Title: When Eewoks Go Bad
Author:
Starlight Pixiedust
Author
e-mail: bedheadprincess@yahoo.com
Category:
Humor
Key
Words: crazy eewoks
Spoilers:
just the movies
Rating:
R for sexual and violent situations
Summary:
When Eewoks Go Bad- it ain't pretty...
{Disclaimer: All
characters, settings, etc belong to George Lucas. I'm not making any
money off this. Note: None of this stuff is supposed to have any
effect on the movies/books. It's all a lot of BS}
Author's Note: This was
inspired when my friend Julie (aka Wicket) growled at someone for
poking her. If it seems sadistic, don't worry, I'm really quite a
sweetheart in reality, not a Satan worshipper.
When Eewoks Go Bad
A Fox Special
(Shot of Luke doing a Jedi
levitation exercise. He's floating and humming the Star Wars theme.
Suddenly, a net lands on him and he shrieks. The air fills with Eewok
battle cries as they beat him with sticks.)
VO(James Earl Jones): When
Eewoks go bad-it doesn't happen very often, but...well, you'll see.
(Shot of Han and Leia
making out under a tree.)
Han: Oh, Your Worship, I
love you. (starts feeling her up)
Leia: Oh Han, that feels
so goooood...
(Suddenly, they are
showered by small rocks and acorns. They hop up and run away but the
Eewoks start chasing them.)
VO: Usually very docile
creatures, they have a mean streak, especially when it comes to the
Empire.
(Shot of an Eewok snacking
on a Stormtrooper's arm.)
VO: What causes outbursts
like this?
(Shot of C-3P0 being
slowly lowered into a giant bonfire, upside down, with all the Eewoks
dancing and chanting.)
3P0: Master Luke! Mistress
Leia! Captain Solo! Somebody help! Chewbacca! Artoo!
VO: It could be the
massive shock of the Death Star blowing up then the remains crashing
into their planet. Or it could be the pent up anger towards the
Rebels who outstayed their welcome.
(Han and Leia "making
it" in one of the huts. We don't see anything, it's dark.
Suddenly, we hear small rocks and acorns hitting the sides of the
hut.)
Han: Not again. Stupid
Eewoks.
(Shot of Lando tinkering
with the hyperdrive in the Falcon. Then the engines start.)
Lando: What the-? (hops up
and runs to the cockpit to find 2 Eewoks "piloting" the
Falcon.)
Lando: NO!!! (shot of the
Falcon crashing to a fiery death in the forest. A massive fire ball
erupts out of the crash site.)
VO: There is no real way
to calm maniacal Eewoks. But you must not offer them food or hats,
they are deathly afraid of both.
(Shot of Eewok poking a
hat with a stick, then starts to beat it. With his stick.)
VO: And chasing them
doesn't always help.
(Shot of Leia chasing a
group of Eewoks, wearing nothing but Han's camouflage trench coat and
ttting a giant blaster. She's firing at random Eewoks and looks very
angry to say the least.)
(Shot of Luke chasing a
pack of shreiking Eewoks, waving his lightsaber menacingly. They all
disappear off-screen; they reappear a moment later, but now the
shreiking Luke is being chased by the Eewoks.)
VO: They are somewhat
calmed by kissing.
(Shot of Han and Leia
kissing. A group of Eewoks are watching them calmly like it was TV.)
VO: Although that doesn't
always work.
(Han and Leia still
kissing, without the Eewoks. Suddenly, a giant boulder lands on
them.)
VO: Um, well, tune in next
time for When Calamaries Go Bad.
