Remember When
Pick A Pic Challenge
Title: Remember When
Penname: angmclure
Banner: 41
Rating/ Disclaimer: M
Summary: Remember when live was simple, fun and you were free from heartache. Bella does. She remembers her boring summers spent visiting her Dad in Forks and the new boy who changed it all as she comes back after years away.
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AN: This is my first time posting any of my writings. And remember this is fan fiction so I have taken some liberties so don't shot me. Thanks for reading.
This has now been beta'd by thaiflower, dolphin62598, and xrxdanixrx. They did a wonderful job of cleaning up my errors and I am extremely greatful.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters. I just thought it would be fun to play with them since I haven't been able to get the Sims 3 to play puppet master yet.
It's so easy to get lost in your memories as you travel, passing by familiar sights of your childhood. That was how I found myself on the drive to Charlie's house, my new home.
Home.
Forks had never been home, but it held some of the best and worst memories of my young life. From before I could remember, I had been forced to spend my summers with Charlie as Mom went on whatever new vacation she could think of, and while Charlie tried, I still dreaded my time in the wet, dreary town. Charlie would take me fishing with him, because he didn't want to leave me alone too much. I detested fishing, so I'd read and try not to tip the boat. After one such incident, he agreed to let me camp out on the shore. It wasn't much better, but the tent did keep me dry. And that was my summer—Charlie fishing, me reading.
At least until the summer before I started high school. Then it all changed. His family moved in next door to Charlie at the beginning of summer. He was just as unhappy about the summer as I was when we met in my secret spot.
The sudden ringing of my phone brought me out of my memories. I grabbed it from the passenger side of the car, Dad flashed across the screen.
"Hi, Dad."
"Hey, Bells. I just wanted to see if you were still on your way?" Charlie seemed so excited about my move.
"Yeah, I'm driving now. I've got about another hour to an hour and a half before I hit Port Angeles. Depending on the traffic, I should get there around dinner time."
"Good, good. You be careful and take your time. I'll order a pizza for dinner." I could hear the smile in his voice, and I felt a pang of guilt for having stayed away for so long. "I'm looking forward to seeing you, baby girl."
"I know, Dad, and I'm looking forward to it, too. I'm going to let you go so I can concentrate on the road."
"Okay, you do that. Bye."
"Bye. Dad… I love you, and I have really missed you."
"Me, too Bells. Me, too." I could hear the emotions in his voice that he tried to hide. I quickly snapped my phone shut and tossed it on the seat as I heard a little meow from the cat kennel next to where my phone landed.
"Sorry, Max. Mommy didn't mean to throw the phone at you. I've just got a lot going on." I loved my cat. He was the only man in my life that I fully trusted. He listened to all my rambling and rants. "I hope I'm doing the right thing."
And as the quiet settled in again, I flicked on the radio. Silence was the enemy. It would leave me too much time to think, and I didn't need that. I didn't need to recall all the good memories, because they always ended with the heartache from my last trip to Forks.
I hastily punched the scan button to try to find something that wouldn't bring on the memories of him. Damn, did everyone have to sing about lost love, broken hearts or summer dreams? Could no one sing about something safe, I don't know like…
"Damn it, why can't I think about something else? Umm… I know, my new job. Yeah, that's safe, right, Max?" I tended to have a habit of talking to myself or Max. But at least I didn't have full conversations, 'cause that'd be just weird.
I started planning things I would need to do. I was coming back, due to Charlie's impending wedding. After all these years alone, he had finally found someone, and I was happy for him. I was moving into Charlie's old house, since he basically lived at Sue's on the Reservation now. He had told me he kept the house in hopes that I would decide to come back after college. Seeing as I had yet to find a job, I figured I could use the time in Forks to decide what I wanted to do now that I graduated. Granted, I had no clue what I wanted to do, but the planning was a distraction from him. I knew that I could apply at the local schools and libraries, but that brought up more of my issues.
Meeting new people.
I was never good with meeting new people. Even him. I had been my normal awkward and clumsy self.
I had only been in Forks for a few hours when I decided to go to the field behind Charlie's house. It was just a short trek through the trees. No one but me ever went there. I didn't think anyone else knew about it. It seemed Charlie had remembered my fondness for this place, as the trail was newly trimmed in preparation for my clumsy nature.
After a short walk, I could make out the yellow and purple wild flowers growing in my field. I began to hurry to reach it faster. I loved being here. It was the best thing about Forks. The beautiful field full of wild flowers with the little run down shed where I could hide and read or pretend I was somewhere else and living in one of my favorite stories. In my sudden rush to be free of the trail, I, of course, missed a root, or should I say didn't miss a root and tripped.
"Damn it," I called as I fell. Luckily, no one was around to see my little show. At least, I thought so, until I felt warm hands trying to help me up as a soothing voice asked if I was all right. I looked up, and my eyes met warm green ones full of concern.
"I'm…uhh...I'm…uhh…" I stuttered as my cheeks blossomed into an embarrassing hue. "I think so."
"Good, that looked like it could have hurt," he said as he helped me settle into a sitting position.
"Who are you?" I blurted out before I could think and then promptly slammed my hand over my mouth. He just chuckled.
"I'm Edward. I just moved here," he answered while holding out his hand for me, "And you would be…?"
"Oh, I'm Bella."
"Good to know."
We sat that way for a few minutes, just glancing at each other, before I again lost control of my mouth.
"What are you doing in my field?"
"Oh, this is your field, I didn't know. I was just trying to find somewhere to hide," he said as he shyly looked away.
"Why?" I wondered what he needed to hide from.
"Oh… well… I… umm, our shoes match... kinda. I mean, you know not the color, but yeah."
And just like that, I felt a connection to someone. I wasn't the only awkward person in this world. After our initial reactions and awkwardness passed, we spent the afternoon together. That one meeting led to more, and before I knew it, I had made my first real friend here. We bonded over being somewhere that we really didn't want to be, our love of comfy things and our parents' issues. He told me how he moved here because his dad had remarried. I explained how Mom only wanted to parent for half the year.
Before long, we were spending every chance we got with each other in our hide out. Together, we repaired and remodeled the shed into a cozy little clubhouse for us. A place to hide our secrets from a world that seemed unfair to our young minds. I could read or write without being bothered, while he could compose or play music. Charlie provided us with Coleman lights, while Carlisle, Edward's dad, provided first aid kits along with wood for repairs. Esme, his step mom, gave us some beanbag chairs and other odd and ends to furnish it with. This was the first summer that seemed to pass by in a flash for me, and I was sad to be leaving Edward. He had become my best friend, which was something I had never had. It was nice, and I would miss him during the school year. He said he would miss me, too.
I returned to Renee and the warm weather, but I found I now longed for the misty green of my summer. Edward and I kept in touch through email and the internet. I expressed my loneliness to him as he expressed how hard it was to be the new kid in a small town. I found myself counting down the weeks of school, something I never did.
Don't get me wrong. I made a few friends in my high school, as did Edward, but no one seemed to understand me as he did. No one else got how I loved my pink Keds but hated wearing any other form of pink. And I in turn understood him. How he felt insecure with his glasses and lanky body. How he felt inferior to his new stepbrother. We just clicked, and we both were eager to see if we still fit after a school year apart.
I was again drawn from my memories by my cell phone. Reaching over, I answered without checking the Id.
"Hello?"
"Hey, chica, I just wanted to see where you were." The bright a cheery voice of my best friend, Alice, came over the line.
"Hey, Ally, I'm just about to enter Port Angeles now."
"Oh, you're not there yet. I would have thought that you would for sure have made it there by now. What are you driving, twenty under the speed limit?"
"No, we can't all be blessed with your need for speed and knack of avoiding tickets." I sighed. Alice had an uncontrollable habit of speeding. It was only surpassed by her shopping habits. And for some reason, she never got caught. I just hoped she had a little more control when she came to Forks in a few days.
"I know, I'm special that way." she giggled. "So, how much longer before you get there?"
"Umm…about an hour."
"Well, you'll have to call me when you arrive, just to let me know you made it safe and sound."
"Yeah, whatever. You just want gossip."
"What's wrong with wondering about your new step mommy to be? You never know, it could be like one of those movies. She's all sweet, but really, she's just after his money and waiting for the right moment to put her plan into action." Alice paused for air, and I took that as the sign to stop her rant or she'd continue through the rest of my drive.
"Stop, I don't need your wacky mind playing tricks on us. I swear, you've watched one too many horror movies," I jumped in before she could come up with wilder ideas. I loved Alice like a sister, but there were moments I had to rein her in.
She was my college roommate, and from our first meeting in the small dorm, we had clicked as only I had with one other person. But unlike him and me, we were almost total opposites. I was calm, shy and reserved, where Alice was excitable, outgoing and blunt. But for some reason, we meshed well together. She brought me out of my shell while I helped tone her down. We were inseparable, which was why she was coming to stay at Charlie's with me.
"Fine, but you never know. They have to get these ideas for the movies somewhere, so I'm just saying it could happen."
"Well, lucky for me, you'll be here to keep track of any and all strange behavior," I teased.
"Yep, and of course, to keep you dressed right," she teased right back.
"Whatever, smarty pants. I'm going to get off here. I'll call you later after Charlie heads out. I'm almost there."
"Fine, but don't forget. Love ya."
"Love ya too."
I closed my phone and hoped I could finish the last leg of my journey without any more memories. I really needed to stop going down memory lane, as it only led to heartache and my reason for staying away from Forks for the last four years.
I tried to distract myself by watching the area for any changes. Unfortunately, everything was really the same. There did seem to be a few small changes. A few houses seemed to have popped up on the outskirts of Forks along with a new gas station. I looked down and noticed that I should probably stop and get some gas, but I was so close to home. I figured I'd just get some tomorrow. It wasn't like I had busy days planned. Well, at least until Alice arrived, then I knew I'd be in for it. She, of course, needed the grand tour of Forks; not that there was much of interest to show her.
Driving down the familiar roads, I did notice that Forks seemed to have grown up as a town since I had last been here. Hell, was that a Wal-Mart I saw over there? And not just any Wal-Mart, a super one no less. Guess things had been changing.
On the way, I noticed that the small café looked to be closed. That was a shame. I use to love meeting there with Edward on the cold, drizzly mornings.
As I made the turn on Charlie's road, I noticed that most of it looked the same. I wondered if the same people lived in the house or if any new faces had moved in since I'd left. I saw Charlie's police cruiser in the drive as I pulled in. I turned off the engine and looked at the house in the dying sunlight.
Home.
That's what it looked like. Nothing seemed different with the exception of a fresh coat of paint. I noticed the front door was open as I got out of the car. Charlie made his way to me.
"Hey, kiddo, you made it."
"Yeah, Dad. I made it."
We stood there in silence for a few minutes before I reached out and gave him a quick hug and peck on the cheek.
"It's good to be back."
Charlie, as was his nature, patted my back and moved to grab my bags from the car. I grabbed Max's carrier, my purse, and headed into the house with Charlie lugging my suitcase and duffle. Thankfully, I had talked Alice into letting me pack my clothes for this trip. I was shipping the rest with her furnishings. That's what was holding her up. She wanted to make sure everything was packed and loaded to her instructions. Poor moving men. They'd definitely earn a tip after she was done. If not a raise.
"Well, the pizza's in the kitchen," Charlie said. "Where do you plan to sleep?"
"Oh, umm. I figured I'd just use my old room for now," I replied as he headed up the stairs with my bags. I placed Max down in the living room and opened the cage door.
"Hey, big guy, want to check out your new home?"
Max slowly stuck his head out and looked around. After deciding it looked safe, he strutted out of the kennel, and as if a magnet was drawing him in, he headed into the kitchen right for the pizza box. I had to laugh. That cat was a feline garbage disposal. He would eat just about anything. And his size was proof. I followed him in and found him looking up at the counter.
"I know, I know. You're hungry." I went out to the car and brought in the box of Max's things. I almost didn't make it into the house with it, but Charlie saw me and helped.
"What in the world is in here?" Did I mention Alice packed Max's things? So not only did I have his litter box and dishes, but his custom designed bed, toys, and of course the many collars she had made for him. She thought he should always be fashionable, and his collars should match his mood or us or just whatever. I didn't care, as long as it was him and not me that she was dressing.
"Don't ask. Alice has made designer items for Max, and it wasn't worth the fight to stop her from packing everything." I went about setting up his water dish and some cat food. Charlie laughed as he watched Max look at the pizza then the cat food and back at me.
"No fast food, bud."
I left to set up the litter box in the laundry room. On my way back in to the kitchen, I happened to look out into the back yard. I stopped and stared.
"I didn't know if you'd want to go back there, but just in case, I thought I'd be safe and clear the path again," Charlie told me. I nodded. He had no way of knowing the pain it brought. I never told him what happened. I just left and never looked back.
"Well, kiddo. I'm going to head out. I'm picking up the late shift."
I walked Charlie to his car and said goodbye. I was almost to the door when I heard my name.
"Bella? Bella Swan, is that you?"
I turned and looked for the voice. I saw Jessica Stanley at the house across the street.
"Yeah?"
"I heard that you were coming back to town. It's so good to see you. When did you get back? How long are you here for? What have you been up to?"
"Ummm…" How to answer that? I really didn't want to get into anything with Jessica. She had been the biggest gossip in high school. "I just got here. I didn't know you lived over here."
"Oh, yeah, Mike and I moved over here last year after the wedding," Jessica stated as she held up her left hand to show off her rings.
"That's great. Congrats." I was looking for any way to get out of this conversation. While Jessica and I had known each other, we were never really friends. "Look, I'm sorry to do this, but I just had a really long drive and all I want to do is sleep. So, I'll talk to you later?"
"Oh, yeah. Maybe we can get together tomorrow, neighbor." I just nodded and headed into the house. Seeing her didn't help to keep the memories at bay. I grabbed a piece of pizza and headed to the living room. As I sat there eating, I remembered the past.
I had come back the summer before I turned sixteen to find that Edward and I still fit together. We again spent our summer in the field and our shed. And even went fishing a couple of times with Charlie and Garrett, Edward's step brother. I learned that Edward and Garrett had developed an understanding and were on they're way to being friends.
That was the summer I began to see my friend as more than just a friend. He had started to grow into himself. But even though he was changing, he was still my Edward, the quiet guy who would play me whatever music fit my mood. He would eat all the new recipes I tried and honestly tell me if they worked or needed work. We grew closer that summer, and I cried when I had to leave. But we promised to keep in touch and we'd see each other next summer.
And we did. Maybe not as much as the year before, but we still emailed and chatted and even ran up long distance bills when we could. He had joined the track team, and I had joined a book club along with some cooking classes. We both still seemed to need each other, and I found peace in that when Mom brought her newest boyfriend, Phil, home. Edward comforted me as I told him how Phil seemed to be out lasting Renee's normal relationship life. He listened to me rant about how young Phil was and how irresponsible Renee seemed to become with this relationship. I listened as he complained about how stuck up the girls at school were. How now that he was on a team, they seemed to notice him and how it irritated him. I was secretly glad about him not liking the attention as I had realized the feelings I had for him might be growing into something more.
Max jumped on my lap and began nosing my plate for any leftovers. I patted his head and placed the plate on the ground for him to get the crumbs.
Enough, I needed to stop. I decided to take a shower and go to bed. I locked the front door and double checked the back. I'll admit it, I lingered at the back looking at the path. Maybe I'd take a stroll in the morning just to see if our treasure was still there.
I made my way to the shower with thoughts of the fair we had visited the summer before everything changed. He had just turned seventeen and I was sixteen. He thought it would be fun to go to the summer fair in Port Angeles. I think he secretly just wanted to show off his new car to me.
We went and had a blast. He won me a cute little stuffed bear on the dart game. We ate cotton candy and sugary funnel cake. I let him talk me into riding a few rides. He played a few more games. I left with a bear, snake, bunny and some glass beads. I loved the beads. They were a beautiful green, which reminded me of his eyes. The best part came when we got home.
Edward pulled in to the driveway behind Charlie's cruiser and parked. The electric current that had been present all night seemed to increase as we sat there. I was unsure of what to do. Did I get out and act like any other time he dropped me off or what? Tonight had felt different. A good different, almost like a date, I imagined. But was I the only one to feel that way? It seemed like forever, but only a few minutes passed before he got out of the car and walked over to my side. He had been so gentlemanly all night. We walked up to the porch and stopped outside the door.
"I had a great time, thanks for taking me." I really wanted to hug him, but I was unsure if it would be all right. Hell, I'd love a kiss, but I knew that might be pushing my luck.
"It was fun, wasn't it?" he replied, rocking back and forth on his heels. We stood there, staring into each other's eyes, neither moving forward nor leaving, just looking and waiting. The longer we stood there, the more nervous I got. Finally, he pulled his hands from his pockets and ran one through his messy hair.
"Bye."
"Bye." I turned towards the door to hide my disappointment. Even though I knew it was stupid, it didn't mean I hadn't wanted him to show some form of affection.
"Um, wait, Bella…" He stopped me with a shock to my arm. "Um… can I… I mean, would it…" He was so nervous, but then suddenly he seemed to take a deep breath and try again. "I want to try something."
"Oh…kay."
"Hold still," he all but whispered as he inched closer to me. He slowly brought his hand up to gently touch my cheek. He held his hand against my face as he started to lower his mouth to mine. I couldn't help but close my eyes as our lips met and a spark seemed to occur. Ever so gently, he moved his lips against mine, and before I knew it, I had flung my arms around him. He didn't seem to care, and my enthusiasm seemed to spur him on. But as with everything, it ended. We were both breathing heavily.
"Wow."
"Yeah."
"Goodnight, Bella. I'll call you tomorrow."
"Okay, night, Edward." He sprinted down the stairs to his car. I leaned against the door, running my fingers over my tingling lips as I watched him pull out of the driveway. I felt like I was dreaming and falling, when suddenly, I landed on my ass in the doorway.
"You coming in, kiddo?" Charlie had opened the door while I was leaning against it. I nodded as he helped me to my feet chuckling. And for once I wasn't embarrassed about my clumsiness as I was riding a high from the most amazing first kiss.
If only I had known how painful the fall would be.
I looked around my old room. Nothing had changed. My yearbooks were still on the desk where I had placed them. Photos of my few friends were posted on the wall. I stepped closer to the poster board to take a closer look. There were several of Edward and me from our summers, and some from my last two years of high school, which I had finished here.
After that fateful summer where Edward showed me the wonders of kissing and maybe a little groping, I returned home to find Mom had run off and eloped with Phil over the summer. I was shocked but not really surprised that she had. And everything was good for a few months with them. But as time would tell, Mom wanted to travel with Phil, and so we decided after the New Year I'd move in with Charlie and that way I wouldn't miss school and she'd be happy. Sure, it was selfish, but I didn't mind, I would get to see Edward and that made up for my mom abandoning me.
I didn't tell him, and I had Charlie keep it a secret as much as he could. I wanted to surprise him, but I never saw the pain coming. If only I had told him sooner or maybe if Mom had just let me start school there, but no, fate had cruel plans for my heart. I discovered upon my move to Forks that another new student had arrived about two months earlier.
Tanya Denali.
And it just so happened that she had set her sights on Edward and won. I arrived to find them dating. My heart broke. Even though we had agreed not to be in a relationship due to the distance, and I had hoped with the move to change that, but I was too late. I couldn't blame him. Tanya was beautiful and nice. I wanted to hate her, but I found I really couldn't. I had no reason. She accepted me as Edward's friend and even tried to be my friend. So, I accepted fate and tried to be happy for them. I watched them through the rest of the school year, and while it hurt, they never rubbed their relationship in my face. Edward never took her to our spot, and she never tried to go, as far as I knew.
There were a few pictures of all of us on the wall; Angela and Ben, Edward and Tanya, along with Garrett and me. I tried to date, but I didn't really want anyone else, so Garrett would join me so I wouldn't feel like the fifth wheel. He seemed to understand how I felt about Edward, and I was grateful for him. He never said anything, but he tried to help.
I wondered what he was doing now. I turned off the light and lay down in my bed, hoping sleep would come to turn off my mind. If I kept going, I knew I'd be crying. I didn't want to remember how my dreams came true only to vanish in one swift heartbreaking moment.
I curled up under the covers as the memory of Edward choosing me flashed through my mind. I just couldn't seem to stop them. It was towards the end of our senior year when Tanya and Edward broke up. I never knew the reasons and never asked. Neither of them talked about it. And then, at the beginning of spring break, he asked me. Edward asked me out.
He told me while he had cared for Tanya and still did, he had come to realize that I held his heart and had since that first summer. He apologized for taking so long to realize it. I was so happy to have him that I didn't care. We went to prom together, and I gave him my virginity. It was a very special night for us and it ended in our shed. He had candles lighting it up, and he was so gentle with me. If I hadn't been in love with him before, I would have been after. We lived in our own little bubble.
Too bad that fate felt the need to bust it.
Lying in my bed in my home, I cried as my last memory of Edward played out behind my closed eyes.
I was running late to meet Edward. We were planning to spend the afternoon in our shed, finalizing our college plans. We were both going to go to college at the university in Seattle. That way, we could visit our families still.
I hurried to the shed, smiling, only to find Edward pacing. He was so distracted that he didn't notice me there. I watched him pace and run his hand through his hair as dread settled in my gut. Something was wrong, and I was scared of what it would mean for us. Suddenly, he stopped and looked at me. I wanted to cry when his eyes met mine. Gone was the bright happy green. All I found was dark sadness.
"Bella." He rushed over to me and wrapped me in his arms, clinging to me as if I would vanish any moment. Before I could ask him what was wrong, he crashed his lips to mine. This kiss was so different from all our others. There was passion, but also desperation, lots of it. It was like he was saying goodbye with this kiss. Before I knew what was happening, I was crying. Silent tears ran down my face as he pulled away.
"I'm so sorry, love." He gently caressed my face, wiping away my tears as they fell. "I never meant to hurt you. I wish things were different. I wish I could keep you always."
"You can. I'm yours and only yours. Please…"
"I can't. I can't keep you. I can't have you. I'm letting you go. It's the only right thing to do."
"No, please," I cried as my knees gave out. Edward caught me, and slowly, we both sank to the ground. "Edward, I love you. I don't want to lose you."
He hung his head. I felt his tears drop onto my hand. I reached up and held his cheek as he raised his eyes to mine.
"Bella, I…" He looked so ashamed, "I made a mistake and now I've got to live with it, and that means living without you."
"There's nothing that will change how I feel for you. I want you."
"I can't be with you. I have got to let you go. I'm…I'm…" He stopped and sighed before continuing with the news that would shatter my heart. "I'm going back to Tanya. We're going to get married."
"What?" I cried. "Why? I thought you loved me!"
"I do. Believe me, I do, but…"
"But what? You decided I was a mistake now?"
"What? No. I will never regret our time together. But I have to do what's right. Please understand."
"Understand… understand that your leaving me for her. That after everything I gave to you, I still wasn't enough." I sobbed.
"Bella… she's pregnant…with my child." That statement broke what little of my heart was left. I hadn't realized they had slept together. I never asked but to hear that she not only had that from him but that he was choosing her just about killed me.
I didn't remember how I got home. Charlie said Edward carried me home and all he asked was that Charlie take care of me. I never saw Edward again. I chose a college in the middle of the country to ensure that I wouldn't run into him at college. I never asked Charlie what happened; although, in a town as small as Forks, I was sure he knew. He thankfully never brought the Cullens up. I think he realized how broken I was. He felt the same when Renee left him. He understood. More than I ever realized.
I didn't even know if they were still here. Did he go through with it and marry her? Did they have their baby? Was it a boy or girl?
I was sure I would find out. As much as it hurt, I knew I could no longer run from my past. I wanted so desperately to move on. I didn't want to be like Charlie and live twenty years alone, because the person I loved the most broke me. I didn't even have a child like him. Hell, I wasn't even with him that long. But I could still remember when…
Remember when we met in our field of yellow and purple wild flowers. With a rickety little shed to hide ourselves from the world. I would go there tomorrow. I would go there to remember when I was whole and hopeful in remembering I could finally move on.
I fell asleep to thoughts of what could come. I hoped that in another four years, I'd be able to remember when I found my place.
AN: Thanks for reading. Please let me know what you think. And here I'd like to thank my friends, Browns, Scrop and FoxxyJ for listening as worked up the courage to do this.