Because Frosty totally made me adore this couple. And I know 'Buttermilk' sucks as a nickname but it's... kinda cute? :D
ButtersxKaren or Buren.
It was just another day in the life of Butters.
A happy one at that.
There wasn't a cloud in the sky. The sun was smiling down on me with a big happy ol' grin. Birds were singing in rejoice and this small little hick town was bustling with life.
That morning, my sweet girlfriend greeted me with breakfast in bed and a few kisses. Heck, even the rusted clunker started on the first try at turning the key. I was early getting into the little floral shop too! It was all the way in North Park so... uh, it's a lot of drivin'.
I don't do anythin' too important. I just work cuttin' stems and workin' the register. I like to call myself, 'Florist Butters' although everyone thinks it's stupid. I like flowers, I think they're pretty.
My day was just lookin' bright as can be! Everything was real perfect.
Until...
...I was driving home in the bronco. The one that Ken passed down to Karen as a gift. But... I wasn't supposed to be using it. Me and Ken don't talk much after a little accident with Karen. He don't like me no more but he still likes Karen. Not that I'm jealous or anything. But, yeah, Ken hates my guts.
The brake lines were shot in the bronco and I'm sure that the power steering was out too. I was basically driving a metal death trap! I kept tryin' to save up for a new car but most the money me and Kare collect goes to repairing the house me an' her have. It's a... fixer upper. A big one too.
I was real tired tonight.
The sun was already sleepin' and the moon was up. My fingers were all sticky from the yellow stuff from the flowers. I hate sticky things. And stinky things. I was startin' to regret not washing my hands. It was makin' me awfully sore. My perfect day was still perfect though!
My eye lids were slippin' down. I just wanted to go home an' sleep. Karen I bet would be knee deep in work despite how much I tell her to kick up her feet and relax. I swear, that girl could have swollen ankles from all heck and she'd still work. Karen... Golly, she really is pretty and now she was practically glowing. I'd been thinkin' bout proposing when I got more money for a ring.
I wasn't going to give her one made of tinfoil, that's fer sure.
Being lost in my thoughts about Karen, I realized I wasn't payin' much mine to the road. My guard was down and out of my peripheral vision I saw a flash of something.
I swerved wildly with a yell, feeling the car jerk with the turn. It came to a halt real fast. My body flung forward and my head collided with the top of the steering wheel.
After a few moments, I let out a little whine, grasping at the spot on my head. Then I started to think real hard. What did I hit? Was it a person or a car?! Oh Jesus! In a swift movement, I slipped off my seat belt and opened the car door, flinging myself out. I was worried by then. I musta hit somethin' bad!
I inspected the damage. The bronco's headlight was busted and all dented in. Boy, Karen's gonna be sore. But, I looked out in the middle of the road, scratching my head. Nothing there, I must hit an invisible wall or somethin'.
That was, until I looked down. A deer. A little Bambi!
I got down on my knees, lookin' at the injury. Maybe she could walk it off! Like a little tap. When I saw mama, she was gaspin' for air and making this moaning noise. Red stained her mouth and nose.
It was worse than that tap-dancing accident.
"Oh jeez... O-oh no," I let out a sob, gathering up the deer as I cuddled it close. "Don't die! I didn't mean to hurt ya any!"
But she kept staring up at me, like she was saying, 'why Butters?' and then she went lifeless. I kept blowin' on her nose and shakin' her but she didn't move. Not an inch. I covered my face with my hands, crying really loud. When I pulled my hands back, the blood was on my hands. It was warm and sticky.
It couldn't have gotten much worse...
But it did.
Little figures at the side of the road caught my attention. Itty bitty, tiny fawn were scattering about… each scurrying in different directions. Confused and scared. Then I put the pieces together and I about sobbed right then and there. I hit a mama deer... The babies, they'd die without her. I put fawns in danger! I practically killed four deer!
So, I did what anyone would do in this situation...
I took off my heavy blue coat and wrapped up the mama as best I could. I readied myself as I plucked her up in my arms. Oh god, she was heavier than I thought. Nobody could know about this. I took each step like a sumo wrestler, my legs wobblin' as I heaved her into the trucks bed.
I rubbed my newly achin' back.
Nobody could know about this. Nobody.
When I finally made it home, I was real edgy like.
I unlocked the door with a little twist of the key. My hand was trembling so bad I almost broke the lock. I opened the door to I see a soft light coming from the kitchen along with a bit of hummin'. I followed the noise of humming to see Karen on a ladder, globing plaster onto the ceiling.
"Kare-Bear?" I called out to her.
Karen jumped, the rest of the plaster falling out of her hands. She was about this close from fallin' onto her back. "Oh! Hello my little Buttermilk," she carefully made her way down the ladder and gestured to the pseudo candle lit dinner at the table. "I've been a bit busy fixing up the ceiling but I had time to make you dinner."
She laid out a romantic dinner of knock-off Spaghetti-O's and pickles for… er, garnish. I took a seat in one of the fold up yard chairs. Karen ambled to her real chair but not before giving me a drive-by kiss on my cheek. "I wish we had Hamburger Helper or something fancy like that."
I picked up the plastic spoon lying out on a napkin, stirring the ketchup paste around.
"I slaved over this. And I had to try hard to open the can with just a knife," she let out a silly laugh, sitting across from me at the rickety table. "I must have packed the can opener somewhere else."
I pushed the bowl away from me with a grimace, trying not to gag. "I had a rough day... I'm not hungry." I kept seeing that deer's blood. How tragic it looked, choking on the red stuff. It really started to make me feel green.
"Not even a pickle?" she crunched on the green vegetable. "You look shaken up, dear."
"I didn't hit a deer on the way home!" I spouted out nervously. She looked up from her dinner-in a-can and I swallowed my tongue as dug my fists together. "I-I…"
"Buttermilk?" Karen got up from her chair, wanderin' in close. I felt two arms pull me in. "What's the matter? You've been acting a little funny since you got home."
So much kindness was breakin' me all apart. Tear kept pricking at my eyes and I swallowed back a little sob. "Y-you'll hate me and I'll have to go on the run."
I could feel her hands rub my back soothingly as I could almost taste the plaster caked on her shirt. She smelled like sweat. Karen…
"Why Buttermilk?"
"I hit something," I hiccupped, burying my face in her bosom. "And I killed it. It's in the back of the car, wrapped in my coat."
I admitted my crime fast. I wasn't good at holdin' in secrets or tellin' fibs. I would get ground for both!
Karen stiffened, peering down to me. The way she looked at me, it really hurt. That deer's eyes, I could see them in hers… how innocent and sweet they both are, it reflected that.
She sputtered. "You... killed something?"
"It wasn't on purpose! She ran in front of me and I panicked."
I was trying desperately to explain myself without openly sobbin' like a little... well, pussy. I really didn't want my only friend and the love of my life to hate me for hitting a deer. Girls like cute fluffy creatures too. It was just a little accident! Boy, I'm in for it now.
"...S-should I call Kenny?"
"No! That'll only make it worse!"
"Butters, it can't be that bad... right?" she spoke nervously, almost wobbly. It reminded me of when she was living with her parents... it was the same frightened tone. "It was just a mistake, right? Like a squirrel or something?"
"No, it was bigger. I need to hide the body! I hit the mother and the children are out there runnin' around." I gripped at my hair like Tweek. Not to sound like him but… this was way too much pressure.
The brunette's hands instantly cradled the little spot under her stomach, stepping away from me. Her face contorting in shock. "Hide a body?! Didn't you call someone?! Butters, this is serious!"
"It was an accident! She was cryin' and moanin'. It was terrible! It was the worst experience of my life."
Karen's seemingly comforting and motherly vibe turned particularly sour and anxious one.
Tears started to slip down her cheeks. Too much stress wasn't good for her. Golly, I really don't want to hurt them. "Butters… I don't want you to go to jail. I-I can't do all of this alone. This house and everything else would be way too much for me to handle without you." she sniffed, wiping at her eyes. "You can't just leave me like this."
"B-but, I didn't mean to hurt that deer any! Honest!" I admitted with a little sob, seeing Karen cry made me cry even harder.
After a moment, Karen's face considerably brightened. She took in a collective sigh, pinching my cheek. "Deer...? Oh Buttermilk, have ever told you how much I love you?" Karen ruffles my hair, slumping against me, looking much more relieved. "It's okay, I'll call Kenny and him and Craig can get pick her up tonight."
"Really?
"Really," Agreeing, she touches the little bulge forming under her sweater gingerly. "Me and the little guy here have your back."
"I'm sorry I worried ya so bad," I pat her stomach lightly, petting it. "You need to take it easy with the repairs. It's not good for you two."
A little giggle leaves her lips, "Just because I'm expecting doesn't mean I'm not going to work." Her eyes led up to mine. "I gotta say, we're doing pretty well compared our moms and dads. I think our baby is going to be really happy here with us."
"Are you mad?"
"Never."
I pulled her into my lap and I buried my face in her hair. "I love you, deer… I-I mean, Kare-Bear."
"I love you too, Buttermilk." she laughs comfortably in my arms.
It was just another day in the life of Butters.
And a happy one at that.