Author's Note: By making this, I do make fun of myself since I read this kind of crap… but… it's still fun. :) I guess to make this work better and prove my point more, I should have kept it in the main character's point of view... but it was too fun to have the Straw Hats picking on her. I dunno. If I feel the need to make fun of her again, I might make another chapter, "Revenge of the idiot", or something like that. Also, editing note: I admittedly didn't do a thorough editing, on the account that I was distracted by my little 2 year old nephew running around and I figure that not-good-grammar would fit the character and parody aspect. Some parts are a bit more grammatically off because I purposely did it... like at the beginning... any who.

Summary: A parody on oc's, zoroxoc pairing.

Hugs

Explosions

I've been with the Straw Hats as long as I can remember. They've loved and accepted me, fought for me, and given me a place to stay that I call home. My parents died when I was young, and like Robin, I was hated most of my life and lived with Pirates. I was… raped, a few times, by pirates, but I don't hold a grudge and get on with life and don't dwell on it.

I'm fluent in several languages and if anyone messes with my family, I'll hurt them. Badly. I don't know about killing, but I'll definitely mess them up. I'm caring, loving, nice, and unfortunately, a boy magnet. It's annoying how I'll be fighting an opponent, and all they can stare at are my boobs. I mean, just because I wear a bikini top all the time and have enormous boobs, and I'm hot, doesn't mean that they can just stare! It's rude and makes my Zoro-kun jealous! I haven't mentioned him yet, have I? Zoro is the light of my life, the rock that holds me down in this tide of life, the one that I love love love! And he loves me back! I can tell by the way he says my name, the way he'll save me at the last minute when I'm about to be stabbed by an opponent, the way he looks at me.

It's love.

Love.

Robin is my best friend in the world. We can totally relate on everything and talk for hours about anything and everything. She's so amazing, I can't believe she's never had a boyfriend. I kind of feel sorry for her in that sense, Nami too, but at the same time they don't apply themselves. It's their fault.

But I still love them, and they love me for me and all of my non-existent faults. I mean, I might have a few, if you count being amazingly beautiful and having the love of her life, but other than that I'm pretty much perfect. And normal. I'm just an average teenager with amazing looks and the best friends and lovers in the world.

"Kira… this isn't working." Luffy started. The Straw Hat Crew were all gathered in a small group and in front, Luffy stood; arms crossed, Chopper and Usopp hiding behind his legs.

"What is that? You love me and never want me to leave?"

"What? No! We want you to leave!"

"I love you so much Luffy, you're so amazing!" The blond exclaimed as she launched forward and wrapped her thin arms around him, pulling him into a tight grip and refusing to let go for several minutes. The other crew mates all jumped back in alarm and Luffy tried in futile effort to get her off, which Kira interpreted as him being a boy and liking her by trying to feel her up, but she's a saint for ignoring it and considering his feelings. If she told his crew that he was feeling her up, he might get embarrassed, and Zoro might try to kill her.

"It's got Luffy! Nooooo! Captain, my captain!" Usopp exclaimed behind Zoro's legs. Zoro ignored him for the time being.

"It's too late, he's already been caught. He may not survive this. He'll never be the same." Sanji commented before lighting a cigarette.

"Zoro, I love you! Give me a hug! LET'S HAVE SEX!" Kira yelled as she moved from the squirming captain and ran towards the green-haired male. He got out his swords and jumped back, forgetting about Usopp being there, and slowly started falling backwards. Everything went slow-motion as the blond creature, made of bones and skin, came closer and closer with a wide grin on her face, and Zoro was helpless as he fell closer and closer to the ground.

"Stay away from me you sea-witch!"

"I don't care if it's for my own protection, I will stand by you no matter what!"

"What!"

At the last minute he managed to grab the collar of Usopp's shirt and pulled him in front of him, making the girl hug him instead. "Oh, Usopp! I'm sorry I didn't give you a hug earlier!"

Usopp cried and screamed as he tried to escape, but it was no use- once you got caught, you were caught. Zoro took the opportunity to run up the mast and to the crows nest, where he knew she couldn't reach. For some odd reason the creature was afraid of heights and fire.

When she was done hugging the marksman, he was out of breath, crumpled, and muttering 'I feel so violated' over and over again on the floor.

The creature looked around, her eyes searching for Robin that stopped on, not Robin, but Chopper. When her gaze landed on him, he froze, eyes wide, and tried to hide behind Sanji. Sanji's eyes widened and he almost dropped the cigarette from his lips.

Lips that would most likely be raped by the female in t-10 seconds if he didn't run.

Sanji, the ladies man of the crew, was afraid of the blond crazed teenager. Sanji. He flirted with every girl in sight, any girl in sight, and yet he was afraid of this one. "Chopper, when I say 'go', we both run in opposite directions to try and confuse her." Sanji explained, and the little reindeer nodded quickly.

It started running a them, arms outstretched and wide, drool oozing from her mouth. The little reindeer squeaked, and when she was a couple yards away, both of the males bolted in opposite directions. The female stopped, looked back and forth at the pair that were running, and tried to comprehend what was happening.

"Sanji…? Chopper…?" Her eyes started to tear up, and then flames erupted from her mouth and her entire body exploded.

The end.