, with marshmellows!" agreed Pinky.
Brain face-slapped himself and resisted the urge to cry. He had a feeling this caper was going to be an even greater test of his sanity than usual.
.
And YES folks… here come the OPENING CREDITS
(to the tune of, duh, Pinky & The Brain)
Pinky, Rufus and the Brain,
Pinky, Rufus and the Brain,
Why are they together?
Allow us to explain…
They had a man-robot,
But it came down with bad dry rot,
Which really sucked…
For Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
Brain.
.
Yes Big Daddy Brotherson,
Was not just big and fat,
He's was actually mousey run,
Who would have thunk of that?
.
But inside his internal cogs,
Became jammed and full of clogs,
He had to be repaired,
Or Brain's plans would be impaired!
.
Poor Pinky and the Brain,
We're about to go insane,
Then Brain hatched a new plan,
That was really quite inane!
.
Their lair they did depart,
In a Fed-Ex box to Smarty Mart,
Which they marked Mole Rats inside,
After they each shaved their tiny hide!
.
Then they tricked Ron Stoppable,
Who left them with Kim Possible,
And now Chaos will ensue,
When Rufus joins up with them too!
.
Pinky, Rufus and the Brain,
Pinky, Rufus and the Brain,
One is a genius,
The others are his bane!
Now they'll use a thing called KiGo
To get them where they want to go!
And the world will be ruled…
By Rufus, Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
Narf!
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And Brain's word for the day, for you P&B purists… Awkweird – a situation that is both strange AND socialy upsetting.