It was one of the single most innocent things in the world, and it was terrifying him.
Tony stood in front of his bathtub, buck-ass nude, just staring at the water while he tried not to look into the mirror at the fresh wounds and fresh scars on his skin.
He couldn't do it. Nope. No. He could almost feel the phantom shock of the car battery short circuiting with the filthy, nasty water that they were drowning him with. Tony didn't want his bathroom to become that cave; his bedroom was already that cave, every night.
You couldn't pay him to get into that water.
Steve prepared himself for what was probably going to be the hardest thing he'd ever taken to do.
It hadn't been an issue until now, but, really, Steve should have seen it and should have known much sooner. Tony's problem had almost cost them on the field, and Steve would not lose his lover because of this. He refused.
Tony's hand was shaking in his, and it was from more than the sheer physical exhaustion. He could feel the tension in Tony, drawing him tight as Clint's bow, and Steve almost talked himself out of it before they could do anything at all. "Trust me?" Steve asked softly, and Tony turned agonized near-black eyes on him, pleading silently even as he nodded slowly. "I love you, Tony. I won't let anything hurt you, and I don't think it's wrong for you to feel...the way you do. J-Just...trust me." Steve took Tony's hands firmly, supporting him and keeping him steady as Tony rigidly put one foot and then the other into the tub, slowly filling with water. Tony's hands on his tightened to what would have been a near-breaking grip on a normal human being. Steve held back just as fiercely, watching with unstoppable blue eyes as Tony's every muscle tensed. "Look at me." Steve breathed, and watched as Tony's dark eyes slowly and shakily raised to meet his gaze, not wavering for even a moment as Steve stepped over the lip of the tub himself, the perfectly-heated water swirling around his ankles. Tony looked about ready to bolt, but Steve simply twined their fingers together.
"How are you even...How are you doing this? Y-You fell...You cr-crashed the plane into the water-!" Steve cut Tony's outburst off with gentle fingers against his lips before he leaned in and ghosted his mouth over Tony's, teasing, knowing full well that this would wipe Tony's brain of every thought buzzing for top billing in there.
"That was then, Tony. In the cold and the ice. Now I'm here with you, where it's warm and safe." Steve breathed, pulling Tony's shuddering body against his. And, yeah, Tony was actually kind of freezing compared to Steve's inferno of a body, but that was okay. Steve let Tony's body jerk against his, keeping them both safely on their feet. He let Tony's arms skate wildly over his body and cling like he was lost at sea and Steve was the only lifeline that's left in the hopeless dark. He kept his hands light against Tony's olive skin, barely brushing his touches over Tony, never putting any pressure on his hold: never holding Tony down; never trapping him. Tony was safe here, in his arms, and Steve was going to help him in every way he could. Slowly, Steve guided Tony's body down into the water with his, barely five inches deep now, but fragrant with bubbles. Steve had no idea why he put bubbles in, he just knew he needed to separate this from the cave as much as he possibly could. "Don't let go of me, I'm here for you to hold onto." Steve told him softly, turning his head to press his lips against Tony's unruly locks. Tony obeyed, letting himself cling tighter to the breathing lifeline that Steve was becoming.
It was awkward, and should have been far more uncomfortable than it was, but Steve was laying against Tony's chest, in his arms, as the water slowly filled the massive tub around them and Tony trembled harshly, fighting to stay in the moment.
Steve turned his head, looking down at Tony's long, clever, scarred hand in his, bringing it up to examine the way their hands fit together, sliding his larger, paler hands over Tony's, curling his fingers through Tony's and bringing the hand, trembling, to his lips, "Your hands are shaking cold." Steve pressed open-mouthed, sloppy kisses to Tony's knuckles, his tongue flicking out to trace the path of soldering scars, "These hands are mine to hold." Curling down around Tony's hand, Steve rubbed his ear against the scar-dappled skin of Tony's chest, one hand wrapped tight around Tony's, and the other moving down to brush at Tony's hip and thigh.
Steve turned his head, his chin skimming the skin of Tony's chest, to look up at Tony's pained, so blankly vulnerable face. Steve hated this expression with such passion that it made him sick. Sliding up, Steve used the hand that had been against Tony's hip to move his head to kiss, hard and hot and deep, resting his forehead against Tony's as they caught their breath, "I can't...I can't be here." Tony whimpered, and Steve squeezed his hand just a little tighter, clenching his eyes closed.
Steve sighed and let that wave of air take out all the pain and all the uncertainty; let it take everything he didn't need in this moment, in his efforts to take away one of Tony's scars. He was stronger than anything he was put up against, simply because, as good a man as he'd started out; as great a man as the serum had made him, Tony had found a way to make him even better.
"I don't deserve you." Tony breathed, broken-sounding and desolate. Steve pulled back, waiting until Tony finally opened his eyes.
His fingers curled against the stubble-roughened skin of Tony's cheek and jaw, his thumb brushing over Tony's lower lip. "Even if you weren't more hero than anyone here combined...even if you weren't the greatest man I have ever met...you would deserve me. Because you make me a better man by being with you." Steve closed the distance between their mouths, kissing hot and hungry and wet, quieting Tony's mind again.
For long, long minutes, they were lost in kissing, Tony's free hand in Steve's hair and Steve's gently keeping his head angled for ease, trying to hold onto their mouths moving against each other for as long as possible with their interwoven hands pressed between their chests, an unbreakable grip and a silent promise.
Steve was flushed as he pulled away, swollen and wide-eyed as Tony fought to catch his breath. It took a few moments longer-precious and protracted-before Tony realized the water had reached past his hips, inching close to his belly button. His hand tightened around Steve's for a moment, his lungs letting out a whoof of air as if he'd been punched as he dropped his forehead forward onto Steve's naked chest, "Do you need out?" Steve asked gently, rubbing Tony's hair and kissing his forehead.
Tony's eyes got that pinched, pained look, and he looked up at Steve with glossy, black irises. Steve could see the 'yes', but he knew Tony better than that- "N-No." Tony managed, his voice croaking a little, his hands steadier, "Just...don't…" Steve hushed him, leaning forwards to lay his head against Tony's shoulder, curling against his side.
"I'm not going anywhere. I love you."
Tony turned his head, tilting Steve's head back to kiss again, his free hand skimming over Steve's side and over his thigh, "You're cold," Tony's hand curled around Steve's knee, pulling gently so that Steve's body was covering his, Tony's hand rubbing against flawlessly smooth, pale skin. Steve's perfect muscles shifted under Tony's hand, his kisses lazy and lasting, "You gave me all your heat."
Steve's lips quirked up in a small half-smile, "I don't feel cold. You never leave me feeling cold." Steve pressed his lips simply to the curve of Tony's collarbone, his hand tracing scars. It'd taken five months of being together before Tony had even let him see his naked chest: five months of Pepper telling him that it would happen, he just had to trust Tony to come around; five months of learning not to care when Tony wouldn't let him strip off his undershirt-five months of stopping himself from trying. In the end, it'd been simple. Justin Hammer had stolen the arc reactor, and Steve had gotten to Tony first, barely holding back from weeping as he picked Tony up and pressed the replacement reactor into Tony's chest. They went and stopped Hammer; got it back; and Tony had pulled Steve along with him, stripping off his undershirt and letting Steve finally see the myriad of scars and the puckered skin surrounding the reactor. He'd told Steve the story then; everything, even the things that he hadn't told Rhodey. Tony trusted him, and Steve loved him for it, would never stop loving him for it.
"I...I'm sorry that-"
Steve hushed him gently, capturing the words from Tony's mouth and shaking his head gently. He didn't need to hear Tony apologize for freezing up in the face of those AIM bastards tearing off his faceplate and smashing him down into the murky water of the decorative pond the park had featured. As far as everyone else was concerned, Tony hadn't been able to fight that or stop himself from careening into the water and getting stunned; but Steve had known as he pulled Tony out of the water, that it was more than that.
If it had been up to him, he would have wrapped arms and legs around Tony's body and just held him there on the edge of the water. But it hadn't been; he had a team to coordinate, and Tony had to shake it off, compartmentalize it, and try to take out the doomsday device they were setting up again. A small part of Steve would probably always be in awe of the way Tony could compartmentalize things and shake things off. For the number of times Tony had almost died in his suit, Steve was starting to hate it. He just wanted Tony safe, as stupid and useless as that wish was. Tony would never be the type to throw down his arms and walk away from people that needed him; Steve wouldn't ask him to be.
Steve took Tony's free hand, guiding it down his body where he was curled against Tony's chest, "Make me stop thinking?" Steve asked softly, innocently, his hand skimming up the long, strong muscles of Tony's arm, fingers dancing along the slope of his shoulder until he could curl his fingers into the too-long bits of Tony's hair, turning to gentle ringlets with the steam of their bathwater. Tony needed a haircut and a shave, and Steve felt an inner thrill that he'd be the one to take care of the latter, that the first time they'd done this, Tony had taken the razor from his hand after long, careful minutes of stroking the blade over Tony's face with bated breath; Tony's eyes, at last clear of fever and sickness, engulfing him as Tony and he ended up rutting like over-eager teenagers on the heated tile of the bathroom floor. Tony had laughed at them afterwards, using Steve's chest as a cushion for his head as they stared up at the ceiling. Steve wasn't allowed to shave him anymore: not without a vast, wonderful expanse of time to fall into bed afterwards.
Tony's hand was solid against Steve' thigh, fingers tracing the muscles underneath, his body calmed down under Steve's, steady now. "Are you trying to reinforce your progress with orgasms, because I have to say...that will probably get you very, very far."
Steve chuckled as Tony pressed a grinning kiss to his forehead, slipping into straddling Tony's hips, skin rubbing warmly against skin under the water. "That hadn't crossed my mind, but now that you mention it…" Steve leaned forwards, kissing Tony's lips as he balanced his weight on his free hand, Tony's fingers still entwined in his, held between them.
Steve moaned softly as Tony's fingers slid over his ass, black eyes smiling at him as he smiled in relief, leaning for another kiss. Tony's finger pressed against him, and Steve bit Tony's lip lightly, moaning. "You're too gorgeous…" Tony breathed against his neck, kissing a soft line down the ridge of Steve's tendons, "it's not even a little bit fair."
Steve chuckled, letting himself hold on to Tony now, his hands firm but gentle as he switched them over, sliding under Tony and moaning as they rubbed together with the movement. Steadfast blue eyes looked up at Tony, trust written in every one of Steve's features as Tony bit his lower lip, watching Steve's thighs slide open, offering. Tony met his gaze for the barest of moments before he was pushing forward and licking his way into Steve's mouth, eyes fluttering closed.
"See, this is why I keep hair conditioner…" Tony told him huskily, and Steve laughed gently, reaching for it and trying not to giggle as Tony tickled the side of his neck. "Gimme."
"Faster if I do it."
Steve loved the easy way they could bicker about this, "Faster, but not as fun." Steve grinned wildly, laughing as they shifted and adjusted, his strength managing to keep Tony from slipping too badly in the water. Steve groaned, biting his lower lip as Tony's conditioner-slick finger slid against his hole, easing him relaxed and encouraging him open. Tony kissed him stupid before slipping the finger inside, Steve's body relaxed around the intrusion. "Thank you, Steve…" Tony breathed between kisses, "couldn't...without you...I couldn't."
Steve nodded, barely hearing what Tony was saying, let alone registering the words.
It'd been worth ninety years for a start like this.
Tony had three fingers in him and Steve spread as indecently as he could get in a bathtub before he was willing to entertain the idea that Steve was ready. "You've been in the workshop way too long-"
"You've gotten me out of there every damn night, Steven. At least three of those nights you didn't even have to tell JARVIS to inform me that you were waiting, naked and in bed, for me to come up."
Steve laughed, his eyes fluttering feathery eyelashes closed against his cheekbones as he pushed and squirmed for Tony. "You can't tell me it wasn't worth it."
Tony grinned, "Totally, totally worth it." Bending his head, Tony licked and sucked down on Steve's nipple. Carefully, Tony slid into the tight heat, chuckling as Steve gasped. Tony stilled for a moment, and Steve groaned, shaking his head.
"No, please...goddamnit, Tony, don't stop…" Taking the order, Tony slowly picked up a pace, Steve's hand curling against his shoulder.
"You amaze me, you know that?" Steve laughed against the curve of Tony's neck, groaning softly as Tony punctuated his words with a shift, driving into his prostate now.
Slow and steady, Tony drove Steve higher and higher, watching in complete rapture as Steve came closer and closer to shaking apart. The bubbles were dissipating, the water engulfing Steve's chest, but Tony was lost to anything beyond Steve's body and Steve's heart, swallowing Steve's sounds gratefully as the water sloshed back and forth around them. "'M so close…" Steve whimpered, and Tony started to let go of his hand to reach down and finish him, only to be stopped by Steve rearing up, clinging on with both hands to Tony's for a moment before he was yanking Tony's mouth to his, pushing down against Tony's cock. Tony lost his rhythm, half-lost his mind, but he kept thrusting into the glorious heat, his head spinning from oxygen deprivation as Steve kissed filthily.
Steve's head finally fell back, a broken moan edging out as he tightened around Tony hard and came, his eyes rolling up. Tony was coming at the sight, trying to thrust through it for them both. Slowly, Steve's long, too-strong limbs reached for his whole body, drawing him in and holding him tight, panting with him as they laid in the water, sated and dazed. "I love you, Steve." Tony whispered, turning his head to kiss along Steve's skin, nuzzling comfortably into his arms as the last vestiges of their cum was washed away in the water.
Tony closed his eyes against the pale skin, bone-tired and so relaxed he was almost completely limp.
Tony wasn't scared anymore.