I keep trying to tell myself that somehow you are not gone. That somehow you find a way remain with me. Somehow, everything you loved remains here yet everything I loved left with you.

I watched your favorite film tonight. I tried to smile when I remembered when we watched it for the first time. I know you never said anything, but it was easy to figure out when you seemed to know every line by heart. You were so happy when Dorothy clicked her heels and it all turned out to be a bad dream. I wanted to feel that joy again, but the heat of tears on my cheeks did not come from such a happy place.

I remember when you use to joke about they completely based the Lion and the Scarecrow off us. How we were missing the obvious until an evil wizard showed us we had all we needed all long. Seeing you standing there trying to get the courage to ask me out filled my heart with such love that I finally realized I should just agree without needing to hear you say anything. I had the idea that once we found each other that would end any separation and they said I was supposed to be the smart one.

Truthfully I never had your courage to just keeping on. I merely followed knowing that my lioness would be there to protect me. With you gone I have lost all intelligent thought along with the courage to try to sleep without your face haunting my dreams. Our home sees less and less of me because I cannot take the chance of seeing you only to blink and find you disappeared.

Now I just wish that wizard would stop the beating in my chest. That he could take the heart and I could finally find some rest. The Tin Man needed one and I am not using mine anymore. Then I could just stand somewhere without feeling this pain. I could remember your face before the disease took it over without it breaking my heart into all over again.

What good is having this heart when it is all I have left? Maybe instead it is what the story needs. The Lion is gone, why have this version leave the Scarecrow in pain when the Tin Man could do so much more anyways. I am not Dorothy; I don't get to click my heels to wake up from this bad dream to find you standing over me.

You would not want this pain to overtake me and that only makes it worse. To know that if you were here there would be some comforting words of loving sarcasm that I would be okay. With you gone, I cannot feel anything that does not leave me in pain.

I just wish this heart of mine didn't miss you so, that I could give it to the Tin Man and go back to the house because there is no place home.