Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? or any of its affiliates nor am I making any profit from this work.

Pairings: KakaIru, TenzouIru, SandaimeIru, ShaggyIru.

Rumors.

Kakashi wondered at the rumors.

No, Iruka didn't wear pink frilly panties. Or any panties.

He sometimes didn't even wear clean underwear because he was too lazy to do a load of laundry.

He didn't bitch incessantly about anything. Mostly.

He wasn't especially fond of chocolate.

Nor did he have a pink vibrator stashed under his bed.

Or behind his toilet.

Or on the top shelf of his closet.

He didn't own any mascara.

He didn't get pedicures. Or manicures.

He didn't pout to get his way.

He didn't always like to bottom in bed. Sometimes.

He didn't trip all the time for no reason, giving any opportunistic suitor the chance to dash in and catch him and feel him up.

He didn't let anything, including a very elaborate ploy to get him into bed, distract him from his work. Ever.

He couldn't be convinced to not withhold sex. In fact, the amount of time Iruka refused to sleep with his lover was in direct relation to the volume of his voice when he yelled. Because he was woman-ish like that.

There was nothing passive about his aggression. Iruka was not afraid to throw a punch. Or to poison the dinner he'd made to surprise his lover. Just over some little fight concerning what they were and were not allowed to bring into bed.

He wasn't a pretty sleeper. He drooled. And farted if he'd had ramen for dinner. It didn't smell mostly. It was just a warm breath against his lover's thigh in the middle of the night. It was disgusting.

Nope. The rumors weren't true.

But that didn't stop Kakashi from spreading them each and every day of the week.

No Means Yes. Or Not.

Iruka liked going to the hot springs. More than he liked sex apparently.

Tenzou realized this as his lover actively started to drown him after he'd goosed the man. Really, it just wasn't fair. He'd just gotten back from a two week long mission and he couldn't even cop a feel? He was a little starved for attention.

A few bubbles escaped his mouth and popped toward the surface where he could hear the muffled and docile tones of Iruka bitching him out.

He sighed. Or choked. More like gurgled. It was hard to tell when his vision was starting to fade to black.

He supposed he'd have to settle for whatever attention he could get. Even if it meant he ended up with a lungful of water and a hospital bill.

Tea.

"The Hokage has disappeared!"

It was panic throughout the day.

All shinobi were on high alert and ANBU squads had been sent out to scour the village and surrounding area even though it was broad daylight. The civilians weren't told what was going on, but so many nin running to and fro so quickly panicked enough people anyway.

After hours of searching, a handful of them met up in the mission's office.

"Any sign of him?" Kakashi asked tersely.

Anko shook her head.

Gai frowned seriously. "As far as anyone can tell, he's been missing since late last night."

Asuma growled, resisting the urge to punch a hole through the wall. "If it weren't for the scheduled meetings, none of us would even know he was missing yet! He's never been late for one of those!"

Genma refrained from patting the chain-smoking nin. "We'll find him! Someone had to have seen something. The Hokage is powerful, there's no way he could have been kidnapped without someone noticing."

Raidou shook his head. "The security around here has become too lax! The Hokage…!"

Kakashi closed his eyes tightly. "There's no use in blaming ourselves now! Get back to your squads and resume searching!"

"What are you looking for?"

The jounin turned in surprise to see the chuunin school teacher, Iruka, standing in the doorway. Most of them frowned at the sight of the man. The chuunin nominations incident a few days back had put Iruka on every jounin's shit list rather quickly. Especially since the know-it-all-bleeding-heart-brat hadn't even had the decency to apologize to his betters yet.

Iruka paled slightly under their harsh looks.

"The Hokage, of course," Raidou said finally. Out of the jounin present, he and Gai had the least problem with the school teacher.

Iruka shifted, moving toward his desk and shooting the others curious glances. "Ano sa…why?"

Kakashi narrowed his stare. "Don't give me that—all shinobi know of the Hokage's disappearance! Or are you so naïve that you thought we were in emergency lock down for no reason?"

Iruka glared but kept his voice calm. "My apologies Jounin-san, I didn't have classes today and have only just left my home a few minutes ago."

Gai held up his hand, hoping to stop a needless fight before it started. "Iruka-sensei, the Hokage has gone missing, no one has seen him since late last night—"

"He's not missing."

Anko blinked at the chuunin and pretty much summed it up for all of them. "Eh?!"

Iruka shifted his weight, uncomfortable under all the hard stares. "I just saw him a few minutes ago."

Asuma gaped. "Wha…where?!"

"We were talking last night and he just seemed so stressed and exhausted… I invited him over for tea, by the time we were done…well, it was late and he just seemed so tired... When I left my apartment, he was still asleep."

"Tea?" Genma worked his mouth. "The entire village is in a panic because you had to have tea and a slumber party with the Hokage and didn't think to wake him?!"

Now Iruka looked embarrassed and flushed deeply. "Ano sa…w-well…I…didn't think…"

"Obviously," Anko spat rudely.

Raidou put a heavy hand on her shoulder. "Enough! You four check on the Hokage just to be sure. Anko and I will inform the others to stop the search."

All left in a cloud of smoke.

At Iruka's front door the chuunin made a show of searching for the right key, muttering a bit loudly to himself.

"Mah, sensei, if you need help opening your door, we could always break it down for you," Kakashi said, looking absolutely joyous at the idea.

Iruka swallowed thickly and stared from him to the others to see if they thought he was joking.

He nodded quickly and stuck the right key into the lock. The door opened before he could do it himself though and the five shinobi looked up.

Now, it must be said that Iruka should have been commended for thinking up such a plausible lie on the spot like he had, especially since he'd fooled some very well-respected jounin into believing him. Of course, the secret might have been that his story wasn't a complete lie. He had actually spoken to the Hokage late last night and felt badly for the obviously stressed man.

He had invited him home for tea.

They'd talked into the early morning hours.

Sandaime…had fallen asleep in his apartment…

Maybe his secret was in his ability to exclude certain facts. Certain facts that were now making themselves painfully obvious to the jounin.

"I knew you couldn't resist--…" the Hokage blinked up at his shinobi.

Then he slowly reached up and took off his hat—which happened to be the only thing he had on besides his socks—bringing it down to cover up his raging hard on.

Genma gaped soundlessly, pointing first at the Hokage, then to Iruka. Kakashi's eye was twitching madly as though it was trying to climb out of its socket. Gai had one arm crossed over his chest and a hand over his mouth; none of them could honestly tell if he was crying because he thought it was funny, he was overjoyed that his Hokage was safe, something about YOUTH, or…maybe the tears were a good way to blur his vision….

Asuma's cigarette had fallen out of his mouth and was currently burning a hole in his big toe. He worked his mouth, eyes wide as he blinked at his father and his colleague.

Iruka was looking away. He cleared his throat and looked as if he were going to say something, but then just shrugged uselessly.

"But he's OLD!" Asuma shouted. "That's my dad! And he's old! He's wrinkly! What's wrong with you?!"

The chuunin went red and shrugged again. "It just sort of…happened."

Sandaime drummed his fingers over his hat "I did push the matter a bit…"

"He didn't do anything I didn't want him to…"

"I know it's hardly appropriate for someone in my position…"

"Just because he's old doesn't mean he has to stop having sex…"

"Yes it does!" Genma interrupted. "That's exactly what it means!"

Sandaime cleared his throat.

Iruka rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I really thought you'd be dressed by now… I made enough noise."

The Hokage grinned sheepishly. "I suppose I had a one track mind for a bit. Are you still limping?"

"No, I'm fine thank you, that little healing salve did wonders, though maybe next time you could just not go so hard on me…not that I didn't enjoy—"

"No!" Kakashi shouted, spinning on his heel and clapping his hands over his ears. "No!"

Sandaime and Iruka stared after the jounin as they all left in a big rush. Iruka sighed and glanced at his lover. The Hokage drummed his fingers over his hat again and tried to stop a grin.

Raidou had just been informed that their leader was indeed safe. And no more was spoken on the subject again. Ever. Kakashi flat out told Raidou that if the Hokage went missing again, they should just wait a day or ask Iruka first. But someone else would have to do it. He wasn't sure he could ever look at those two in the face again.

Later, when they were all trying to drink away the memory, Genma was staring blearily at Gai. The man hadn't said a word and still had a hand over his mouth.

"Just puke and get it over with," Asuma slurred.

Gai shook his head. "No, it's not that."

Kakashi raised a brow. "What then?"

"I was just thinking," Gai said thoughtfully as he finally lowered his hand and stared at his beer. "Iruka must make a damn good cup of tea."

Mellow Yellow.

"Hey…I'm still breathing smoke," Iruka said, staring at the wisps of gray slipping from his mouth. He made an O and breathed out. "See. I'm not even smoking and I'm breathing smoke."

The dog nin glanced over, his smile mellow as his voice cracked. "Like, that's totally not smoke man. It's like, air, because it's cold."

Iruka blinked and breathed out again. "…oh."

A few minutes of silence passed between them. They were sitting on the roof of the chuunin's apartment building to get away from the crowds of Inuzukas that had spread into the village over the last few days for the family reunion. The clan was by nature a loud and wild bunch and the night streets were packed with them as they all searched for parties and anything else to relieve their boredom.

Luckily Iruka had stumbled upon the only Inuzuka that liked to relax. And eat. A lot.

The Great Dane at the feet rolled over onto its side and burped. Iruka imagined that it smelled like ramen. Seriously, they ate more than Naruto.

The taller man took in another lungful of whatever it was that he was smoking, leaned over, and blew it in Iruka's face like he had been for the past twenty minutes.

At first Iruka had yelled at him for it. Now he didn't mind. And he was getting kinda hungry.

"You know Shaggy…you're not such a bad guy," Iruka said lowly, blinking slowly up at the dark sky.

Shaggy grinned and then laughed. "Yeah, I guess so man. Why don't we take this inside though? It's f-f-freezing out here!"

"It is?" Iruka slowly pushed himself up to his feet. "Yeah…let's get something to eat too."

Shaggy laughed again and then looked at his dog. "Hey Scoob! I think I like this cat!"

Scooby-Doo woofed in his sleep.

END.

TBC