Inuyasha...
I couldn't stop thinking of her. The way she hugged me, the way she would smile at me when she was happy, the way she would worry about me whenever I got hurt. There were moments where I wished that nothing else existed but the two of us. Yes, just the two of us, alone together, being in each other's arms every second of the day.
But now that she's gone, I'll never see her face again; I'll never feel her soft touch again when she checks to see if I'm alright. I'll never be able to hold her like I want to.
Knowing all of this brings tears to my eyes every time I think this. And to think, all my pride that I had told me not to say it. Not say the one thing that truly mattered. All I ever wanted to tell her was 'I love you', but I was too stubborn. And now she'll never know. I sometimes ponder what could have been if I had said those three words, and I day dream. That's all I can ever do now, day dream. Day dream of a life with her, pride gone; all circumstances erased. If she ever knew how I felt... Well, I don't know what she would think. She may leave in a hurry, or she may even love me back; but that's something I'll never know for sure, because she's gone.
She's gone forever, and I never got to tell her. Yes, I do admit that I took advantage of her being able to cross over whenever she felt like it, but it was another thing when I went to find Kikyo whenever I got the chance. I wasn't sure then, of the way I felt. To be honest, I think I was a little scared. Scared that what I may have felt for her was stronger than what I felt for Kikyo. I think.. I understand why I ran to Kikyo now. I thought I was betraying her. Betraying her for loving Kagome more. Yes, that's it. I loved Kagome more than I did Kikyo, and that frightened me. I didn't know what to do. She belonged to a different time, and even know I question whether we were ever able to be together.
If it were true that she loved me, then I know I would probably find one way or another to get her to be able to stay. Now that the Shikon Jewel is gone, and Naraku destroyed, the well has closed up for good. She didn't want to leave; she had told everyone that. She liked it there, and I knew why. She loved the open space, and she loved being able to go on adventures, whether they were dangerous adventures or not. I always loved that about her. She was adventurous. She was also kind, caring, and strong-hearted. Everything that I wish I was, but can't be due to the pride holding me back. I can't overcome my pride, and it kills me when I can't even overcome that when I tell myself that I'm doing it for her.
At this moment, I wonder what she's doing. It's been what she would call a year. I haven't seen her in that long. I then come to wonder if she's in love with anyone yet. If her grandfather is still alive, and how her little brother Souta is.
I always like visiting my memories, then I get to remember everything. I get to remember her face, and I get to remember Miroku, Sango, and even Shippo. My pride told me that I was putting up with them because they were her friends, but deep down, I knew that they had become my friends too; even Shippo, though, he'd probably doubt it if I'd ever said it out-loud.
Words can't express how much I miss her. If Seshomaru were here, he'd say that I'm turning into my father. In a way, I guess I kind of am, but Seshomaru wouldn't know what this love I'm feeling is. That girl with him, Rin, he'd probably look upon her as his apprentice, or he may even come to think of her as his daughter. I'll never be able to get inside his head; but I know that he won't ever be able to love another the way I love Kagome.
Kagome, Kagome why did you leave? I could never belong in your time, I know. And it pains me to think that your family couldn't come live here. I know they are used to that society, and they would miss their friends and family; I also realize that they can't cross over. Only you can. Only you. You. You hold the key to my human heart, Kagome. Why? Why do you have this effect on me every time my thoughts come to think about you? If I had one more chance, I would change everything. I would become human. I would sacrifice myself to save you if you were ever in danger; I would sacrifice my wants and needs for you. I would do anything you asked me to without hesitation. Even death. If you told me to die, I would. Seems rather harsh to me, when I think about it; but for some reason, I know I would die without hesitation if you commanded it so. I doubt you would though, you're a kind person, and you would never wish death upon another.
Kagome, I swear, every time I think of you now, all I want to do is shut myself off from the world just so that I can be with you. I would circle the world ten times over in one night if it meant that I could be with you again. Are you thinking of me? I'm not sure. I wish you were, if you aren't. I want you to think about me, and only me. I want you to love me, but I would never force you to. It makes me wonder over and over again whether I made the right choice in sending you off to your world when the well closed. Deep down, I knew we could never really be together, even if we both wished it so. You belong in the future, and I belong in the past. That's how it works. But did I? Make the right choice, I mean? I can't help but think I did something wrong, I can't help but feel like you hated me for making you go home like I did. I didn't want you to leave, truth is... I wanted you to stay.
I wanted you to stay with me forever, for us to be together. I can't help but feel that my actions were just to prevent future heart-ache. At least, without knowing how you truly feel about me, I can keep on dreaming about you. Dreaming about a future that will never be. Dreaming about holding you in my arms for all eternity.
I guess this is just a love that will never be...
Kagome...
Inuyasha, are you thinking of me? I hope you are. I know why you sent me. The well was closing. I knew this, and I still regret leaving the second you told me so. Why, Why did I leave that instant? Why couldn't I have said the three words that I wanted to tell you? The well was closing, and I would never see you again, so why didn't I? Why couldn't I tell you that I loved you? Was it because I know you're in love with Kikyo? She's a strong, beautiful person, and I believe that she was once very kind hearted; you didn't want to let go of her because you knew there was still good some where deep down inside of her. I knew that too. I may not have known exactly what she was like when she was still alive, but I know that she was good and pure.
Thinking of you brings me back to all the adventures we had, to all the stupid little arguments that we had. I laugh at them. How stupid they were. I still can't believe that we fought over those things, but yet, I can believe it. I know you. You have pride, like every other man does, and part of your pride tells you that you shouldn't let a woman win so easily at an argument. Everyone has a point that they try to make. I realize that, in the arguments we did have, we would both be wrong. We would both misunderstand what the other was trying to emphasize. It makes me feel a bit better when I realize that we didn't fight all that much when it neared the end, yet, there's still so much to learn about you still. I wish I had the chance to get to know you even more than I already do.
Inuyasha. Inuyasha, every time I think your name, I always develop some form of heart-ache. I hate the feeling, it makes me want to cry. I want to scream, I want to suffer. Why? because I love you so much. I love you so much that I just can't stand it. I want to see you, I want to stand by you. I want to go on mini adventures with you, Miroku, Sango and Shippo. Just like we used to.
Inuyasha, I hope one day we'll see each other again. Who knows, maybe you'll live long enough to be in my era. Maybe then, I'd get to see you; I wouldn't care if you'd aged, I would take you in my arms all the same. I don't care about anything anymore. Anything other than you.
Inuyasha, do you love me? Do you love me the way I love you? If you do, then I understand why you made me go. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably do the same. I don't belong there any more than you belong here. We're from different times, and therefore can never be together.
I guess this is just a love that will never be...
SIGH. I feel depressed. Why? idk. Sorry for the shortness of this... Anyway, YAY! first Inuyasha fanfic I've written! ^^ I've been actually meaning to write an adventure story for Inuyasha. what's your opinion on that? any ideas you have that you want to give me? I'd really appreciate it! Again, thank you for taking the time to read this one-shot. Review? I think that would be the kindest thing you can do for me ^^