"But I can't move on 'cause that means forgetting. Forgetting everything we had" Seth Rollins/OC Songfic request for WWE'sFinestDiva2012.
Song Mention: Running Back by Jessica Mauboy
Keep Running Back
These days you barely even say my name
Like you don't feel the same way
I'm wondering what's to blame
"Sara," I turned around with a sigh. There it goes again. The first name calling, a name that holds nothing special to it. No 'Babe,' no 'Honey,' just plain old Sara. When we first met and first started dating, all of those nicknames applied. It made me feel special and jittery. But now with him calling me Sara, it feels like I'm being called by my mom.
The nicknames had stopped merely a few months ago. In fact the loving touches and sweet loving words had stopped around that time too. I feel like a used rag doll, getting thrown around and only being used when he feels like it. I don't like this part of him. What happened to the see loving Colby I used to know?
"What Seth?" I asked seeing that again tonight he was dressed up. He was already by the door with his phone in hand and his key card stuffed in his pocket.
"I'll be back later." And with that he was out the door.
These nights I fall asleep wondering where you are
It feels like we're falling apart
And it's only breaking my heart
I sighed and watched the door slam shut quietly. There he goes again and I probably won't see him until the next morning. I knew he wasn't going to return tonight, he never does.
With that in mind I turned down the TV, turned off the light and sunk into bed. I stayed up for about 15 minutes just tossing and turning trying to find the right position, but couldn't find one. I stared at the ceiling, letting my eyes trace the cracks I found on it.
I wonder what Seth is doing right now.
In his words Dean and Roman wants him to hang out after shows, but Dean actually came here one night looking for Seth. Something didn't seem right after that, and I've started to suspect things but never really let it get to me.
Maybe Dean was supposed to meet Seth here. Maybe Seth left out early to catch up with Roman first. But why would Dean show up in his pjs?
I hope he's not out fooling around. Not after everything we've been through together. Not after the secrets and love I shared with him. What if he is? What would I do? Who would I blame? Most of all who- if he is, he cheating on me with?
'Cause if being with you means being alone
And never knowing when you're coming home
Then I guess I'm better off on my own
That sneaky suspect ion left months ago. My questions had been answered numerous times before. He was cheating on me and the first time I found out it hurt. After the next couple of times the affects wore off. I didn't care anymore, just as long as I was with him. That's all that matters was the I was with him.
His lies, the sneaky smile. All it did was make my heart beat a little fast. It was like a drug, and I was badly addicted. I mean what's the harm of not knowing when he'll come back to the hotel room. I know what he's doing so it's ok right?
Well at least that's what I thought. My friends all said I was better off not knowing what he was doing. That it would be way less complicated of we weren't together at all. Even Roman and Dean talked to me about how unhealthy our relationship was.
But I can't move on 'cause that means forgetting
Forgetting everything we had
Instead I keep running, keep running
I keep running back
For a while I listened but afterwards I just went right back to him. No matter what everybody else said. I knew where my heart relies. It was with Seth. He owned it, he owned my life. Like Edward said to Bella "You are my life now," that's how I felt towards Seth.
It's not that I can't move on it's that I choose not to. He gives me something special that I had never once felt in my life. I wouldn't want to forget that feeling. Or his touches and sweet words he'd whisper to me when he thinks I'm sleep.
I love it. I loved him, that's why I keep coming back even after he broken my heart so many times.
'Cause I keep forgetting
Forgetting you treat me so bad
So I keep on coming, keep coming
I keep coming back
Even after how many times I've cheated on her and how many times I've yelled and laid my hands on her, she's still by my side. I feel that I should appreciate it, but I can't. I love her, yeah but I feel that I'm hurting her more, that I've some how caused her to fall into this unhealthy relationship.
I wouldn't say I want out but I am concerned, very concerned.
But I don't want to move on
'Cause that means forgetting
Forgetting everything we had
Instead I keep running, keep running
I don't want to move on. Even if I am interested in other women as well. Sara, she's special to me. I might not show it but I feel it. I love her more than the world and if there's anyway to stop me from playing my games I would.
She keeps me protected, rememinds me of who I really am. That's why whenever we break up I'll always beg on my knees until she accepts my relationship request. I can't loose her. Not my Sara...not my shield.
I keep coming back, I keep coming back
I keep running back and I keep running back
I won't leave him. I can't leave him. That'll be like giving up my life, suffocating myself. Restricting myself from oxygen. I would die without him. All my friends pleads, they're nothing to me. They just don't understand how much Seth means to me.
Until my dying breath I will love him. Nobody can stop me from how I feel.
I keep coming back, I keep coming back
I keep running back and I keep running back
"You're back early," I gave a small smile and sat the book I was reading down. Seth pulled off his jacket and shoes. He looked serious and upset, I don't know what for. When he started to walk forward I braced myself, waiting for the impact f the hit, but it never came. Instead I was embraced in his arms. His scent taking over my senses, sending chills down my spin. I slowly began to wrap my arms around him and when I did he only held me tighter. I wonder what made him do this, why is he holding me so carefully and lovingly? I thought he was going out to see the other girl.
He pulled away and just stared into my eyes. I searched his face, he was smiling slightly and his eyes were clouded over with love. I didn't understand, I haven't seen that look in his eyes since we've first gotten together. His hand ran smoothly down my arms, then pulled be back into an embrace again. That's how we stayed. This is why I keep coming back to him. I love him, I love this.
I keep coming back and I keep coming back
I keep coming back and I keep coming back
I decided not to go out tonight. I had this sudden urge to stay in and keep Sara company. I know how many time's I've left her alone. Keeping her up at night just waiting for my grand return, and I just felt that today wouldn't be one of those days. I wanted to hold her close, let her know that I still feel for her. That the things I do aren't meant to hurt her. I wanted to give back the love she gave to me.
I turned on my heels and walked back down the long hallway, passing many people. I stopped in front of the door I just came for, and nervously looked down. Should I go back in? What if I walk in on her crying? Then what? I pulled the key card out of my pocket and looked over it. I let out a sigh and held my head up high. I'm going to do it. I'm going back in. I inserted the card into the slot and pushed the door open slowly. The light for the inside hit my face, the sound of the TV took over my thoughts. And sitting on the bed reading a book was Sara. I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me. That's when she looked up and noticed me.
"You're back early." She smiled setting the book down. I pulled off my shoes and jacket as fast as I can. She stood from the bed, staring at me confusedly. Once both items were off I walked toward her with one goal in mind. Before she could do anything I pulled her into my arms, just holding her tight. I felt her shaking against my touch, but it soon stopped. Her arms slowly wrapped around my back half, which only made me hold her even tighter. I wanted to feel her close, if possible close enough to feel her heart beating against her chest. After a while I pulled away and just looked into her eyes, smiling at how confused and innocent she looked. How could I ever hurt someone this beautiful. How did I not notice how wonderful her eyes looked? I carelessly smoothed my hand down her arm before pulling her back into the embrace.
I loved her, I loved her scent, I loved her smile, her eyes, her laugh. I love her. And I will continue to fight for her even if I am hurting her. I will never let her go and if I do. I'll just keep coming back for her.
I keep running back to you