I'm finally feeling like it's okay to break
into a thousand pieces
no one can replace
only I can find my way
And all this mess around me's finally cleared
So can I have a moment just to say hello
Can you let your anger go?
It's been a long year
And I'm feeling ready to be here
Caroline couldn't believe what had happened. She just couldn't believe that she would probably never see Tyler again. She had made him promise her that he would forget about her. That he would live a happy life without her.
But the truth is – she didn't want him to live a happy life without her. The thought of him living somewhere else, somewhere far away from her, was agonizing. And even more painful was the thought of Tyler living with someone else.
Maybe it would take some time. But Caroline knew that he would meet someone new someday. And even though she knew that this was the way things should supposed to be, she couldn't stand that thought. It just hurt too much. Caroline didn't want Tyler to be with someone else. She was the one who belonged to him. They belonged together.
But it was over now. Everything was ruined, destroyed.
And it was all his fault. Caroline hated Klaus more than words could describe. She'd hated that she had to beg him to let Tyler leave. She'd hated that she had to ask him for something. But she had done it for Tyler. She would do anything for Tyler. Anything to keep him safe.
And she knew that he wouldn't be safe in Mystic Falls, not as long as Klaus was around. And it was pretty obvious that he wouldn't leave soon. Maybe he would even never leave. There was no way for Tyler and her to be together again. Caroline just knew it. Tyler and she had said that this wasn't goodbye, it was "until we find a way".
But there wasn't any way for them to be together. It was over.
Klaus had gotten what he wanted. He'd gotten them apart. Caroline still couldn't process what he'd said after Tyler had left. That he'd done all these things for her.
Oh, really? Did he? He'd agreed for Tyler to leave town so Caroline would be happy? He'd never done anything for her. He was a murderer. A sick, psychotic and cruel murderer. And Caroline hated him for what he'd done to her. He hadn't done things for her – he'd only done things to her.
Though Caroline had known right from the start that there wasn't any other way to keep Tyler safe than for him to leave. Klaus wouldn't rest until he was dead. Killing his mother wasn't enough. He had to kill Tyler as well for what he'd done.
And Caroline didn't even know if Tyler would be safe on the run. Klaus had only given him so much as a head start. He would try to kill him nonetheless. But Caroline had sworn to herself that she would do anything to keep Klaus from going after Tyler. She would do anything to keep him safe, even though he wasn't here anymore.
She would love him. Always.
The most ironic thing about this whole situation, this mess was that in Caroline's case it really meant always. Forever. She would live forever. And even though if Tyler and she had all the time in the world, they still couldn't be together.
What kind of a cosmic joke was that?
She took a deep breath before sitting on her bed. She had no idea what to do know. Caroline hadn't heard anything from Elena yet. She had no idea what had happened on that island... She didn't even know if her friends were safe. She was so worried about all of them. These past few weeks had been a disaster. Or more like the past few months.
Caroline would never have thought that something could keep Tyler and her apart forever. They'd always find their way back to each other in the end. No matter what happened or what had broken them, they'd always managed to pick up the pieces afterward. But now things had changed. There was no way for Tyler to come back to Mystic Falls.
And Caroline didn't even know what she should live for without him.
Though there were so many people worth living for, right now she just felt hollow and empty. Her friends were in Mystic Falls. Elena, Bonnie, Matt, Stefan and Jeremy... They were her best friends. They were like her family. And her mother of course. Her mother needed her. Her mother was the most important person in Caroline's life. And it wasn't just Liz that needed her daughter – Caroline needed her too.
Still she wasn't sure of there was anything in Mystic Falls holding her back. She took another deep breath, shaking her head. What was she even thinking about? She had to stay here. She had to be in Mystic Falls. Mystic Falls was her home. She'd never known anything else than this small town. People lived here who needed her.
Tyler, on the other hand, had no one. She'd been the only one still holding him in Mystic Falls. His father had died. His mother had died. His only reason to still be in Mystic Falls had been Caroline. And their friends of course, but Caroline knew that she was the only one he'd stay for. And no he was all alone.
That thought broke her heart. She couldn't bear imagining Tyler all alone. She wondered if he was already gone. Already on the road with no real destination. Where could he even go?
Maybe it was better if she didn't know. If she knew where he'd go, she would be too tempted to go after him. Or to find him and bring him back home. And Caroline knew that she shouldn't do this. She couldn't. If Tyler came back, he'd be dead. Klaus would kill him in an instant.
Caroline tried to fight the tears coming to her eyes. She couldn't stop crying. All night long she'd been crying and no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't stop. She'd never felt this miserable and lonely in all her life before. She missed Tyler so much already. How should she live without him if the first night was this hard already? How was she supposed to be able to be strong enough to live through this pain?
Caroline had never wished to just turn off her feelings more than in this very moment. But she knew that it wouldn't make things better. She would stop feeling, stop hurting, of course. But she would stop being herself as well. And Caroline knew that Tyler wouldn't want this for her. He wouldn't want her to lose herself. Still it was so hard. Her broken heart hurt so much that she felt like her whole body was aching.
Would it ever go away?
Maybe the pain would fade with time passing. But she wasn't sure. She wasn't even sure how she should tell the others what had happened. How she should tell Matt. Matt was Tyler's best friend. Tyler didn't even get to say goodbye to him. Matt would be devastated.
At least he still had Jeremy. They were best friends too. Maybe he could help him get over the pain of losing one of his best friends.
Why couldn't she be happy? Caroline had a feeling that she wasn't even supposed to be happy. For the past few years her life had been miserable and hard. Heartbreaks, pain, loss... Though every time she'd been with Tyler, she'd felt hope. Caroline Forbes had always been quite the optimist. But even she struggled – more than she would want to admit.
So how was she supposed to go on living without the greatest source of comfort she had?
She couldn't. No matter how much she tried to deny it, Caroline just knew that she couldn't. It was almost impossible. She needed Tyler. She needed him in her life.
She needed her friends and her mother as well. They were a great part of her life and it would break her heart to leave them behind. But she needed Tyler so much more.
Without really thinking about what she was going to do, Caroline ran down the stairs. Before she was at the door, though, she heard a voice from the kitchen, calling her name. She stood there, her hand already on the handle of the door.
"Caroline?"
It was her mum. She hadn't known that she was at home. Caroline hadn't even heard her come home. She must have been so lost in thoughts that she just didn't notice Liz coming home. Caroline swallowed hard. Suddenly she didn't know if she was doing the right thing. She couldn't leave now, not without her mother being here. But Tyler...
She just had to see him again. Just one more time. Maybe it wasn't too late already. Maybe he was still here.
"I'm here, mum," Caroline said before going into the kitchen. Her mother sat on the table. She looked exhausted. Caroline could never leave her behind, couldn't she? She was the only one left. She was the only one her mother still had.
"Is everything okay?" Liz asked her, looking at her worriedly. There'd been a time when Liz hadn't sensed it when her daughter wasn't feeling well. When she didn't notice at all when her daughter was broken, sad, lonely. But now these things had changed. Liz and Caroline had grown so much closer. They'd become a real mother and daughter.
And it was because of that, Caroline knew, that she had to be honest with her mother.
"No. It's not." Swallowing hard she sat down in front of her mother. Caroline barely managed to keep it together. She had to fight hard so the tears wouldn't stream down her cheeks. She took another deep breath before she started talking, "Tyler is gone, mum. He... he left town. He had to because... because of Klaus. Klaus will kill him otherwise. And I don't know what to do, mum. I just... I asked Klaus to allow Tyler to leave so he wouldn't hurt him. But I can't be without him."
Her mother was the only one Caroline would show how hurt and devastated she was. She always tried to be brave and confident. Most of the time she managed to be just that but there were also times when she couldn't hold her guard up anymore. When she broke down.
"Oh honey... That's awful." Liz took Caroline's hand in hers, stroked it gently. "And there really is no other way than for Tyler to leave town?"
Caroline shook her head. "No, there isn't. He might already be gone. It's not like before. There won't be any coming back this time. He can't. And I don't know what to do. I don't know how to live without him, mum."
Liz looked at her for a very long moment before she stretched out her hand and stroked her blond hair. "It's pretty obvious what you have to do, isn't it? You should go with him."
Caroline looked at her mother, shocked. A small part of her had hoped that maybe her mother would tell her exactly that. But another, the greater and more scared part of her had thought that Liz would never say something like that to her.
"What?"
"Well, you should go with Tyler. That's what you two had wanted to do a few months ago, isn't it? I know that you love him, Caroline. In fact, I don't even think I've loved your father in such a passionate and honest way you love Tyler. That's not something you should throw away. If you can't be together here at the moment than you should be together somewhere else."
"But... it's most likely that we can never be together here, mum. I couldn't even tell you where we are because Klaus might torture it out of you. And... you're here. You need me. What about you? I couldn't just leave you."
"You could Caroline. It's okay. I can take care of myself and besides, you're old enough now to be on your own if you want to. I'm not saying that it wouldn't hurt me to see you leave. It does hurt me. It breaks my heart. But seeing you unhappy breaks it even more. I would never tell you what to do Caroline, it's your choice entirely. You should do whatever you think is right."
"But I am not sure what's right."
"I think you do. I think deep down you know what you want and what you have to do." Liz smiled at her before leaning closer to Caroline to kiss her softly on the forehead. Caroline pulled her mother into an embrace, holding tightly onto her.
"It's fine. It's going to be fine." Liz whispered into her ear. Caroline thought that her mother would start crying at any moment. But she held herself together, just like Caroline knew she had to. When Liz pulled away from her she looked at her beautiful daughter, smiling. "I'm so proud of you. I want you to know that. I am so very proud of you."
Caroline stood from her chair, still looking at her mother and trying not to cry. She knew what she was going to do. She'd known all along and only now she was realizing it. The only thing Caroline regretted was that she wouldn't be able to tell all of her friends goodbye. Most of her friends weren't even in Mystic Falls at the moment.
"This isn't goodbye, mom. You know that, don't you?" Though Caroline knew it was goodbye. She knew that she would probably never come back home. But she wanted to give her mum just as much hope as Tyler and she had tried to give each other earlier. "It's only until we find a way."
Liz smiled. Caroline knew that her mother wasn't a fool. She knew exactly what it meant. And she still was strong enough not to break down. Because she knew that Caroline would never be able to go if she would see her mother crying.
"Until you find a way."
It took Caroline another moment before she was able to turn away from her mother. Taking a deep breath she went for the door. When she stood outside, she swallowed hard. This had probably been the very last time she'd been in the house that had been her home for eighteen years.
Caroline had no idea if Tyler was still home. Maybe she was lucky and he was. And even if he wasn't Caroline knew that she could find him. No matter where he went, she'd find him.
When she was at the Lockwood house she felt her heart sink just a bit. There was no light in the house at all. It looked empty, deserted. Caroline was almost sure that Tyler had already left but she still went inside the house to look for him.
She pushed the door open and walked inside, looking around herself.
"Tyler?"
For a moment she just stood there, listening for any signs of movement. When she didn't hear anything at all she was disappointed. Tyler obviously wasn't here anymore. She was about to turn away when he suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs which lead to his room.
Caroline looked up at him. Relief washed over her. "Tyler!" She couldn't believe it. He was still there. She hadn't missed him.
"You're still here!"
"Caroline..." She couldn't just hear the hurt, the pain in his voice, she also felt it. It hurt Tyler to see her again. She knew how hard it had been for him to leave her behind and that it must be even harder to see her again now after he'd accepted that he had to go away. "What are you doing here?" Tyler went down the stairs. When he stood in front of her, he cupped her face in his hands, taking a deep breath. "You shouldn't be here. You know that. It's going to be even harder to leave you..."
"You don't have to leave me! I mean, of course you've to leave. You'll still leave but... not alone. I'll be with you!"
Caroline smiled at him brightly but Tyler didn't seem to fully understand what she meant. "What... d'you mean?"
"I will go with you Tyler! We will leave Mystic Falls together."
For a long moment Tyler just stared at her. He seemed to couldn't believe what she was saying. But he didn't smile. He didn't hug her and kiss her like Caroline had imagined he would. "You can't come with me Caroline."
He let go of her abruptly. Caroline just stared at him, shocked. "But why?"
"I don't want you to do this for me, okay? I don't want you to give up your life. Your friends. You have everything here in Mystic Falls. With me you'll just be on the run. I don't even know where to go. I haven't figured out anything. There's no one I could go to and... it's just not safe, Caroline. And it's nothing I would want you to go through. You have a home here."
"But you're my home. Look, at first I thought that I needed to stay here as well. And it isn't easy for me to leave. I can't even tell my friends goodbye because most of them aren't here at the moment. But maybe it's even better this way so it's not going to be that hard. It's still hard. But you are my home. Don't you understand? I don't want to be without you. I want us to be together. We'd wanted to go away together before, don't you remember? And I think it's just right if I go with you now like I'd promised you I would before."
Tyler looked at her. He took a deep breath before asking, "Are you sure you want to do this? I don't want you to make a mistake. I don't want you regretting choosing to go with me eventually."
"I won't. I won't regret it. Because I love you, Tyler. I love you so much. And I want to be with you. I don't want you to live a happy life on your own – I want us to live a happy life together."
He still looked at her and then, finally, a smile crossed his lips. "I could never have asked you to do this. But you can't imagine how happy you're making me right now."
"You wouldn't have needed to ask me. I made this choice all on my own." Without saying another word Caroline took the few steps that separated them from each other. She wrapped her arms around him, snuggling close to his chest.
Tyler embraced her, kissed the top of her head gently. "I love you too."
Before letting go of each other they kissed. It was passionate and sweet at the same time. All their hopes, their relief was in that one kiss. There was hope again. They would be together. Maybe things wouldn't be as bad as they'd seemed just hours ago. And even though they had to leave everything behind, their home, their friends and in Caroline's case her family, they knew that things would turn out to be okay. As long as they were together, everything would be alright.
"Why are you still here anyway?" Caroline asked Tyler when she let go of him. "I'd thought that you'd be gone already."
"I wanted to collect some things and well..." He sighed, looking around himself. "It wasn't that easy to leave, you know. Not just because I knew I would have to leave you, but also everything that's in here. This house reminds me so much of them."
Of course Caroline knew who he was talking about. His parents. He still suffered from the loss of his mother. And she knew how guilty Tyler felt about her death.
"I tried to let go of all of it. But I just couldn't. I've been here for hours and even though I know I have to leave I just couldn't manage to."
"Now you can." Caroline smiled at him encouragingly. "Now you have me."
"Yes." He stroked a lose strand of blond hair behind one of her ears, regarding her with such a tender expression in his eyes that Caroline's heart seemed to melt. "And I won't lose you. Ever."
After they had collected Tyler's bag and taken another look around the house, they left it. Caroline took Tyler's hand as they went down the street.
"You know, I had thought about calling Matt. Telling him what we have to do but... I just couldn't." Caroline sighed. Somehow it was hardest to leave Matt behind. She knew that Elena still had at least Bonnie and both of the Salvatore brothers of course. But Matt... He was all alone, he'd no family, just like Tyler.
"I thought about calling him too," Tyler admitted. "But I just wasn't sure what to say to him. He'll probably mad at us for not telling him but... I just don't want anyone to try to hold us back because there's no point in doing that."
Caroline knew that all too well. There was no going back now. They had to leave. Their friends would learn the news about their departure the hard way. But there was nothing they could do about it.
"Is there anywhere you always wanted to go?" Tyler asked her now. They'd gotten into his car and he started the engine.
Caroline thought about that for a moment. "I always wanted to visit big cities like Los Angeles or New York."
"We can visit any city you want. We don't need to settle down somewhere just now. Maybe it's even best for us to travel for some time. Maybe it'll make it harder for him to find us."
Caroline didn't want to think about Klaus. He wouldn't give up on killing Tyler. But at least now he would know that he could do nothing to keep them apart.
"Let's go to Los Angeles first," Caroline said before she cuddled closer to Tyler. She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes for a moment. "I always wanted to live in a beach house – on the beach, you know. That would be so awesome."
"Los Angeles it is then." He looked down at her, smiling. Tyler started driving and they both were quiet for a few minutes. Both of them thought about what they were leaving behind. And even though they were happy that they could still be together, they both were sad as well.
They had to leave behind their whole lives. They had to leave behind everything and everyone they'd loved, they'd cared about.
But at least they were together. At least they could spend the rest of eternity together, just like Caroline had always dreamed. She knew that she'd be even sadder if she knew that Tyler were all alone now.
"Do you think that we'll ever come back?" Caroline asked him as she looked out of the window, taking one last look at those familiar streets. Those streets and alleys she'd known her whole life. It felt like she left a part of her heart here. That part which belonged to them.
Elena. Bonnie. I will miss you so much. I know that both of you would've deserved for me to tell you this but I hope you'll understand that I couldn't. You're the best friends one could hope for.
Please get back together with Stefan, Elena. Damon is just not right for you.
And Matt... I hope you'll be happy. You deserve to be happy. I hope you can forgive us someday that we left without saying goodbye.
She took a deep breath. She left a part of her heart here in Mystic Falls, a part of it for all of them.
Saying goodbye to two people in particular would be the hardest, though.
Mum... I never wanted things to be this way. I never wanted to leave you. But I know you're strong. I know you'll get through this. I just hope that you won't stay alone forever. I hope that you'll find happiness again with whomever you choose to be with.
And Daddy... Wherever you are now, I hope you're happy. And please watch over mum if you can. Say hi to Carol if you should ever see her.
Caroline knew that her friends, that those she loved would never be safe as long as Klaus was in Mystic Falls. And maybe a new danger was already on its way. Who knew what would happen if Silas really awoke.
But she couldn't think of that now. If she thought about what might happen to her friends, she couldn't leave. But she had to. Caroline belonged to Tyler, more than she belonged here.
She looked at him again. "I love you, you know that, don't you?"
"I love you too." Tyler looked at her, smiling. "It's going to be okay. I promise."
"Do you think we'll ever come back?"
Tyler took a deep breath and now he looked out of the window for a moment. She knew that it was just as hard for him as it was for her to leave Mystic Falls behind.
"I don't know. Not that soon probably. But maybe... maybe we will."
"So... Until we find a way, then?"
Tyler smiled. And that was all Caroline needed to know that the decision she'd made had been right. That smile on his face.
"Until we find a way."