A/N: Hahaha! Another one-shot story from Yours Truly! I hope you like this one! I was inspired by Green Day's song, "Whatsername" that I decided to use it in this fanfic (but I think I like the version of this song in American Idiot the Musical. When I saw this on Broadway I really liked the way they arranged the song :)) So, if you have time, I want you to listen to the song first before you read this fic! You can copy this link (don't forget to remove the spaces!): http: / / www . youtube . com/watch?v=Vq7Khvy6GAM so you can easily access the video.
And I promise that this story will have a great twist at the end :D Oh, and I think I have a different interpretation of the song, so please don't be too harsh on me. You'll understand why.
Disclaimer: I don't own RK or "Whatsername." Enjoy, guys! Don't forget to review! XD
Whatsername
By: Killua K.
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Her face has haunted me ever since. Her huge sapphire blue eyes, long silky black hair, smooth rosy cheeks...
She was my first love.
Thought I ran into you down on the street
Then it turned out to only be a dream
I remember the days when I used to walk beside her, and she would gently clutch my hand in hers. We would stroll along the beach near my house, and watch the sun set as its rays gradually disperse in the afternoon sky and dissolve into the clouds. On other occasions, we would simply lie down on the coarse sand and gaze at the stars twinkling in the velvet night sky. She would point to me the star constellations and make me guess their names. I never got the right answers to her questions as it was simply enough for me to admire the beauty of the heavens without knowing the names of the stars, planets or other heavenly bodies that populated the night sky.
Just like how I've come to love her all these years without even remembering her name...
I made a point to burn all of the photographs
I looked down at the picture on my hand.
Her face was printed on that paper, and her big radiant smile exuded such innocent warmth that calmed my soul. How long has it been since I last saw her?
My fingers gingerly brushed the photograph on my hand. They trembled as they traced the features of the angelic face that cheerfully beamed before me.
And then suddenly, droplets of water formed on the picture. I was startled to see what happened. Not knowing where those droplets came from, I wiped off the moisture and carefully cleaned the paper that I was holding. I became worried that I would ruin the only thing that reminded me of her.
She went away and then I took a different path
I remember that we had an argument once. It turned out to be such a huge fight that we did not talk to each other for days.
It all started when I told her that I was going to leave the country and find myself somewhere abroad to realize my dreams. I thought she would easily accept my decision, but apparently, she strongly disapproved of it that we ended up saying unpleasant things to each other – things that never in a lifetime we would have wished to say.
"But your place is beside me...You said that several times, and now you're the one who's gonna break your own promise?" she told me as tears rolled down on her face. I did not know what to do when I saw her crying like that. I was too hurt that she was hurt because of me. I tried to embrace her in my arms, but I guess guilt and confusion overcame my whole being that they eventually possessed my mind and numbed my heart.
Despite her pleas, I turned my back from her and walked away.
I remember the face, but I can't recall the name
For several years, I spent my time living abroad, studying and doing different kinds of work, hoping that it would justify my decision of leaving her and my old life behind. I immersed myself in a foreign world and tried my best not to entertain any thoughts of her as I very well knew that it would only dampen my spirit and weaken my courage to continue on with my life. I also avoided sending her any letter or any form of communication. I chose not to make contact with her. Indeed, I was stubborn like a kid, not knowing that she painstakingly waited for me all those time.
It was my decision to leave her and punish myself for what I have done. I thought that by cutting my ties with her, she would realize that I did not deserve her, that I was not fit enough to be the right man in her life.
But everything that I did merely backfired to me.
Now I wonder how whatsername has been
The door opened and a young man entered together with a little girl. I looked at them and wondered why they have come to my room.
"Hey, Pop! How are you doing today? I brought Kaori with me to keep you company. Mom said she'll visit you in an hour," he tenderly spoke.
The little girl named Kaori came up to me and smiled. She caressed my frail wrinkled hands and then looked at the picture that I was holding.
"She's really pretty, Grandpa," Kaori cheerfully said. I chuckled softly and nodded my head. Yes, I thought to myself. She's the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life. For a very long time, I had believed that she was the one for me, and that I for her. But I was stupid enough to let her go and walk away from the perfect love we had shared for years.
I threw everything away because fear ruled my heart. I was too damn afraid that I would not be able to make her happy and that her life would only become miserable once she chose to stay by my side.
Seems that she disappeared without a trace
"I guess this is goodbye then," she told me when we met for the last time. I just came back from abroad with my head held high because I finally completed my graduate degree in law school. But when I took her to dinner and related to her my adventure outside Japan and future plans involving my chosen career path, she just burst into tears and painfully sobbed in front of me like a child.
I was terribly shocked when I saw her cry. I never expected her to do such a thing. Actually, I expected otherwise. I thought that after I succeeded in my academic endeavors, she would be happy for me and become convinced that I deserved to be the right man for her. But, as her tears continuously streamed down from her sapphire blue eyes, my heart twitched inside my chest. Suddenly, as if everything that I had striven and worked for became in vain.
"W-why..?" 'twas all I could ask her.
She forced herself to smile. Then as she carefully wiped the tears on her face, she looked up at me with her sad eyes and seemed to almost break into pieces.
"W-why..?" she repeated what I just said. "W-why am I not part of your dreams?"
My eyes widened in utter shock and disbelief when she dropped that bomb of a question.
She was right all along. While I sat before her and conveyed to her various stories of my life abroad, I never once showed her that the distance between us almost ruined me, that I painfully regretted my decision of leaving her and selfishly pursuing my own dreams, that I had almost given up hope once I thought that I would never be reunited with her, that I went away because I doubted myself and our relationship... Not once did I tell her how agonizing it was not to be able to hold her in my arms, kiss her tender lips, and caress her soft face.
And not once did I mention her in the list of my dreams.
Did she ever marry ole whatshisface?
"Who is she, Grandpa?" the little girl asked me as she climbed onto my lap.
I lovingly ruffled her hair and caressed it afterward. "She's the first woman I've ever loved in my life."
"Then..how about Grandma?" she innocently questioned an old man like me.
Kaori's father opened the windows then took her from my lap. He touched her nose gently and chuckled lightly. "Hey! Of course, he loves Grandma too! Right, Pop?" he smiled when he turned to me.
For a moment, I wasn't able to answer right away. I glanced back at the picture in my hands and started to wonder if the love I've felt for the girl in the photo was even comparable to the love I have for my wife. Sure, they're both significant women in my life. But could it be that I love my wife less than I've loved this girl? Is that even possible? All I know is that for the last couple of years, this nameless girl has constantly haunted my dreams and reminded me of my youthful days and painful regrets. I thought that she would eventually disappear in my memories, but as each day passed by, I only yearned for her more than ever. For a very long time, I have been wanting to know where she is and how she has been all these years.
Did she ever marry someone else just like what I have done?
I made a point to burn all of the photographs
"You're always staring at that picture, Pop," the young man said. The little girl in his arms was already fast asleep. "Why?"
I smiled then looked at him. "Because I don't want to forget," I replied.
He smiled back. "You still can't remember her name?"
I shook my head and sadly looked at the picture. "I've been trying to all these years."
"You must've loved her that much then?"
She went away and then I took a different path
My trembling fingers lightly touched the face on the picture, and then as I choked back my tears, I looked outside the window and watched the thin white clouds floating in the blue sky.
"I've loved everything about her..." I sadly answered his question.
I remember the face but I can't recall the name
Now I wonder how whatsername has been
The young man left with his daughter and bid me goodbye. He apologized that her daughter could not stay with me as she quickly fell asleep. But after a few minutes, someone else came inside the room, holding a tray of food and a basket of fresh fruits on both hands. I figured that it was the nurse because she also brought the medicine that I have to take for the day.
"Time to eat your lunch," she kindly said. She placed the basket of fruits on the table and put the tray of food on the desk near me.
"I'm not hungry," I told her.
She paused for a while and turned to me with a worried look on her face. "You can't skip your meal, dear. You still have to take your pills to get better."
I lowered my head and looked back at the picture that I was holding.
Remember, whatever
It seems like forever ago
"You're the nurse, right?" I asked the old woman who walked around my room. She fixed the sheets and pillows on my bed, replaced the flowers in the vase, and dusted the picture frames lined up on the shelf.
"Yeah, you could say that," she replied while she continued her work. "Did your son and granddaughter visit you today?"
"My son..." I murmured. I spaced out for a moment then looked outside once more. Patches of gray clouds started to form in the sky, blocking the bright light that radiated from the sun. Perhaps it's gonna start to rain, I thought to myself.
"I...I have a son?"
Remember, whatever
It seems like forever ago
My mind went back to the day when I last saw her. She was still crying in front of me, hurting like hell. And I never knew how to comfort and ease her pain. I cursed myself for not doing anything to calm her down.
"I'm...I'm sorry," I lowered my head and clenched my teeth.
She continued to sob, and I continued to look down on my trembling hands.
"You're...you're always sorry..." she said in between sobs.
The regrets are useless
In my mind
"Why are you like this, Kenshin?" she finally shouted at me. Her shaky voice barely escaped her wet lips. Her hands covered her face as more tears flowed down on her cheeks. I wanted to make her stop crying, but I did not have the courage to do so. I did not know why I was so afraid to gather her in my arms.
She's in my head
I must confess
"I love you," I told her. I lifted my head and tried to stare at her. But she wasn't looking at me. Her hands still covered her face.
The regrets are useless
In my mind
Finally, I stood up from my seat and went to her. I grabbed her petite body and enveloped my strong arms around her to give comfort. She cried even more as I tightened my hug. I did not want everything to end yet. I loved her so much.
"I love you with all my life...I will never leave you again," I whispered to her ear.
But what happened next confirmed my worst fear.
She removed my arms around her then stared at me directly as if a different person was now inside her body.
"I guess this is goodbye then," she spoke as she wiped the remaining tears in her eyes. She smiled at me this time then held my face in her gentle hands. Her head moved towards me and I was lost in her deep blue eyes.
The woman I had loved for so long kissed me for the last time.
She's in my head
From so long ago
The old lady smiled at me then filled a glass of water. She gave it to me together with my medicine and lightly brushed the hair on my face. I wondered why she was very caring even though she was only an ordinary nurse who attended to my daily needs.
I swallowed the cocktail of pills in my hands and drank the water in the glass. I was becoming used to this routine medication. I remember that at first, I heavily protested to my doctor because I knew that nothing was wrong with my health. But of course, he did not believe me, and now I'm stuck in this hospital room.
"You're still looking at that picture?" the old nurse asked me.
I looked at her then nodded my head.
"I loved her so much," I explained to her as I reminisced the past. "But I was stupid enough to let her go." I laughed sadly.
She sat down on the bed and seemed interested in my story. "Really?" she asked me.
I nodded my head politely then glanced at my side. The gray sky has finally started to shed its tears. Outside, people ran for cover, surprised that such a thing would happen on that beautiful day.
"I can't even remember her name..." I spoke.
Suddenly, I heard someone burst into tears.
And in the darkest night
If my memory serves me right
My eyes widened in shock when I saw the old lady cry in front of me. Tears were rushing down on her wrinkled face as her trembling hands reached out for mine.
"Her name..." she said in fitful sobs. "...is Kaoru."
Kaoru? I thought. The name brought back old memories and painful regrets. The nurse was right. The girl in the picture is Kaoru, but how could I have forgotten all this time?
"H-how did you..?" my voice trailed off.
The old lady stood up and wrapped her frail arms around me. She hugged me tightly as she continued crying. I did not know why she had to react like that.
I'll never turn back time
Forgetting you, but not the time
"Because, she is I, Kenshin..."
And then surprisingly, it felt as if rain has started to pour inside my well-lit room as well.
I looked down at the picture in my hands and noticed the droplets of water that formed on the paper. I did not understand what was happening. The old lady continued to embrace me in her arms while I simply accepted the warmth that emanated from her body.
"Please don't cry…miss," I uttered.
But she only hugged me tightly more than ever.
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THE END
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A/N: I'm done! It was short, right? Did you like it? How about the song? Don't forget to listen to it on Youtube: http: / / www . youtube . com/watch?v=Vq7Khvy6GAM so you can have a much better feel of the story. Please review! Thanks! XD