A/N: Rewrite time! The original version was a bit crude to say at least, and I should have rewritten it a long time ago already, but never got myself to do it. However, now I finally did it, thanks to Ganheim. Enjoy!

Enter Soap

Prologue: The day Mousse learned not to wish for anything.

Disclaimer: Don't own Ranma ½ or the characters etc. etc. You know the drill.

"Hitoriken!"

In his imagination, the battle cry would have been followed by a shimmering red battle aura and a massive amount of ki. In the real world, however, exactly nothing happened. Mousse was left standing with his arms spread out, looking very stupid.

"Eh? It still didn't work? Damn!"

Suddenly, a whack of an infamous matriarch's staff hit him squarely in the back of his head made him wince in pain.

"Foolish boy! Trying to master that technique? You should know better! Cologne, the old but still powerful Amazon said, glaring at the black-haired boy holding his head.

Mousse lowered his gaze and looked at the pintsized old woman

"Why not? I've seen both you and Shampoo use it. Why couldn't I do the same? "This remark was followed by another whack of the staff. Mousse winced again.

"I'm the one talking here!" The matriarch snarled, then calmed down. "I don't mind you learning the technique, but I must warn you; it's a waste of time. It's impossible for you to use it properly."

Mousse stared at her. "Why?"

Cologne shook her head "Never mind. Although," she said, supporting a devious grin "I'm sure son-of-law could use it."

"What?!?" Mousse yelled: "Why could Ranma Saotome use a technique I can't?"

Cologne, instead of replying, turned around and started hopping to the back door.

"By the way, great-granddaughter said she needs you at the restaurant!" She added casually while leaving "Off you go now!"

"Yes, honoured elder..." Mousse said, muttering something a lot less polite under his breath. He sighed and started walking to the direction the elderly Amazon had disappeared.

The myopic martial artist rushed back into the restaurant, still annoyed by the technique not working and Cologne's remarks (and getting hit in the head twice didn't help either. He already knew he would have quite a headache before the end of the day). He did forget this all, however,

when his near-sighted eyes caught the image of an his purple-haired goddess. Squealing in delight, Mousse ran to her ready to embrace the love of his life.

"Shampoo! I lov-thawk-ouch!" Mousse, this time rubbing his cheek watched as the exceptionally angry Shampoo moved closer.

Huh? Why is she so mad?

"Stupid Mousse! No do that, especially not in work time! These take and go!" Shampoo growled.

Mousse sadly took the take-away box.

"Yes Shampoo." he said, trying to smile. "Hey, are you free this night?" He continued, although he knew he was pushing his luck "There's this new movie I think you'd like..."

Shampoo gave him a glare so cold it could have frozen Hell. Mousse started to sweat. He couldn't remember Shampoo ever being so furious. He gulped and tried to back of.

"Shampoo no time for movies has! Go already!" Shampoo said and turned her back. She then turned her head a bit and added in Chinese: "*Or you'll wish you were never born!*"

Mousse winced in terror and ran from the restaurant, his beloved childhood friend continuing giving him a stare that made the South Pole seem positively tropical.

A few hours later

Mousse was wheeling his bike across a bridge. It was late, and the setting sun coloured him, the bike and the surroundings with red and orange light. Mousse sighed

"Why is Shampoo so cold towards me?" He said to himself, continuing to walk.

"She makes me so depressed..." He sighed again, his expression telling about anguish and melancholy. He raised his head to the skies looking for his lucky star, but as always, couldn't find it (failing once again to remember that putting his glasses on could ease the search...)

"I wish that Shampoo would love me."

Suddenly, a whirl of glitter erupted from the ground a few feet from him, and a young girl who seemed to be about his age appeared along with pink smoke and rose leaves. She landed gracefully on the asphalt, but didn't manage to avoid a small puddle. She slipped and fell over to the ground.

"Oww..." She moaned, trying to get up "Why do I always land on my butt?"

Mousse stared at her

The girl got up and dusted herself before levelling her gaze back to Mousse's level. She was very pretty, with big, dark green eyes and long, lustrous black hair. She was wearing an outfit that looked like a mix between traditional Chinese clothing and a pink school uniform, and it suited her quite well. Mousse couldn't help but stare.

"Uh...Erm…" He staggered, surprised.

"*Do you think I'm pretty?*" The girl asked in Chinese and started to giggle.

"*Actually,*" Mousse said, finding forming understandable words possible again: "*I was staring at the wings...*" Mousse said pointing at the small pair of wings attached to the girl's back.

"*Oh, okay...*" The girl said, looking a bit nervous "*Do you think they are pretty?*" she said, flashing a shy smile

"*I guess...*" Mousse said, scratching the back of his head. "*But why do you have wings? Who are you? WHAT are you?*"

The winged girl smiled and started twirling around.

"*I'm...*" she said, waving a pink plastic wand in her hand. A small group of people dressed head-to-toes in black rushed in and set up some explosives, and ran off and disappeared as fast as they had arrived. The explosives went out, covering the nearby area with pink smoke and glitter. Mousse started to cough when he got some smoke in his lungs.

Suddenly the girl appeared from the smoke, flashing Mousse another smile.

"*...Shou Nu Gu, the Deus Ex Machina extraordinaire!*" she shouted and did a victory pose. "*I was sent from the D.E.M office to take care of your wish!*" she said to the baffled martial artist. "*I guess you could call me your fairy godm- wait a sec, I'm not that old...*" she suddenly stopped and stared at the sky, obviously thinking for a better term.

"*Umm...maybe I could be your fairy... cousin?*" Shou Nu Gu stared at Mousse, unsure.

"*That sounds good enough.*" Mousse said, looking around. Whatever was the reason for this lunacy, it was getting late and he wanted to go to home and rest.

"*Anyway, I'm here...um... to fulfil your wish for Shan Pu's love, so... (ahem)..*." She lifted the cheap-looking plastic wand and pointed it at Mousse, before noticing the boy wasn't paying her any attention. That was because he was totally lost in his dreams (worse than even Ryouga could ever get lost...)

"*You mean...Shampoo would love me?*" He managed to say, speaking mostly to himself

"*We would get married, have many children and live rest of our lives in happiness!*" The dreamy look in his eyes disappeared as soon as it had appeared. "*Ah...But...No! Wait!*"

Shou Nu Gu lowered her arm "*What's wrong?*"

"*I-I..*" Mousse stumbled in his words "*I don't want her to love me because of you put a spell on her or something! I want her to love me because of...*" His voice was hardly louder than a whisper "*me.*"

The self-proclaimed Deus Ex Machina laughed

"*That's alright!*" She said happily "*How about we do it this way; I'll only help you a bit, and then you can win her over all by yourself! Does that sound good? Hey?*" She waved her hand in front of Mousse, who had once again lost himself in the thought.

"*Anyway,*" she raised her wand again "*O powers of water and magic, help me to fulfill his wish!*" A whirlpool of water (and glitter, of course) appeared around both her and Mousse.

"*Huh?*" Mousse let out, surprised

"*May his wish come true!*" The wand in her hand emanated blue light so bright it blinded Mousse for a moment. He started to feel a bit queasy as he felt something radically changing...

"*I'm so sorry!" Shou Nu Gu said once again, moving her weight from one leg to another. "Water magic is really unpredictable; I didn't know what's going to happen!*"

"*Like that helps! How does THIS help me to win Shan Pu's love?!?*" Mousse screamed in anguish.

Shou Nu Gu looked very uncomfortable "*Well actually, I have no idea.*"

"*You have WHAT?!?*"

The girl sighed

"*I just said I don't know the effect in advance. BUT,*" She silenced Mousse's protest, "*the water magic knows exactly what it's doing!*" She waved her wand again. The whirl of glitter appeared again.

"*In a week Shan Pu will love you, Mu Si!*" She shouted and vanished into glitter and pink smoke. Mousse could see the people in back running away again.

"*Hey, wait!*" Mousse shouted trying to desperately reach the girl.

"*Sure, what's wrong?*" The glitter and smoke vanished and Shou Nu Gu was standing right in front of Mousse

"*Huh? You waited?*" Mousse said, baffled.

"*Why wouldn't have I?*" the girl before snapping her fingers and giving a small yelp. "*Oh, shoot! I shouldn't wait! It's against the Deus Ex Machina regulations! Umm...Bye!*" She said, and this time disappeared for real. All that was left was tons of glitter and rose leaves.

"*Hey, that's not fair*" Mousse screamed at the girl who hasn't there anymore. "Oh, great! How I'll explain THIS to Shampoo..." He stared into the sky, still unable to find his lucky star. "This won't end well..."

To be continued...

A/N: Huh, I didn't think I did any radical changes but the word count literally doubled. What the? I'm most likely editing the following chapters (save for the last one which is quite alright) whenever I have some time in my hands. Until then, ciao!