A/N: Written for Zena (AKA zmwester on twitter) 1/3 of the hosts of Apocalypse Podcast and a friend of mine. Listen to the show, it's on iTunes, easy to find. She requested a songfic using this song and I couldn't help, but do it.
Title: Green Eyes
Song: Green Eyes by Coldplay – Rush of Blood to the Head (Album)
Warnings: Slash
Pairing/Characters: Castiel/Dean
Rating: pg-13 (mentions of sex)
Spoilers: Let's just say season 5 in general.
A/N 2: I'm working on the next chapter of Bright Blue Eyes, but I was getting bogged down and I thought a new fic might clean out the pipelines for my muse a bit.
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural, CW and Kripke do. I don't own the Song "Green Eyes" it is owned by Coldplay.
For an angel, being banished is the closest thing to hell that they can ever feel unless they have fallen into the pit. Because of that, banishment is saved for special emergencies, usually when dealing with fallen angels. Banishing a fellow angel of the Lord is unconscionable act, but it was one that Castiel had helped Dean and Sam do countless times since he had rebelled against Heaven.
Castiel had known that carving that sigil on his chest would be the least of the pain that he would suffer when he walked into that warehouse in Van Nuys, but he had done it anyway. He had thought the pain would be worse than it had been when Dean had banished him from Bobby's panic room, but it hadn't been. Perhaps that was because the sheer betrayal he had felt when Dean had sent him away had made the pain worse than he could imagine.
So there Castiel was, floating in the endless limbo of white space where angels went when they were banished, it would take him some time to get free of this place and to tell the truth he was not even sure if he wanted to try. Dean had broken just a little bit each day since he had told Castiel that if there was one thing worth dying for it was this planet and its inhabitants, but Dean was losing sight of that now. Castiel had tried to hold firm to his faith in Dean even when he had no faith in Heaven, but something inside Castiel had broken with the first punch that he landed on Dean. Whatever it was had shattered into dust and was carried away in the wind when Dean had given in and lay down in that alleyway.
The pain of Limbo is not a physical pain. It is nothing like what Dean endured during his time on the rack, but it's almost worse for a being of Grace. Though he had no faith left in God, Cas still felt the complete separation from his father like any other angel would and the bone deep ache on top of his broken soul tore a ragged sob from Castiel's throat. It startled him; that was not a sound he had ever made before. He wanted to lie down and cease to exist, nothing more could be done by a rebel angel like himself.
Then he heard it.
Once, while Dean was out getting dinner, Castiel had spent an evening with Sam. If asked by Dean they would have said they were researching, looking for a new case, but in truth Sam had closed his books minutes after the Impala drove away. He had pulled out his iPod and a set of speakers while Cas looked at him with a curious tilt of the head.
"Sam, did you not say we would be researching while Dean was gone?"
"We can research later. Look if you are going to be spending time with us, it's only fair that I give your musical tastes a fighting chance." He put the iPod on shuffle and showed him how to operate the controls. "Just listen to anything and we'll see what you like."
For 45 minutes Castiel let the iPod guide him through the world of Sam's music, until one song caught his attention more than the others. When the guitar and drums and vocals wound down to the end, Castiel finally put Sam's tutorial on iPod controls to use and replayed the song. It took Castiel replaying it 5 times for Sam's attention to be turned from the TV.
"So you like Coldplay huh? That song was always a favorite of Jess's" his eyes darkened a little at the memory of the woman he had loved.
In the midst of blinding white and emptiness, the strains of the guitar seemed to reach Castiel, though he knew that was an impossibility where he was. But still, the lyrics drifted into his ears.
Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand
The next time he had heard that song was when Dean and Sam had stopped at a diner. Castiel had joined them, the hard red plastic stools of the bar were placed just a little too close to each other and Castiel could feel the heat of Dean's body and the press of his arm against his own as the tinny sounding speakers poured the ballad of love out into the quiet diner.
There must have been some expression on his fact that he didn't recall making, because Dean had glanced over at him and then stopped fidgeting while waiting for his food. He had straightened up and turned his stool towards Cas, his knee bumping into Castiel's leg.
"You okay Cas?"
"Yes, I'm fine Dean. Why?"
"You looked a little…spaced out for a second." Dean seemed worried, which made a warm feeling begin in Castiel's chest. Before responding to Dean, he checked his vessel to assure himself that Jimmy was not experiencing a heart attack.
"I simply, enjoy this song Dean." Dean had grinned and listened to the song for a moment, cocking is head toward the speakers.
"Sammy been making you listen to his music?" Cas had nodded and Dean shrugged "Well at least this one doesn't suck." He said with a shrug. Just then his and Sammy's food got there and the incident was forgotten.
The green eyes
Yeah the spotlight
Shines upon you
And how could
Anybody
Deny you
Castiel can still remember, even in that white empty place, how that warm feeling had spread through him as he watched Dean eat and interact with his brother and the waitress at the counter. His green eyes had flashed with humor as he mocked his brother's taste in music and Castiel had watched in awe as the stooped and weary soul of the waitress slowly straightened and gleamed with new energy as Dean kept up his light flirting with the older woman. Castiel had seen the way Dean calculated his flirtation to hit the right spots that would bring her day a little more cheer and if Sam called him on it later he would say he had just been angling for that extra slice of pie the woman had given him before leaving.
Castiel knew better. Dean was the kind of person who's day was never complete if he hadn't helped at least one person. If he wasn't hunting he managed in other ways.
Cas thinks this might be the day he started falling in love with Dean Winchester.
I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter
Now I've met you
Honey you should know
That I could never go on
Without you
The next time Castiel heard the song was in a grocery store in Bobby's town. They had been staying with Bobby for a week while Sam healed up from the chunk a werewolf had taken out of his back 2 states over. Bobby had let them know, in no uncertain terms, that if they were going to eat him out of house and home then they were damn well going to do the grocery shopping.
Dean had taken the list from Bobby and grabbed Castiel by the arm, dragging him out to the Impala.
"I do not understand, Dean, why do you need my help to shop for food?" He had asked while they were getting a cart inside the doors of the local grocery store.
"If you think I'm going through this hell alone then you've got another thing coming, angel-boy. If I have to suffer, so does someone else and Sam is laid up at the house." Cas had considered this and, being that he had no problem with spending more time with Dean, he had come along quietly.
The song had come on the store speaker's half-way down the frozen food aisle. Somewhere between frozen pies ("They're just as good as home-made Cas, don't listen to Sam.") and frozen pizza ("Staple dietary requirement of any bachelor male with an oven.") Dean had noticed his spacey look soon and stopped to listen.
"You really like this song don't you Cas?"
"Yes Dean."
"Why?"
"It…uh, I'm not sure." He had almost said it reminded him of Dean, but it was clearly a love song and he wasn't sure how Dean would respond to that. Dean hadn't looked like he believed him, but didn't press the issue.
And somewhere between Dean's incredulous gaze and trying to convince Dean that fresh vegetables were, in fact, good for him, Castiel realized that whatever weight was on his soul was decreased whenever he was with Dean and even more so when those green eyes were looking his way.
Half-way down the bread aisle, Castiel stumbled over his own feet and had to reassure Dean that he was fine while he was trying to recover from realizing he was in love with the man looking at him with concern.
Green eyes
Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know
The green eyes
You're the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you,
Must be out of their minds
Castiel heard the song again in the Impala. The radio was on and the car was parked under the cover of trees on the side of a country road. This was the aftermath of telling Dean he loved him and Castiel could freely admit that the reaction had been better than he had expected.
Laying beneath the weight of Dean's body in the backseat of the Impala, the touch of Dean's lips on his own erased any thoughts of the Apocalypse, or his Father's missing status. The strumming guitar and soft lyrics filled the car and Cas could feel Dean chuckling over him.
"Are you going to tell me why you like this song now, Cas?" he said and then kissed the side of Cas' neck.
"It makes me think of you." The soft look in Dean's eyes was quickly covered by a hard kiss and soon the air in the Impala was heating up from more than the summer sun outside.
'Cause I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter since I met you
Honey you should know,
That I could never go on
Without you
Green eyes, green eyes, ohohoh...
Thinking back, as the song rolled over him, Cas realized something.
Dean had been his solid rock. Humans had written songs calling God their rock, speaking of putting their faith in him, about building their faith on the solid rock. Even before Joshua had delivered his message to Dean and Sam, Castiel had already been putting his faith in Dean more than he had is Father. Dean was there, after all, and his Father was not.
There was nothing that Dean could do that would completely destroy his faith in him. Dean would be his rock forever and Castiel couldn't imagine a world without him.
With that in mind Castiel pulled his mind from the haze of pain and loneliness that he had been drifting in. He pushed his way through the layers of limbo. Intent on reaching those green eyes again.
Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand.