Thank you

by Siksparnis

EDI and Mordin have something interesting to tell Joker about his commander; Joker wants to make sure of that.

Title: Thank you

Pairing: Joker/FemShep

Rating: NC-17 (M)

Words: 3 626

Summary: EDI and Mordin have something interesting to tell Joker about his commander; Joker wants to make sure of that.

She's been coming here a lot lately. Saying "Hi" and crashing in a co-pilot chair with her pads or guns. Sitting silently, working…

It's not that I mind, really. The Normandy is her ship and she can do anything she's willing to, but that really starts to bug me.

"Hey, Commander? I know that I maybe shouldn't ask, but why the hell are you hanging out here all the time instead of your quarters?" I tell her, not looking away from my console.

She stops reading for a second. "I thought you said you didn't mind me being here." Her voice was as calm as it was formal. Typical Shepard. I grinned.

"I don't. It's just… When you asked if you could sit and chat, I didn't realize you were actually planning on moving in. I mean, if you want to swap stations, I'll be happy to take the master suite. But, uh, it's just… weird. I don't know how to react to all the attention." Well, at least it's an honest reply if not lame.

She faded once again. God, I didn't irritate her, did I? There's absolutely nothing worse than an angry Shepard… She stayed silent for several long seconds but didn't look at me. I gulped. Oh shit… I was about to add something distracting when she interrupted by catching my eyes with hers.

"I simply enjoy being here. With you," she added. The corners of her mouth twitched and I swear I could hear amusement in her voice.

Well… Alright then! I smiled with a relief and returned to my console.

Several hours later, Shepard finished her reports and squeezed my shoulder slightly as she left. "See ya, Joker. Tell me when we're 20 minutes before landing."

"Aye-aye, Commander!" I didn't look as she left.

"I'm telling you, EDI, let it go, please! Don't make me crawl to the AI Core and erase this from your memory!" I rubbed my eyes with both hands annoyingly. "Shepard's fine, and even if she's experiencing some kind of disease, Chakwas or Mordin will notice. And trust me, they will drag her ass to medbay, analyze and cure it. But I won't be the one who doubts her. Hell, last time I looked at her open wound and told her to go see the doctor, I got that Evil Eye of hers… Evil Eye, woman! You can't even understand the concept!"

"On a contrary, Jeff, I can understand any kind of concept that a human being may create. And you couldn't possibly erase my memory from the AI Core."

"I could ask Tali…" I mumbled, trying to shut her up and failing, my arms dropped.

"As for Commander Shepard, she is not suffering a "disease"; her body is simply in need of something. She seems to react differently to things when she's around you, though the difference is barely noticeable to a human eye…or salarian," she interrupted my attempt to object and I sighed. "But it exists. Her heart rate increases and she shows signs of stress. And since I can't manage to trace the origin of her distress, I would strongly suggest for you to ask her, since it activates in your presence."

"No!" I cut her off. "No, EDI, Shepard's a big girl, she'll take something she needs by herself if she wants to!" I checked my screen for a possible update from a shore party. "Besides, I'm sure you're exaggerating. If Mordin didn't see anything, it's all right."

"Actually, I have noticed, Mr. Moreau." I didn't even jump from surprise of a scientist's presence.

"EDI is quite right in her observations. Fascinating, really! Shepard's behavior transpiring is more of a mating nature. Which is surprising, considering the…"

I cut him off, shocked, "Wait, what?!"

Mordin blinked, stopped talking and looked at me. "Oh, you didn't notice that? Enthralling! Adolescent human courtship!" He smiled, activating his Omni-tool. "Although, I didn't realize it is possible in such an age. Hm… Maybe, has something to do with being friends for a long time…"

"Stop! Please, just stop!" I screamed in panic. "What the hell is going on?! Why do you even...?" I couldn't finish the sentence and just spread arms in a silent question, breathing heavily.

"Shore party to Normandy! We're ready for pick-up!" The console alarmed.

"Oh, thank God!" I prayed in relief. "Go and make yourself useful, Mordin, the Commander would probably bring you some samples to play with!" I felt veins pumping mercifully in my head, couldn't possibly bare that nonsense anymore.

"Ah, yes!" The salarian smiled with joy. "But regardless, should you need me, …"

"Yeah, yeah, go! Please!" I answered, irritably working the console. "ETA 1.4 minutes!"

Mordin was gone. EDI was silent. Shepard and the crew were on their way to the ship. I sighed, rubbing my eyes.

Well, of course those two made me think and wonder. For a time there, I even wondered if they were working together in some kind of cruel experiment on me. What did he call it? 'Adolescent human courtship'? Pft, that's absurd. Even if it was true and Shepard did want to have sex with me – she would have told me that. It's Shepard! She doesn't play games! But still, their facts about the changes in her system – that must count for something… And she was spending quite a lot time in the cockpit.

I took a deep breath, "Oh, Gods…" Shifted from the seat. Hesitated. Looked at EDI. She didn't say anything. I sat back, nervously crossing arms on my chest. Looked in the main hall. Everyone seemed to mind their own business. Shepard didn't give any orders on where to travel next, so it was a little break. I signed once again.

"I am fully capable of taking control of the ship while you're away, Jeff," EDI said calmly as if reading my mind.

"Yeah," I mumbled. "When I return with broken bones, I'll… arggg!" I stood up and headed for the elevator.

'What the hell are you doing?!' I felt panic spreading through my head as I passed the galaxy map. 'Where are you going? What could possibly be on your mind? Stop. For crying out loud, stop! It will be painful, not to mention awkward! What are you doing?' My finger hovered hesitantly over the elevator controls. 'Don't press that button!' I pressed the button. Whether by nerves or inertia, the floor moved out from under me and I grasped for the handrail with sweaty palms. I was a mess: my shirt moistened with perspiration. Oh, that's just not good… 'You think?! Just turn around! Don't step inside!' The doors closed behind me, I signed, shaken. 'Just go and take a piss, or talk to someone, go and see Chakwas, take some stress relieves! Oh, for Christ sakes…' The elevator ejected me as I marched into the alcove before Shepard's door. 'Please. That's absurd. Don't press the intercom.'

I wiped the sweat from my forehead. "Uh… Commander? Are you there? Do you have a minute?" I shifted my weight from one leg to another, digging my nails into the palm.

"…Just a second." Shepard was out of breath. She opened the doors after awhile. "Come in," she sounded relaxed.

I noticed her wet hair, "Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt."

"Don't be," she smiled peacefully. I wondered if her heart rate raised at that moment. If it did, she did well to hide it. "What's up?" she went to her night stand, drying her hair.

"Well," I turned to the aquarium and stopped. "Uh, commander, your fish is…"

"Ah, the hell with them!" She replied somewhat frustrated. "They require too much attention. I'm done!" She came to the fish tank and pressed the disposal button. I blinked. The fish was gone. I swallowed.

'Yeah, that's right. You'll end up just like them!' "Ok, Commander?" I wanted to be done with that as soon as possible, otherwise that voice inside me would never settle down.

Shepard looked at me with a question, still calm as she always was. I gulped. She chuckled. 'Wait, she what? Oh, dear…'

"Commander, I, uh…" 'Of course, now I'm hesitating!'

She noticed that and commanded firmly: "Spill it, Joker!"

I couldn't help but straightened up at this tone and continued, "EDI and Mordin told me that there's something wrong with your heart."

She cocked her head and raised an eyebrow. Her arms slowly dropped from her head, "What?"

"Not that… Not a heart problem or anything, just a minor…" I looked down, arm scratching the side of my beard.

"Joker?" She sounded little curious and a little…scared?

"What Jeff is trying to say is that Professor Solus and I have noticed certain irrational behavioral during your interactions with . Your pulse raises 32 beats per minute, your voice lowers approximately 31%, and your reaction time decreases 27.2%." EDI's voice made me jump in surprise, but Shepard just narrowed her eyes and looked at the console while EDI was speaking. "Professor Solus suggested the possibility of you being interested in as in your copulate partner."

My jaw dropped. Shepard's eyes got huge.

'And fish it is!' The voice inside me mocked.

I closed my eyes; my mouth and fists clenching painfully. A long, aggravating silence stilled the room. I heard Shepard's steps as she walked away from the tank and dismissed EDI. Thankfully, I also heard the beep that EDI makes every time her hologram disappears.

I took a deep breath.

Shepard chuckled once again. I opened my eyes in surprise. That's good – she wasn't angry. I tried to smile in response.

"…Y-yeah…" My arms went sideways in an apology. "So…" I looked at her desk where her old N7 helmet was standing.

"So?" She asked in response, smiling, challenging even…

'Huh…'

Well, at least she can laugh about the thought. Maybe we could laugh together. I chose to go all-in.

"So. You wanna do it?" I looked straight at her, crossing my arms on my chest, smiling kinky.

She sniggered and tossed her towel on a night stand, "Sure." Her hands went to unzipping her uniform.

I almost pissed my pants. She must've noticed my shock, stopping halfway and coming closer to me. "What's wrong, Joker?" She murmured provokingly, resting her arms on my shoulders, "Why so hesitant now? You seemed quite confident when you came here." Her lips curled in a smile. Oh, she was enjoying this…

But I did. I did come here. By my own will. I couldn't even imagined that it would end up like that, but…maybe, subconsciously… Oh, for fuck's sakes, I chose to be here and play along. I made the first step. And can't let her win.

I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist, growling quietly in response, "All right, commander, let's fuck. Just make sure not to break my bones, or you'll fail your mission without a pilot."

She chuckled but didn't move. 'You want to know how far I can go? Hell, I've got nothing to loose! I don't even mind actually having sex with you! –wait, what?..' Oh, who was I kidding. Shepard was hot. Strong, tough, loyal and hot. The thought of being so close to her, in her, could drive anyone insane. I wasn't an exception. Blood drained from my mind as it rushed toward my groin.

I clenched fingers around her half-unbuttoned jacket and tore it open. She gasped. Shivered? Didn't expect me to be capable of that? Oh, you're about to see lots of new things today, commander…

I bit her neck with confidence. If I can make the Normandy dance, I can make Shepard soar. She gasped once again, her hands slowly sliding out of her jacket and onto my shoulders yet again. I sucked her skin, bit it, licked it, bit again. Her breath became heavier. 'You like that?'

I squeezed the sides of her back in anticipation, - licking the trail to her left shoulder - moved my arms to unleash her belt, - biting, sucking - opened the fly and stuck my palm brassily into her panties, searching her clit.

She moaned loudly.

'Whoa…'

I raise my head to look at her, our noses barely touching. Sinking my free hand in her hair, I hold her head tightly in one position. I watch her expression as I rub her clit slowly. Her eyes were almost closed, eaves shivering, mouth open and breathing hot. I licked my lips, moved them to hers, touching but not kissing, "You like that?"

She responded by thrusting her nails into my shoulders. I roared in an unexpected yet thrilling pain. My right palm slicked lower, opening and entering her instantly with two of my fingers. She moaned once again, her eyes shutting, lips opening wider and I foisted my tongue in her month, still watching her face, licking the inside.

She made that noise again… Her hands moved from my shoulders to my back, trying to bring me closer. Her hips started rubbing against my palm, letting my fingers slip in and out without even my help, hot walls clenching tightly. She sucked my tongue hard into her month, swallowing every moisture from it she could.

Oh, man, play time is definitely over.

I growled loudly, took my hand out of her and stuck both of them into her pants and underwear, tugging them of. Shepard automatically sat on her bed, kicking of her boots and letting her legs slip out of the clothes. She crawled to the top of the bed, not removing her gaze filled with lust and impatience. She took of her bra and whispered my name huskily.

I watched her eyes while unbuckling my belt and removing pants and boxers, hard dick bouncing with every move. I sat on the bed carefully and started to take off boots as she leaned forward from her place and embraced me tightly with both hands, her breasts flattening against my back, licking my earlobe before biting it. Her hands went to my exposed tights, stroking them, massaging, slowly but confidently sneaking to the center. Her breath was hot on my face, my neck. Her biting was intense and almost caused bruises. I froze and growled as her thumb begun to smear the precum on the tip of my cock. She hummed satisfactory into my ear.

I grabbed her arm eagerly and yanked it away, "No!" I let several heavy breaths out, "We'll do it my way, commander…" I felt her smirk against my neck.

"But Joker, how would we possibly manage to do it your way," such a kinky tone in her voice, "Since that decease you've got and all…"

"Oh no, you don't get to pull that off!" I tossed my boots aside and faced her, crawling my way on top of her.

"Take of your shirt." She commended with all seriousness, smile fading.

I took it off.

She lay down beneath me, her hands stroking my chest and stomach with gentle care I most certainly didn't expect. I froze at the sign of her eyes filled with concern, her lips shaking, her palms caressing my shoulders. She whispered something I couldn't hear.

On an instinct, I lowered my face to hers, kissing gently her cheeks, her ear and neck, "What did you say?"

Her grip became hard and she pulled me up from her. There was only lust in her eyes, once again, as she snarled, "Fuck me, Joker!" She wiggled her legs underneath me and spread them open perfectly, bucking her wet center into me.

I growled loudly and shut my eyes from the arousal of the thought of what was happening. That strong, one of a kind woman beneath me; leaking because of me, pleading to take her, to give her relief…

I bit her neck harshly and griped her round breast with my right hand, massaging it for several seconds and then pinching the nipple. She whimpered and bucked, her nails digging into my back, scratching impatiently. "For fuck's sake, Joker! Give!.."

I almost lost it for a second, hands stiffened from the remarkable arousal. I hissed a curse and lowered the hand that was touching that beautiful skin a second ago. She was biting her lower lip, which was already becoming red and puffy.

I guided my dick into her entrance and she gasped as it touched her. I was watching her face as I entered her slowly, completely. She released a loud moan and clenched my shoulders tightly, her head throwing back, her body caving in, hot walls tightening me.

I groaned. The sensation was remarkable. It has been a long time, for both of us maybe, but that… That was something different. Irrelevant.

I laid on top of her, burying my head into her exposed neck, "Oh…gods, Shepard!.." She hummed in reply, satisfied, and embraced my back.

We laid like that for several seconds, breathing heavily in silence. I felt her lifting her legs and trying to hook them behind me. "No…" I managed, "…Please, that…might be dangerous." I licked my lips and close my eyes in disgust. That – what was happening – was bliss, and I couldn't even make her as comfortable as she wanted because of that cursed illness. That plague which was poisoning my life in almost every way possible, every single day.

"It's okay, I won't…" – heavy whisper, so very tender, – "Please, just…move…"

Tears came to my eyes, I started kissing mercifully her neck, her cheek and temple, pulling out slowly and then entering her once again. Once again, till the end.

Her legs spread wider, still in the air. She buckled her hips in the perfect angle, murmuring encouragements and thanks into my ear as I fucked her caringly, fingers entangling in her hair.

"Oh… Yes… Yes, like that…" – thrust; lick, – "Mm… God, Joker…"

Rising a little just to see her face, I drank her in. Her lips were trembling and her half opened eyes were filled with gratitude. It has been a long time for her too. I caught her mouth with mine, swallowing her hums, licking her tongue with mine.

She began to move her hips in our common rhythm, moaning louder in my mouth, squeezing my shoulder blades. I got the hint and began to move faster, sucking onto her sweet tongue. Her arms slipped onto my buttocks, trying to get me inside even more with each thrust.

"Commander…" – push, lick, – "Shepard!.." – pull, bite. I hold her head with both my arms and watched her eyes, moving faster with each shove. She was squirming, moaning.

"Jeff… Jeff, please!.. Honey, I… I'm-ma…"

I was shocked to hear her saying my name for the first time. In that precise moment when her stomach tightened and her walls sucked and grappled me hard, hands squeezed my ass tightly, body shivered, froze and milked my dick.

She sucked the air several seconds later with a satisfactory moan, her grip easing and chest rising with heavy breaths, eyes shut and jaw clenching. I began moving once again, kissing her face passionately, moaning in response, "Shepard…"

"Cum. Cum for me, Jeff…" It really was enough for me. Hands moved to grab her hips, eyes shutting, roaring through the teeth, feeling her palm caressing my face, her whispers and pleads. Her voice. Her soaking sex. Several final thrusts, I rapidly pulled out and laid on top of her, grabbing and stroking my cock as the hot spurts painted her flat stomach and pink breasts. She put her palm onto my hand, helping, massaging the tip gently as final drops were escaping.

Then I collapsed. She enfolded me. Aftershocks were jerking my body, and she was just stroking my head with care and comfort.

Several minutes later I rolled to the other side of her, still mesmerized. She didn't say a word. I looked at her. She was smiling. Then she dipped one finger into a small puddle on her stomach and licked it. My eyes widened. That was the single hottest scene I've ever witnessed in my life.

"Mm… You taste so good…" She hummed and looked kindly at me to see my reaction. I jerked from the bed and kissed her lips vigorously, trying to savor hers and my own taste from them. I cupped her head with my right arm, trying to bring her even closer, our noses flattening against each other. She chuckled after. I smiled.

"Thank you, Jeff," she whispered once again.

"Thank you."

Silence. She caught my eyes with hers. A question.

A question indeed.

"I…" I shrugged, placing my hand on hers as it stalked my chest. "I… don't think that's the right time for," I noticed her eyes filling with fear, "…the Talk."

She seemed to relax, smiling but looking away. She got up from the bed and picked up her towel. "Seems I'll need that again." She turned to me, "All right then, Joker. Whenever you're ready—"

"No, Commander! It's not like this." I rose carefully and stood up, limping towards her, soft cock jiggling uncomfortably. "Shepard, I…" I took her forearms. Well, I have decided to go all in after all. "I just don't want it to become complicated. I hate drama. Well, no, I love drama, but not when I'm the star in it." She laughed quietly. "…I care about you, Shepard. You are my closest friend. I respect you. I… I just don't want to lose…" She covered my mouth with her palm.

"Then see to it that we won't," she smiled enigmatically and headed to the shower. As its doors opened, she stopped and looked at me. "…Coming?"

I smiled. She was my commander after all.