A/N Hello! As you can see, I've decided to have a go at writing something fandom-based. It's not going to be an ongoing story – I don't want to put pressure on myself to write and update regularly, because I have a lot of things going on and I don't have much spare time. This is just me writing from Tobias/Four's perspective about his story.
This is my first fanfic. I would be so so so so grateful if you reviewed and gave me ideas on how to improve.
(WARNING: if you have not finished the Divergent series yet, do not read this story; it contains major spoilers)
Unfortunately, my name doesn't start with Veronica and does not end with Roth.
Ergo, I don't own Divergent or its characters.
I hope you enjoy!
The Beginning
I was withdrawn, and scared, a snail within its shell. Kept in and hidden from view. Unknown.
I did not have the best of childhood.
I don't tend to believe being whipped "for my own good" is fortunate.
But the time came when I was to take my own path.
I took the chance. I left the beatings and the pain behind. I let the scars heal.
The physical ones disappeared, in their own time. But the mental would take a little longer.
And as I dragged the blade across my hand and dripped my blood onto the burning coals, I knew I was free.
Before
I didn't realise that freedom came with a price.
When I came to Dauntless, I was determined to keep to myself. I was determined to get through it. I would get through it. I looked at nobody, talked to nobody.
I worked. I slaved. I fought for my freedom.
The training room became my hide-out. I put myself through my fear landscape. Four fears-almost unheard of. Amar, my instructor, began calling me Four. The name stuck. I was not Tobias Eaton any longer. I was given a new beginning, a new life. I was Four.
But every time I went through my fears, combating pain with pain, there was always something looming ahead of me.
Him.
A thousand Marcuses with a thousand belts and a thousand voices, trapping me in. Burning skin, searing pain. This was real fear.
Amar took pity on me, convinced me to join him and his group on a Dauntless expedition. We rode the train, we chased alcohol into oblivion.
That was the night I became Dauntless.
The ink is there to prove it.
A Dauntless flame, spreading heat across my chest. There was no turning back, not any more. I could not undo my choices.
Slowly, I began to settle in. I taught a girl how to fight. She became my ally.
But eventually, I made friends.
Zeke, and Shauna, and Lauren.
Amar had gone. Far too soon. That was when I knew, when I realised. I was different. That was to be feared.
I made enemies, too.
The Erudite transfer, Eric, with his greasy hair and lip piercings and wide, fake smile. He was excellent, too. Not excellent enough. I beat him. I proved him wrong. I came first.
And he came second.
I was asked to lead. At first, I accepted, intending to make Dauntless a better place. I was given a sheet with questions on it, and I had no idea how to reply. I just circled yes.
We were asked for ideas on how to improve Dauntless. I said that we should make Dauntless truly brave, not brutal. Eric? He had… other ideas.
In the end, I gave up. I didn't want to lead, not when Eric would always be hovering in the background, trying to push me out.
Little did I know that someday he wouldn't need to push me. I would choose to leave of my own choice.
But first, I worked in the control rooms. I trained initiates when the time was an endless routine. I kept myself to myself, only coming out to socialize rarely with my friends.
But then -
But then…
The Start
Grey. Tumbling through the air.
Not black, not blue, not red, not white.
But grey.
The colour of a thousand memories.
I was amazed.
I held out my hand, and pulled a girl out of the net. And that… that was the start.
She looked so fragile, but her eyes held fire. Blue-grey eyes, misted with intelligence and bravery and wonder and hope and regret.
She thanked me, and in that brief moment, I felt I knew her.
She took her first step.
I was behind her in case she needed catching.
I gave her a choice. A new name. Like me. She would need a new beginning.
Tris.
Suddenly, she was everywhere. Challenging me at her first meal. Looking at me dead in the eye as I threw knives at her.
It was safe to say she was different. Special, even.
I taught her, and she learnt. She learnt well.
Her first fight was not a success. I hated to see her, so much like me, defenceless against the blows being thrown upon her.
I left. I did not want to watch.
Even then, she noticed. She told me when we scaled the Ferris Wheel together. She was not afraid of heights. She was dauntless. She made me feel like I was about to fall, even though I was gripping the bars so tightly my knuckles were white. I caught her, when she slipped. That was the first of many times. But later, she would catch me.
Slowly, I began to change around her. Every idle touch sent electricity flowing through my veins.
I saw her fears. Crows, sending her out of control. She gave up, and it killed me. She lay there, and she finished – three times faster than the others.
Yes, this girl was special.
This girl was like me.
But the second time – she broke the glass.
She was different.
She was in danger.
She was Divergent.
It didn't help that I finally found a way into Max's files and discovered there was to be an attack on Abnegation. The place where she began.
I told my alive-not-dead mother. We didn't have a peaceful relationship. I didn't take the fact she left me to him very well.
She didn't care.
She said they didn't need to be saved. The liars didn't need to be saved. The innocents did.
I had to make a choice.
I heard her scream. I ran. Blonde hair, glowing in the dark. Three attackers surrounding her. Two escaped. I broke the other.
Was that what he felt, when he hit me?
Her voice reached me. I picked her up and took her to my apartment.
I knew, then, my feelings for her. I would have to tell her.
So I did.
She did not react in the same way as others did, with pity. She said I wasn't a lost puppy. I knew that it was right, then. That she was different, so much more special than everybody else.
I held her in my arms, and kissed her. She refused to believe that she was special. I didn't care. I kissed her again, sure this time.
And she kissed back.
That?
That was the start.
The Middle
I began to re-think my plans of leaving Dauntless and joining Evelyn. Tris made everything so much simpler.
Did I really want to go, if it meant leaving her?
I showed her Erudite, and their switched-on lights. I told her my theory. She did not know what to say.
Of course, Tris excelled. She came first - like me. I was immensely proud. She had done it.
I was wary of showing the other members our relationship, but Tris didn't care. She kissed me in front of everyone.
Honestly? By that point, I had given up.
Her fears included intimacy.I was afraid it would be of me, but she pulled away when I got too close.
She reminded me of me. Too scared to reach out. Too scared to let others in.
In time, she conquered the fear with my help.
But first?
We ran.
We rode the train to the end of the line. We did not know what was to become of us.
The memory of Tris surrendering and letting me shoot her whilst I was under control would stick in my mind forever.
The memory of Andrew and Natalie Prior dying would stick in hers.
We reached Amity, unsure of our fate. But they took us in, on the condition we agreed to follow their rules.
Tris and I were not rule followers.
We were Divergent. We could not be controlled.
Tris lied. To me, and to Christina. She had killed Will. Will; her friend. Christina could not bring herself to look Tris in the eye. Neither could I.
Peter pushed Tris into it.
I had trained Tris well. She beat Peter.
We were told we could not stay.
To tell the truth, I was relieved.
So we left.
But that was not the end. Far from it.
Tris had lied. Again.
She had promised me.
She had promised.
But then, promises are easily broken.
She went to Erudite, she risked her life.
I couldn't take it any longer.
This was not Tris.
Tris would not lose her head and die senselessly.
She told me it was selfless.
She told me that was what her mother and father would have done.
I told her if she didn't change; we were over.
She didn't say anything.
She left.
But then she lied.
Again.
She worked with him. She went with her instincts, but against mine.
In the end, she was right.
Our lives?
They had been controlled, all along.
We had been watched. Recorded, like we were experiments, measurable.
We were experiments, actually.
The Beginning of the End
Tris was captured. Taken into prison.
She was furious.
She had discovered the truth, she argued. Why was that a bad thing?
She didn't know Evelyn, not like I did.
She was Divergent, however. She fought the serum, defended Cara and Christina.
I was not Four any longer. Now, I was Tobias Eaton - a hidden name, then a well-known one.
We went outside. We went beyond the fence.
There was a whole world we had never known.
That was not all.
We were flawed. The Divergent population, not so much.
But flawed.
We had been created- controlled.
Who were we, now?
Could we really say that we were who we thought we were?
Things only got worse from there.
I thought I was Divergent.
But no. I was still flawed. Not as much as the others, but not enough to be Divergent.
Tris?
She had strong traces of Divergence. Her genes meant she could resist serums.
Uriah.
Uriah.
The brother of my friend.
Half-dead, because of me.
Why is it that promises are so easily broken?
My relationship with Tris was broken.
But she came back.
Thank the Lord, she came back.
She said I was the only one sharp enough to sharpen one like her.
I was.
I still am.
Happily Never After
Caleb was to die.
He had betrayed Tris, and to me, he was no longer her brother.
He was to go into the Weapons Lab.
He was not going to survive.
He was not Divergent.
The night before he was due to leave, Tris beat her fear of intimacy.
To me, she had never been more beautiful or brave.
And then, the next day, they left.
"I love you," she had said.
"I love you too."
I would never hear those words again.
After
I watched Peter disappear.
I could not wait for Tris to return, for me to hold her and tell her that I loved her and for our future.
We were going to have a future.
Christina told me.
Tris had gone.
I could not hear.
I could not see.
I could not feel.
I was numb inside.
and all I was doing
was standing still.
She was not gone.
She wasn't.
She couldn't be.
I didn't know what to do.
I don't suppose I ever will.
She was the only one I ever loved.
Tris.
Not Amity.
Not Candor.
Not Erudite.
Not Abnegation.
Not Dauntless.
Divergent.
A/N Phew! I hoped you guys enjoyed that. I did have to miss out some parts.
A reminder that this is my first ever fanfic and I'm quite proud with how it turned out.
I would be eternally grateful if you reviewed. Obviously, I don't expect any follows because this is a one chapter story.
Thank you so so much for reading my story!
~Joanna