NOTE: Read and enjoy please. (I don't own the movie)
...
If I was the trees, I would be tall,
If I was the sun, I would be cherished,
If I was the wind, I would be free,
If I was the grass, I would grow,
If I was the stars, I would shine,
If I was the pet, I would be with family,
If you were me, you would wish you were all those things. Now wouldn't you?
...
Esther's darling room is lit with a gray but somewhat heavenly glowing sunshine. It caresses the cream curtains that hang loose over the windows almost in a royal sort of fashion. A brief snow shower is brewing in the clouds as they creep along in the sky. Wind blows by ghostly as if it is all a lie; the weather, the natural scenery outside. It rattles the thin wobbly branches on the trees, ivory snow sprinkles gently off them, but somehow there is something malicious about it, something eerie.
The stuffed animals that sit on Esther's bed by her pillow have sewn on smiles that make them look pleased or sickly happy. Something ominous lurks in their smiles, in the very room itself, suggesting they should be frowning. The room seems anything but uncanny though.
Two innocent young girls sit cross-legged opposite each other on the carpet, accompanied by a large doll house. Both wear beautiful dresses with ruffles in the skirts and sleeves that reach to their elbows. Both, of course, wears something the other does not; the younger one wears her hearing aid. The older one, on the other hand, is wearing murky burgundy ribbons around her wrists and one around her neck; tight and firm. The one with ribbons is lost, blankly staring out of the window the sliver of space between the curtains allow. Esther is not at all paying attention to a plastic doll by her right hand. The other is deaf, of course the lovely Maxine. She sits fingering a few of the dolls' clothing and hair, touching them up as if she is immune to the odd sensation that is ricocheting off of everything in the room, including her beloved Esther.
The door is closed shut and sounds elsewhere in the house can not be heard. The silence makes them feel as if they are completely alone. A quietness surrounds not only Max but now Esther too.
Max peers up at Esther who seems so distant, Max is slightly worried. She reaches over and brushes her hand across Esther's arm, the sleeve of her dress brushing her knuckles.
Esther blinks a couple of times before turning her head to face Max. Her brown eyes lower as she stares at the dolls that lay on the floor, biting her upper lip. A timid smile forms on her lips as she glances up, beaming at Max with something close to scarred pride as the younger girl adjusts her dolls.
Max notices Esther's watching of her and smiles warmly, hospitably, sisterly. Esther's timid smile turns into a broader smile.
Esther stares at the pile of dolls to her right contemplating on which one she will pick. She runs her fingers through the plastic briefly before coming across the one she wants. Esther's chosen doll is a tall, curvy one with glossy brown curly hair and fair skin. On her is a gorgeous white dress that spills to her knees. She wears pearly saddle shoes on her delicate feet. Her face is engrossed with makeup.
Max gestures at Esther's doll.
WHO ARE YOU GOING TO PLAY? Max signs, asking to know what role Esther's character will play in the game.
I'M GOING TO BE MOMMY, Esther signs to Max. Max nods, looking down at her dolls.
She strokes it's hair a few times, staring down at it before sighing in anguish.
Max does not hear her sigh and remains focused on the dolls she has in a pile in front of her. Max smiles, her childishly round face looking even more adorable in the angelic light of the room. Even Esther looks less gothic and spooky than her usually concealed self.
The small deaf girl picks up a female child doll around her own age-five-and looks over to Esther to find her mindlessly examining her own doll character. Agitated, Max shoves her child doll in Esther's face.
Esther winces, leaning back. Max twists the doll in her hand, showing it to Esther. Softly, Esther takes her own small hand and pushes the doll from her face. Max pulls away, dropping it in front of her and picking up another doll.
I'M GOING TO BE THE LITTLE GIRL. Max signs, shuffling through the few dolls she has laying in front of her. Briefly, she glances up to make sure Esther is paying attention to her, looking businesslike when she does. Esther is focused and waiting for Max to figure out which doll is which.
Max grasps the doll she had shoved in Esther's face. THIS IS THE DAUGHTER. Esther nods, once again biting her lip as if she is unsure about something. Max notices Esther's strange behavior and lack of emotion and gives her an odd look. WHAT'S THE MATTER?
Esther shakes her head, fingering the dress on her doll. DON'T WORRY. NOTHING IS WRONG. Esther leans over and kisses Max's forehead. Heartfelt, Esther smiles. Max takes this in and shrugs Esther's behavior off placing the doll she has called 'daughter' in the living room of the large doll house. She picks up another doll, a young girl, one in a pretty blue polka-dotted dress. She turns it in her small hands as Esther watches her lovingly, a relaxed smile on her lips instead of the tight firm smile that usually has its place.
Even though the mood seems to be nothing more than sweet and benevolent, a coldness still drifts among the girls, lurking around them, strangely almost emanating from Esther...
Being adopted into the family has not made Max feel any less than a sister to her. In truth, she acts as if Esther is her blood sister she hasn't seen in years. This constant playing together is what each day is about anymore. Esther is more than delighted to take time out with Max even if it involves something absurd or childish. To Esther, those boundaries do not apply with Max as they did with other children at the orphanage.
Though, her relationship with the other family members has been no less than a roller coaster ride. Of course, it's not expected for a little girl to get along perfectly with her older brother-Daniel in her case-but that isn't the issue. Kate and Esther herself have rarely been speaking to one another and have made little attempt to do anything interesting, while John and Esther are perfectly sewn to each other in almost every way possible.
Like few children, idyllic Esther is literally feigning perfection; folding her clothes all by herself, spending hours in the bathroom at night, keeping neat and clean every hour of the day is what separates her from being anything but a regular child. Her multiple talents are like nothing any other child has, especially the art-related ones. But to Max, this does not matter. It doesn't matter if Esther is different.
THIS WILL BE THE GRANDMA. Max signs showing Esther the girl in the polka-dotted dress. The doll has to be around fifteen and looks nothing like any grandma Esther has ever seen, but she doesn't comment on Max's bad taste in doll selection. Instead she winces.
Max doesn't catch Esther's cringe, too focused on setting up the dolls in the house. Esther, still holding her 'mom' doll in hand, watches Max set up the furniture precisely as if she has just painted her nails and is afraid to get the polish all over everything.
Max finally clasps her hands together in joy and pleasure as she grins at her finished work.
WHAT ABOUT THE DADDY? Esther signs. Suddenly roused, Max reaches into the massive doll pile and pulls out a fanciful male doll with sandy colored hair. He looks almost as if he is meant to be from France or something by his clothing. She sits the doll in the dining room of the house on a little wooden chair. Esther smiles, humored by Max's interest in placing the dolls in such exact places.
HE ATE SOME DINNER. Max signs, setting her hands in her lap as she looks over the doll. HE JUST GOT HOME FROM WORK. Max adds.
Esther nods. YES. HE CAN DRAW DESIGNS LIKE DADDY DOES. Max nods in agreement.
Max gestures to the doll that is loosely dangling in Esther's hand near the carpet. WHAT DOES THE MOMMY DO? Max asks.
Esther glances down at the doll, simply staring at it for a long moment. THE MOMMY PAINTS PICTURES. Esther signs. Max smiles sweetly.
LIKE YOU! She signs happily. Esther nods. WE NEED A LITTLE BOY NOW. Max signs, almost exasperated. Esther snickers.
WE DON'T HAVE TO HAVE A LITTLE BOY IN THE FAMILY IF YOU DON'T WANT TO. Esther signs quickly to Max as if she is recommending rather than suggesting.
Max shrugs slowly, indecisively. NO, I THINK THERE SHOULD BE A LITTLE BOY... She shuffles through the pile of plastic dolls before she comes across a young boy with the same sandy blond hair as the father except his is much shaggier. Max gleams. HE IS PERFECT. Esther takes the doll gingerly from Max, turning it in her hands.
A childlike smile is spread across its face on its pink lips and its bright blue eyes are way too glittery to be anything natural. Esther bites her bottom lip but goes along with what Max wants. HE WILL WORK. Esther hands the doll back to Max who sits it in one of the bedrooms less carefully than she placed the others as if this doll isn't as important. It could be because she knows Esther doesn't like the idea of there being a son anyway.
Esther's eyes linger on Max's hands as they move about in the doll house, straightening everything. As if she is in some sort of a trance, she stares at the sofa in the living room, not adverting her eyes. Max raises a brow, slowly pulling her hands into her lap. Esther shakes her head, taking her doll and placing it on the sofa she was staring at.
IS THAT EVERYONE? Esther signs. Max overlooks the house quickly.
I THINK SO. Esther nods, smiling at Max as if she is debating on her next action. Max joyously reaches for her daughter doll and deafly hums. Esther sees this and reaches for her mom doll.
Max hops the doll along through the house and to the kitchen. Esther follows along with her own doll keeping track of Max's expression, as if she is keeping tabs on her feelings.
Max sits the doll stiffly in a miniature chair by the dad doll. Esther totters her doll over to the stove. SWEETIE, PLEASE SET THE TABLE. Esther signs to Max, leaning her doll up against the stove. Max nods. She takes her doll and mechanically bobs it in a nod.
SURE MOMMY. Esther smiles.
Esther scoots closer to Max, twiddling with her doll by the stove as if it is cooking. Max grabs the young boy doll and puts him in a chair at the table. Esther glances briefly over at Max.
DINNER'S ALL READY! Esther signs enthusiastically. She moves her doll over to the table and sits it down on a chair. Max anxiously stares at the dolls for a few moments as if she is waiting on them to finish whatever dinner they would be eating.
WHAT DID YOU FIX FOR DINNER? Max signs, simultaneously wiggling the daughter doll around as if she is speaking.
Esther thinks a moment. THEY ARE HAVING PORK FOR DINNER. Max sticks her tongue out, disgusted even if she doesn't remember one time she ever ate pork. Esther giggles.
IT'S NOT SO BAD. Esther signs. Max looks at her curiously, setting her doll down.
DID YOU EAT IT WHERE YOU CAME FROM? Max asks.
YES, I DID.
WAS IT GOOD?
I GUESS SO. Esther sits on her heels and pauses, thinking about something. She bites her bottom lip as her eyes scan absently over the doll house.
Max had never really asked in depth questions about Esther's real mother or father or much at all about where she had even came from. All she knew was that Esther was definitely not her real sister. She also knew she came from an 'orphanage' where children without parents lived. She never really found the urge to ask her about her life outside of her own. The only questions she could make up were ones about why leaves turned brown in fall and why rain fell from the clouds. These, Esther could answer mindlessly and simply enough for Max to comprehend. Max never really thought of asking something more personal to Esther, and didn't know if Esther would be able to answer some of them with the same simplicity and ease as she did other questions about nature.
WHAT WAS IT LIKE WHERE YOU LIVED? Max asks her. Esther smiles.
IT WASN'T MUCH DIFFERENT THEN HERE REALLY. THERE WAS LOTS OF FLUFFY SNOW AND PRETTY GRASS, LIKE HERE. Max grins.
WERE THERE FLOWERS TOO?
YES, LOTS OF THEM. PRETTY ONES TOO. Esther enthuses. Max smiles lost in thought of what this mysterious place must have looked like. She wonders if Esther ever picked these flowers or danced in them. She wonders if they grew wild in her own backyard. Suddenly, Max lowers her eyes and frowns, distraught.
DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT YOUR REAL MOMMY AND DADDY? There is a sudden rush of stark emptiness fills Esther. A hollowness fills her stomach. Esther adverts her eyes, and stares at the floor as if she is in deep thought, processing something. Max feels uneasy as if she has hurt Esther by asking the question she did.
Esther twiddles her thumbs, still not replying to Max. Suddenly she feels as if she should change the topic and she begins to sign to Esther. Instead, Esther reaches over and puts her hand over Max's smaller ones. Warmth flows from the two's joined hands as Esther looks softly at Max.
THEY WENT TO HEAVEN. Esther signs slowly, carefully. Max frowns. She fights the need to ask why they went-what happened to them and what caused them to leave Earth. But she clamps her mouth tightly shut as her own emptiness begins to grow and become uncomfortable.
Esther sits both hands in her lap. Again she lowers her eyes briefly. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. Esther signs when she notices the sad, forlorn look on Max's face. She lovingly smiles at Max and reaches over. Tenderly, she kisses her forehead. And the feeling and emotion expressed in that moment is sincere and honest enough to fill the emptiness that once lingered in Max and even Esther.
Max rubs at her eyes.
Esther takes her mom doll and pretends to pick up plates from the dinner table. Max furrows her brow and stares at the carpet almost like she is confused.
TIME TO GO GET BATHS AND GET READY FOR BED! Esther signs.
Max isn't looking at her though.
Esther takes the boy doll and puts him in his bed, but she takes Max's little girl doll and puts her in the bathtub. Then she reaches over and lays the dad doll gently in bed.
Max peers up, with her brows still slanted. Esther sits her Mom doll beside the bathtub. Then she looks over at Max's face.
PLEASE DON'T BE SAD. Esther frowns and strokes Max's curly hair. Max sighs and absently stares at the doll house. I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE SAD.
Esther frowns.
Max bites her lip and nods.
Esther smiles.
Max watches as Esther begins to fake-wash Max's doll with her own before taking it out of the tub and sitting it in its bed. Esther sits her Mom doll on the edge of Max's doll's bed and pretends she is singing a lullaby to it.
Max looks outside numbly trying to configure what other information she is missing from Esther's hidden past. Wondering what could have happened to Esther's mommy; to her daddy. And then, she feels sorry for her, her pity weighing too deeply on a five year old then it should. Esther frowns again, upset.
Esther reaches over and hugs Max close to her. She holds Max against her and pulls her half way into her lap, rocking her back and forth.
No, Max doesn't feel much different about Esther. But Max instead feels like she knows her now. She feels like she hasn't really known her before this moment. She feels as if her question had unlocked a steel barrier between them and filled an emptiness in their relationship.
With her own sister truly dead, she can feel some sort of relation between them. Max can feel the connection with the dead they both seem to have. She can feel the connection with loss they share; the connection of disappointment, of sadness, of fear.
She can't think of much to say and how to process this new information. All she knows about death is fantasy-like and avoids the real facts about how people decay underground after they die and how death isn't simply becoming an angel. That's just the juicy part adults use to cloud children's minds before they're old enough to understand that death doesn't mean angels with down wings and golden harps.
But, she can still love Esther even though she knows so much about her. She could love her more if she could only unlock more barriers and keep learning more about her just enough to get closer to her and feel this same relation; this comfort. Even if she has just learned about something very private to Esther, she can still love her deeply and not turn back. Even if she learned something very secret, very confidential that no one else knew about her, she could still love her no matter what it was.