Burdens of a Broken Man
Summary: Because some burdens were meant to be dealt with alone.
Story came to me while watching episode 214 of shippuden. I apologize for any grammatical mistakes or confusion of tenses. I read though it a few times but I'm sure I have missed some and with no beta there's probably tons of mistakes. Just point them out to be and I'll be sure to fix him.
I tried to make this chapter flow as smoothly as possible between the past and present, so to help hopefully keep the confusion at bay the past will be written in italics.
One last thing, I was listening to ichiban no takaramono from angel beats if anyone was curious what type of mood that chapter is in as I wrote it. Don't understand a word from that song lol but the tone of it is what I had in mind for this chapter.
And with that, Enjoy! And be sure to drop a review if you liked, or loved it, or even hated it. I'm not picky =]
Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto, but Kenji, Akira, and Emi are mine.
Chapter 1: Beautiful
Smoke filtered through the dark interior of the rustic bar. It was crowded tonight. Laughter echoed off the walls, screeching of chairs could be heard, and the off-key singing of the latest drunk person on stage impaired his hearing.
The corner booth he sat in was dimmer than usual since the overhanging light was busted. But he liked it that way, to stay in the shadows, the dark, and not be noticed. If only he was truly invisible. He brought the cool liquid to his lips and took a gulp. The burn down his throat was a nice relief from the emptiness he felt inside. It reminded him that he was still breathing, still alive.
Today made the 2 year anniversary since his leave from the Hidden Leaf Village. All he wanted to do was drink away his pain and forget. But he could never forget.
"Please, don't leave."
Her green eyes had pleaded with him that day, unshed tears welling up in her eyes. But he couldn't stay. Too much pain and he was suffocating. He was broken, and there was no fixing him.
"Stay."
With me.
The unspoken words that she didn't say were clear to him. And when tears fell down her face he was almost brought to his knees for the agony he knew he was causing her. And him. But he was a coward. So he had avoided eye contact and instead stared off behind her to the village. His home. Her sniffle caught his attention though and he couldn't help but be drawn to her eyes, like a moth to a flame.
He had cleared his throat from the itch he felt forming, looking at her made him want to stay but he knew that wasn't a choice because if he did he would make her his. But she was already spoken for and she deserved better. Not a man 14 years her senior, who was in shambles. And he couldn't be selfish.
But he was, because he couldn't resist gently grabbing her arm and pulling her to him. The gasp she emitted made his lips twitch, and standing there with her made him feel complete. Her body flushed against him, cheeks slightly pink from their close proximity, redden nose from her crying, and eyes still glazed with tears still ready to fall – she was beautiful to him. She was everything to him and kami how he had wanted her.
"Kakashi…"
"Kakashi!" Green eyes twinkled at him and the memories were pushed to the back of his mind for the moment. He knew they would be back later tonight when he was home alone without any distractions.
He acknowledged his friend who sat across him with a nod of his head. "Kenji."
The man gave a wide smile. Kenji was slightly shorter than Kakashi but was more muscle; he had brownish-red hair, with bangs that were slightly smoothed back from his forehead. His ponytail was done into a braid today reaching just pass his shoulders. Bright green eyes stood out on the tanned complexion man; they were the first thing Kakashi noticed when he first met him.
"Haven't seen you in a few days, I hope you're not stewing in your apartment alone," Kenji teased, since he knew that most likely was exactly what the silver-haired man was doing.
"No," Kakashi lied. "Busy doing errands."
Kenji huffed. "Liar," he called his bluff. "Akira wants me to invite you to dinner tomorrow night." He grinned mischievously.
Kakashi cringed. The last time he had been invited to dinner, curry was on the menu and Akira made hers unbelievable hot. His tongue felt like it was numb for days after that day. He knew he was going to regret asking this. That stupid grin on Kenji's friend assured him of that.
"Whats for dinner?"
His grin widened even more, if that was even possible. "Curry."
The groan that escaped Kakashi's lip was a painful one. He assessed his friend under his one visible eye. The thought that Kenji could possibly be a shinobi crossed his mind. How else could he scarf down that curry without breaking a sweat? That curry was torture; if he ever saw Ibiki again he'd be sure to pass on that method to use in the future.
Kenji's head tilted back as he laughed loudly, deep from his gut. "I only kid my friend." His eyes crinkled as he smiled. "She said she'll make a special plate reserved just for you," he teased.
Kakashi let a small smile slip through for the older man. "I suppose I have no choice but to show. Akira would probably skin me alive if I didn't."
"You got that right." Kenji grimaced, remembering the last time he missed dinner because he was having drinks with Kakashi and lost track of time. His wife had cursed him from hell and back before deeming him to sleep on the couch for a week. Though his wife was 8 years younger than him and about a foot shorter she was scary when she was angry and you did not want to get on her bad side.
"How's the kid?" Kakashi asked having a soft spot for Kenji's daughter.
"She's good. Asked about you. Wondering when you're coming over next." Kenji laughed; his daughter was only 6 but had a crush on Kakashi. "Told her you moved away, she glared at me and called me a liar before stomping away." His eyes danced with amusement; she was a spitfire, just like her mother.
"You're cruel, Kenji," Kakashi replied, lips quirking into a real smile.
"Ah hell, Emi knew I was just messing with her." He grinned. "She's like her mother, can always tell when I'm lying. Nothing gets past that little girl."
"You're going to find yourself sleeping on the couch again if you keep that up."
"Maybe, but it won't last long. Akira doesn't like sleeping without me spooning her." He waggled his eyebrows.
Kakashi merely shook his head.
"So about this lady of yours…" Kenji trailed off.
Groaning, Kakashi brought the drink to his lips; if he was going to get through this repeated conversation then he wanted to be drunk, but then again being drunk that one night is how all this started in the first place.
It was 2 weeks ago when Kenji had found him plastered in his apartment. A bottle of sake rested in one hand, while the other hand held a picture. Kenji cautiously had moved to him, taking the bottle out of his limp hand, capping the top on it, and putting it on the table, out of reach. He had looked over his shoulder to get a clear glimpse of what it was. From what he could tell it was a picture of Kakashi and a woman sitting across from each other at a restaurant. The woman was laughing and Kakashi was smiling, though you couldn't tell since his mask was covering his face, but Kenji knew the crinkle from his eyes was from happiness.
"She's beautiful, who is she?"
Kakashi swallowed through the emotion lodged in his throat. "Someone special."
"You love her." Kenji simply said, and when he received no response he knew the answer. "Where is she?"Kenji prayed that it was nothing that couldn't be fixed. He hated seeing his friend hurting.
"Home."
"So go home to her."
"Can't. She's married."
Kakashi remembered that day well. It was a crappy day. He had sat a home nursing a bottle all day, while her picture from his wallet stared up at him. It was her 22nd birthday that day two weeks ago, and in the picture she had just turned 19.
She was sitting alone when he walked into the restaurant that night. The red dress she had worn had caught his attention. It had slightly passed her thigh, with a small slit on the side. Her legs had been long and toned and on her feet had rested a pair of black stilettos. The dress had been held up around the neck, with a neat little bow tying it together. His eyes had finally rested on the exposed skin the backless dress provided. His mouth had watered with temptation to touch, but he had looked away and cursed himself for the indecent thoughts circling his brain. His eyes had a mind of their own though and had reverted quickly back to stare at her.
She looked beautiful that night and Kakashi realized that she was indeed a woman. She wasn't the little girl that he had once taught. She was a woman, a woman that he, apparently, felt a smudge of lust towards. If she were any other woman he would have possibly already slithered his way over towards her and charmed her into his bed. But this wasn't just any other woman. This was Sakura. And she was a former student. A comrade. A friend. So instead he had forced himself to turn away before she turned to see him checking her out. Besides, he was supposed to be there on a date with another woman.
When he had finally moved his feet to go in the other direction though, a sniffle had caught his attention. Her sniffle. And he had paused in his movement, sighing. He had looked towards the booth he knew his dating was waiting in, hidden from view. He was already 20 minutes late, but really, what were a few more minutes?
So before he could comprehend what he was doing, his feet were already dragging him towards Sakura's table.
"Sakura." His voice was cautious, not wanting to scare her. She looked heartbroken.
She quickly wiped her face of the tears, not wanting anyone to see them, but her red-rimmed eyes were a dead giveaway of what she was trying to hide.
"Kakashi." She murmured, surprised to see him. "What are you doing here?"
He slid into the chair across from her. Smiling as he answered, "Just in the neighborhood."
She scoffed at him, not believing him. "You do realize you're not a very good liar, right?"
He simply smiled at her. "Sakura, no man is worth your tears."
She stared shocked at him, mouth agape and eyes wide, before catching her bearings. Her face slackened, and the sad look returned to her face. "He's an hour late," she mumbled. "And today was supposed to be special..."
"Hmm, how about you let me buy you dinner, that is, if you haven't already eaten," Kakashi offered. He wasn't exactly sure why he offered, he just wanted to see the sadness wash away from her face. The smile he received in return was worth it.
"Really? You buy?" she teased. Whenever her and her comrades had went out for ramen with Kakashi, he usually had ditched them before the night was over, forfeiting the bill to one of them.
"Sakura, what kind of man do you take me for? I could never let a beautiful woman such as yourself pay for her own meal," he smiled, eye crinkling.
What he received in return was not expected, but most enjoyable. Her loud laughter caused the attention of many onlookers, but her laugh caused a stirring within him, a longing that he didn't realize he had until now.
The sound of a camera got his attention, the man smiled guiltily for interrupting their moment before walking away to another table. The restaurant was known for taking pictures to put on display. It was part of the restaurant's theme. Since it was the most romantic restaurant in the village, instead of hanging up decorations and beautiful pictures, they took pictures of happy couples and placed them on the surrounding walls. Everywhere you looked, you could see a happy couple smiling or laughing at each other. You could purchase the picture of yourself if you wanted to keep a copy for the memory.
Sakura's laughter died down as she stared at Kakashi through watery eyes. Except they weren't tears of sadness, but of happiness.
"Who are you and what have you done with Kakashi?" she giggled, wiping the moisture from her eyes.
"So, what will you have for dinner?"He replied instead.
She bit her lip and looked over the menu. "I don't know, it all looks so good. Have you been here before?"She scanned the menu, looking at all the prices. She contemplated getting the most expensive meal she could find. That would serve him right for all the times she had to pay his bill.
"A few times."
"Order for me?" She asked. The suggestion seemed a little intimate and she couldn't help but blush under his intense gaze. "Um, I'm just going to go to the ladies room. Be right back," she stuttered almost racing to get up, and taking her purse along with her.
Kakashi grinned, as he watched her retrieving back. Her flushed cheeks was adorable. He figured she must have realized the way her questioned had sounded. Almost like they were more than just friends.
He placed their order to the waitress before getting up and walking over to the man who had snapped the picture of him and Sakura. He bought him a copy to place in his wallet, for some reason wanting to treasure this day.
The picture was securely in his wallet by the time Sakura returned to the table. Her face was still slightly flush and Kakashi couldn't help but grin knowing he was part of the reason it was like that.
Dinner had arrived rather quickly and as Kakashi had pulled down his mask to take the first bite of it, Sakura gasped across from him and he looked up in concern.
"What's the matter? Is your food okay?"
"It's fine. I just...I mean...your face..." she trailed off quietly.
Ah. So that's what it was. This was her first time actually seeing his unclothed face. He smiled at her, a blush creeping up on her cheeks once again. He was really starting to enjoy that shade on her. "Hideous, I know."
"What? No! You're gorgeous." Kakashi's eyebrow rose at that as he stared at her, she quickly adverted her gaze though and stared at her food.
"Gorgeous, huh?" he teased her.
She had merely glared at him before extending a leg to kick him, he dodged it easily.
"Hmph. I take it back."She had silently stewed for a few minutes before Kakashi had engaged her in conversation. Throughout dinner they had talked past missions and found out random tidbits about each other that they wouldn't have known under normal circumstances.
And that's when things got a little awkward. The clicking off heels wasn't far off and Kakashi looked up to the face of a very angry woman. He cringed at forgetting about their date and waited for the onslaught the woman was sure to yell at him.
"You ass! I've been waiting 45 minutes for you to show up only for you to be here with another woman!"
He sighed, glanced at Sakura, and turned back to the woman before him, but not before catching the amusement written across Sakura's face.
Little minx found the verbal assault from this woman funny. He couldn't help but grin himself, but that was clearly the wrong move because the next thing he knew he found the wine glass he was sipping throughout dinner empty. Contents ran down his head and he thanked kami that Sakura had chosen white wine instead of red. He couldn't imagine getting that color out of his hair.
"Fuji-"He had started to reply, but her voice cut him off.
"No! Screw you Hatake! We're through!" She sent one more glare at him before glaring at Sakura as well and then stomping out of the restaurant.
Sakura burst out laughing.
He shook his head and smiled at her. He felt that he should be more torn up by just getting dumped by Fuji but really, he didn't expect it to last. She knew he wasn't looking for anything serious; it's why they had got together in the first place. Just 2 people enjoying each other's company, and not being so alone.
Though, he supposed he should have seen that coming since the last two times they had gotten together he hadn't really been in the mood for anything beyond drinks. Seeing him with another woman must have made her think he was getting sex elsewhere, preferably from Sakura since she sat across from him.
"I'm sorry," Sakura apologized, trying to hold in her giggles. "You got stuck with me when you could have been with her."
"You're company is much more pleasurable," he smiled. Her laughter subsided as she blushed under his gaze. He was really starting to enjoy the way she bit her lip as she turned 10 shades of red. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go freshen up."
By the time he got back from the restroom the waitress had cleared their plates away and was currently placing a piece of chocolate cake in front of Sakura, a single lit candle rested in the middle. Her gaze had shot to his in shock.
"Happy birthday, Sakura." His smile was genuine.
She gulped before giving a watery smile. "Thank you, Kakashi."
He told her to make a wish and watched as her eyes slowly closed. The light from the candle gave her a skin a healthy glow. She looked angelic at that moment. Pink short hair curled around her face, light mascara emphasizing her long lashes upon rosy cheeks. Her slightly parted lips were pink and glossy, and if he was any other man he would have kissed the gloss off her lips until her lips were swollen from his kisses. But he wasn't any other man, he was her friend and she was already with another, and though said man was a no show, he couldn't take what he desired.
So he had simply continued to smile at her as she finally blew out the candle, smiling shyly at him. She had slowly devoured the cake, even offering him a small bite, which he politely declined, no matter how tasty she made it look.
When the bill had arrived he made sure to pay for dinner, which he received an amused smile from the woman across from him as he put his mask back in place. He offered to walk her home and she had greedily accepted.
They had exited the restaurant with his hand lightly on her back. Her skin felt warm to the touch, and she slightly shivered at the contact. He walked her all the way home with his hand on her back. And when he got to her apartment, he merely smiled at her through his mask and bid her a good night.
He remembered that day well. It was the first time he thought of Sakura as more than a friend.
"Kakashi?" Kenji questioned, as his friend's thought were elsewhere.
Kakashi sighed, placing the drink back down before he was tempted to drink more. He covered his face back up.
He had enough for the night.
"What do you want to know?"
"Her name would be nice," Kenji smiled, more than happy that his friend was indulging him at the moment. Every other time he had tried to talk to Kakashi about her, he would glare at him and not say a word.
Tonight he was making progress though.
"Sakura," Kakashi replied quietly. The name felt foreign to him. He hadn't said her name aloud since the day he left. Only in his dreams did her name seem to haunt him. But it felt so right to hear her name coming from his lips.
"What's she like?"
Intelligent when on missions and he needed a keener mind to help solve issues. Determined when she wanted to show him how much she learned and grown throughout the years. Caring when he was injured and had to rely on her healing abilities. Stubborn when she refused to listen to his line of thinking. Feisty when he purposely riled her up just to see her blush.
And so much more.
But he could only really think of one word to sum her up.
"Beautiful." He stared at Kenji intensely, his lone eye showing more emotion than he had shown his friend the last 6 months since he known him.
"She's beautiful."