Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Nope, not me.
Author's Note: This story was written for The Leaky Cauldron's Las Vegas contest, but I was too chicken to submit it. I hope you enjoy it. Please leave a review and tell me what you think.
Texas Hold 'Em
Double agents usually don't fare well when inebriated. A loose tongue can rarely be trusted, especially when it has much to hide. Thus, Snape rarely drank. He was known to take a shot or two of firewhiskey when the situation called for it, but since he never knew which side would come along asking questions, he always made sure to keep his wits about him. However, these wits had not been ready for Las Vegas, because, as the world was about to discover, Severus Snape, potions master and international man of mystery, was a wild drunk.
It had started as innocently as a story like this could. Snape heard from two different sources that a Muggle game call poker was an amusing way to spend an hour and earn some money. Of course, these sources were Lucius Malfoy, who wouldn't hesitate to make sure the game came out in his favor, and Mad-Eye Moody, who could see right through the cards, so Snape wasn't prepared to assume that the games was as easy as they made it sound. Still, after some research into the rules of the game and a few practice hands with Filch, Snape came to decide that a man with sufficient tact and subtlety, such as himself, could master the game with ease, and there would be no better place to prove it than Las Vegas. A few days later he told both the Death Eaters and the Order that he had evidence that their opposition was gathering a force in the United States and took a portkey to "investigate."
So there he sat, staring dully at his two cards, five hands into what was looking like a very short game of Texas Hold 'Em. The table had started out with seven players, but five of them went out long ago, leaving only Snape and a well dressed man named Phil. They stared at each other over a six of clubs, a ten of hearts, a king of clubs, and a two of spades as the last card, a jack of hearts, was laid on the table. Snape watched Phil's eyes flick between the cards on the table and the two in his hand.
Around them, the din was incredible, a cacophony of lights and sounds for the slot machines and neon signs. They assaulted Snape, testing his concentration. Determined to win through wit along, Snape had to force himself not to crack and discover Phil's cards through Legilimency.
Idly, Snape picked up two hundred dollars worth of chips and tossed them into the already large pot. Across the table, Phil did the same, then raised him five hundred dollars. Snape looked at his cards, but it was just for show, he already had them memorized. He pretended to battle with himself for a moment, then fixed his face in a neutral expression and pushed in all of his chips. Across the table, Phil masked his surprise with a blink.
For nearly five minutes, Phil pondered his cards, barely moving except for his eyes, which constantly flicked between his hand, the cards on the table, and Snape. Obligingly, Snape alternately looked neutral, nervous, and confident. Finally, Phil sighed and laid his cards facedown on the table, admitting defeat. His carefully constructed mask scarcely hiding his glee, Snape pulled the pile of chips toward him. Then, feeling charitable, he showed his cards: a seven of hearts and a two of clubs, revealing that he had only a pair of twos. Phil looked furious that he'd folded to a man with nothing whatsoever. Snape merely smirked at him as he gathered his chips into a bag and left to change them into cash, supposing that a victory such as that warranted a celebration.
Money in hand, Snape sidled up to the bar and took a moment to contemplate his choices. Ordinarily, his drink of choice was firewhiskey, but that was best suited to dingy bars and dark days, and with bright lights and happy shouts all around him, Snape felt like branching out a bit. So, when the bartender came over for his order, he asked for a margarita. It came a minute later, bright green in an elegant blue glass, rim covered in salt, and a pink paper umbrella which Snape quickly plucked out and threw away. He took a cautious sip and was pleasantly surprised to find that, unlike firewhiskey, which got its name by burning away a person's throat, this margarita was sweet and pleasant to drink, so he did, not quite realizing how much he was drinking until it was too late.
Half an hour and five margaritas later, the karaoke machine in the corner was starting to look very inviting, so Snape paid his bar tab and meandered unsteadily over to it. He didn't know any Muggle songs, so he simply pointed to one on the list at random and stood up to the microphone. He had no idea what a "Barbie Girl" was, but he sure had fun singing about it. Over the next few hours, he danced on nearly every table in the establishment, sang a few more songs, drank a few more margaritas, and got into a heated argument with a bar mate about the color green. The next morning, he woke up in Tijuana with a massive hangover and no idea how he'd gotten there.