Loathing
Disclaimer: This is a purely fan-made piece that is using the world and characters from Masashi Kishimoto's Naruto and is made entirely for enjoyment. No financial gain has been made in the making of this piece
Summery: Iruka is denied a visit.
Author's Note: Written after reading too much of ShiChan's Officemate series in one sitting. Possible out-of-characterness
Constructive Criticism is always welcomed
Published: 28 December 2007
Rating: T
Iruka stared. "What do you mean, I can't see him?"
"The instructions on the restraining order are that Hatake-san stay at least two hundred meters from you at all times," the nurse said blandly, not looking up from her chart. "And since Hatake-san isn't in a position to move anything if that distance isn't kept, that means that you have to be the one who maintains that distance." She marked something on her chart. "We cannot afford to have him attempt to more or be moved right now. You, on the other hand, have no such problems."
"But you don't understand!" Iruka said, starting feel a little bit desperate. "I—"
"You're right, I don'tunderstand." She snapped the chart shut sharply. "I don't know why you insisted on getting the worst restraining order possible out on your ex-boyfriend or why you felt the need to have the Hokage herself verify it or why you suddenly want him to get into trouble with the police by forcing him to be in direct violation of it when he's in no place to defend himself, but I do understand that there is supposed to be at least two hundred meters in between you and him at all times and there is to be absolutely no contact between the two of you!" She stood up abruptly. "And we here at this hospital are committed to keeping the patients safe and calm. In the case of Hatake-san, that means that youaren't allowed anywhere near him!" She glared hotly. "Now, if you don't have any other business here, I recommend that you leave and come back when you do!"
Iruka hadn't come up with a good response when she turned and looked at him. "And before you get any ideas, the jutsu that was in effect to uphold the requirements of the restraining order has now been reversed so it affects you as well. Have a nice day."
The slamming door in the otherwise quiet lobby echoed loudly. Iruka stared at it, unable to fully believe that this was really happening. He tried to work up some righteous anger, but he was so numb that he couldn't find the warmth to do so.
Slowly, slowly, he turned and walked out of the room. The world around him shifted and moved, but it wasn't until he was in his own hole of an apartment that he was able to break.
He sank down, back against the old and cracked plaster. He shut his eyes and felt the cold shudder run through his body. How could things turn out this way? How could they? It wasn't supposed to happen this way. None of this—not the restraining order, the hospital, or being denied—was supposed to happen.
On some level, he was angry with Kakashi—if he could work up the energy to be angry—for having such power over him, even after the relationship had ended. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right. Iruka should have been able to move on—it had been a fucking year already, damn it—but he found that Kakashi still was the centre of his existence, no matter he told himself or did.
More than he was angry at Kakashi, he was angry at himself. He had been the one to get the restraining order—one he knew that Kakashi wouldn't be able to get around—just to force some distance. He had hoped by forcing some physical distance between them, he could force some emotional distance between them as well.
It hadn't worked, and now he was denied to see Kakashi as he lay on a cold white hospital bed and fought for his life. He was being denied the apology that he owed the pale man, and he would never be able to deliver it, all because he hadn't let Kakashi explain himself after the break-up.
For the first time, Iruka truly understood self-loathing.
x Fin x
I know I'm supposed to be writing other things right now, but I read too much of Shi-Chan's Officemate in one sitting and this is the results. I'm not sure it's done yet, but we'll see.