MY GROWN-UP CHRISTMAS LIST
Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies
Ryan sat in one of the cushy chairs next to the fireplace in his and Troy's living room. He'd been sitting there for quite some time, just thinking about how his life had turned out.
He had a wonderful husband, a great career, a nice house and a lot of friends. And yet, up until a few months prior, he had always felt there was something missing. For the longest time, he couldn't put his finger on it, but it had all come rushing to him one day while at the grocery store with his husband.
He'd seen more than a few couples walking around the store either holding a baby carrier or pushing their toddler along in the shopping cart seat. That's when he finally realized that the one thing in his life that he wasn't experiencing in his otherwise extraordinary life was the joy only being a parent could bring.
Well, I'm all grown up now
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream
Troy had been taken aback at Ryan's request at first, not realizing that having a child was something his blond husband had ever really seriously considered. But once he knew that Ryan was indeed passionate about having a child, he threw everything he could spare into making that dream become a reality.
The two of them had looked into many options. Surrogacy, adoption, they considered it all. Ryan was initially drawn to surrogacy because of the fact that it could have actually been one of their own children running around their house in the future. Much to his dismay, however, they had to write off that option because of the cost.
Troy and Ryan weren't what you would call poor, hell, they weren't even what you'd call middle class, but they still didn't have that kind of money to just throw around. Instead, they chose to adopt. It was still expensive, but nowhere near as expensive as the other option.
So here's my lifelong wish
My grown up Christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need
It had been a long process. There were still many laws in place that made it more than difficult for same-sex couples to adopt. When Troy saw Ryan getting depressed about all of the hurdles they had to overcome, he shouldered a lot of what needed to be done. He knew that Ryan wanted more than anything else and made it his personal mission to make sure it happened.
But once Ryan got into a funk, it was hard to get him out of it. And this was no exception. If trying to get a child was going to be that much of a problem, what kind of life was that child going to lead? Growing up in a non-traditional family was most definitely going to cause some friction for him or her at one point or another.
Why even bother if all he was going to accomplish was to give this child a difficult life?
"How do you ever expect anything to change if you just sit back and let it happen?"
Troy had asked that question of his husband after a particularly difficult argument between the two of them. And it had been what finally got Ryan out of the depression he'd been in. Troy was right. This could be how he started to change things. He would work hard for this because it was worth it, and it was the right thing to do. This would be how he left his mark on the world, even if it was just a small one.
No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
It had taken several more months, but they had finally been approved for adoption. And that's when they got little Megan.
The day they brought her home had been one of the happiest in both of their lives. Megan had been born to a teenager who had unexpectedly gotten pregnant during her senior year of high school. She had her life mapped out and a baby was definitely not something she had planned on. She had been more than happy to find that there were people who lived nearby who wanted desperately to have a child of their own.
For the first few days, Troy practically had to drag Ryan out of the nursery they had prepared for their daughter just to get him to shower. He was truly smitten. And so was Troy.
Ryan seemed to be enraptured by the baby girl's wispy brown hair and sapphire eyes. He liked to joke that she looked like she actually was Troy's. The brunet would just smile and look down fondly in the crib that held his and Ryan's baby.
This is my grown up Christmas list
Ryan smiled as he remembered the first time they had family over to see their baby girl. His and Troy's parents had both been ecstatic to hear the news and couldn't wait to come fawn over the little girl.
The gushing grandparents had been armed with an arsenal of gifts for both the baby and the new parents. The dads had taken Troy out to their back patio to share a cigar in honor of the newest member of their families, while Ryan—who had scoffed at the idea of actually smoking one of those things—stayed indoors while the mothers cooed over the brow-haired baby.
When they finally left much later that evening, Ryan's mother gripped him in a bone-crushing hug and told him how proud she was of him. She said how hard it was to believe that her 'little ducky' was now a daddy. He had blushed at that comment and told her how hard it was for him to believe it, too.
When the door had finally closed, Ryan found himself enclosed in a loving embrace with his husband before they both went to check on Megan.
As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree
Christmas was almost upon them, now. It was going to be their first with Megan, and both Troy and Ryan wanted to make sure that it was perfect. They'd invested in a new digital camera and wrapped all of the presents in the shiniest wrapping paper they could possibly find, anything that would catch the eye of a baby girl.
Their parents and Sharpay's family were supposed to come over to their house on Christmas Day to exchange gifts and have the annual holiday meal.
Ryan was stressing about everything earlier that day, wanting to make sure that everything was ready and that nothing could possibly go wrong. He nearly brought himself to tears in the kitchen stressing over something to do with the potatoes, when Troy took the cooking utensils away from him and banished him to the living room.
That's where he'd been ever since, sitting in that chair. And he had to admit, his husband knew what he was talking about.
Well heaven only knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul
Ryan turned his gaze away from the fire to look at his husband who was sitting on the floor near the Christmas tree, playing with Megan. She sure had gotten big in the last few months. She was sitting upright and raising her arms as Troy made funny faces in front of her.
The blond smiled at the sight. His baby girl's eyes were bright and wide as they gazed at her father. Ryan had to laugh as she grabbed one of the shiny bows from Troy's hands and ended up inadvertently sticking on the front of her shirt.
Troy smiled at her and grasped under her arms to hoist her up in the air. She squealed in delight as her father held her up above his head and then brought her down so that he could blow a raspberry on her stomach.
When Troy settled her down in his lap, he looked at his husband and smiled warmly. Ryan just laughed because the bow that had been stuck to Megan's shirt was now stuck in his hair.
No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
Ryan got down out of the chair and scooted over so that he could sit next to his husband. As soon as Megan saw him she held out her arms, just begging to be held by her daddy. And who was Ryan to deny his daughter anything?
He picked her up out of Troy's lap and brought her in for a quick kiss to her little nose before setting her down in his lap. As soon as he knew Megan was comfortable, he settled into his husband's side and felt a strong arm snake around his back. He sighed then, completely content.
"This is perfect, Troy," he said.
"Best Christmas ever," Troy replied.
"I love you," Ryan said, leaning more heavily into his husband's embrace.
"I love you, too."
This is my grown up Christmas list
A/N: So, I started listening to some Christmas music today (I know, I know, it's not even Thanksgiving yet), and this little story idea just got stuck in my head. It was really just inspired by this song, but seems even more pertinent given the Florida judge's ruling today challenging the state's long-held ban on gay adoption.
Either way you take it, I hope you enjoy it. Please review!