This is a result of excessive boredom. It doesn't make much sense, but it was fun to write. And I don't actually have anything against gorillas.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Prince of Tennis.
(Written by Nithila, AKA Nila's sister.)
Part I - Mukahi Gakuto
Hyotei Academy had the potential to be a perfectly peaceful place. In fact, the headmaster was delusional enough to actually believe that Hyotei was a perfectly peaceful place. The students, however, were not so lucky, and had to accept the horrifying truth: Hyotei was not, never was, and never would be peaceful in the slightest.
Atleast, not as long as the tennis team existed.
On this particular day, however, the regulars were doing nothing notable. Except for Atobe, of course. Everything Atobe did was notable. He was Atobe.
So, while Atobe prepared for a speech, and Oshitari pretended to help, and Kabaji stood ram-rod straight at Atobe's shoulder as any good boulder would, the other regulars sulked.
Or rather, Mukahi, Shishido, and Hiyoshi sulked, Ohtori did not, and Jirou...slept. In the unfortunate world of Hyotei, only Jirou experienced, or even attempted to experience, true peace.
"Gorillas," Mukahi bit out murderously. He emitted a deadly aura, and he bit the end of his pencil furiously, as though the tiny pink eraser was the sole cause for his misfortune. "I hate gorillas."
Everyone paused in what they were doing and looked at Mukahi.
Surprisingly, Jirou was the first to speak. "I hate baboons."
Mukahi shook his head at Jioru, and said very wisely, "Baboons are fine. It's the gorillas that are evil."
Atobe raised an eyebrow gracefully. "Ore-sama fails to see the point of this conversation."
"And I fail to see the point of gorillas! So there!"
"You do know that humans happen to be related to gorillas," Oshitari, the wise one, stated matter-of-factly.
"Oh, yeah? Well, my stupid cousin Bob is related to me too, and I don't like him, either!" Mukahi stated. "There was this one time when he finished all of the chocolate muffins in the fridge without giving me a single one!" He shuddered dramatically. "All of them! Without giving me a single one!"
"..."
"Maybe...yes. Yes, yes, yes. It must be. I think...I think he's a gorilla in disguise. "
"..."
"AAAAHH! YUUSHI! The gorillas are sending evil potato minions to spy on me! HELP! FIGHT THEM! KILL THEM! RIP, TEAR, KILL!"
"I think gorillas are cute," Ohtori spoke up bravely. He didn't understand Mukahi's thought process at all, but he would not stand by and watch a relative be insulted. No matter how distantly-related they were.
Shishido wrinkled his nose. "At least they're better than chimpanzees."
Mukahi rounded on him, murderous aura turning two shades deadlier. "Don't you dare compare gorillas to chimpanzees."
"Dude...they're practically from the same family."
"And I'm from cousin Bob's family!"
"Well...you did finish all the blueberry muffins in Atobe's fridge(s) yesterday..."
"That is completely unrelated!"
"The heck?"
"Those were blueberry muffins! Bob ate the chocolate ones!"
"...Big deal."
"It is a big deal! But the bigger deal is GORILLAS!" Mukahi shrieked, in a high pitched voice.
Silence reigned in the room once more.
"That," Shishido said at length, "Made a grand total of no sense."
Mukai scowled. He turned on his heel and stomped dramatically out of the room, his hair bobbing all the way. The door slammed behind him.
There was a pause.
The door opened again, and a high pitched voice shieked, "I won't come back until you apologize!"
The door slammed again.
The regulars stared at the door, then stared at each other, and then peacefully continued doing whatever they were doing before Mukahi made his ingenious disruption.
.
.
Part II - Echizen Ryoma and Kirihara Akaya
Ryoma and Kirihara disagreed on a great many things. A very great many things. In fact, they only agreed on two things in total: Tennis, and gorillas.
The former, everyone knew about. But the latter was discovered only during Seigaku and Rikkai's trip to the Naniwa Zoo.
As for why Seigaku and Rikkai were going to the Naniwa Zoo, let's just say that it involved Fuji, Yukimura, and a whole lot of smiles.
The day was proceeding peacefully. As peacefully as it could, that is, with so many mortal enemies travelling together as one group.
"Oh, look over that tree, Echizen, it's a bird!" Kirihara would shout. And then, feigning innocence, he would add, "Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you're too short to see it."
And then he would proceed to laugh maniacally, until Ryoma informed him, quite nonchalantly, that the bird Kirihara was seeing was, in fact, a coconut.
Which would result in Kirihara deciding to plot his revenge, which had resulted in his current plan: 'Hurt Echizen's feelings'.
"Ponta is disgusting." Kirihara said wisely.
"...I see." Ryoma replied, looking somewhere else entirely.
"I hate cats." Kirihara added.
"...Suit yourself."
" Silver is a terrible colour."
"...Okay."
"I hate science."
"Do I look like I care?"
"Your glasses make you look like a dragonfly."
"...I wear glasses?"
"Mura-buchou! Echizen is being rude!"
"Echizen-kun, please don't be rude to Akaya."
Yes, everything was peaceful. Until of course, the gorilla enclosure.
"I hate gorillas," Kirihara stated in distaste as he stared up at a huge one, for once forgetting about 'hurting Echizen's sentiments'.
Ryoma shuddered, staring at it as well. "Me too."
The whole group fell into an uncomfortable silence.
"...You both hate gorillas."
No one knew who said it. But they were all thinking it.
The two nodded.
"Gorillas are evil." Kirihara observed.
"They're too big." Ryoma added.
"Oh, oh, and they smell!"
"They're just so...hairy."
Kirihara stared at the younger boy in awe, a new 'let's be friends' light glowing in his eyes.
"Gummy bears taste hideous." Ryoma said quickly. He did not like that glint at all.
Sure enough, the glint vanished, as did the sparkles floating around Kirihara's head. "I HATE HISTORY!"
Ryoma smirked. He did, too. But he wouldn't tell the other that. "...I see."
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