A/N: Rick Riordan owns the copyrighted characters in this story. No infringement intended in the name of profit.

I stare at the piece of plastic, wrapped in a thin cover of see-through plastic and glued to piece of cardboard and think the obvious.

Percy Jackson, you can't seriously be this desperate to hang out with a girl.

'Yes…yes I am,' I answer my own brain, ignoring the very real possibility that I'm losing my mind.

I check my pockets one more time. Riptide, apartment key, wallet? Check, check, check.

I take one last look in the mirror to make sure I don't look too unpresentable to any parents that may or may not be around. This red t-shirt doesn't look right on me, but the only other clean shirt I have is my bright orange Camp Half-Blood t-shirt, and I try not to wear that in case of A) Non Half-Blood Parents and the inevitable 'What is a Camp Half-Blood?' question where I end up lying that it is some indie rock band I listen to or B) Monsters who see that shirt and translate it to 'Please Kill Me'.

I take one last deep breath and place my hand on the doorknob, when the apartment phone rings.

I look over and read the caller ID.

Chase, Frederick. With a Bay Area number.

Play it cool, Percy. Act like you're in the middle of something super important.

I pick up the cordless and immediately fumble it off the kitchen counter and onto the floor. I curse something in Greek and pick it up.

"Hello?" I can hear voices in the background. Young boys arguing about something, and then a heavily accented Asian woman ordering them to share. The actual voice on the receiver sighs, and then hangs up.

Annabeth.

She and I have played this game all school year. About once a week if you can believe it.

She isn't the only one who is afraid to speak first.

My hands are shaking. They do this when she calls and hangs up.

Some brave hero I am.

I take another deep breath, and leave the apartment.

I'm walking along the busy streets of NYC. It's a beautiful late fall day, not too hot and not too cold. After three or four blocks I check my hands again. Steady again, probably due in no small part to getting some exercise.

A moment later though, I start to get an uneasy feeling.

I casually look back for a moment and my breath hitches.

Either my eyes are playing tricks on me, or two girls are trailing me, tossing little smiles and waving a bit coyly. I had to turn back around quickly just in case they were randomly walking down this same street or whether they are actually following me.

Most guys would say 'So what?' or the more egocentric ones would say 'Well of course they are smiling, look at me'.

But I'm Percy Jackson, and even on my best days, I have the sex appeal of a guinea pig. Seeing as how I've spent time as one, I'm pretty sure I know what I'm talking about.

No. The math here is really simple. 'Hot girls' plus 'interested in where I'm going' normally equal 'Empousai trying to eat my flesh'.

I see a cathedral up on my right, and I quickly duck in. It's deserted looking...which makes sense for a Saturday I guess. I duck into a confessional booth and close the door, pulling Riptide into my hand…but not uncapping her just yet.

My hands are still steady, which makes no sense as strategically I'm in a really bad spot here. I've trapped myself and may have to go one on two with some murderous demons. To make matters worse, I left Tyson's shield-watch at home for some stupid reason.

Suddenly the side door of the confessional booth opens to reveal a wood grate. I keep my thumb on the cap of Riptide…

"Are you here for confession, my son?" the priest on the opposite end of the grate asks.

"I…uh…" man, where do I start?

"Not Catholic are we?" the priest asks.

"No…sir…uh…father. I'm not." I answer relieved that I don't have to lie.

"That's alright. See? One confession down already," he says a bit too cheerfully.

I chuckle nervously…trying to keep my attention to hear if the church doors to the street open again.

"So you must be here for a reason, right? Something on your mind, son? Trouble at school? Home? Girls?" he probes…without being pushy. If anything he's almost methodical in the way he brings it up.

"I…uh…yes," I was trying to be funny here, answering yes to all three.

"Girls then? It's always girls. Unless it's boys…and those conversations can get really awkward…"

What kind of priest is this anyway?

"No…my problem is with girls," I blurt out. No need to make this conversation weirder than it needs to be. As much as I don't want to lie to a man of the church, telling him the truth would basically be an admission that I routinely break about 90% of the ten commandments on a given day.

"Ah...okay…good. I'm well versed in this topic," he says with a weird inflection.

"Um…okay…well where do I start?" I stammer.

"Well we can talk about the two women in your life that are consuming all of your thoughts, or the two devil women looking to consume your flesh that are currently sitting outside the cathedral doors,"

What in Hades?

I drop the teenager in need act and look right through the grate, and see said priest with his head in his hands barely holding back his laughter.

"Dad?" I exclaim, and now his laughter is a bit more pronounced.

He starts to calm down and wipe away a tear from his eye.

"Oh…oh Percy. You should have seen the look on your face," he says…still chuckling.

I didn't realize my clumsy attempts at having relationships with girls, or my impending death, were so hilarious.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, opening the door just a crack to get a view of the church doors.

"I could ask the same thing. On your way to Ms. Dare's house?" he asks.

I feel busted, mostly because my Mom doesn't know I'm on my way there, but my immortal-and-omniscient-but-for-all-intents-and-purposes-absentee father does know.

"Yes…but um…is that important right now?" I say wiping my hands of the sweat that is making it really hard to hold on to Riptide.

"On the surface no, but I hope that gift you are going to give her is worth unnecessarily exposing yourself to these dangers," he says, sounding dangerously preachy.

"Dad, and I say this with all due respect, are you the best authority on what the right amount of potential danger is okay for meeting women?" and even I know I've crossed a line here. But seriously, every other time he hooks up with a woman (human or otherwise), something terrible happens: Medusa, Polyphemus, Me.

There is a heavy pause as he sighs.

"Percy…" he begins, but I'm already feeling guilty about calling him out, here of all places, when I'm sure he came to help.

"Look, I'm sorry. I just…I need to take care of these hags before anyone else comes in. I feel bad enough having lured them here and I think Saturday mass is only like an hour away."

"As I was about to say, I'm going to keep Father McGloin busy back there. You don't have the shield your brother made for you for some reason…but you have another weapon that will be just as useful. But whatever you do, do not use it to heal yourself," he explains.

"What are you talking about?" and before I can lay into him about being vague, which is the only other thing I don't really like about him, I realize he's probably talking about the holy water that it is sitting in two unattached basins at the front of the church.

"The Holy Water? But why can't I…"

But before I can finish that sentence I hear the doors open, and Poseidon gives me one last glance of concern and then says "Good Luck Percy. I love you".

He starts to glow, signaling that he's about to make an abrupt exit and I should turn away, and then he's gone.

TBC