Settlin'
DISCLAIMER: I'm not making any profit, none of the characters belong to me, etc.
When the man you've spent all of your childhood and most of your adult life with asks you to marry him, you should be happy right? You should be blissfully imagining the long white gown, grotesquely coordinated bridesmaid dresses and four tiered wedding cake- planning it all down to the slightest detail, right? So why then, am I sitting in my car speeding towards god knows where in the middle of the night?
When Morelli asked me to marry him tonight, I'd blanked out. It was as if the entire world had stopped, but not in the good 'oh-my-god-it's-a-dream-come-true' sort of way. Truthfully, it was more of a 'oh-crap-this-can't-be-happening' kind of moment. Needless to say, Joe was less than thrilled. He told me to think about it and I told him I needed some space to do just that. Fifteen minutes later, I was surprised to find myself pulling into the garage at Haywood.
As I stepped into the elevator for the 7th floor, I couldn't help but wonder why I'd ended up here, of all places. I wondered when I'd stopped running to Mary-Lou and start running to Ranger. With that thought came the startling revelation that somewhere along the way, Ranger had become my best friend…
Maybe it wasn't so startling though. After all, he was always there for me through the endless stalkers, myriad of destroyed cars and most of all, through the day to day struggles that made up a day in the life of Stephanie Plum.
But all that introspection aside, I was too tired to think any more deep thoughts. As I keyed the door to Ranger's apartment open, I realized all I wanted to do for the rest of the night was curl up in front of the t.v. and rest. Dropping my keys in the dish on the sideboard, I headed for the living room, flicked on the nearest lamp, and settled in with a soft, chocolate brown afghan that had recently been added to the room's furnishings. Ella's influence, no doubt.
I flicked through channels for a while before I came across one of those music video stations and paused for a moment. The song had a beautiful blonde jumping around a stage, belting out the lyrics to what sounded suspiciously like a country song:
Fifteen minutes left to throw me together
For Mr. Right Now, not Mr. Forever
Don't know why I even try when I know how it ends
Lookin' like another, "Maybe we can be friends."
I've been leaving it up to fate
It's my life so it's mine to make
Then she hit the chorus, and I was hooked:
I ain't settlin'
For just getting by
I've had enough so-so
For the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low
So raise the bar high
"Just enough," ain't enough this time
I ain't settlin' for anything less than everything
I couldn't help it- I instantly thought of Joe. Wasn't that exactly what I was doing? Yeah, I loved him. But I wasn't in love with him. I was settling for 'just enough'. We were comfortable, but there wasn't the same level of passion I had with Ranger. There was no constant awareness of the other- the way our heads automatically turned when the other entered, the way my whole body tingled, telling me he was watching me. Joe and I never had that. And I missed it when I was with him, damn it!
The blonde continued:
With some good red wine
And my brand new shoes
Gonna dance a blue streak around my living room
Take a chance on love, and try how it feels
'Take a chance on love, and try how it feels'. Hmmm. If that wasn't the universe's way of telling me to move my butt along, I don't know what else is. In a moment of sheer sleep-deprived clarity, I realized, I knew how love felt. It was that all-consuming urge to be with your other half; No matter how much time we spent together, it was never enough. I always wanted more. And my heart broke a little each time I watched him walk away. I've never wanted anyone more than I wanted Ranger. And I've never feared for someone as much as I did that night Scrog shot him.
With my heart wide open
Yeah, you know I will
Find what it means to be the girl
Who changed her mind
And changed the world
It was time I stopped living the Burg's life and started living my own. It was time I grew up and ended the pattern of unhealthy behavior Joe and I had going. The t.v. flashed the song info and I scribbled it down- "Settlin" by Sugarland, before heading off to the bedroom. My last thought as I drifted off to sleep in one of Ranger's tshirts was that tomorrow, Ranger would find out just how much my world had changed.
I ain't settlin'
For just getting by
I've had enough so-so
For the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low
So raise the bar high
"Just enough," ain't enough this time
I ain't settlin'
For just getting by
I've had enough so-so
For the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low
So raise the bar high
I ain't settlin'
No, no, no, no, no, no
So raise the bar high, high
A/N: Ok, um, I haven't quite decided if I'm going to continue this yet. I guess it depends on your reviews. So tell me what you think, pleaseeee (don't make me beg, it's not pretty!) Oh, the song's from the album "Enjoy the Ride" and the band is great btw, so check them out