Author/Artist: Lokaia
Notes: Jayne/River. Fifth in a series of thirty for the LJ community, 30Kisses.
Sometimes he relishes in it. The kiss of cold metal is the kiss of a woman - hot and cold, yielding and resistant. He can love it, approach it the same way other men approach sex: eager and hoping for more. Sometimes.
Sometimes he's numb to it all. It isn't hard. Take away the name, squint a little so the features are blurred. It's not hard. Then slash or pull the trigger, punch or kick. Whatever. It's easy.
Sometimes he doesn't understand. Why other people look at him the way they do, that is. Why his job is any different from theirs - they're all just trying to survive. Why the doctor thinks he's better than him. They're both saving lives - he's just saving his own.
Sometimes he looks away. Feels ashamed for things he's done, even if he's always felt he was in the right. It can be easy to turn eyes to the ground and agree with them. Easier than slashing, pulling, punching, kicking.
Sometimes when he looks away, he sees her watching him.
Sometimes he looks away /because/ she's watching him.
"Look over here," she says, and it's not an order, not a demand, not a request. It's just there.
Sometimes he does.
Lately, it's easy.