A/N: I know perfectly well where this came from and there should probably be a rule about me watching fanvids after midnight. Anyway, this is just something I hope Kate would want to write after 2.12. Roll on the movie!

Dear Betty,

I don't know that I'll send this. It was Gladys who suggested it – she said I needed to write down what I was feeling or I'd burst. Maybe she's right. It's so strange without you here. I can hardly bear it. I think it's a bad dream and one morning I'll come through the gate and you'll be standing there, smoking and talking to Vera or something. I miss seeing you there. It's the same every day when I walk through the gate. Gladys knows these things somehow. She says it was the same for you when I was gone.

I never knew what I put you through, letting my fears get the better of me like that. I fled when you . . . Do you know, I can't even write it? It still feels wrong to even think of it sometimes but, Betty, I think of it all the time. I can't not think about it. That night is a movie rolling in my head every time I close my eyes to sleep. Well, that night and the other night. Two nights involving my father, two nights I should want to forget. But I can't. Because you were there.

I hate myself for dragging you into this. Don't say I shouldn't, even though I know you will. It's not enough that you cover up what happened but then you take the blame for something you didn't do? Betty, I'm not worth this sacrifice. I've shown you so little gratitude since I got back to Vic Mu. I regret that, I really do. I was still trying to be normal. I was desperate to be normal, to be Kate Andrews. It turns out I'm Marion and Kate, wrapped into one. I'm who I was and who I want to be. The only person that gets that is you.

God, Betty, I fooled myself for so long. Ivan was safe. I mean, he was nice and gentle, a good dancer, somebody I could rely on. I thought that was what I wanted. Maybe I did, maybe it just wasn't him. When he found out the truth behind the lies, he was out of there like a shot. But you . . . You have been the best thing that ever happened to me. You're the only person who knows me inside out. You know when I'm sad, when I'm happy, when I'm pretending to be happy. I used to find it a little scary that you know me so well but now I'm grateful. Well, grateful and sad. Because if you didn't know me at all you wouldn't be where you are now.

I don't know that I could ever be the kind of friend you want me to be. But the more I think about it, the more I want to be. I've never felt safer in my life than when I know you're there. I was fooling myself to think otherwise.

We need you back on the line. Mrs Corbett needs you back. So does Gladys, I think, and Vera misses you. The thing is, I almost wish they didn't. It hurts so much when I think of what you sacrificed for me. I think they blame and they should. I blame myself completely. You would never have gotten into trouble if it wasn't for me. I heap misery wherever I go.

That's how I want to feel. But the selfish truth of it is, I am so grateful that I met you because I know what it is to have someone who believes in me and helps me and loves me. If everything else hurts, I hope you can hang on to that as much as I can.

With love, Kate.