Contains: Male pregnancy, nudity, both off and on screen sexual scenes, drugged sex, off the wall humor, melodramatic angst, alien biology, cussing, and snideness.

Pairing: Warp/Buzz

Part 1 of 10: Too Much Quirks

Warp Darkmatter awoke to pain. From the waist down, was nothing but a throbbing mass of mindless *hurt*, rendering him unable to tell if he had any legs or not. His arms were weak as boiled noodles, his chest a giant bruise and warm with drying blood. The hangover had settled firmly at the base of his neck, all across his forehead and pulsed in his sinuses every time Warp breathed.

His mouth was a dry as the desert moon of Killawanna and tasted of that meatloaf from that one cafeteria from Star Command. The one that kept putting rangers into the medical bay from food poisoning and was used as a source of dares among cadets and rookies.

It took Warp a while to opened his crusted eyes. Even longer to keep them open from the lancing light of *pain*. Once he managed to keep them open and able to focus, he slowly curved to check if he had legs.

The good news was he had all his limbs. The bad news was that he was naked and so was Buzz Lightyear who was looking at him and about to have a breakdown.

It too far too long to get the saliva to choke out a request for water. As Lightyear proved he was still an asshole by apparently not being in any pain from the speed he went for the drink, Warp remembered what the hell had happened in the last hour.

Crater sucking Septians and their sex jells. Honestly, life was interesting enough but this was way too much to have to deal with. Especially if, oh craters, if that quirk of his body had back stabbed him with the worst possible person to do so with.

It took Lightyear helping him drink and several glasses of water before Warp could talk normally.

"Right. Lightyear, I can't feel my legs so let me lay down some ground rules right now before you arrest me."

He ignored Lightyear's attempt to interrupt and plowed on, "First point. You did not rape me. We both got hit with the crater loving sex jell so if anything, we just has rambunctious overly rough sex so pull yourself together and stop blubbering at me."

"I'm not blubbering. I'm dealing," Lightyear interjected, looking much more stable at Warp's caustic words.

"Yeah, yeah, and cover stories aren't lies."

"Exactly! I don't see why it is so-"

"Second point," Warp said harshly, "I'm still not coming back to Star Command so don't even think of asking."

Warp tightened his claw on Lightyear's arm when the ranger looked like he was about to talk. He waited for the space ranger to settle down again before continuing, "Third point, if you try and avoid and dodge therapy for this I will *shot you in the balls*. If you're anything like how I remember you're going to be telling yourself you aren't harmed or you deserve it or some other moronic hero stupidity you sell yourself and that pisses me off."

"You can arrest me now, Lightyear," Warp finished as he yawned widely, suddenly exhausted.

Lightyear's face still had warning undercurrents of imminent mental breakdown, but it wasn't as bad as when Warp first woke up.

Craters, Warp intended to find some one to get a mental check up himself after his body healed and he got out of prison. When you get badly hurt in a explosion you went to a doctor because your body was injured. When you and your ex-best friend got dosed with illegal sex jell and had sex you went to a doctor who specialized in the mind because that kind of thing wounded a person. Granted, not as bad as if he'd gotten raped but drugged out mindless sex wasn't the best thing to ever happen to a person. That was simple common sense which was why Lightyear would never think to do so. The lame twerp.

Actually, it was strange he didn't feel traumatized already, only exasperated. Eh, probably shock or something.

Warp took a great deal of vindictive glee in seeing Lightyear's rookie's faces when they finally barged in.

"XR, I require bandages, Mira, Booster, report."

The tin robot tossed Lightyear a roll of bandages and antiseptic and Warp watched as Lightyear started field dressing him. Princess saluted and said, eyes squeezed tightly shut, "XR managed to hose the jell off Booster and I before we did anything other then get out of our clothes. You had already gotten away by then and the drug dealers were running away while tossing the jars everywhere so we had to chase after and ah. You know. Hose down any afflicted victims."

"Which, let me tell you, kept getting reaaaal awkward at times," XR said shuddering.

"After making the arrest, we hunted you down sir! Requesting permission to find you pants sir!" the Jo-Adian yelled, hands firmly over his eyes.

"Permission granted. Think you can find some sort of wrapping for Darkmatter? I don't think we can maneuver his legs into actually pants."

"I'M ON IT BUZZ!" The thunder from the large guy's footsteps made Warp flinch as his headache throbbed in time.

Warp yawned again, lazily looking around. He was probably safe enough to fall unconscious. No way would Lightyear and his rookies do anything nefarious. Too heroic goody two shoes.

He lets his dropping eyes close and relaxed, falling away into darkness where the pain could not reach.

He awoke again, only this time, the pain was much less and that memorial smell of medbays was filling his nose. He could also feel his legs now and move them a bit which was a bright spot right there.

Warp stretched and shifted, testing to see how far his body could move before having to stop from agony. Well at least he could sit up even if there was no way in a black hole he was walking out of... oh hey he was at Star Command, how surprising. Not.

He was also missing his robotic arm and was covered in only a blanket. He'll have to find clothes and weapons before making his escape.

The door swished open and Commander Nebula stomped in, eyeballing Warp. Warp gave his most annoyingly cheesy grin and asked smarmingly, "How much time am I missing?"

His grin lowered into a smirk when the Commander glared at him for a long moment before admitting defeat and grudgingly answered, "About a day."

Warp clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, thinking rapidly. He had put his biological quirk in his files when he was still a member of Star Command, but did that mean Nebula knew or remembered it?

Ah, why not. No harm in asking.

"How soon till I know if Lightyear triggered a reaction or not?" he asked pointedly.

Ha! Nebula *did* remember! It was shocking and amazing that Star Command kept any secrets when their head honcho and spotlight member were so terribly easy to read.

"The LGMs say in about a week and a half. Any other question before you get locked away for the rest of your miserable space flea begotten life?"

Warp pursed his lips and tapped his index finger against them before snarking back, "Got any pants I can borrow?"

He grinned in triumph when Nebula groaned and rubbed his forehead.

"Yes, yes, fine," Nebula snapped, "I'll get you some clothes. Now tell me what you where doing on Tradeworld."

Warp shrugged, "I was picking up an arms shipment for Zurg when a can of goo dropped on me. My helmet was down so it hit the skin. Next thing I know, Lightyear tackles me and smashes us though some walls as the sex jell started jump kicking my sex drive into hyper over drive. Not much else to tell Nebula."

He kept his grin going full force as the Commander glowered. They then got to the business of Nebula attempting to get information about Zurg's latest evil plots out of Warp while Warp did his best to deflect, dodge, and weasel Star Command secrets out of Nebula.

This happened every time he got caught and the sheer normality of it made him feel better. Even with Nebula being oddly restrained. But hey, if Star Command's finest wanted to be an idiot, then Warp was going to shamelessly take advantage of it.

After half an hour of this, Commander Nebula left. Warp yawned widely, rubbing his eyes, tired again.

Craters. Idiot injuries. Zurg was going to be unhappy enough as it *was*. Which meant he needed to rest and heal as fast as possible.

Warp snapped to attention as the door opened and a re-suited guilty looking Buzz Lightyear marched in, falling into parade attention in front of Warp's bed.

He smirked and nodded in greeting. Before resting he needed to plan a way to escape. Good thing, a way had just dumped itself on his lap. Now all he had to do was convince Lightyear he owed Warp a clean getaway. Which... judging by how stiff Lightyear was holding himself wouldn't be so hard.

"So, Lightyear, heard you got yourself a girlfriend you sly dog. Tell me about her, will ya?"

At Lightyear immediate protest about not having a girlfriend, Warp grinned. This was going to be a snap.

Three days later, he was healed enough to make a break for it, which timed nicely with convincing Lightyear to help him escape. Lightyear had lent him a Space Ranger suit and had snuck him to an airlock. Not a moment too soon either, as Lightyear's constant stiff necked guilty depression was rubbing Warp's nerves raw.

Warp double checked his suit before saying, "Hey Buzz."

"Yes?" Lightyear asked quietly.

Warp leaned over and opened Buzz's helmet to smack him over the head, "Stop being so asteroid sucking stupid. I'm fine, you're fine, all's well and you don't owe me a thing now. You have no reason to be tearing yourself up like this, got it Lightyear?"

Buzz just met Warp's eyes, lips compressed, shaking his head in denial and that stupid ever present sorrow. Warp glared and growled in frustration. There was no point in winning the game if Lightyear was going to be like this.

"It isn't even like you raped me or anything so you have no reason to be feeling unhappy," Warp started ranting only to pause and gape at Lightyear.

Buzz had flinched, guilt and shame pouring off him like a wave. This was it, Lightyear's behavior had become too much for Warp and he lost his temper.

Warp's eyes narrowed in rage as he grabbed the edge of Lightyear's collar and shook viciously, hissing in anger, "Listen you *moron*, when two people get drunk off their moons and have sex is it rape?"

"No but-"

"But *nothing* Buzz. We *both* got hit by that sex jelly, so stop acting like you did something terrible already. The only way you could have done something bad was if you had sex with me with out getting hit and in case you somehow missed it, you're not that type of person Buzz Lightyear! You knock off this 'I am a horrible person' routine before I loose my temper and start beating it out of you! Do you understand me?"

Buzz just silently stared wide eyed at Warp causing Warp to shake him again, repeating loudly, "I said do you understand me?"

Buzz nodded solemnly, the same old stubborn confidant drive filling his face again, "Understood loud and clear Darkmatter."

Warp grinned and let go, stepping back, "Seeya around then Lightyear."

"As enemies," Lightyear stated a bit wistfully.

"Well yeah. You're one of the good guys and I'm on the side of evil. How else would it be, you twit?" Warp teased still smiling.

Lightyear nodded, humming in thought as the space ranger turned and left, waving a hand goodbye over his shoulder.

Warp Darkmatter snickered and shook his head as he went though the airlock. Ten more days till he could find out if he was pregnant or not. Before that, he had too much on his plate to think any more of Buzz Lightyear of Star Command.

First order of business, getting back to Planet Z safely. After that, surviving Evil Emperor Zurg's wrath. That should take about two and a half weeks all told, so he would defiantly be able to use a pregnancy test by then.