I have had this idea for awhile and it was originally inspired by the Sarah McLaughlin song "Do What You Have to Do" but I lost interest. Then I heard "When We Were Young" by Adele and it brought the idea right back to me.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything mentioned here.
You still look like a movie
You still sound like a song
My God, this reminds me
Of when we were young
When we were young - Adele
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
But I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how
To let you go
Do What You Have to Do - Sarah McLaughlin
Inuyasha took another satisfying draw from the porcelain mug, savoring the bitter flavour of the diner's coffee. He set the cup down on the table before resuming his fidgeting with his iPhone. He checked his email for what must have been the 100th time since stopping in this little diner. He told himself it was just a pit stop to refuel before taking on the challenge that lay ahead.
It was most definitely not that he was a coward who was still working up the courage to see Kagome.
His phone rattled on the tabletop and he eagerly greeted the distraction. It was another encouraging text message from his son. Inuyasha sighed and closed his phone, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He somehow knew his family would be supportive of this, reunion, of sorts. He hadn't expected them to be this pushy.
He wasn't sure exactly how they found out the whole story. He wondered if Kikyou had been telling tales from her hospital bed when he wasn't around. That would just be like her, trying to look after him even after she was gone. The thought that she had understood the true complexity of the situation back in medical school was still a bit...concerning, but there wasn't much he could do about it now.
He opened his phone again and opened the photo gallery. Inuyasha used his thumb to flick through the range of photos laying within, travelling back through the years with his family. He wouldn't have traded those years for all the second chances in the world.
And yet...that brought him to today. A possible, maybe, potential, hypothetical second chance at his second love.
His thoughts were interrupted when the waitress came by the pour another cup of coffee.
"You waiting for someone?" She queried after her pour. She leaned her elbow on one hip to help support the large coffee pot, obviously making herself comfortable to await an answer.
"No," Inuyasha shook his head. "I am just in town to visit an old friend who lives nearby."
"An old friend from here?" She asked in surprise, giving his obvious city-dweller clothing a once over. He had learned the hard way how unfortunately out of place his dress shoes were in a 'gravel driveway' sort of town. "Who do you know around here?"
"Kagome Higurashi?" He replied, seeming as though he was uncertain himself if he was actually there to see her.
"Dr Higurashi?" The woman replied, her eyebrows raising. She seemed to give him a more thorough appraisal at his answer. "You're not one of those pharmaceutical salesman, are you?"
"No, we went to medical school together." He replied, trying to smile somewhat reassuringly so he didn't seem too much like a stalker. "I was nearby and heard this is where she is living and thought I should say hello."
It couldn't have been further from the truth. After, well, just after everything was settled, it was clear became clear that with Kikyou's death that Inuyasha planned to while away a solitary existence living out of the hospital call room and eating cafeteria food. Thus his children had ganged up on him. Someone had told them about Kagome. Through the miracle of Google they had found her current family practice address and put two and two together to get him a home address.
"You need to move on, Dad." His daughter told him, her kind dark eyes so similar to her mother's. "Mom...she would want you to be happy."
He knew that his children always had an inkling there was something more to this mysterious Kagome that appeared in all their parent's photos from medical school, and yet vanished from their lives immediately after graduation. What had solidified the depth of it all, however, had been her appearance at Kikyou's funeral 5 years ago.
It was a sad day for everyone, as it always is when a young life is cut short. And although Kikyou had lived to be middle aged and had seen her children grow, the cancer diagnosis still struck a blow to them all. With he being a surgeon and she an anesthetist, they knew the reality of the scenario as soon as they had heard the staging. Kikyou had dealt with it the way that she would: she threw herself into work, making sure all her research was published before she would be too sick to complete it. Inuyasha dove deep into the treatment options, phoning experts the world over just to try to find a cure.
It had ended the way the story always ends. They had watched it enough times to know. On one of her last days at the palliative care hospice, Inuyasha had wheeled her outside with the family so she could watch their youngest grandchild run around on the lawn. They were surrounded by fragrant flowers and the breeze was warm. Kikyou reached her hand out towards him and he accepted her silence gesture quickly.
"Inuyasha," she almost whispered, not turning to look at him. "When I am gone, I want you to go and find her."
"Find who?" He asked, though he knew exactly who she meant. The woman who had been a silent presence in their lives since medical school. The one he could never forget.
Kikyou only gave him a knowing look and he dropped the ignorant act. "I still carry some guilt, you know." She admitted, drawing a deep breath before letting it out and her thin shoulders sagged. "To think that I robbed you of the happiness you two could have had together."
"Kikyou," he squeezed her hand to get him to look at her. "I made the choice I made because I still loved you. We have had a great life together and I wouldn't trade that for anything. Look at our beautiful family. We did all this together."
She smiled softly. "All the same, it would break my heart to know that you were alone. You're still so young." She reached up and cupped the side of his face.
"I was always so jealous of the two of you." She admitted quietly, her eyes distant as she watched her memories replay. "Even though you and I had come in to medical school a couple, I knew if we hadn't then the two of you would have dated."
"But we did come start school together, Kikyou. You know Kagome and I never...did anything." Inuyasha scrubbed his hand over his face in frustration. "If this is still about that kiss...I told you Kagome and I worked it out. Kagome understood everything once she knew you were pregnant."
"She understood so well that we haven't heard from her in over 20 years?" Kikyou replied archly.
Inuyasha opened his mouth to reply but Kikyou cut him off. "I know why you were really there that night. The night I told you about the pregnancy." She raised her chin and looked away from him. "I know you were there to break up with me."
Inuyasha's breath left him in a hiss. "Kikyou..."
"Sometimes to this day I still wonder if I shouldn't have told you. If I should have let you leave and go to her." She replied, her expression forlorn.
Inuyasha knelt beside her wheelchair and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Never regret that choice Kikyou. I love you and I love our family."
The children noticed the seriousness of their parents conversation and were making their way over, so the couple changed the discussion to present matters and Kagome was not mentioned again.
Not until the funeral.
He wasn't really sure how the old med school class had found out about it, although he was pretty sure the college magazine had run an article about her and mentioned her passing, but at least a hundred of their old classmates showed up at Kikyou's funeral. He was mingling about them, laughing and reminiscing about old times, when he caught a glimpse of her talking to her friends. He was pretty sure he stopped talking mid-sentence and couldn't help but stare.
She was still beautiful, which somehow didn't surprise him. She had kept her hair long and it fell about her face with a tamed elegance, much more so than it used to when he'd see her the morning after a call shift. Her figure was modestly attired in a black dress but the maintenance of her curves, even after all this years, was still apparent.
Kagome must have felt his stare because she turned to meet his eyes. Seeing she had his attention, she smiled gently at him before excusing herself from her current conversation to make her way over to him.
His first instinct had been to run. He wasn't sure what to say to her, and honestly hadn't been expecting her to appear. Unfortunately for his escape plan, the person he had been talking to was his old friend Miroku, who silently moved to stand in the way so he would be trapped.
"Inuyasha," she greeted quietly, the same gentle smile on her face that he always remembered. Her soft brown eyes reflected sorrow. "I'm so sorry for your loss. How are you holding up?"
They had chatted briefly, Sango and Miroku joining so they could all catch up on where everyone ended up working and their families. Inuyasha had been surprised to learn that Kagome had never married. He knew immediately after he asked her why that he had blundered but she softened the blow.
"It...it just never worked out." She said, eyes leaving his to look to the side, shining with an emotion she didn't want to share. "Besides, I ended up married to my job. I'm not like you big city doctors who have residents to do all the work for you!"
The group shared a laugh and the conversation moved forward but the opportunity was still presented. Kagome was somehow still unattached and available.
And now Inuyasha was available.
The complex cyclone of guilt and hope that accompanied the thought had been plaguing him since that day.
It brought him to his present situation, in this tiny village Kagome had somehow ended up working in as a family physician. He was still working up the courage to go and see her. All the coffee had an consumed was giving him a tremor but he still kept sipping at his cup for want of something else to do with his hands.
The waitress interrupted the tangent his thoughts had travelled on. "Well I know she is home today because my brother is doing some landscaping for her. Do you need the address?"
Inuyasha raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Why would you help me? How do you know I'm not some kind of stalker?" He wasn't overly fond of the idea of random waitresses giving random men directions to Kagome's home.
"Stalkers don't usually hang out here for 3 hours building up the nerve to go see the one they are stalking. Besides, I saw your photo on the wall in her livingroom." She replied dryly, setting the coffee pot down to pull her notepad from her apron. She quickly scribbled directions on it before tearing it off and handing it to him.
"Thanks." He replied, taking the paper with a tint of pink to his cheeks for having been so transparent to this stranger.
"We always thought it was a bit unusual, that Dr Higurashi came out here unmarried. She's had lots of men pursue her and she's turned them all down." The waitress told him honestly. She pursed her lips in thought looking at him. "I'm starting to understand now."
Inuyasha really didn't want to go there. "Thanks for the coffee. And the directions." He left handed her the cash for his bill, along with a generous tip, before sliding out of the booth to get back in to his car.
He sat in the car, feeling like an intern about to go in to the OR for the first time. He took a deep breath and flicked on the ignition. The waitress' directions were fairly clear and he pulled up to the gravel laneway far before he was prepared to.
It was a long winding roadway with silvery poplars lining either side. Through his open windows Inuyasha could hear the papery leaves rustle against each other in the summer breeze. He made the turn and slowly drove his car up the long road, watching with anticipation to catch sight of her home. It was a small farm house with butter-yellow bricks and white shutters. A small porch held two large rocking chairs and there was a wreath of eucalyptus adoring the door.
As he pulled closer he saw a tanned young man digging in the front garden. Inuyasha frowned, having hoped to have his reunion with Kagome be a bit more private than having a landscaping crew around. He parked his car a little distance down the drive before getting out and starting to walk.
The young man didn't seem surprised to see him. He dusted the dirt off his hands and started walking towards Inuyasha.
"My sister told me you were coming." He said by way of introduction, a friendly smile on his face. "I'm just going to clean up and head out. If you park your car over by the house I can get my truck out around it and I'll just be on my way."
"...okay." Inuyasha said, at a loss for why all these townspeople were interested in helping him.
"Kagome, she's been good to all of us." The young man said, removing his cap to wipe some sweaty red hair off of his face. "She deserves to be happy."
Inuyasha looked stunned. Did this whole town know their story?
The young man then gave him his best scowl, which really was not very intimidating given their obvious size difference. "But you had better not hurt her, you understand? Or you're going to have a whole town on your ass."
"I'm...just here to see an old friend." Inuyasha told him plainly.
"Sure." The young man replied, not appearing convinced. "Kagome is in the kitchen, you can just head on in. Could you tell her that I have left for the day? My name is Shippo, by the way."
"Inuyasha." He said with a small smile of respect for the young man. The two man shook hands before Shippo left his company to continue picking up his tools.
Inuyasha piloted his car into the agreed parking spot. Though he would deny it, he took a minute to check his appearance in the rearview mirror before disembarking the car. He slowly approached the door, appreciating the friendly ring of the wind chimes on the porch as he knocked on the door.
He paused for a few minutes but there was no answer. He tried knocking again and there was the same lack of response. Confused, he turned back to see Shippo just turning on the ignition in his truck. He made a forward gesture with his hands, trying to encourage Inuyasha to enter the house. With one last steadying breath, Inuyasha ventured in.
True to the young man's word, Inuyasha found Kagome standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes, her back to him as she looked out the window and sang along with the radio.
Apparently he had made some noise to alert her to his presence because she started to turn towards him while drying her hands on her dishrag. "Shippo, have you finished the front garden alrea...dy..."
She dropped the towel to the ground in shock, just staring at him. He in turn drank in the site of her in her little kitchen. The sun through the window gave her a soft glow around her black hair, collected up into a ponytail at the top of her head with rebellious strands curling around her face. Her eyes widened in surprise and her pink lips rounded into a silent 'o' shape.
The silence stretched between them until Kagome seemed to shake herself from her reverie. "Inuyasha!" She said with a bright grin, lunging towards him. She seemed to be going to hug him but caught herself right before she reached him. She let her arms fall to the side but the genuine smile stayed in place. "What are you doing here? How are you!"
"Do I need an excuse to come and visit an old friend?" He asked casually, affecting a calm demeanor to hide how badly his hands were shaking. It amazed him that even after all these years she could still have this effect on him.
She gave him a skeptical look. "Okay, fine don't tell me." She teased before turning away to pick up the dishrag and hang it to dry. When she turned back she asked if she could get him a drink. Beverages in hand, she lead him out to her deck on the back of her house where they could sit in chairs and enjoy the warmth of the day.
The two whiled away the afternoon, catching up on life and trading medical cases. Inuyasha showed her picture of his children on his phone and told her all about them. They reminisced about the old days, and traded gossip about their classmates, although Kagome was clearly much more in the loop. There was a silent agreement to not talk about them, or the kiss, or what never was.
The sun was starting to set before either was prepared to go. Kagome invited him to stay for dinner if helped to barbeque the steak. Each given their own domain, they worked separately until the time came for Inuyasha to bring the steaks in for dinner. When he returned to the kitchen, he couldn't help but picture what could have been.
This could have been their house and instead of photos of her mother and brother, and clearly the surrogate family she had created in this town out of the townspeople, it would instead be their photos. Photos of their wedding. Their children. Somehow, he felt as though he had robbed her of all these things.
"Inuyasha?" she came up to him and noticed the grey look to his face. "Are you feeling okay?"
He turned to look at her and something in his expression must have betrayed what he was feeling because Kagome interrupted him before he could say anything. "You know what, let's have dinner first." Kagome smiled her kind, gentle smile. She took the plate of meat from him and placed it on the counter before serving a piece on a plate already covered in potatos and vegetables. "Before you talk about the real reason you're here."
He accepted the plate and they sat down for dinner. Kagome raised her glass of white wine to him in a toast. "To seeing old friends." She said with a smile. He replied with a smirk and their glasses clinked.
After two glasses of wine, Kagome was clearly feeling more relaxed. She was almost much gigglier, causing every story Inuyasha told to make her erupt into a fit of laughter. As she dabbed the tears out of her eyes from her latest fit, Inuyasha couldn't help but comment on it.
"Still can't hold your booze, Higurashi?" He teased, taking a sip from his glass.
"I'll have you know I am a much better drinker than I was in medical school." She said archly, swinging her glass at him to make a statement and the contents almost sloshing out. "Although I'm not really sure how my liver survived those 4 years."
"Remember that house party? Where you came dressed as what you would be if you weren't in med school?" Inuyasha asked with a laugh. "You got totally destroyed in that game of slap cup. It was so cute to watch you keep trying over and over to bounce that ball in."
Kagome laughed and shook her head, her cheeks tinged pink. "It's too bad Kikyou never came out to any of the parties. I think she would have had a lot more fun in med school if she had."
Inuyasha remembered trying to get her to come out and her resistance every time. She had only wanted to stay in an study. It was how they had started growing apart, pursuing different interests. Kikyou joined all the academic clubs that helped with career advancement. Inuyasha just wanted to play sports and get as far away from medicine as he could during his downtime.
It was out getting away from medicine that he had found Kagome. She similarly just wanted to enjoy the fun part of med school as much as the academic and so they spent much of their time together at social events in large groups. Eventually they would break off from the rest of the group to just spend time the two of them. Some of his fondest memories were of late night shwarma, him freezing his ass off because he had lent her his coat.
He looked over at her, her eyes shining with happiness and her cheeks pinked from heat and the wine. This was how he remembered her. Always so alive.
He looked down at her lips and he thought about that kiss. The one they shared. The one that no one could quite call a mistake, even though it is started the avalanche of events that would lead them to today.
Kagome seemed to notice his change in mood, because her expression sobered and she let her legs hit the floor from where they had been folded up beneath her. "So, are we getting to the heart of the matter? What really brings you to my home today, Inuyasha?"
He took a heartening sip of his wine before he set it down and turned to face her. He looked directly in her eyes and simply stated. "You."
Her brow creased in confusion. "Of course you are here to see me. What do you need? Do you need help with something?"
"Can't I just want to catch up?" He hedged, his courage failing him.
"After all this time?" Kagome snorted with a wry smile. Apparently giggly wasn't the only alteration of her personality that wine brought on. "Without a phone call in advance?"
"I missed you." He admitted quietly, fiddling with his knife to avoid looking her in the eye. "I just...needed to see you."
He expected her to melt to his words, but she appeared to harden instead. "This is because Kikyou is gone, isn't it? You're just lonely and looking for a substitute." Her eyes glinted at him with stony resolve. "Well you won't find one here."
Inuyasha shook his head, wondering how he could have been so misunderstood. "No, Kagome..."
She interrupted him. "I'll admit I had it pretty bad for you back in med school. And I get the whole situation with the pregnancy and why things didn't work out between us. But I've faced the truth, and I've moved on."
"Is that why you never married?" He asked sharply, his anxiety making his words thoughtless. "Because you had moved on?"
"Do you think you can use that against me?" She responded harshly, taking another violent sip of her wine before setting it down. "You know what, I stayed away because I thought maybe you felt bad about how things ended between us. I didn't expect you to show up and throw it all back in my face."
Inuyasha scrubbed a hand over his face, the conversation not going the way he had expected. "Look, I know I married Kikyou and I know what it looks like. But I never stopped thinking about you."
Kagome gave him a sardonic look. "Really? After all these years?"
He looked at her and saw the years of hurt and pain, all knowing there was nothing either of them could do. That he had done what they both thought was right, but that didn't make it any easier to stomach.
"I remember, you and I went to this concert. I was so excited because it was my birthday and I had won the tickets in a radio contest. Kikyou was supposed to go with me but she backed out at the last minute to study for anatomy." He started the story, one he knew she would know how it ends. "You said you would come, and I was happy because I had really wanted to go with you anyways. We weren't expecting it, but there was this huge mosh pit right at the front of the stage. You got thrown into it and were doing your best to get out but those assholes kept pushing you back in. I...I shoved my way in there, grabbed you by the arms, and dragged you out. You looked at me...like no one has ever looked at me."
"You were so strong. It felt like you had saved my life." She admitted, blushing and looking down at her plate.
"I think I had a cut on my head or something. We went to the medical tent to get a bandage put on it and...and then you kissed it better." He replied, heat filling his gaze as he remembered what happened after that.
"And then you kissed me." She completed, blush rising to her cheeks.
Kiss would be a bit of an understatement, at least from what Inuyasha remembered. It had been a no-holds-barred surrender to the chemistry between them causing a sonic boom. The culmination of months of dissatisfaction with his relationship with Kikyou and the magnetic pull he felt towards Kagome. He remembered his vigor, crushing her to him and trying to bind her to him with one kiss. Their only kiss.
Kikyou wasn't wrong. He had returned to their apartment that night a changed man. Just a few days later he had been planning to break it off with her, so he could start clean with Kagome. He knew it would be messy, with the three of them all attending the same medical school, but he was confident they could all be professional about it.
Then he had been blindsided by the pregnancy. And how could he abandon Kikyou like that? It was plain and simple that he couldn't. And Kagome had understood. Or at least he thought she had. Right now it was seeming like she hadn't.
"I mean it, Kagome." He said quietly, taking her hand. "I never stopped thinking about you. What I told you that day, that I would have left her...I meant it. All of it."
Kagome stared at him with an unreadable expression. She read every line on his face before responding. "I never stopped thinking about you either. No other man...could do."
"There were other men?" He growled, looking around the small house for evidence of these other suitors, mostly to make her laugh.
It was successful. Kagome let out a gentle giggle, disengaging from the conversation to take another sip of the wine. The silence between the was comfortable but there was a pulse of anticipation. The past was dealt with, but what of the future?
He reached over and took her hand. She blinked at him but remained silent, waiting for what he had to say.
"Kagome," he started, trying to find the words to express what he wanted to say. Shit, even he wasn't sure what he was hoping for at this point. "I...just had to see you. You know the story. Our story. I guess I'm just here to find out, after all this time, how it's going to end."
She looked at him. Then her lip curled up at the corner into a daring smirk. He could see the kiss hidden there, just for him. The kiss that had been hidden for years. When she stood from her chair he understood well enough to push his chair back from the table, allowing Kagome enough space to place her leg over his and seat herself in his lap.
"How the story ends, huh?" She asked, leaning forward to dangerously press her chest against his. Her face drew so close to his that he couldn't focus any more so he closed her eyes and trusted what she would do. She drew her nose against his cheek to bring her lips up against his ear. "I think it finally gets a chance to start."