What Will I Do, Baby?
~*~*~
'What will I do baby, now that you're gone
You're gone
What will I do baby, now that you're gone (Gone)
You're gone (Gone)'
--"Now That You're Gone" by Smilez and Southstar
~*~*~
Hermione sighed and rolled over on her bed. I miss him, she thought as she hugged her pillow tightly to her chest. She let a few tears fall at the memory of him before Ginny came marching into the room dressed only in two towels: one wrapped around her body and the other around her hair.
"'Mione I-- Oh! Hey, 'Mione, it's all gonna turn out right in the end, hun," she soothed. Hermione couldn't help but crack a grin at her friend's new use of the muggle American term of endearment.
"I just can't help but think about him sometimes, Gin," she replied, returning to her depressed mood. "He meant so much to me…"
Ginny leant down to hug her friend. "I'll tell you what. Let me dress up and we can go shopping or something. We can even go to Scarborough Town or something, okay?"
"Sure," she answered after pondering this offer. "I could use some new jewelry and a good, sappy movie."
~*~*~
Severus poked lamely at the cauldron sitting in front of him. He thought his life had been empty before but it was like a Slytherin versus Gryffindor Quidditch match compared to this.
"What have I been reduced to?" he asked his only companion: himself. He then laughed at the thought of answering.
"I've been relegated to a world where everything still exists yet I am my only cohort. I think that's extremely sad."
He stood and walked over to Chippendale table across the room. As he rested his hands on it he leant forwards, studying himself in the mirror. As his eyes swept over his facial features, he caught a glance of a picture waving to him in the corner of the frame. It was Hermione.
"Hermione, what did I ever do to deserve you?" he whispered as her picture blew him a kiss then started mouthing words looking similar to 'I miss you'.
"Severus, you did everything," a voice behind him stated gently. He turned only to be face-to-face with Albus Dumbledore.
"Albus!" he exclaimed, placing his hands on the older wizard's shoulders and shaking them slightly. "Have you come to take me away from thins infernal hell hole?"
"I'm afraid not, Severus. A little while longer. But I do have news for you. New of Miss Granger."
Severus' eyes widened as his elder colleague said her name in such a formal manner. He grasped his shoulders tighter. "What is it?"
"Merlin, Severus! You're like a drowning man gasping for air!" Dumbledore exclaimed. In a softer tone was, "She means that much to you, doesn't she." It wasn't a question.
"She does, Albus. That and much more. Now enough titter! What is it?"
"I have a way you can talk to her." He held out a simple inch mirror and Severus grasped it angrily.
"What is this? Some kind of joke, old man?" he seethed, ready to smash the mirror to bits. Dumbledore seized his wrist before he could.
"Call her name, Severus. Just speak her name into the mirror."
Is this some kind of idiotic trick? he thought in the back of his mind. But he tried anyways, hoping against hope that she'd turn up anywhere.
"Hermione?" he tried in a tentative whisper. He repeated it again louder in a quick succession of three.
"Severus? Sev! I can hear you! Where are you?"
Severus turned around to Dumbledore. "Just tell her to look on top of her copy of 'Hogwarts: A History'."
"Hermione, are you in your room? Go to your copy of 'Hogwarts: A History'." After a moment he saw her face loom in the distance of the mirror then it became clearer.
"Severus? Is that really you?" she whispered as she took in his face instead of her reflection. Tears started streaming down her face.
"Oh, don't cry, darling…" he soothed. Thinking quickly to lighten the mood, he added, "Am I looking that dreadful that you've got the urge to cry?"
She laughed. That delightful laugh that made him feel like everything had gone away. It was the laugh that she reserved just for him.
"Where are you?"
Severus though before answering. He knew Dumbledore wouldn't be happy if he told her that she was hiding right where she'd never dare to look: a book.
It had all started in May. After being stuck together in a cold, cold dungeon cellar for three months, they had been freed. May 11th, to be precise. During those cold, dank months in that cold, dank cellar, they had talked and kept each other alive by pursuing many different roads of conversation. First it had been spiteful words then lengthy, bitter talks about anything and everything they could gripe about, including each other. Eventually, those rants had turned into noncommittal words, then to conversations. Then, after good-natured intellectual debates (well, as good-natured as one could get in a cellar with food being shoved through once a week) it had turned to personal things. Like had turned and blossomed into love. Soon the hours that they were together and not being interrogated were used for more things that just talking. They had given each other to one another wholeheartedly and not even Severus was going to back out of it.
When they had come out of the ordeal alive, people were elated at their condition. It was alright for everyone, including the new couple. But the remaining Death Eaters had run rampant right after the graduation ceremony. They were after their traitorous brethren, out to kill in revenge for their fallen master. Dumbledore had decided to let Severus into a secret:
One of the books in his office was actually enchanted. It was an alternate universe, constructed exactly like theirs with no inhabitants. It was here that Dumbledore had hidden two years ago during the rule of Umbridge. He had let Severus stay here, to lay low while there were still vengeful parties out there. Looking for him, the traitor amongst them.
"No, I can't tell you now, darling," he replied gently, wishing he could be there to wipe those salty tears off her delicate face. It crushed him to see her in such a condition.
"You know, you had me believing that you had really left me for some stupid career. Brainless git! I felt like you ripped my heart to shreds!" Her tears came tenfold at the memory. Something in Severus' gut clenched, making him feel even more guilty.
"I had to. But you saw right through it, didn't you?"
"Of I did, you arrogant prat! Or else I would've smashed this mirror Professor Dumbledore sent me last week! And I'd never believe you had gone to Canada for the post as Defense Against Dark Arts teacher at the Toronto Academy of Magi Magic! For one thing, I'm living here in Toronto with Ginny, so why hadn't you brought it up before, and two, you would've discussed it with me anyways!"
"It didn't want to write that letter, Hermione," he whispered as her face twisted in rage at the divulged recollection. After a moment, her face softened and the tears lessened. "You believe me, don't you? I love you too much to do that."
Her eyes looked downward as he gulped. Those three little words…
"I love you, too, Sev. I mean…"
"Wait," he said, stopping her. "Don't ruin the moment. It might be all we have left…"
She nodded and the silence went on for a few moments. Moments turned into minutes. Suddenly, just as Severus' eyes lingered towards hers, she let out a sob and broke out in tears once more.
"What's wrong? What is it? Hermione?" To say he was alarmed was an understatement.
"I know it'll sound childish and silly, but I want you here! I don't care what's right or what's better anymore! I've been fighting for 'right' and 'better' my whole life at Hogwarts!" Her voice softened as she said, "Who's going to fight for me?"
Severus suddenly felt angry at himself at her words. She was the most precious thing to him and, yet, he couldn't be there to hold her and to praise her for the woman that she was. But, at her last statement, he wanted to turn around to Albus and demand that they see each other.
"I will, my love," he replied in and equally soft tone, grasping the mirror and bringing it close to his face. "I will."
"Oh, Severus…"
"But Hermione, I don't deserve you. You ought to have someone who can be there for you all the time," he replied bitterly as she wept on the other side of the mirror. "Someone like Potter or Weasley, dare I mention Malfoy. But not me, never. You're too good to stoop this low."
"Severus, don't!" she wailed, tears puddling upon her side of the mirror. "Don't, oh please! We've had this conversation before!"
"No, listen to me," he demanded in his quiet, deadly way. "You need someone who can take care of you, who can admire you every minute of the day. I can't do that because I don't know how long I'll be hole up in this pit of my own fruition."
"But, Severus, what will I do? You can't be gone forever!"
"I might as well be, my love. I might as well be."
With that, he cast his mirror on to the Chippendale table then fled to his bedroom to brood.
~*~*~
"Hermione? Are you okay?"
"He's a bastard," she seethed quietly, a hint of sadness in her voice. "But I love him."
Ginny walked over to the bed and sat, stroking her friend's hair. "You talked to him?"
"Yes. Remember that mirror I told you about?"
"The one Professor Dumbledore sent you?" Hermione had told Ginny about it, wondering what it had to do. The letter that accompanied it only said to keep it.
"Yea, that one. Well, remember Harry's mirror, the one he told us about that Sirius gave him but he hadn't had time to use?"
"Yes…" Ginny hesitate before piecing it together. "Oh! So it was a two way mirror! Oh, Merlin, sweetie! What did he say to make you so miserable? I thought you'd be skipping by now!"
So Hermione recapped the gist of her conversation with Severus and Ginny felt sympathetic for her friend. I knew he was a little empty in the brains when it came to the heart, she thought as she shook her head.
"Oh, come on, pull yourself together, 'Mione. We'll go shopping and then we'll go rent 'Finding Nemo' on DVD. How does that sound?"
"No thanks, Gin. I feel like wallowing in my own self pity for a little while."
Ginny rolled her eyes as she stood. "Fine. But Harry, Ron and the twins called. Said they were coming to pick us up. I'll tell them you can't join us, though. They'll be a mite disappointed."
She grinned as her longtime friend and roommate turned her head from the pillow and shot her a death glare.
"Fine, I'm coming, I'm coming." Hermione heaved herself up and flicked her finger at her head. Instantly her hair was styled straight, the ends curling into her waist where it ended, and her face was done up in a perfect casual grace.
"You know, I still can't get the hang of the mage thing."
"That's why you're going to the most prestigious wizarding school in North America."
"The Toronto Institute of Ancient Magical Art? North America, maybe. But you're enrolled in the Toronto Academy of Magi Magic! That's one of the most notoriously prestigious places in the world!"
"Yeah, well, they offered," he said simply as she pulled out a pair of black fleece pants. "What would go well with these?"
"Why black, 'Mione? It's a Saturday, you're twenty, and it's amazing outside! Why don't you go for the baby blue Kappa pants? Then you could wear that baby tee, y'know, that baby blue one."
"If I walk out of here with Kappa on, the Italians would kill me. Plus, I only wear those as PJs. And I like black."
"You're starting to sound like your other half," Ginny mumbled. "At least wear the white fleece. Then you can wear the black single shoulder thing."
"Fine," Hermione replied, magicking the outfit choices into her outstretched hand with a flick of her finger. "Maybe a red top, though."
Ginny pointed her finger and changed it instantly as her eyebrows knitted together with concentration. Hermione clapped at her friend's accomplishment.
"Hermione! Hermione? Where are you? Damnit, she's left me…"
Both ladies jumped at the sudden sound of a voice and Hermione ran to her small mirror.
"Severus! I'm right here you dolt!" she cried passionately. "I haven't left you! I never will!"
Out of nowhere, Severus' face appeared, blurred then focused. Ginny screamed then started mumbling to herself as Hermione lightly fingered the image in the mirror.
"Hermione… I'm sorry," he whispered, but she heard the words as clear as day.
"I go tell the guys to come a little later, then," Ginny mumbled, slipping through the door. Hermione wasn't paying attention, though.
"I'm sorry, too, Severus… It's just… What will I do now that you're gone?"
"I'm not gone for good, I promise… It should be me asking that… What will I do?"
"I'll be waiting right here for you when you come back, you know that." Hermione's eyes misted up once more then she grinned.
"What?" Severus replied at he suddenly light expression. She started singing.
"What will I do, baby/Now that you're gone?"