I've received such sweet reviews for my other stories that I was instantly inspired to do another one :) I like to explore the depths of those characters, especially Holtzmann, who seems to be so confident and we all know that level of flirtatious confidence comes from a long process of dealing with one's individuality, especially when someone is as weird as Holtzmann.
Again I want to inform you that English is not my first language, so please be kind and tell me if something's wrong.
Have fun with this fluffy oneshot and maybe, if you like, leave a tiny review :)
Patty brought this ridiculous fake Christmas tree over to the firehouse and it looked exactly like those in the orphanage, gold and dull decorations with plastic candles. On Christmas Eve, Holtzmann had walked downstairs to see where all this noise came from and there she had found the girls in matching Christmas sweaters, putting decorations on the tree. They had tried to give her a sweater too and she saw how excited the girls were about this, but it only left a fierce sting in her heart. She didn't understand herself. This was the first time in her life that she ever had some sort of a family and still, she tried to abandon everything when it came to Christmas.
A few hours later, she was sitting in the lab again, working on what was supposed to be a tiny, portable slime shield for Erin. She'd sat on it for quite a while now, not intending to give it to her as a Christmas gift, but she would finish it tonight. Just in case. Maybe the girls would have gifts for her, even though they agreed on not to do that. Abby knew how she felt about Christmas and maybe she'd told the others as well. Holtzmann though just preferred to hide away in the lab. Especially now that everyone in the streets got crazy. She wasn't able to put on the radio anymore, because she definitely couldn't stand another round of "Last Christmas".
A knock on the door took her out of her thoughts. "Come in" she grumpily yelled.
"Hey, Holtzy... I was wondering if you might want some cookies..." Erin said. She stood awkwardly in the door, holding a plate with a massive amount of cookies in her hand.
"Thanks Erin... I'm not really into cookies you know..." Holtzmann shrugged, but that was before Erin came closer and suddenly she could smell cinnamon. Holtzmann loved cinnamon.
"I made them myself. Please, just try one at least. If I'm going to have to eat them all by myself I'll need a new jumpsuit soon..." she laughed.
Holtzmann hesitated for a moment. The last time she had a Christmas cookie was at the orphanage. The other girls hat threatened to punch her if she wouldn't eat a whole plate at once. Of course she did. She'd spend all Christmas evening vomiting her soul out.
"I... can't. Maybe the others want some..." she mumbled. She felt her stomach growl, realizing she hadn't eaten all day.
"I've made them for you... I know you like cinnamon so..." Erin saw how Holtzmann's face fell.
"Listen, I've spend the whole evening drawing little ghost on them and look, one even has a looooot of Ectoplasm on it, look, it's all green... that's me, obviously, and here..." Erin took one cookie to show it to the blonde. "That's you, it has googles."
Holtzmann felt her heart skipping a beat. Those cookies really were for her. Erin did all of them for her and they were the sweetest cookies she'd ever seen.
"Wow..." she mumbled, being stunned by the details. She finally took one that was shaped as a ghost wearing a tiny Christmas hat and was surprised to feel that it was still warm. Erin really seemed to have a passion for baking cookies. Every piece of it had a different shape or was colored with different sugar icing.
She took one bite and it tasted completely different from any cookie she ever ate. Somehow, and as a scientist she knew it wasn't possible, it tasted warm and loving. It tasted like home.
"You like it?" Erin asked, looking like a giddy school girl. Holtzmann couldn't help but smile.
"I love it!" she answered, taking another bite of her cookie, just to taste the feeling of being home and maybe, with Erin, she was.
She'd spend the rest of the evening finishing Erin's portable slime shield and she was more than satisfied with the result. She designed it in form of a necklace and put it into a tiny ringbox, very much intending to surprise Erin when the time was right. Not tonight though, it wasn't a Christmas gift anyways.
She went downstairs to find Erin sitting alone by the Christmas tree.
"Where are the others?" she asked, walking over to her.
Erin's face lit up when she saw the blonde. She scooted over on the couch and patted the seat next to her.
"Patty's on the toilet and Abby picks up Kevin at the subway, he got stuck by the ticket machine." Erin said with a little chuckle. "Just you and me..."
"Yeah... just you and me..." Holtzmann repeated, nervously shifting in her seat. Erin always made her heart pound faster. When the girls were around she had herself in control, but now was becoming an awkward moment.
"Listen Abby told me you don't like Christmas. I didn't want to offend you with those cookies-"
"You didn't offend me..." Holtzmann interrupted her quickly. "Those were the most wonderful cookies anyone has ever made for me... In fact nobody ever did. I loved them!" she said. And Erin was surprised where her usual self confidence went. Holtzmann at Christmas time was a whole other Holtzmann. She seemed hurt, somehow haunted and very, very vulnerable. In an instinctive gesture she took the engineer's hand in hers, seeing a slight shade of red filling the blonde's cheeks.
"Oh my god, you're blushing!" she chuckled, feeling Holtzmann's hand quivering just before she pulled away.
"Don't make fun of me." she said, eyes on the ground. Erin immediately felt bad. This was not what she'd intended to do, she only wanted to tease the blonde a bit, just as they always did, but by now she'd realized that things seemed to be very different on Christmas.
"I'm sorry Holtz... I can't do this right, can I? I just wanted us to be back to normal... please... I miss your witty smile... I can't stand it when you're not..." Erin choked on her words.
"When I'm not what? Cheerful and silly?"
"You're not silly Holtzmann..."
Erin couldn't stand the hurt look on the blonde's face. It looked like she was about to cry.
"That's what I am Erin. I'm the clown, that's the only reason for people to like me." she said and now her voice was cracking. Erin felt terrible. It broke her heart to see her friend like this.
"No... that's just not true! You're a very lovable person! I love you for a bunch of different reasons! What I wanted to say is..." Erin breathed in and out a few times before she found the courage to keep talking. "I can't stand it when you're not..." again, her voice cracked and she was left with the saddest expression on Holtzmann's face she'd ever seen and she hoped she'd never have to see it again.
"When you're not flirting with me." she finally whispered. It was out and her hands were all shaky and sweaty. She didn't know where this would go or even where she wanted it to go, but once she saw Holtzmann's face lit up with realization, she felt a huge relieve in her chest.
"Really?" she asked, her voice sounded dreamy, like the one of a child that just heard a wonderful bedtime story.
"Heyja, Holtzy, good to see you finally down here. Come and grab your Christmas sweater already!" Patty said, coming back from the toilet and grabbing the sweater halfway from Kevin's desk. Only now Holtzmann could see that there was a tiny H printed on the left chest side. "The others said it's cheesy, but I know you'd like it!"
Holtzmann took the sweater in her hands, feeling an almost painful amount of gratefulness stinging in her chest. "It's the right size..." she mumbled.
"Yeah Erin said you like your sweaters that size, I thought it was too big, I mean, look at ya, all skinny and stuff." Patty chuckled, patting Holtzmann's shoulders before joyfully hugging her. "Man I'm glad you finally came down to sit with us. Thought I'd have to drag ya downstairs."
Holtzmann was left with a dizzy feeling. A part of her was still stunned by gratefulness and the feeling of belonging here. Another part was freaking out about it and she felt like passing out every moment. A second ago she swore Erin had said she'd love her, but now it's seemed so blurry, she couldn't even say if it had been real.
Her gaze crossed Erin's. She had a shy smile on her face and patted the seat next to her again.
Holtzmann mechanically walked over and sat down, so close, her left knee was touching Erin's.
"So, who wants a drink?" Patty offered. Both of them raised their hands in a short move. "Great!"
Holtzmann felt Erin shifting a bit until her mouth came near to her left ear.
"Really. I meant it." she whispered and it caused goosebumps to grow all over the engineer's body. She turned her head so she was facing Erin, mouths only inches apart. Her eyes fell down to her lips and back to her eyes. It was thrilling and tickling to be so close to her. She'd thought Erin was straight. She'd thought they were just fooling around a bit and now everything changed in a heartbeat. Her whole life and everything she was certain of became something new, something she wasn't sure she could handle.
"I'm very grateful Erin." she whispered, just before turning away and getting up on her feet.
"Patty, thanks for the sweater... I truly am grateful. I just... excuse me." she said and before anyone could ever say something else she grabbed her coat and exited the firehouse.
Her heart was pounding like hell, so much, she felt it in her throat and ears. She didn't know why it was so hard for her to just sit with them tonight, it's was just Christmas and they were family. And Erin just confirmed what she had wanted to hear since months. She was crazy for that woman, the things she felt when she was near were overall insane and Holtzmann didn't think she could bear it.
"Tasting the weather?" Kevin said and Holtzmann turned around, finding Abby and their secretary approaching.
"Tasting? You mean testing?" the engineer asked and suddenly she felt a slight trace of amusement when Kevin shook his head and tried to catch a snowflake with his tongue. "Tathting" he tried to say, wiggling his head around.
Abby burst out into laughter and Holtzmann couldn't help but chuckle.
"What are you doing out here Holtz, it's cold!" Abby asked, walking over to her friend. "I see Patty got you to wear your sweater. Honestly, I love the idea, but do they have to be in pink glitter?"
The look on Abby's face was worth it, Holtzmann decided. She'd never seen her friend wearing pink and figured it would be a funny thing to witness.
"Honestly... I think pink glitter accentuates your rosy winter cheeks Abby! Wait, I'm sure they also go with my yellow googles." the engineer answered, being surprised how easy talking to Abby was. After all, she was her very first and longest friend and that would never change.
"My tongue got dry... urgh." Kevin slurred and then he gestured to the firehouse, leaving them alone.
"Hell I'm happy we got those crazy people together... they're just the best I know." Abby murmured, sensing that something was wrong with the blonde. She gave her a few moments to sort herself and ignored the icy cold wind that surrounded them.
"I think I'm in love with Erin." Holtzmann finally said. She looked down the snow-covered street and admired the wonderful view for a few seconds. "Also, I'm not used to people caring about me, especially not on Christmas so... I think... I might be a bit overwhelmed." she whispered, not daring to look at her friend.
"Oh Jillian." Abby said, now sounding like the mother Holtzmann never had. She felt Abby pulling her into a soft hug, gently patting her shoulder. "Things will be so much easier from now on, I promise! You're not on your own anymore, whatever it is you're facing, you never have to do it on your own again. We all truly love you and I happen to know that Erin really really really does love you more than you can imagine dear."
They stayed like that for a few more seconds while Holtzmann tried to fight the tears. Slowly, she calmed down and eventually she started to feel the cold wind creep up under her coat and she shivered a bit. That was when Abby let go of her.
"Thank you." she whispered, exchanging a warm smile with Abby before turning around and entering the firehouse again.
They shared a wonderful night, singing Christmas songs and eating more than they actually could bear. At some point Kevin started to put out his saxophone ( his musical instrument) and played a really, really, really bad version of "Santa Baby". Patty had drunkenly asked him to take off his shirt and so his musical show act had at least one good point. Even though Holtzmann wasn't into men, she had to admit that he was just easy on the eyes and she enjoyed how heavily Erin was blushing the entire time. Just when Kevin finished his show act and put on his shirt again, Holtzmann dared to take Erin's hand into hers. At first it was an innocent, shy touch, but then she felt Erin's thumb gently stroking the back of her hand and Holtzmann swore someone released a bunch of butterflies in her belly.
By the time the group called it a night, it was already early in the morning. Kevin had left a while ago and Patty fell asleep on the sofa. Abby yawned, leaning back in her armchair, claiming she would just stay there.
"Alright." Holtzmann whispered, walking to the kitchenette. Erin followed her.
"That was a wonderful night." Erin cheerfully whispered, leaning back against the counter, facing the blonde, who was getting herself another glass of red wine.
"Yeah." Holtzmann answered."Best Christmas I've ever had."
Erin shifted a bit closer, sensing the tension that came back. She saw the hurtful look in the blonde's eyes and reached out for her hand again.
"What happened?"
Holtzmann shrugged, clenching Erin's hand softly before she looked at her.
"I was raised in an orphanage with some really stupid and heartless people. You know how weird I am, nobody wanted the little science nerd that was so obviously gay. Parents want sweet children that fit into society you know... but that has never been me. Christmas just... it's the feast of love and family..." Holtzmann explained and Erin could hear how her voice cracked a bit. "Nevermind though... I have that now, all of it. Everything I ever wished to have." she said, taking Erin's hand to her mouth and giving it a light kiss. "That... and more."
Erin smiled and shifted closer, wrapping her free arm around the blondes waist.
"I love you Jillian Holtzmann... for your incredible creativity, your intelligence, your receptive- and kindness, your charming sense of humor and style and for the simple fact that you are the only person on this planet that makes safety googles damn sexy and I am so, so, so happy that you're gay as hell!"
"Yeah Holzy, me too! Ur ma big lezzie!"
"Shhh Patty be quiet for gods sake!"
"Why? I'm cheering them up!"
"Patty, you're ruining it!"
"Bullshit, someone's gotta say something!"
"We were almost there Patty, look, they're holding hands! Give 'em a minute!"
Erin rolled her eyes, smiling at them. She saw the bright shade of red on Holtzmann's eyes and shifted even closer. Their colleagues were quiet again and Holtzmann felt Erin's breath on her face. With one fluent movement she lay her lips on Erin's and they softly kissed. Feeling the hand on her hip move to her back Holtzmann was pulled into the body in front of her. She'd never thought that the redhead would be an overly passionate person, but just the way their kiss started to grow passionate in an instant made her think otherwise and she loved it. She really really loved it.
"Finally! Patty, twenty bucks!"
"Hell, no! No, that was not fair Abby, you pushed them!"
"And you tried to sabotage it! Fair deal, I'm getting twenty bucks!"
"Seriously girls, u were supposed to wait one more day!"
Holtzmann slighty pulled away, facing the scientist with a mischievous smile.
"Let's take this upstairs." she whispered.
"They placed a bet on us..." Erin whispered back, seemingly angry. She was about to pull away when Holtzmann held her back and kissed her gently.
"I know" she whispered against her lips. "Let's pay them back by having annoyingly loud sex and tomorrow I have a non-Christmas-gift for you, deal?"
Erin chuckled, being pulled to the stairs. "I kinda like the sound of that."