Where the Sidewalk meets the grass.
I'm new to this whole thing. If you could read and review, that would be lovely. I could totally continue if you guys really think I have something here.
R&R would be really appreciated.
~-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10- -It's time to Fall.-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10~
There's this great spot that only I know about, well me and this other kid. But it's not like a tree house or a room, because unlike those places you can't get to this one when you're looking for it. I wasn't even looking for it when I found it, but then I stumbled upon it and I realized it was one of the most amazing places I've ever been to. If you take just enough turns down the second alley way of my city, then you jump down the exact edges, you could find it. It's beautiful. The sidewalk just ends, and 4 feet down from it is where it meets a grassy hill. 20 feet in front of that, is a line of never ending trees. In fact, if you were to look straight off of the ledge, and not look down, it would look like everything just stops. But it doesn't.
It's where I go to think.
It's where I go to cry.
It's where I go to scream.
It's where I go to relax.
It's where the sidewalk…meets the grass.
This place is like my second home, which is why no one knows about it except for Sasuke, my best friend. I showed him this place 6 years ago, when we were twelve. And since then I only saw him here once without me. That was when his parents died, and we were only 16. After that day he was left with just his brother, his dog, and me. I caught him sitting on the edge starring of into the distance. I sat next to him and without a second thought he buried his face into the chest. I don't know how long we sat like that, but it was hours. Ever since then it's been hard to get him to act like his old self in front of other people, but it felt good knowing I was one of the only ones he would show his true colors to. I think it was because he knew I wasn't going anywhere. God knows how much I love that kid. Sasuke's been with me since my parents left me at the age of four, leaving me with my legal guardian, who wasn't so bad.
But the reason I sit here today isn't like any other reason previous to this one. I sat here because I didn't know what to do with the fact that I may love Sasuke more then I should. I've been thinking about it for a whole month now. And I've wanted to say something about it but I never could.
I closed my almost too blue eyes.
And let the wind whip my blond hair across my tan face.
"Hey."
I painfully opened my eyes to meet Sasuke's dark ones. I was ready for the light to meet me, but I realized that I must've slept for a long time because it was dark out.
"What time is it?"
I guess he knew what I was going to ask because a smirk formed on his lips and without leaving my gaze he answered,
"8:30. I came to make sure you'd go home before you get in trouble and you get yourself grounded again."
He turned around and started walking, but then stopped because I called after him,
"Sasuke!"
I stood up ready to leave, and he turned around to see what I needed,
"Yeah Dobe?"
I wasn't going to regret what I was about to say. I knew very well the variables to admitting something this huge to a kid like him, but I didn't let it stop me. I knew how he would take it anyway. I knew he thought it was friendly.
"I love you."
It was barely above a whisper, and I couldn't even look at him. I kept my attention on a small pebble, laying there on the ground, minding its own business. I bet no one even paid any attention to it, walked right on by like it didn't even existed, I knew how that pebble felt sometimes.
"I know."
I knew he was going to say that. He always did. But I just went with my gut feelings once again.
"I know you love me too."
My eyes finally met his. He was already looking at me. His eyes showed the same amount of emotion they always did: none. I had to guess what he was feeling all the time; it was a part of being his best friend. He trusted me to know what he was thinking because he never let any emotions slip past that mask.
"Yes, I am quite aware of that Dobe. You are so sure of that theory. You say it quite often."
Hell yeah I said it often. I said it because I let myself believe that I wasn't the only one in this relationship who cared for the other.
I keep looking at him, reading his eyes. He almost looks bored, but I pretend not to notice. I pretend like this whole subject we're talking about means just about as much to me as it does to him: nothing. Thinking about that makes my heart hurt so bad. I can feel the lump in my throat already.
"Should I take that as a 'no, I don't love you too'?"
His eyes leave mine as he also finds some mysterious interest in that very same pebble. I know he envies it for just being able to lay there and not have people in it's business every second of every day. I don't even have to look at him to know that.
"No, I never said that."
His eyes meet mine, and I can't read them. My heart stops. I can't read them. His eyes are holding an emotion that I'm not familiar with. I scold myself for letting my heart jump. He said that he doesn't not love me. Oh my god. Could this be it? I'm so pissed at myself for letting me think that. I know where this is going. It always goes the same way,
"Can I take it as a 'I love you too'?"
His eyes haven't left mine, but that emotions gone, and I want to kick myself for letting my hopes get so high. Damnit. I knew this whole conversation would end up hurting me. It always does. His voice sounds like he actually does have feelings. It sounded sad. But I didn't think much of it,
"…No, I don't think you should, not yet."
I do my best not to let my emotions show through. I do my best and pretend to not think about it. I try not to let my heart burn with so much sadness; I almost want to end it all. So I smile. A fake smile that makes me want to puke. But he buys it like always. With a smile chuckle a show my teeth through the pukey smile,
"Haha, you know I love you bro! I'll see you around!"
I turn my back without giving him a second glance. He won't give me one. So why should I give him one? I hate feeling so bitter to my best friend. My best friend. Friend.
"Dobe."
I stop mid-step and turn to give one glance,
"Yeah?"
My heart stops again, maybe he knows I love him so much more than a friend should. And maybe he finally feels the same way. He's got to love me the same way.
"We have Science homework, don't forget."
He turns and leaves faster than I get the chance to say something witty back to him. How does he always get the chance to leave first? Why am I always the last one to leave?
"One more thing," He calls over his shoulder, "Stop using that fake smile, it pisses me off."
Holy shit, he knows my fake smile. For how long did he get it? Oh my god. I'm trying to think about the last time I used it in front of him, but I don't get the chance because he countinues.
He turns around to look at me square in the face and pretty much just repeats himself,
"Please don't use that fake smile. You should know I don't like it when you fake shit in front of me. And don't be all sad now. You know what I've made obvious, and you don't know what you shouldn't yet."
Then he's gone, and I have no clue what the hell he just said. He can read me like a book. When will I get the chance to make him wonder what it'd be like to love someone who might not love you back? And since when is he all mysterious?! I swear before this ends, whatever this is, I'll be the first one to walk away. I know it. And when I say his name with that emotion that's so foreign to him, I don't even care that he can't hear me,
"…Sasuke…you…you suck."
And that's all I can say to him until Monday, 2nd hour geography.
Our first class,
of many,
together.
Where the Sidewalk meets the grass. It's where the beginning meets the end. & it's where I find myself quite a lot lately. Because there is such a fine line between love and hate. And it's the only place that gives me the hope to hold on. And the strength I need to keep pulling him back to my side. They say if you really loved someone, you would let them go. But I say if you really love someone, you'll keep pulling him back.