Title: The End of the World
Author: Samantha Carter
Email: Everybody can read
Category: Angst? I'm not entirely sure, but there's some Sheppard/weir friendship mix down there.
Warnings: Nothing specific, you all watched "Before I sleep", didn't you?
Disclaimer: Mine? I don't think so.
Summary: "He said I was like Rose"
Author's note: I blame this one to the fantastic David Hewlett. On an interview he said that he had become an actor because of Dr. Who. So, this great TV network started to broadcast the new version of Dr. Who and I, of course, started to watch it. So this comes from the episode "The End of the World". Something that the Doctor asked Rose rang a bell - I could completely see Elizabeth in the same position, so I wrote this. Hopefully you like. Thanks again to my beta, Angel Leviathan - without you I couldn't possibly publish anything.
"I was just looking for you. What're you doing?" asked John, on entering the video room.
Elizabeth was sitting, more like lying, down, on the biggest couch in the room. The end credits of something were rolling down the screen and she had a pensive expression on her face, "I was just watching something Rodney recommended," she said, without moving.
"Rodney recommended? No wonder you were on the verge of sleep." John leant against the back of the couch, looking directly at her.
"It wasn't like that," she paused, "he didn't exactly recommended it, more like…mentioned."
"What was it?"
"Doctor Who."
"Doctor Who?" asked John, surprised.
"Yeah, I was surprised too, it isn't exactly what you would expect from Rodney, but he mentioned he liked it."
John gave her the 'I'm-not-convinced' look, "What else did he say?"
"...Nothing."
"C'mon Elizabeth, what did he say?"
Elizabeth straightened herself and sat properly on the couch.
John took this as an invitation and sat down with his arms crossed. Not too far, not too close.
"Have you ever watched it?"
"A little, I know the basics, though."
"He said I was like Rose."
"Like Rose?" confusion was written all over John's face. He looked at her intensely, "...No, I don't see the resemblance."
"Neither did I, so I asked him what was he talking about... he just told me to watch it, that I would understand. He practically ran from my office after that. So I came to see what was he talking about," Elizabeth remained pensive, with her eyes fixed on the now blank screen.
"Which episode did you watch?"
"The second one. I think."
"So?" John turned, looking at her directly.
"It made me remember somebody."
"Who?"
"Elizabeth," she hesitated, "The one we found in the stasis chamber. "
"And?"
Elizabeth looked down at her hands "I didn't know what I was getting into when I accepted to lead this expedition… I had no idea of the complexity of it," she kept her face down, so John couldn't see her expression, "I didn't know about the enemies we would face, all the difficulties we'd have to overcome. I thought I was leading a purely scientific expedition, and that the military contingent would only be here to baby-sit us. God, I was so wrong." She put her hands to her face and closed her eyes, breathing in deeply.
John let her continue.
"After you told me about the Wraith, I got really scared… When you brought one back... I didn't know what to do, what was going to happen; and for a moment I just wanted to go home."
"Who didn't?"
"And then, after the siege, we were home, away from all this horror and pain...and I did something really stupid," Elizabeth hesitated, not sure if she could continue, not sure if she wanted to admit this, "I delivered my resignation."
John stared at her, surprised, "What? When?"
"Don't look so surprised," she shifted uncomfortably on the sofa, "It was between the first check ups and briefings. I told General Landry that I wanted out. God, It was such a selfish decision."
He glanced at her, skeptical.
"I know, how cowardly of me, to leave all of you to this. At the moment it looked like a good option, but everytime I thought about it, it felt like I was... it felt lonely, and wrong, and cowardly. My stomach ties in knots just at the thought. Fortunately, General Landry took my resignation for what it was: confusion, and agreed to take it as a momentary lack of judgment."
"Elizabeth," his tone was similar to a plea.
"I was confused, John. I still had no idea how I was going to protect all of you, deal with Earth… I knew they'd be watching us... me," she corrected, "They wanted to replace you. I was so overwhelmed, and personally… things... I just had to give up a lot for this expedition, and I knew that I would keep doing it, I just didn't know how."
"What changed your mind?"
"Me."
John frowned, confused.
"Not me. The other me. Don't you see it, John? It had already been decided. If I was going to get cold feet it would have been even before we left - she proved to me that this was what I wanted; I couldn't have taken the wrong path twice. She told me that when she woke up in the Infirmary and saw all those people working, alive... breathing... well, she knew it had been worth it, that she didn't regret what she had done. She gave her life for this place. We walked a really long way to get here, and I would do it again, without hesitation."
"So you noticed what we had already noticed."
"What?"
"That you will give up everything for this city, and for us. Elizabeth, you gave up your entire life the first time to keep up safe, to keep this expedition going, to prevent us from dying. At no moment did you think about yourself. You still don't. I can't call that selfish Elizabeth, I call it selfless," suddenly John's face lit up "I can see the comparison now."
"Really, what is it?"
"Rose gave up everything to go with the Doctor. When he told her he was the last of his kind, that that was the reason he was travelling alone, and he gave her the option to go back to her life... she just decided to stay because she felt it was what she had to do… of course she got scared as hell, I mean he showed her the end of the world, and he let her choose. She was confused, but she couldn't leave him alone. She put her life at risk and she just didn't care. Just like you did."
Elizabeth actually blushed
"You see - selfless, not selfish," she leant closer to him, rested her head on his shoulder, and took his hand in hers, "We all believe in you, Elizabeth. I know its a heavy burden, but we want to share it with you - not because we have to, but because we want to."
They were silent for a while. Elizabeth was almost sleep when she heard John's question.
"So, do you want to go home?"
"I'm already there."
FIN