Sticky Fingers and Chaos

by Lucillia

In which the Chancellery Guard Andred falls in love over the course of a single planetary invasion, rashly marries, and discovers that his beautiful savage Leela comes with a bit of black-haired, green-eyed baggage named Harry that she and the Doctor had picked up from a doorstep on Privet Drive during a cold November night in 1981. Baggage that he's now partially responsible for.

1. Prologue: Joining the Wrong Family

Dumbledore winced slightly as he gave the small bundle on the doorstep of the Dursley home one last glance. Personally, he thought the lullaby blankets that were so popular these days bordered on child abuse. But, if his suspicions proved correct, a blanket that forced a kid to sleep until it was removed was going to be the least of the poor boy's worries. With the boy wrapped in it, there was no way he could wander off, and the warming charms that were placed on each blanket were advertised to withstand Arctic temperatures. There was no risk of Harry dying of hypothermia before his aunt brought him into the house and sealed the contract that would keep the boy's blood protection intact until he was of age. Heatstroke maybe, but not hypothermia.

"Good luck." he whispered to the boy who he might have to lead to an untimely demise for the safety of the world, especially if Tom got too big for his britches and pissed off the wrong being. But, when one life was weighed against billions, there was only one right answer. Cruel, but right.

"You're going to need all the luck you can get." Dumbledore whispered as he apparated away.

Not ten seconds after Dumbledore had departed, a rather peculiar sound echoed across Privet Drive and the surrounding neighborhood. A sound which sent one man leaping out of bed and searching for his clothes. Not out of fear of discovery by a spouse, as he was the spouse in this case, but because that sound usually heralded trouble. As the sound faded, a blue police box was standing where there hadn't been one before. Moments after the police box appeared, a brown haired woman in leather emerged and began exploring the area.

Less than two minutes later, there was a yell of "Leela! Put that baby back!"

The Doctor should've already known it was futile since the woman in question only listened when she wanted to. How she'd become his companion should've made that clear.

Fortunately for Harry, the Sevateem were distantly descended from the Evans family through one Dudley Dursley. Unfortunately for Harry, because Leela had taken him, he was going to be raised by people who had rather odd ideas when it came to child-rearing. This was partially because one of the people who would be raising him had belonged to a tribe of what the residents of Privet drive as well as the rest of society would've called savages, and partially because the other who would raise him and the family he belonged to were aliens who hadn't actually had to deal with children for generations. The reason this particular species of alien hadn't had to deal with children for ages was because most of their families had used devices called Looms which spat out full-grown adults rather than gone through the messy process of childbirth - which seemed unbelievably primitive to them - for millennia upon millennia.