The slamming door announced Temari's entrance as her brothers looked up in unison. Their greeting and, moments later, questions of concern, went unheard by her ears as she stalked proudly past them, trembling, even after the two and a half day trip it had taken to get home. Their concerns grew as another bang sounded throughout the house, signaling that she had already isolated herself in her room, but her siblings refrained from checking on her.
After all, their sister never was one for sharing feelings.
As soon as she was alone, Temari wretched her fan away from her, not noticing as it landed with a heavy thud on her floor, and tore her headband off violently. She paced around the room furiously, as consumed in her thoughts as she had been for the past two days.
He left her. That fucker up and left her for that blonde, twiggy, giggling, airhead that he was suddenly so fond of. Of course, that bitch had been hanging off of him, and just about every other male in the Konoha area, since the ability to produce testosterone kicked in. Her, with her slutty clothes, platinum Barbie hair, and that stupid, high-pitched giggle that made the Suna kunochi have that urge to set babies on fire. She dared to call herself a ninja.
Temari didn't notice where her feet took her, or the speed or intensity of her pace, only that the beat of her steps egged on her thoughts even more.
Her mind flickered from memory to memory, like someone flipping through television channels in order to find something exciting and interesting to watch. Finally, her conscious settled on the day he had asked her out.
"Temari. . . Please?"
Temari stared at her Konoha escort. "Shikamaru. . ." Despite that the softness in her voice, the words seemed to echo through the woods, coming back to her sounding a hundred times harsher. They were alone in this forest. Not another soul in miles. Normally she enjoyed being alone with the young ninja, but suddenly, the solemnity felt suffocating. "I. . . We can't. We live in different villages, different countries. We're obligated to our homelands." It killed her to say it. Worse than any opponent's blow, she looked away, avoiding the shadow-caster's eyes.
Shikamaru strode forward, taking her hands in his. Temari was shocked at his expression- determination? desperation?, and it must have shown in hers because he gripped her hands all the more tighter. "How will anyone find out? If you want, we can keep this to ourselves. No one else needs to know. Just. . ." The desperation she had sensed in his eyes before became more pronounced."Just please, give this a chance."
"We can't, Shikamaru. I can't! My brother is the Kazekage! I couldn't. . . I can't. . . and if this didn't work-" Temari had to force herself to stop talking, for fear of bursting the ever increasingly lump in her throat, but the thought ending was clear-'If I lost you. . .' She closed her eyes for a moment, regathering herself before she continued. "It's just too hard."
Releasing her hands, Shikamaru threw his into the air."For the love of God, Temari! We are perfect for each other, and I know that you know it, because I've sensed you pull back! I've sensed your fear. But there's nothing to be afraid of." Temari cast him a doubtful look. "It isn't, because. . . Because. . ." Finally, he just gave up, pulling her close for a kiss, catching her by surprise. He broke away quickly, resting her forehead on hers, with one hand still on her cheek and his eyes capturing her own.
"Because this won't end badly."
Temari stared at him in shock for a moments, before finally pulling him closer for a deeper kiss, sanctioning her approval. At that moment, she was not a ninja. She was not a foreign diplomat. She was not the Kazekage's sister.
She was simply a woman, who loved a man.
The bedroom lamp shattered as Temari hurtled it towards the wall at full force. How could she have ever been so stupid, giving in so easily to his pretty words and sweet lies and so many lines of pure crap. He had sidestepped her defenses like it was nothing. In her fury, she pounded against the wall, effectively leaving quite a few holes in the plaster.
Her mind continued flickering, going from one scene to the next. Again, it settled to play through one of the memories.
Five months the two had been dating. They had managed to keep the secret pretty well, save for a few good friends. There had been a few close calls, but nothing drastic. She tried to be around as much as possible, begging more diplomatic missions from Gaara who, though suspicious, choose not to question her reasons.
Temari strolled peacefully down one of Konoha's busiest streets. She'd been here so often lately that Shikamaru's presence was now merely a formality. Currently, she was alone- Shikamaru had a meeting at the school with some of the students' parents, which she'd be sure to hear him complaining about later.
Naruto and Sakura emerged from a nearby dumpling shop, each with a skewered dumpling in one hand. It was Sakura who first noticed their friend's presence. "Temari!" The rosette called out, waving her unoccupied hand in the air in order to get her fellow kunochi's attention. Smiling, the Suna ninja approached.
"Naruto, Sakura. Long time no see." She greeted.
"It sure has been. How are you?" Sakura replied, cheery as always.
"Hey-y, Temari! How's Gaara doing?" were the first words Naruto's mouth. Temari chuckled at him- Gaara often asked her the same thing whenever she returned to her village.
"He's fine, Naruto. Busy protecting the village is all."
The spiky headed blonde nodded, seemingly satisfied. After a moment his expression changed, and he sent her an apologetic look. "Hey, I'm sorry about you and Shikamaru, by the way."
Next to him, Sakura choked on her dumpling as Temari's eyes widened. "Sorry?"
"Yeah." He continued, oblivious to both of the girls' reactions. "When we heard that you two where breaking it off, we figured something big must have gone dow- Ow, Sakura! That hurt!" He whined, rubbing the growing bump on his head. Sakura glared at him. "You idiot! How much of a dumbshit are you?!" She looked up to apologize, but the older kunochi had already disappeared.
With a growl, Temari's fist broke through the plaster again, leaving behind another good-sized hole. Her rage climbed higher and higher with every passing moment. To have to hear about it from Naruto of all people. She ran a hand through her hair in frustration, not even noticing as it yanked every ponytail out. How long had it been going around? How many people – No, how many of her friends knew and watched her prance around with him, oblivious, as he just acted out the part of a good boyfriend. How many people knew that she had been living in a fantasy world, a lie, for God knows how long. . .
The rational part of her mind spoke to her, yelled that it was the right thing for him to break up with her, because there's no point in a one-sided relationship. That heartbreaks are common. That the pain would eventually go away. It was the part of her that justified her friends' silence. It was that part that told her that he was her best friend before he ever became more, and that if she lost that connection, that bond, she'd regret it forever.
But the emotional part of her- the part that was purely Temari. . . Her heart told her that they had crossed a line. Hell, they had gotten so far past the line that the damned thing wasn't even visible anymore. It was the point of no return, and her heart shattered as it realized she would never have that relationship again.
She leaned against her door as one more memory readied itself for a playback.
"So who told you?"
"Does it matter?"
The wind rustled Temari's hair as she stood atop the grassy hill, standing face to face with the man who once would have declared his love for her from the mountaintops, had she asked him to. His face, imprinted in her memory as laughing as he teased her to no end, now held expressions of guilt and sadness.
"I told Choji." Shikamaru admitted, every syllable being an individual knife that repeated pierced her heart. "And. . . And I suppose someone must have overheard us." He stopped there, as if that explained everything.
The wind picked up again, blowing strands of hair away from her face as she painfully swallowed the lump in her throat. "So it's true then."
The wind plucked a dandelion, whose seeds swirled in the silent space between the two.
"Yes."
The seeds from the dandelion floated away in the silence.
"I didn't want you to find out this way."
Despite the sincerity that rang out in his voice, it took every bit of energy she had to keep herself from gasping aloud from the excruciating pain that made her heart skip several beats. As it was, she bit her lip hard enough to nearly draw blood.
"So. . . I suppose that's it then." Temari murmured quietly to herself. Shikamaru said nothing. After a moment more, she turned and began to walk away. Everything in her body, every fiber, every cell, screamed at him to come after her, to stop her, just not to let her go. Soon, Temari turned around, just in time to see him walk down the other side of the hill.
And with that, the remainder of her heart shattered.
Before daylight came the next morning, her apartment had been emptied and she was gone.
Temari sank to the floor, basking in the glow of her own pathetic-ness, her own stupidity, her own vulnerability. She was tired, exhausted from the emotions, the memories, the failed attempts to patch the little bits and pieces of her heart back together again, from beating herself for being so stupidly oblivious. And she despised herself.
She despised, because she could not despise him.
Despite all the heartache, all the trauma he had put her through in such a little amount of time, she could not hate him. She could not bring herself to detest the man she once- No, the man she still loved. So she mourned. Mourned for her lost relationship, her lost friend, her lost love. And allowed herself to do something that she hadn't since he broke up with her.
She pulled her knees to her chest and cried.
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Author's Note: I'm aware this isn't the greatest thing I've ever written, but, well, I just broke up with my own boyfriend and I had to figure out a way to get it out. So I suppose you could say it's pretty much a true story, aside from the asking out scene that I totally made up, and people substitutions [duh].
By that way, I love Temari, as well as the pairing of ShikaTema, but it's just that I relate to them the most, and it's ust easier to write it this way. If they ever get together, I hope it doesn't end like this.
So. . . Review, if you like.